About BDSM hypocrisy and being hated as a tickle fan

[BellaRisa]

Where's bella when I need her?

Hon, anything I would add has been said with eloquence and style. In a nutshell, apparently there are BDSM folks who look down on tickling, as thought it isn't a lovely branch of the same tree. I've personally never met these nay-sayers; in fact many of the larger BDSM events I've attended have had very popular classes on tickling, and the other BDSM'mers have had a nice combination of fear and respect and admiration. But I do believe that the problem children exist. Let them. There's someone booing in the shadows for everything I enjoy in life, from BDSM to tickling to being poly to low carb eating; I ignore them and do my thing, and eventually they hush

Bella

 

[WorkInProgress]

I've been going to a couple of Fetish Clubs in New York City on & off since the mid 1980s.
For a LONG LONG time, whenever I had any kind of discussion about or mention the word 'tickle', I would get these looks from them like I was pathetic. I cannot even count how many Dommes & so-called 'slaves' would walk away from me when I suggest a tickle session.
They always gave me that, "Oh PLEASE. That's not a REAL fetish" look.

Wow, they must be doing a helluva good business with the fetishes they recognize as real, that they can afford to deny a paying, tipping customer. For my part, if I worked at one of those places (which isn't going to happen) and somebody came up and asked me to torture him/her by reading out loud from the phone book while wearing a funny hat, I sure wouldn't balk at it.

The worst people to deal with are the ones who don't think they can learn anything new from you. This, by the way, applies to teachers and psychotherapists as well.

 

[GoForTheLaugh]

It seems that people are talking at cross purposes here.

One group: These is so much pro-tickling sentiment in BDSM.

The other group: We have been deeply hurt by people who would not accept us.

Could it be that everyone is right but has only part of the truth?

Maybe we should all step out of our own courts and hear the others. I know that I am trying.

*** *** ***

TickledToDeath: I forgot to mention this earlier. COOL story! 🙂

 

[GoForTheLaugh]

Now that was a good post!

Just a slight follow up:

If someone into BDSM does not wish to engage in tickling, that is fine. Tickling is unpleasant to some, and no one should have it forced on him or her.

If someone into tickling does not wish to engage in BDSM, that is fine. What is wrong with being tickle-centric? I would not condemn someone for being spanking-centric. If that is the only thing he or she likes, then fine.

Mutual respect is the key. That means I need to be respected as someone who could never inflict or receive pain/restrain or be restrained. But it also means that I need to respect the value of the high sexual response and heightened sense of well being in BDSM practitioners.

In a nutshell, they are just like me. Human beings always have differing interests.

And yes, I have thought about how much fun it would be to tickle torture someone--I have been reading stories since 1999 and even wrote one just for this board--but I have never actually done it. I do not even know if I could do it in real life.

My primary tickle dreams are 75% romantic and 25% horseplay--exactly what I have done in life. Nothing of long duration.

As I wrote earlier, I acknowledge that there must be something of BDSM in me, but try as I might to find another fetish, I find nothing exciting in a list of fetishes I found on line. I even went to a leather and fetish shop on Christopher Street in Greenwich Village, and absolutely nothing turned me on.

And given the number of responsibilities I have in real life (my job included) plus all of my other interests plus my love for reading literature, where do I find the time to learn about BDSM? Those who love it MUST learn as much as they can. Play has to be safe and informed.

But I am just here for a few tickle thrills on the Internet. 😀

So, given what is a vanilla nature with a spot of tickle torture thrown in, I fear I would be tossed out of any BDSM gathering.

That does not negate what I said earlier about having some BDSM in me, however. But how far do I wish to go?

I, for one, can appreciate and honor the master/sub thing, and I can see how psychologically healthy it is to explore hidden aspects of one's personality. When I did theater many years ago, we had many exercises in which we took on other roles and carried out improvisation. BDSM role play sounds just like that, but with the added dimension of physical stimulation.

I would enjoy theater improvisation with BDSM folks, but power exchange scares me. In the book I read (When Someone You Love Is Kinky), a sub talked about how, at a party with other kinky people, if her master wanted a drink and she was in the middle of a good conversation with a friend, she had to end the conversation abruptly and serve him immediately. I can understand how giving up control could feel sexy to someone else. However, my reaction would have been: "Get your own damn drink, fool! I'm busy."

And if I were the master instead of the sub, I would indeed get my own drink. Why would I ask someone else to get it for me?

This is why I would never be able to do the master/sub thing. I would not be able to do it right, and people would tire of me quickly.

I hope this makes sense. Right now I am more confused that I let on.

 

[TMF Jeff]

When I'm in a strictly BDSM context, some kind of gathering or function, I tend to put my tickling interest on the backburner for some reason, prioritizing it less than I would in another situation. I haven't really given a lot of thought to why I do that.

I don't think it's any kind of response to a discrimination against tickling, because even though I've read a number of articles online in which standard BDSM-ers kind of rip on tickling a little bit, I've never encountered anyone face to face who said anything negative other than maybe "I personally hate being tickled."

But despite that I think I have some internal sense of it being out of place in a more mainstream (there's a funny word to use in this context) scene.

I guess what I'm saying is that even though I've encountered some negativity directed at tickling on occasion online, I've never had anyone say or do anything to make me think it was a commonly accepted distaste, and whatever sense I have of it being out of place seems to come from me.

 

[arcma]

Tickling and BSDM...

I had hoped to find a woman who enjoyed tickling on several BSDM sites (primarily because of the Bondage aspect...Tied and Tickled !!!), and that most people seem to view tickling as sadistic.
Most people (disclaimer: in my experiences) at the sites seem to rate tickling as a big no-no..and a "hard limit" (many will not even talk about it, and most who do will tell you straight out that it is off-limits).
Now the BSDM community typically promotes "safe, sane, and consentual" as guidelines of behavior. It just seems rather strange to [us] that there are people who do not mind getting beaten, and whipped, and [worse] as punishment...yet wouldn't think of being tickled as an acceptable option. It is just that the "consentual" piece kicks in, and these things are usually agreed on prior to any meeting.
Suffice to say, I have received very, very little positive response from any tickling-related inquiries.

 

[GoForTheLaugh]

I hope that this discussion will continue here.

In addition, I hope that a new, non-judgmental BDSM discussion will spring up in the thread I have just started:

http://www.ticklingforum.com/showthread.php?p=714793#post714793

 

[Tenebrae]

I had hoped to find a woman who enjoyed tickling on several BSDM sites (primarily because of the Bondage aspect...Tied and Tickled !!!), and that most people seem to view tickling as sadistic.
Most people (disclaimer: in my experiences) at the sites seem to rate tickling as a big no-no..and a "hard limit" (many will not even talk about it, and most who do will tell you straight out that it is off-limits).
Now the BSDM community typically promotes "safe, sane, and consentual" as guidelines of behavior. It just seems rather strange to [us] that there are people who do not mind getting beaten, and whipped, and [worse] as punishment...yet wouldn't think of being tickled as an acceptable option. It is just that the "consentual" piece kicks in, and these things are usually agreed on prior to any meeting.
Suffice to say, I have received very, very little positive response from any tickling-related inquiries.

Let's share a personnal experience : everytime I tie a girl up, I always tickle her, just to check if the bondage is tight enough. And among all of my victims, I always have one or two who REALLY don't like that but who don't mind being beaten, drowned, and so.

Yeah, it can seem strange on the first glance. Yet, experience has shown that being tickled can be more thretening to a girl, as it means she has absolute no control of her sensations. Every professional in torture will say the same : problem with pain is that you get used to it relatively easily. If you REALLY wanna break somebody, you have to vary the tortures AND the level of pain AND fear.

In tickling, you ALWAYS vary the pace of your tickles, which makes it unbearable to a ticklish victim. Thus, is driven out of control. This can seem attractive to some, but not all cause they feel like they are loosing their attitude.

And, let's be honnest, not ALL doms really make suffer their victims : they are more like in a "roleplaying" situation. Look carefully at S/M films and you'll see that the whip is stopped just before it could actually hurt.

 

[primetime]

not that i am into a lot of BDSM playing, but i always say "to each his/her own". would i ever participate in defecation, "golden showers" or any painful type play? HELL NO. but to those who enjoy it, knock yourself out. if that's what you do, that's what you do. more power to you. do what makes you happy.

i had a funny experience with a girl from work who is in the Goth lifestyle and i found out she's into domination/bondage type play. but when she found out my "kink", her reaction was priceless. she could get tied up, spanked, whipped, candle wax, hairpulled, choked, etc, but when i asked her if i could tickle her feet, her response was "if you try to tickle me, especially my feet, i will stab your eyes out with a pencil. i HATE being tickled." needless to say, i have never tried to tickle her feet. i cant anyways, she never shows them, always hiding in boots. (imagination running wild here....)

i do find it amazing that people who enjoy the painful types of play are deathly afraid of tickling. simply amazing.....

 

[GoForTheLaugh]

The last few posts all make sense to me.

I think we are all wired differently. There are even some lers who love tickling others but would never want to be tickled. Many people love being tickled; if I were ticklish, I would probably love it, too. However, not everyone likes being tickled. Most BDSM practices would be unpleasant to me (and would absolutely terrify me)--but that does not mean they are unpleasant to others For some people, BDSM = the same sexual thrill as being tickled or tickling someone.

Some people are turned on by BDSM practices but not tickling.

Some people are turned on by tickling but not BDSM practices.

Some people are turned on by both and see tickling as an extenstion of BDSM.

Some people don't like either BDSM practices or tickling.

That's where accepting others' differences comes in. 🙂

 

[Tenebrae]

not that i am into a lot of BDSM playing, but i always say "to each his/her own". would i ever participate in defecation, "golden showers" or any painful type play? HELL NO. but to those who enjoy it, knock yourself out. if that's what you do, that's what you do. more power to you. do what makes you happy.

Er... you seem to confuse S&M and scatophilia/urophilia. Yet, some S&M fans also practice this so it is not surprising.

 

[Tenebrae]

The last few posts all make sense to me.

I think we are all wired differently. There are even some lers who love tickling others but would never want to be tickled. Many people love being tickled; if I were ticklish, I would probably love it, too. However, not everyone likes being tickled. Most BDSM practices would be unpleasant to me (and would absolutely terrify me)--but that does not mean they are unpleasant to others For some people, BDSM = the same sexual thrill as being tickled or tickling someone.

Some people are turned on by BDSM practices but not tickling.

Some people are turned on by tickling but not BDSM practices.

Some people are turned on by both and see tickling as an extenstion of BDSM.

Some people don't like either BDSM practices or tickling.

That's where accepting others' differences comes in. 🙂

Hell yeah !

 

[kcantankerous]

You gotta admit some of this stuff is nasty and or vile. Lets burn someone but oh god tickling is outa the question. Everyones got their freedoms but ever since I got that damn link sent to me I really hadn't been down for that stuff. Urination or defecation, damn you may aswell be an animal rooming the woods. lol, I'll stick to tickling myself. Spanking is cool too, but any type of physical harm or pain, that includes tickling when it gets to that degree is something I'm against. Course I dispise torture more than anything, couse thats my take on it.

 

[GoForTheLaugh]

While I can't understand some of it, either, knogz, I feel the need to be accepting (especially since I started this thread in such a snotty fashion).

Unlike other animals, monkeys and apes are as ticklish as humans and will tickle each other. I knew that even when I was a kid. So I suppose a BDSM fan might say that we tickle fans might as well be our evolutionary predecessors, tickling each other in trees. 😀

Now, allow me to end on a humorous note, one a friend told me. At a wedding he attended, amidst all the prim and proper senior citizens from the local church, a gorgeous drunk bridesmate turned to her gorgeous buff husband and said, loud enough for everyone to hear: "O.K., honey, let's go home so we can get in the shower and I can pee on you."

Then there was silence, broken only by the bridesmate's revocalized desire to pee. It was the talk of the family for years. 😀