>
>
>
> 1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a
cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be
almost instantly removed.
>
> 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
> someone else to hold them while you chop away.
>
> 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by
simply using the sink.
>
> 4. For high blood pressure sufferers simply cut yourself and bleed
for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
> Remember to use a timer.
>
> 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze
button.
>
> 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.
>
> 7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
> forget all about the toothache.
>
> 8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really
are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move
and
should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct
tape.
>
> 9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
>
> 10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
>
> If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
>
> And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never
know when you might need them to empty your bedpan
>
> SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES.......... THEY ARE NOT REALLY GOOD
> FOR ANYTHING, BUT..... THEY STILL BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN
> YOU PUSH THEM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS
>
>
>
> 1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a
cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be
almost instantly removed.
>
> 2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
> someone else to hold them while you chop away.
>
> 3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by
simply using the sink.
>
> 4. For high blood pressure sufferers simply cut yourself and bleed
for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
> Remember to use a timer.
>
> 5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze
button.
>
> 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.
>
> 7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
> forget all about the toothache.
>
> 8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really
are: You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move
and
should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct
tape.
>
> 9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
>
> 10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.
>
> If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.
>
> And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never
know when you might need them to empty your bedpan
>
> SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES.......... THEY ARE NOT REALLY GOOD
> FOR ANYTHING, BUT..... THEY STILL BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN
> YOU PUSH THEM DOWN A FLIGHT OF STAIRS
>
especially like #8!
