40% more likely to become discouraged at work if your boss ignores you

[ScottTickle888]

Good Morning Everyone,

I have been having a lot of issues with my supervisor at my job. However, it is not because he is belittling or attacking my weaknesses... it is because he literally pays no attention to me.

I have been working with a career coach to determine if this is something in my personality that is making me dislike my job or if I am missing certain skills and/or traits that would affect me from doing well and therefore causing me to become frustrated.

From doing all these tests, I am learning that my personality type and skills actually fit great for the career I am in: but the reason I am upset and thinking of leaving is because my boss just ignores me: Cancels on me for meetings, disappears when we are supposed to be meeting at events together. I am not receiving the foundation I need to become successful with this company. It is something I have never had to deal with before and am confused by.

I am just wondering if anyone out there has had a similar experience and has any suggestions on dealing with a boss who s ignores you and doesn't seem to care about developing you as an employee. Any thoughts on the matter would be appreciated. Thank You.

 

[Bohemianne]

Time span seems to be missing in your story. If he is not firing you in a week or so, then there is no reason for you to take it personally.

 

[Bohemianne]

Anyway. It might take your interest. Did you know that apathy is a form of bullying?

Workplace bullying:

http://www.prtherapy.com/sick-of-your-job-maybe-youre-allergic-to-learned-apathy/

http://articles.latimes.com/2001/jul/01/news/wp-17427

 

[Jagermeistered]

It could be apathy, or the lack of empathy...

I am leaning more towards empathy. The anti-social boss - probably wants you to suffer, just like they suffered when they were in your position. "Climb the ladder like I did, and do not build your own ladder of success." That is just my guess...

Maybe their boss is a jackass, and they are in competition with each other. Anything is possible - it could be personal or psychological issues dealing with them as well... Who knows?

 

[Jagermeistered]

Also, appealing to authority destroys you as a individual in the long run. Sell yourself to consumers(with the products/services that you create), and not the company or your bosses... Companies and bosses come and go, but you are stuck with yourself until death.

 

[WorkInProgress]

Let me sort out a few things here, if I may.

First of all, the emotion that your boss makes you feel is very real in itself, and being told not to take it personally doesn't work, because emotions are what they are. Being ignored hurts, pure and simple.

Second, let's consider what is actually going on with your boss. If your boss and others are not expressing concerns about your job performance, if you are not being given the impression that your employment status is in jeopardy, then what could be happening is that, for some unknown and probably unconscious psychological reason, your boss is uncomfortable with you personally. Or, it could be that your boss isn't thinking about you either positively or negatively, but rather, is just taking for granted that you're doing a good job, and is thinking about other things instead of you. And this can be completely separate from anything that will affect your status there. Some time back, I had a department chair who didn't seem very interested in interacting with me, but she wrote me a good recommendation. But again, his behavior may be 100% unintentional.

Now, for what to do about it: The main question is whether you can find enough other markers of career self-esteem for yourself that you don't need your boss's approval or attention. But whatever you do, make sure your life isn't dominated by it. Even when you have a career you enjoy, your job still isn't your identity. The distinction between your job and your identity is vital to keep in focus, best served by making sure other positive things are going on in you life besides the job.

 

[Jagermeistered]

Now, for what to do about it: The main question is whether you can find enough other markers of career self-esteem for yourself that you don't need your boss's approval or attention. But whatever you do, make sure your life isn't dominated by it. Even when you have a career you enjoy, your job still isn't your identity. The distinction between your job and your identity is vital to keep in focus, best served by making sure other positive things are going on in you life besides the job.

-WIP

Your job should be part of your identity! What would be the point of having that job if you are not happy while performing your duties? Are you saying we need split personalities?

 

[mabus]

Let me sort out a few things here, if I may.

First of all, the emotion that your boss makes you feel is very real in itself, and being told not to take it personally doesn't work, because emotions are what they are. Being ignored hurts, pure and simple.

Second, let's consider what is actually going on with your boss. If your boss and others are not expressing concerns about your job performance, if you are not being given the impression that your employment status is in jeopardy, then what could be happening is that, for some unknown and probably unconscious psychological reason, your boss is uncomfortable with you personally. Or, it could be that your boss isn't thinking about you either positively or negatively, but rather, is just taking for granted that you're doing a good job, and is thinking about other things instead of you. And this can be completely separate from anything that will affect your status there. Some time back, I had a department chair who didn't seem very interested in interacting with me, but she wrote me a good recommendation. But again, his behavior may be 100% unintentional.

Now, for what to do about it: The main question is whether you can find enough other markers of career self-esteem for yourself that you don't need your boss's approval or attention. But whatever you do, make sure your life isn't dominated by it. Even when you have a career you enjoy, your job still isn't your identity. The distinction between your job and your identity is vital to keep in focus, best served by making sure other positive things are going on in you life besides the job.

Damn, I agree!

WorkInProgress may be right when he says you could just be doing a good job, and your boss doesn't NEED to pay attention to you.

Scott.....damn am I in the OPPOSITE boat, and if I had the Infinity Gauntlet...well, I'd create a bunch of hot women, but job wise, I'd make my job like your situation in a heartbeat!!

We have new raging ego managers at my job, my current manager has totally changed, - all on the negative side. All of a sudden none of us know what the hell we're doing, even though we've done it for years, some for multiple decades. I saw one of them show my coworker, who had been there for years, how to use the copy machine, insulting her like she was an idiot the whole time. I had a group of them literally tell me "You should order stuff before the people need it...." like they were the most brilliant minds on Earth.

REALLY! Well, fuck me with a big tittied nylon wearing ticklephile, I'll be damned! Order stuff?! BEFORE the customers need it! That's so revolutionary you should quit this inferior job and write a book!
And then the sarcasm meter exploded. And the big boss, who has watched us do that for like, years, is acknowledging their "genius." I don't think he's been replaced by a replicant, but he certainly is a 180 degrees new person. The pettiness has reached the cliff and fell over - all of our chairs have been taken away - and thrown away. Yes. They did. We all have to stand up all day long, and if you need to write on a desk, yes, I have to bend over my desk. I can now be written up for something, sitting down, that everyone before me, me included, has done for 40 years.

If the bosses decided to finally ignore us, we'd be dancing in the street.

I mean, If I had a medium size company, and people would be doing a great job, I'D tell them they were fantastic, but I'd probably end up ignoring them because....I don't need to tell them anything!
I could relax and do my work, knowing they have their shit together.

So you may be in a great situation and not even know it. Be careful of losing a good job because you're not being validated.

Sometimes people just complacent and forget to say things, like the wife who loves her husband, but he's so great, she's used to it and forgets to tell him she loves him.

 

[WorkInProgress]

Jags: Your job can be part of your identity, but there should be more to your sense of who you are than your job.

Further note to Scott: I've been in a lot of situations when I thought someone was judging or ostracizing me, and it turned out to be either my imagination or the other person's sheer lack of social skills.

 

[Bohemianne]

First of all, the emotion that your boss makes you feel is very real in itself, and being told not to take it personally doesn't work, because emotions are what they are. Being ignored hurts, pure and simple.

One must try hard to control the emotion before it starts to dominate the mind. I have witnessed people do this. Their goal is to have presence of mind during bad times, in order to address a problem rationally.

 

[Speedbump]

I prefer to be ignored. Gives me extra benefits, like drinkiing from the box of wine in the freezer when no one is around .

 

[Jagermeistered]

I prefer to be ignored. Gives me extra benefits, like drinkiing from the box of wine in the freezer when no one is around .

I agree... Authoritarians - do not give a shit about their "employees." Empathetic capitalists care, they try to drive their actual employees! "You love cars(for example), prove it!"

You work on a taxpayers dime, or I "hate this company!"

The company is failing, or your gubmint job is failing... The OP left out that bit of information.