Am I asexual?

[Jezebel Lee]

So, I saw roughly the first page of responses, started reading about asexuality, got distracted by work, finished my post, and after typing my post, I saw a bunch more posts. Jezebel Lee's are particularly interesting - I think my reading makes me a novice on the labels aspect of this. (And I like Libertine's quote in his final message.)

For example, for the guy who finds particular women attractive, wants to tickle them, and does not want intercourse. Is he "heterosexual with a preference for no intercourse?" Or is he, "hetero and asexual," per the source I read? I think that is a warning against working too hard on finding the right label. If different people have different ideas in mind for what a label means, that kinda ruins the label!

Well, if you read my post again, I did say it “sounds like”, not “it definitively is”, and it’s up to the OP how he identifies. Maybe he’s heterosexual with a strong fetish, maybe he’s hetero-romantic and asexual, maybe he’s grey-heterosexual. Who knows. It’s a case by case basis and even if one chooses a label, it’s still entirely possible for desires and preferences to change as one gets older. It doesn’t have to be a black and white case of “we must label every tiny thing” or “all labels are pointless!” They’re just a shorthand way of explaining what you want.

 

[violetsarered]

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[Jezebel Lee]

After reading these replies and doing research, I’ve noticed that I am into everything a normal person is just replacing the tickling with regular sex. I’ve had crushes on girls, I like their body parts, and I’ve always fantasized about tickling scenarios with my crushes. I think me being attracted to those girls in the first place makes it hard to relate to people in the asexual community. The only part I can relate to asexuals is doing penetrative sex to please your partner because I would rather be doing other sexual things with them. I would still rather date a hetero lady, as long as she’s fine with my fetish. Anyways, if you count intercourse as the only type of sex, sure I guess i’m on the ace spectrum. But I just can’t identify as that personally. I’ve been attracted to girls my whole life i’ve made out with multiple of them with me initiating it and enjoying it. I feel confident saying i’m a straight man who has a strong tickling fetish. If you really think I’m mislabeling myself or denying asexuality let me know. Thanks for everyone who helped me understand it better.

Your experience is totally valid. I’m glad you’ve drawn a conclusion

 

[Pragmatic]

Personally, I'm hetero-romantic asexual. Attracted to women, enjoy their company, but have no desire to have any type of sex with them. Never have, but gave it a few tries inside a very misguided (for many other reasons) relationship. Where tickling fits into all this, I enjoy tickling women, but do not find it to be a sexual thing. Never have.

Generally speaking, I'm of the mind that humans are desperate to "belong" to something so they like to label themselves. If that suits you, do so. As long as you aren't hurting anyone else, what you chose to do is entirely up to you. Otherwise, whatever labels you chose to affiliate with are usually for the benefit of people around you more than they are yourself. My mannerisms, stoicism, and lack of emotional hostage-taking is much easier to understand (and therefore they are less likely to attempt smalltalk or even polite greetings) for most people when I wear the label "autistic". It doesn't fundamentally change my day, but it does usually result in them shutting their donut masher sooner rather than later. If I were to discuss sexuality with people for whom it is non of their business, I imagine the word "asexual" would have an analogous effect.

 

[maybeticklish]

After reading these replies and doing research, I’ve noticed that I am into everything a normal person is just replacing the tickling with regular sex. I’ve had crushes on girls, I like their body parts, and I’ve always fantasized about tickling scenarios with my crushes. I think me being attracted to those girls in the first place makes it hard to relate to people in the asexual community. The only part I can relate to asexuals is doing penetrative sex to please your partner because I would rather be doing other sexual things with them. I would still rather date a hetero lady, as long as she’s fine with my fetish. Anyways, if you count intercourse as the only type of sex, sure I guess i’m on the ace spectrum. But I just can’t identify as that personally. I’ve been attracted to girls my whole life i’ve made out with multiple of them with me initiating it and enjoying it. I feel confident saying i’m a straight man who has a strong tickling fetish. If you really think I’m mislabeling myself or denying asexuality let me know. Thanks for everyone who helped me understand it better.

Someone recently told me about the term "greysexual" which has really helped me come to terms with feeling somewhere between asexual and hetero. I can relate to a lot of what you've said about how you feel, so it might be worth looking into for you.

 

[duderino84]

Everyone seems really concerned about whether they're sexually valid because of their preference on dick in pussy contact. Keep in mind that not all people are *good* at that methodology of intimacy; it can be something a partner helps out with. Kind of ironic, right? It just seems like a lot of undue pressure on one's self when I know between me and another tickle-sexual partner that we both are at different stages of mental development, that may not have arrived at the desire for conventional sexual interactions. People need more exposure in these cases, not so much speculation on what people are or aren't.

 

[cletus]

I'm 41 and never had any relations with any women. I have been on a few, really few, dates when I was in my 20's. My dad has been gone since I was 25, but when I was talking to him about my feelings being the same as the OP he said you don't know what you're missing. Still think actual vanilla sex just isn't for me. I'm a tickle fetishist 100% though and get off to it. Being that I am an introvert I haven't really cared about not being with anyone. As I understand it asexual is about the same as when we were kids. Sex doesn't mean anything to someone who's asexual.

 

[violetsarered]

Someone recently told me about the term "greysexual" which has really helped me come to terms with feeling somewhere between asexual and hetero. I can relate to a lot of what you've said about how you feel, so it might be worth looking into for you.

Can’t really relate because I have sexual desires and sexual attraction.