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A thread for the relationship challenged (those with single-itis)....

scorpionldr

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From an outsider's perspective, it appears often to me that I find those who are open and involved with their fetishes live fruitful, happier, more relationship-focused lives. Tickling no longer becomes an annoying, secretive interest that they are simple faceted to, for they have someone to enjoy it with.

For myself, I've been single the majority of my life, only having two very short relationships, a number of single dates that had tickling somewhat involved, and many, many years of silence (at least in the relationship aspect of my life). Despite my successes in life, I find that my continually unchanged relationship status of "single" negatively defines me. For some "single" simply means that's what you are. Single. For others, its a state that seems to just be what they'll remain.

It opened my eyes when I found out that there were people who had lived the latter life, the few that are aware self-diagnosing this as "involuntary celibacy". I've seen these social groups. They're ok (knowing your not [alone] with your problem), but as far as finding solutions for their lives, it is, as they say, "the blind leading the blind".

So, onto the reason why this thread is being created. My personal goal of making this new thread is to help others who have ever felt encumbered by their tickling fetish (or any other kind of fetish) to break through their own personal dry spells to help eliminate shyness about their fetish lives.

Does anyone have any advice or pointers?
 
Unless you being single is a self-imposed state, then I'm not sure that your fetish is a huge deciding factor.

I've been single for a number of years, but I would attribute that to me being anti-social, and not exactly taking care of myself. Unless you go around wearing a sign that displays your fetish, a guy/girl isn't going to know about it until you tell them. More often than not, people don't actually reveal that part of them until they're already dating that person, or know them quite well.

As for advice... the best I can give you is to do the exact opposite of what I'm doing. Be outgoing, don't be a prick, and take care of yourself. That last part is more important than people will lead you to believe. As superficial as it is, it's not coincidence that the sports jocks get the cheerleaders and vice-versa. This applies doubly to our society where we have been drip-fed images of models on magazines and other such subliminal messages that tell us to respect and admire people that are insanely and unrealistically attractive. Now, don't get me wrong; I would never say that a relationship should revolve around superficial aspects like looks or anything like that... but it's a factor, and one that shouldn't be ignored. The 'be outgoing' and 'don't be a prick' part should be fairly self-explanatory... though I've always wondered what's so appealing about the whole 'bad guy' thing. Yes, he looks good in a leather jacket and motorcycle, but do you realize that odds are he will be hitting you before you guys are even engaged?

Up until about 6-7 months ago, my being single disgusted me. I watched my old high school friends hook up and start getting serious, kind of leaving me in the proverbial dust. The way I deal with it... is that I learned to just stop caring. Yes, being single sucks in some ways, but it's not so bad in others. No 8 hour phone calls, all the personal time in the world, and the ability to make decisions for yourself without running them by someone. Not that those are necessarily bad things... but they can be aggravating at times.

Anyways, I hope that I contributed something meaningful.
 
Eh, I just gave up on women, so that's my excuse. I guess I'd be in the self-imposed celibacy catagory.
 
I doubt your tickle fetish is what is slowing you down. It's your attractiveness. Attractiveness encompasses many things and it's something that some have naturally while others must study it to become it. I suggest you study the characteristics that your ideal woman would find attractive. Write these things down along with ways to embody this. It can be as simple as "a buff body"->"go to the gym".

When women are attracted to you your fetish becomes one more way for them to be close to you. Think the girl that doesn't care too much for football but then dates a Pittsburgh Steelers fan and soon she becomes the biggest Steeler fan you know. The same thing. Think about the guy that is infatuated with his girl so much that he knows sex in the city show like the back of his hand.

When you're able to accept yourself everyone around you will accept you.

GQ
 
I'm a little confused as to whether this thread is about being unhappy being single, as the title would suggest, or about being unhappy with the kinky activity (or lack thereof) in your life because of being single. Luckily my input is fairly similar either way.

Being in a relationship is not necessarily better than being single. Sure, everyone is different, and some people prefer more companionship than others; but my opinion is that if someone feels like they need to be in a relationship to be happy, a relationship is exactly where they do not belong. I think that until you can be happy and comfortable being by yourself, you're not going to be able to be truly happy with another person, or they with you. I think the first thing to do would be to work on yourself and make yourself someone that you're happy with. If you love you, other people are going to love you. It's just infectious like that.

Secondly, unless tickling is 100% sexual for you and something that you absolutely cannot enjoy unless you're in a sexual relationship with someone, there's no reason you can't explore your kinks while you're single. Find a kinky friend and play partner and have at it! Lots of fun can be had playing with someone without crossing those lines.

If you think I'm totally full of shit and you want a kinky boo and you want it NOW, then I'd go with something like what GQ said. Figure out if there's anything that you'd like to change about yourself that would increase your confidence or make you more attractive to your preferred sex (hopefully while maintaining your sense of self - don't try to be something you're not - no one's into that). Hopefully increasing your confidence and perhaps your appeal if you feel it's necessary will help you snag the kind of lovey you're looking for.

Good luck!
 
In quickly reading the title of this thread , I mistakenly thought the part in parenthesis said 'those with single tits' & I was all , like , duh! ... no wonder they're fuckin' single!
 
In quickly reading the title of this thread , I mistakenly thought the part in parenthesis said 'those with single tits' & I was all , like , duh! ... no wonder they're fuckin' single!

You make my day better.
 
I'm a little confused as to whether this thread is about being unhappy being single, as the title would suggest, or about being unhappy with the kinky activity (or lack thereof) in your life because of being single. Luckily my input is fairly similar either way.

Being in a relationship is not necessarily better than being single. Sure, everyone is different, and some people prefer more companionship than others; but my opinion is that if someone feels like they need to be in a relationship to be happy, a relationship is exactly where they do not belong. I think that until you can be happy and comfortable being by yourself, you're not going to be able to be truly happy with another person, or they with you. I think the first thing to do would be to work on yourself and make yourself someone that you're happy with. If you love you, other people are going to love you. It's just infectious like that.

Secondly, unless tickling is 100% sexual for you and something that you absolutely cannot enjoy unless you're in a sexual relationship with someone, there's no reason you can't explore your kinks while you're single. Find a kinky friend and play partner and have at it! Lots of fun can be had playing with someone without crossing those lines.

If you think I'm totally full of shit and you want a kinky boo and you want it NOW, then I'd go with something like what GQ said. Figure out if there's anything that you'd like to change about yourself that would increase your confidence or make you more attractive to your preferred sex (hopefully while maintaining your sense of self - don't try to be something you're not - no one's into that). Hopefully increasing your confidence and perhaps your appeal if you feel it's necessary will help you snag the kind of lovey you're looking for.

Good luck!

Skip, lets put a few things down here.

The thread was initially about helping people avoid incel (common abbreviated name for involuntary celibacy peops) status. But I think the chances are higher if you haven't had a lot of success, that if you have a fetish like this, it can make things a lot worse than being "just single". How? Much more elevated shyness, stress, trouble working with people, etc. I think that it just happens. I know I was extremely shy til about age 22 with it. And even now I haven't figured out good ways to "make it work out".

As far as finding a kink buddy......yea, I don't know where to begin with that one. My town is just hell for anything social.
 
This. I guess I look at it as all being more of a "grass is always greener" perspective.

I've spent the majority of the past decade in relationships (college will do that to you >_>). 3 major ones with about a year break between each, and I've found that I enjoyed the time as equally (if not, in some cases, moreso) than when I was in relationships. I bettered myself, I did things that were otherwise difficult to do in relationships (wanna pick up and go somewhere far away? It may be more costly with 2 people, but with just you... WHY NOT?!), etc etc. No matter what my status at the time was, I never particularly desires the other side of the boat. When I was single, I was happy being single and made it my goal to use the time to make myself a better person (ate right, worked out constantly, studied hard, worked hard, etc etc). However, that particular air seemed to draw me into more social settings would would lead to me ending up either dating someone or in a full blown relationship. Once I was in one, I didn't feel any more fulfilled than I was when I was single. I was just as happy with both, just in different ways. Things had changed, my time was now spent in other ways, but that was fine.



Personally, while I've found a particular level of attractiveness is halfway important, I've found demeanor is everything. My friends and folks that I know are basically split into two groups: those who can find relationships and those who can't. Those who can't are not particularly more or less attractive than those that can... what they are, however, is more afraid to just jump in ask a girl out even when they are completely likely to get rejected. This is where the "girls only like jerks" misnomer comes about. The "nice guys" are generally guys who are too scared to ask a girl out for fear of being rejected, so instead they wait and bide their time until they are sure she is interested, making sure that the situation is perfect. Then enters "the jerk", who does NOT bide his time and just asks her out. Since she is either oblivious to Mr. "Nice Guy"s feelings or just flat out tired of waiting on him, she goes out with Mr "Jerk". And suddenly you another person singing the woes of nice guys finishing last.

Does being buff help? Oh god yea. You can't be out of shape and expect to pull off the "Maybe she will show interest in me" "nice guy" approach that I mentioned above, but being completely ripped might help you pull that one off (and in fact, might land you quite a few dates. 0_o. Something about shy buff guys, at least around here, is a relationship magnet). But I think attitude helps as much, assuming you aren't just butt ugly.

Rereading my thread I see now I wasn't clear in my use of the word "attractiveness".....and using the buff example made my meaning even more ambiguous. Attractiveness was used as one's ability to attract others to them. Attractiveness to me is more than looks, it's demeanor, poise, confidence, intelligence, humor, wit ect ect ect. By understanding what one's "dream girl" finds attractive or what draws her in one can give themselves a shot at dating her. Nice guys lack the attractive quality of confidence therefore they don't attract the girl. There are plenty of jerks out there that also lack this characteristic and also have no shot with the highly sought after girl. If a guy is afraid of 120lb 5'8" girl.....I wonder how he'll behave when a 6'4" 230lbs guy comes around. Lack of confidence is great for a girl as the guy eliminates himself so the girl doesn't have to waste her time dating for weeks to find out he's insecure because he got laid off(insert insecurity here).

Some guys have these attractive characteristics naturally. Good for them! I am not one of those guys myself. I was good looking enough....but when it came to the women I REALLY wanted...I didn't have a shot. So I personally figured out what my dream girl was attracted to and became that. Still the same person...just funnier, smarter, better looking, more stylish and wittier and most importantly more confident. Not surprisingly enough those same characteristics helped in my career and my personal relationships making me a better person all around. Might my dream girl have dated me before I made those changes...perhaps. But making those changes improved my confidence and that's what's most important. My pool of potential dates grew ALOT and I could literally pick and choose who I wanted to hang out with.

Look within. It ain't the tickle fetish bro. It's how you feel about it.

GQ
 
I've always thought that people would think me weird for this... and hell, maybe this is just my lazy ass enveloping my ideas for dating...

I've always had a strict intolerance for 'pursuing' a love interest. Meaning that if she says no, it'll mean no tomorrow, the next day, three months from now, and into the next century. I am very much against the idea of even mildly pestering the girl- asking her out, giving her flowers, just bugging her in general- if she isn't attracted to you in some way from the get-go. Now, obviously this idea is in no way true. There are people who have developed attractions to other just because of their determination to impress them or whatnot... I just absolutely hate the idea. Don't get me wrong, I've never been big on the idea of 'soul mates' and whatnot, but I don't think that the start of a relationship should be forced. Sure, it could take time to get to know the girl/guy well enough to date them... but if they ever tell me 'no', then it's just no. It's not, 'well, maybe her preference will change tomorrow', it's just no.
 
I think you're right for thinking this way. The more one pursues the less attracted the pursued becomes. It's based on the fact that humans prefer things that are rare and scarce. We assume and ascribe higher qualities to things that are not easily gotten and take for granted things that are regardless of their value. The guys that got the girl after years of pursuing only did so because she realized that her options are limited and this is the best she can do....if not at a conscious level then at a subconscious level. I would love for anyone that would argue against this point to answer this "why would someone settle down with someone if that person believed there was another smarter, funnier, better looking, kinder, more loving individual out there for them"? I think people subconsciously think this is the best it;s going to get.

Yeah when a woman says "no".....it's always in a gentleman's best interest to stop and move on. There are tons of women that a person can be compatible with. A well rounded person will find more people that they are compatible with....while a narrow minded individual will find far fewer people.

IMHO

GQ
 
I doubt your tickle fetish is what is slowing you down. It's your attractiveness. Attractiveness encompasses many things and it's something that some have naturally while others must study it to become it. I suggest you study the characteristics that your ideal woman would find attractive. Write these things down along with ways to embody this. It can be as simple as "a buff body"->"go to the gym".

When you're able to accept yourself everyone around you will accept you.

GQ

I think I generally look pretty good, definitely on par with most guys. I've been working 50 hours a week doing data entry but try to get five days in at the gym, at least. FYI, it's transitioned from weight training to all cardio, as despite being stronger, I guess I fit the bill for "fat" or "filling the frame just a bit too much"; moreover I'm doing it for my health. On the other hand I don't think this takes me out of the race totally, as only tonight, just two hours ago, I saw about 10 fat guys with girls that I'd date.

And whats with this "accept yourself" biz? I don't want to get into a tangent, but let me explain things here. I accept myself, I just don't think others accept me. I get ignored online (whereas only a few short years ago I could still hit someone up on a myspace and still grab a date, now........nothing. At all).

On the other hand I have a friend who is in a relationship, has a decent job, and is in a band that plays out regularly, and he constantly puts himself down. His latest kick is he thinks he's a sociopath (and depressed, but thats another matter) and wants to go into therapy to save him from himself. Ironically, my best friend here, is actually more viable for a relationship than I am, yet is shyer, more socially reserved, and much less open than I am. Something is askew......

This. I guess I look at it as all being more of a "grass is always greener" perspective.

I've spent the majority of the past decade in relationships (college will do that to you >_>). 3 major ones with about a year break between each, and I've found that I enjoyed the time as equally (if not, in some cases, moreso) than when I was in relationships. I bettered myself, I did things that were otherwise difficult to do in relationships (wanna pick up and go somewhere far away? It may be more costly with 2 people, but with just you... WHY NOT?!), etc etc. No matter what my status at the time was, I never particularly desires the other side of the boat. When I was single, I was happy being single and made it my goal to use the time to make myself a better person (ate right, worked out constantly, studied hard, worked hard, etc etc). However, that particular air seemed to draw me into more social settings would would lead to me ending up either dating someone or in a full blown relationship. Once I was in one, I didn't feel any more fulfilled than I was when I was single. I was just as happy with both, just in different ways. Things had changed, my time was now spent in other ways, but that was fine.



Personally, while I've found a particular level of attractiveness is halfway important, I've found demeanor is everything. My friends and folks that I know are basically split into two groups: those who can find relationships and those who can't. Those who can't are not particularly more or less attractive than those that can... what they are, however, is more afraid to just jump in ask a girl out even when they are completely likely to get rejected. This is where the "girls only like jerks" misnomer comes about. The "nice guys" are generally guys who are too scared to ask a girl out for fear of being rejected, so instead they wait and bide their time until they are sure she is interested, making sure that the situation is perfect. Then enters "the jerk", who does NOT bide his time and just asks her out. Since she is either oblivious to Mr. "Nice Guy"s feelings or just flat out tired of waiting on him, she goes out with Mr "Jerk". And suddenly you another person singing the woes of nice guys finishing last.

I think you enjoyed it because you had an actual relationship experience, and probably broke up for legit reasons (IE not something stupid). I, on the other hand, have simply done a bunch of what I'd call one-and-done dates (where you basically go out with the person, and end up not talking to them or seeing them again), and of course the two month long ventures I mentioned before (where the aforementioned stupid reasons to break up did happen both times). Granted, it is my demeanor. I grew up being treated roughly outside my home and gently inside. I became introverted. I'm starting to break the shell for myself tho, getting away from net dating (although it would be nice to find any at all, really...) and asking girls out. The latest trend for me appears to be asking the girl, getting the number, texting the girl maybe once or twice to attempt some sort of conversation, and finding through one way or another I get ignored into leaving them alone. Soo that's a pain in the ass as well.
I've always thought that people would think me weird for this... and hell, maybe this is just my lazy ass enveloping my ideas for dating...

I've always had a strict intolerance for 'pursuing' a love interest. Meaning that if she says no, it'll mean no tomorrow, the next day, three months from now, and into the next century. I am very much against the idea of even mildly pestering the girl- asking her out, giving her flowers, just bugging her in general- if she isn't attracted to you in some way from the get-go. Now, obviously this idea is in no way true. There are people who have developed attractions to other just because of their determination to impress them or whatnot... I just absolutely hate the idea. Don't get me wrong, I've never been big on the idea of 'soul mates' and whatnot, but I don't think that the start of a relationship should be forced. Sure, it could take time to get to know the girl/guy well enough to date them... but if they ever tell me 'no', then it's just no. It's not, 'well, maybe her preference will change tomorrow', it's just no.

Yea, I tend to do that. I stick with a strict "one chance" policy for a girl to show she's interested. After that? The sweetness stops, I turn away, and move onto another. Its worked with some, others it hasn't. But no, I definitely do not stalk anyone, so get that one off the list.

I think a major problem is A: open minded girls are hard for me to find, and B: I have basically zero social circle now.
 
Eh, I just gave up on women, so that's my excuse. I guess I'd be in the self-imposed celibacy catagory.
Tried that last year, a girl I had known previously ended up talking to me, and everything landed on the "why are you single?" question.

Granted, things went to hell when I discovered why she was single (depressed and on disability for it, and a clear inability to get along with men well from what she did), but when your trying to avoid relationships, and something like that comes along, its a slap back into the sandbox to try again, because then you'll guaranteed beat yourself up over it.
 
the dude i posted the smoking thread about the other day just broke up with me, like, 24 hours ago. i suck at relationships.
 
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