So it was a weekday afternoon some time later--weeks? Maybe months?--and there I was in that lounge area again (am only just now realizing I may have logged more hours in that room in my college years than in any other single location), and it's just me and Rachel; we both happened to land there around the same time, the other people in the room happened to drift away, and there we were. We'd talked very little since we broke up; it wasn't an acrimonious breakup, particularly, but it just seemed like we didn't know how to relate to each other after having only related to each other as romantic partners. But this turned out to be a really good conversation: she caught me up on her life, I caught her up on mine, we even talked a little bit about other people we were attracted to and whatnot, we joked around, I teased her, she laughed--it was a really pleasant, really healthy, really mature exchange. It was nice to know we could get to there.
So anyway, people were tromping through the adjacent hallway as Rachel said, in response to some teasing on my part, "You shut up or I'll tell everybody how ticklish you are."
"That's top secret,"I said. "I made you sign that confidentiality agreement."
Laughter and mindless banter. But then I heard a voice in the hallway, gobsmacked and outraged: "WHAT?!?"
Suddenly Maria appeared at one of the lounge doors, her gaze fixed laserlike on Rachel. "He"--she pointed dramatically in my direction--"is ticklish??"
I didn't like where this was going, but of course Rachel was completely ignorant of all the backstory and the reason for Maria's indignant questioning. "Oh God yes," Rachel said. "He's like the most ticklish person on the planet."
Maria turned sharply to look at me. Then she leaned back into the hallway and bellowed: "Guys. c'mere! Come here! Now!"
And who should appear at her sides but frigging Matt and Travis again. "Yeah, what?"
She pointed at me. "Hold him down."
Aw, hell. I made to scoot off the sofa and head for the other door but Maria had shrugged off her backpack and was making a beeline for me, Matt and Travis close behind.
"Hold him down," she said again.
"Guys, don't listen to her," I said, sidling quickly toward the exit. But the guys cut me off and started backing me toward the sofa.
"I don't have a lot of time," Maria said urgently. "Hold him down!"
"Rachel? Rachel, a little help here...?"
But if Rachel said anything in reply I didn't hear her, because then those two brawny dorkwads were upon me, grappling with me, gripping my arms, muscling me back onto the sofa. Each had seized one of my arms with both hands; they pressed me awkwardly back against the sofa, my back bending uncomfortably against its edge, my arms gripped firmly above my head. Maria crouched over me, predatory, hands at the ready.
She tossed a question over her shoulder at Rachel: "Where's he ticklish? Where's he the most ticklish?"
"Don't listen to her, Maria," I said. "She doesn't know what she's talking about."
"Shut up," Maria said. "On this subject I'm guessing she knows exactly what she's talking about. Rachel! Where?"
Rachel had her palms pressed to her cheeks--in delight? In mortification? I have no idea. "I better not," she said. "I think I've said too much already."
Maria exhaled in exasperation and lowered her fingers to my torso. I was counting on the awkwardness of the situation, my antagonistic feelings about Maria and her idiot henchmen, and the dull pain in my back to all contribute to distracting me from being ticklish; maybe I could keep from laughing. Maria especially was probably in no mood to touch me any longer than she had to; if I could keep from laughing she'd probably drop it quick.
Then her sprightly fingers pincered trippingly up and down my sides, from my hips to my ribs and back again. Not only did it tickle but the sensation was uncommonly tickly; the effect was pretty much irresistible. I couldn't hold it in; I couldn't help myself. My back arched, my muscled contracted, and instantly I was giggling--against my better judgment and all my desires I was giggling uncontrollably.
And I'll never forget the look on Maria's face when she registered my reaction. A grimly satisfied, lopsided grin.
"Okay, good," she said. "Don't let him go," she said to the guys. And up and down her fingertips ran , systematically and relentlessly activating every twitchy point along my helpless sides. I twisted my abdomen from side to side as the cascade of ignominious giggles poured forth; Travis and Matt struggled to hold me in place. Maria paused to glance at the slender silver watch on her shapely wrist. Then she tickled my sides some more--AH! AH! HEE!--and then she glanced at her watch again.
"Shit," she muttered. "I have to get to class."
Thank God.
She stood up, turned to Rachel, beseeched her. "Do me a favor? Tickle him for me? Just tickle him, y'know, until he pukes?"
And I a surge of panic thrilled through me as, holy shit, Rachel hesitated. She was considering it. It had been bad enough being pinned and getting tickled silly by a hostile Maria, who wanted only revenge, wanted only to make me suffer. But if Rachel took up the cause, I knew all too well of her hidden, latent reserves of playful sadism. She would enjoy it. And a playfully sadistic Rachel, enjoying herself, wouldn't stop anywhere near as soon as a vindictive Maria who's just getting even. Not to mention that Rachel had logged serious time learning where and how to tickle me for maximum incapacitation.
So it terrified me a little when Rachel hesitated. But then she said "No, I'd better not." She got up and gathered her things.
Maria emitted a frustrated sound. "Please!" she said. "I swear he deserves it."
"I have no doubt he deserves it," Rachel said. She shot me an apologetic grin and then to Maria she said, "Sorry." And off she went.
That was a close one. But it looked like I was going to get away easy this time. Matt and Travis would let go of my arms and I'd just steer clear of Maria for the next ten or twenty years.
Maria let out a growl. Then she started digging in her purse.
"I," she said. "will give you guys twenty dollars"--she held out a crumpled bill--"if you hold him down and tickle him until he has a breakdown."
Who was she talking to?
Oh shit, she was talking to Matt and Travis!
But fortunately Matt and Travis wouldn't have any interest in doing that, not even for twenty dollars.
"Twenty dollars each," Matt said.
Maria rolled her eyes dramatically and dug into her purse again. "Fine!" she said, holding out two twenties. Did I mention Maria's family had a bunch of money?
"No!" I said.
"But I'm serious," Maria said. "I'm saying you tickle the living crap out of him. If I find out you blew this off you guys are dead."
"Yes, ma'am," Matt said jokily.
Maria glanced at her watch again, snagged her backpack and headed off. She paused. "And get his feet," she said. "You want to keep that money, you get his feet."
"Fine!" Travis said.
She peered suspiciously, warningly, at the two guys. Then she looked at me. And smiled. An evil little tight-lipped smile. And she was gone.
"Well," Matt said. "You heard the lady."
"Guys, c'mon, I'm serious, don't," I said, squirming in their grip. "This is so stupid. Let me go, keep the money, I'll tell her you did everything she told you to."
"Dude. But that would be lying," Matt said in mock disapproval.
I felt them both shifting their position and redoubling their grips on my arms so as to free up one hand each. Oh for God's sake they were going to do this! This was a nightmare.
For the second time in ten minutes I found myself hoping against hope that the circumstances would mitigate my characteristic ticklishness--I'm rarely in the position of getting tickled by other guys, especially in a sustained fashion; surely the fact that this context was devoid of any anxious libidinal heterosexual thrill would contribute on some level to a dulling of my ticklish senses? Surely my typically giddy involuntary responses to getting tickled, even in the most platonic situations, are driven to some degree by the skittish energy of boy-girl flirtation?
They each hugged one of my arms close to their chests and reached down; their fingers started playing roughly around my rib cage.
Their approach to tickling was clumsier and rougher than, say, Maria's; it wasn't as instantaneously incapacitating. But damn if it didn't still tickle like hell. I didn't want to move; I didn't want to squirm or writhe; I definitely didn't want to giggle or shriek. But there my body went, twisting and wriggling around--their hijacking of it was successful. My legs flailed and splayed, my abdomen twitched and twisted. And I pressed my lips together trying not to let the laughter come out but I could tell that was going to be futile; my body started shuddering with the suppressed laughter and then it burst forth, more high-pitched and embarrassing than I wanted it to be--I couldn't at least respond with a deep manly chortle?
But no. It was all hee-hee-hees for me.
Their hold on me was strong but tenuous; my compulsive and convulsive movements worked against them and forced them to have to keep adjusting and reasserting their grip. Their big blunt fingers kept scrabbling around my ribs and chest and stomach--nonogetawayfrommystomach--and I couldn't stand it--it wasn't as intolerable as Maria or, God knows, Rachel, but I hated being unable to keep from responding helplessly in this way.
"This is a pain in the ass," Matt said, struggling to keep me pinned. But they kept tickling--their fingers just wouldn't stop scrambling around, alighting on my assorted spots. I was slipping downward, using gravity to my advantage, creeping ever floorward, my torso inching instinctively away from their maddening hands. If I kept being a hassle they'd give up, surely.
But as I slid gradually downward they were each able to adjust and strengthen their holds on me; they could each pin an arm against the front of the sofa with a leg while keeping my wrist held firmly skyward. And this proved to be extremely unfortunate positioning, because now it was a strain and an effort for them to reach down and get to my ribs so the next thing I felt was Matt's fingers, dangling lazily in my armpit, starting to scrabble away in there.
Oh Jesus no not that not there are you KIDDING ME--!
That's when the giggling gave way to shrieks and whooping. Wasn't long after I gave myself away with that earsplitting demonstration of hysteria that Travis's fingertips were in my other armpit, dancing and scribbling away. My legs were kicking and flailing hopelessly; I writhed and twisted on the floor. But it didn't matter because everything from my chest on up was completely immobilized and the idiot guys had easy and unfettered access to their targets. Tickling me before was a chore and a hassle; in this new position, tickling me under my arms was the easiest thing in the world and I COULD NOT HAVE THEM TICKLING UNDER MY ARMS...!
But I didn't exactly have any choice in the matter.
As I took a ragged breath between squeals and whoops I heard Matt say to Travis, "I think we're getting better at this." And through it all those big fumbling fingers just kept spidering guilelessly away under my arms, driving me freaking insane.
They stopped--well, one of them stopped, don't even remember which, and then the other, noticing the shift in my hysterics and my struggling, also stopped.
"Guys," I said breathlessly. "Guys that's enough, cut it out right now, I'm not kidding, don't be dicks."
There was a pause.
And Matt said, "Dude."
And then they were tickling under my arms again and I was kicking and flailing again and shrieking with desperate laughter again and again and again.
At some point they stopped again.
"What do you think?" Matt said to Travis.
Silence. Then Travis said, "I don't really want her coming back and bitching that she didn't get her twenty dollars worth."
"Dude," Matt said. "Me either."
"NO--!!" I was frantic. I really couldn't have them doing this any more.
But they did it some more. OH MY GOD how could it tickle SO MUCH? It had to stop THEY HAD TO STOP.
Finally, yet again, they did. Another moment of reflection.
"Dude, I really don't want to be touching his fucking feet," Matt said.
"Yeah, me either," Travis said.
Matt leaned over. "You're gonna tell her we tickled the shit out of your feet, right?"
"Yes of course I'll tell her that," I said.
"I'm serious," Matt said. "Don't screw us here, Wade."
"I'll tell her," I said.
His fingers were dancing in my armpit again--followed shortly by Travis's--I jerked and yelped and dissolved into giggles.
"You tell her or else."
"OKAY," I cried through my laughter.
"You make it sound convincing," Travis said. "Don't half-ass it."
"FINE," I shrieked. "FINE!"
"What will you tell her?" Their fingers were still tickling away.
"Illtellherthatyoutickledmyfeet," I burbled through the hiccuping giggles.
"Dude," Matt said. "You're making like no sense at all."
They stopped and dropped my arms. I tried to scramble away in a fashion that looked as little like a beaten dog as possible.
Matt looked at Travis. "Wanna get some food or something?"
"Yeah, I'm starving," Travis said.
And they were gone.