I've been lurking this thread for a bit; I just wanted to see what directions it would take. I'm glad the OP is starting to realize that advice was given that would allow him to help himself, not looking for others to handout. We're in a tough economy and no one has the money to shell out on someone who has no drive, ambition, or stones to make their investment worthwhile.
I read the OP's response on page 3, post 30; it's lengthy so I chose not to quote it. You are now reading the response of someone who's gone through more than their share of life issues with family, and I will say that I'd rather live your mess than what I've gone through which includes an estranged relationship with my father long after his death (2001), coming to terms with my stepfather who did terrible things to me and my sisters, leaving my husband of 10 years due to verbal, emotional, physical abuse (with two children in tow). One of those two children hit age 13 and literally tore the family apart to the point that my daughter from age 16-18 barely spoke to me; she blamed me for everything.
Since 2007 I've struggled in and out of employment simply because I stood up to a HR Director whose only qualification for that position was that she was a Yale grad lawyer. That's great when you need an attorney, but when you're dealing with HR problems, you need someone experienced with a HR education to help get problems resolved. She is still the poorest example of how to run HR department I've ever dealt with. But I've picked up, dusted myself off, and rolled with the punches. I still struggle, but the point of it is--I fight and don't roll over and wallow in excuses anymore.
I also struggle with my weight; I went to the doctor yesterday and realized I've allowed myself to regain almost all of the 70 pounds I lost 2005-2006. That was miserable to hear, but I needed to know. Now I'm going to be working with my doctor to start over again and stay on track because I have a lot of weight to lose. It is an abysmal feeling to know I failed like that, but I am ready to deal with it along with the depression that keeps causing the problems. I've struggled with weight longer than you have been alive, and being female it's even worse to deal with, let me tell you.
Now that's the Readers Digest condensed version--I've left out plenty of sorted details because this thread really isn't about me. I just wanted to point out to you that although you've gone through hell, many of us have as well and gone through far worse than you.
You're 23; if I was young enough to go to the military, I'd be the hell outta' here! No one likes authority, but you can learn by submission to right type of authority you can learn a great deal about yourself in the process. You can grow into a man you can be proud of and do things you never thought were in you.
Whatever your situation is with your father, you are a man now and must become responsible for your own life and way. You have to get in the mirror and deal with reality. You've talked (almost ad nauseum) about what's wrong in your life and that it's always someone else's fault. You have to do whatever it takes to drag your ass out of this funk, get off the couch, back away from the tv and computer and build a new life for yourself.
I'll tell you what I told my daughter and it's gotten her off my case and into her own mirror. I said "you don't get to pick your parents!" And you don't; we as parents are flawed people who make plenty of mistakes while we're raising our children. We don't mean it, but crap happens; what you choose to do with it is what will either make you stronger and get you to the next generational level, or as a legitimate excuse for further mediocrity.
I do wish you well and hope you make the right choices that will get you where you need to go in life.
I read the OP's response on page 3, post 30; it's lengthy so I chose not to quote it. You are now reading the response of someone who's gone through more than their share of life issues with family, and I will say that I'd rather live your mess than what I've gone through which includes an estranged relationship with my father long after his death (2001), coming to terms with my stepfather who did terrible things to me and my sisters, leaving my husband of 10 years due to verbal, emotional, physical abuse (with two children in tow). One of those two children hit age 13 and literally tore the family apart to the point that my daughter from age 16-18 barely spoke to me; she blamed me for everything.
Since 2007 I've struggled in and out of employment simply because I stood up to a HR Director whose only qualification for that position was that she was a Yale grad lawyer. That's great when you need an attorney, but when you're dealing with HR problems, you need someone experienced with a HR education to help get problems resolved. She is still the poorest example of how to run HR department I've ever dealt with. But I've picked up, dusted myself off, and rolled with the punches. I still struggle, but the point of it is--I fight and don't roll over and wallow in excuses anymore.
I also struggle with my weight; I went to the doctor yesterday and realized I've allowed myself to regain almost all of the 70 pounds I lost 2005-2006. That was miserable to hear, but I needed to know. Now I'm going to be working with my doctor to start over again and stay on track because I have a lot of weight to lose. It is an abysmal feeling to know I failed like that, but I am ready to deal with it along with the depression that keeps causing the problems. I've struggled with weight longer than you have been alive, and being female it's even worse to deal with, let me tell you.
Now that's the Readers Digest condensed version--I've left out plenty of sorted details because this thread really isn't about me. I just wanted to point out to you that although you've gone through hell, many of us have as well and gone through far worse than you.
You're 23; if I was young enough to go to the military, I'd be the hell outta' here! No one likes authority, but you can learn by submission to right type of authority you can learn a great deal about yourself in the process. You can grow into a man you can be proud of and do things you never thought were in you.
Whatever your situation is with your father, you are a man now and must become responsible for your own life and way. You have to get in the mirror and deal with reality. You've talked (almost ad nauseum) about what's wrong in your life and that it's always someone else's fault. You have to do whatever it takes to drag your ass out of this funk, get off the couch, back away from the tv and computer and build a new life for yourself.
I'll tell you what I told my daughter and it's gotten her off my case and into her own mirror. I said "you don't get to pick your parents!" And you don't; we as parents are flawed people who make plenty of mistakes while we're raising our children. We don't mean it, but crap happens; what you choose to do with it is what will either make you stronger and get you to the next generational level, or as a legitimate excuse for further mediocrity.
I do wish you well and hope you make the right choices that will get you where you need to go in life.
