PlayfulCarbonara
TMF Expert
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2007
- Messages
- 517
- Points
- 0
Man, it has been a long time since I last posted here. I originally found this forum in the early 2000s, when I was 16 or 17, and was completely floored by the idea that other people had a kink like this besides me. It felt like such a weird kink to have, and yet over the years I’ve noticed that it’s not only not that uncommon, but it’s also one of the more tame kinks. I mean, people literally talk openly about “eating ass”... compared to that, a kink that involves poking someone on the sides and making them giggle is practically vanilla.
With that said- there are still perceived stigmas around this (and most) kinks, and some of them come from the words and actions (or lack thereof) of people who enjoy those kinks. I imagine that for a lot of people here, the idea of their fetish becoming more openly accepted would be very important, so I figured that I’d kick off a serious discussion about some of the things I’ve seen in this community (particularly in myself, in my younger years) which might help a lot with this.
My hope, if this discussion does pick up, is that this might honestly give folks here some food for thought and maybe even change a few perspectives. I imagine a lot of you will feel similarly, but if even 1 person reads this and changes their mind on something I’d be happy.
TL;DR (because it probably is): Consent is the most important thing in this or any kink, and we need to take better care to understand it. There are ways for you non-con folks to have your cake and eat it, too... but understand that truly non-consensual tickling is a terrible thing and should never be accepted. Also, speak out if you see something on the forums that is just flat out morally wrong, and would cause harm to others; added incentive is that such things also harm the entire fetish, as it causes others to associate said kink with that. Finally, don’t be creepy. If you want to tickle someone, you first need someone to tickle... you won’t find them if you continually run people off from the boards
********************************
On Tickling And Consent
I remember when I first realized that tickling was categorized as a “kink” or “fetish”, and that there were others who felt similarly, I used to think of it only in terms of something friends or siblings would do to each other, or like in the movies where it was something that a captor would do to their prisoner (Which was never portrayed as being that bad... in fact, it was usually meant to be funny). When I would look for videos or pictures, it was always in those terms: essentially, the idea that “non consensual” tickling wasn’t really all that non-consensual or bad, like when a friend horse plays with someone and then everyone laughs it off later. I remember thinking for a while that that style of tickling was my kink, because the movies/tv shows always made it look hot and funny, and the tickling between friends always seemed friendly and fun. I remember there was this Toni Summers video from RealTickling called “Without Consent” that furthered this; the tickler was Priscilla James, a gorgeous woman who was tickling two of her gorgeous friends. It was staged, there was consent, so again the video made it look like it was fun; being tickled by a beautiful woman who wasn’t pushing them too hard, was being playful with flirtatious banter, and their “no, stop it!” was never particularly forceful or desperate. That became my mental image of what non-consensual tickling was.
That view was challenged when other videos came out. I can’t remember the details of them, but the premise of one was essentially some guys in a hotel room that hired a prostitute who didn’t know she was going to be tickled (only thought she would be tied up), and then they tickled her mercilessly. That one was different, with a cruel and merciless feeling, but by that point I had decided that all non-con videos were staged so I didn’t think much of it (I assumed all vid makers were legit businesses with legit practices). But the video wasn’t fun, it wasn’t playful or flirty like the RT video. Then came another, I believe it was called “Jessica”, which was the same way. I’m sure there are others. One day there was a thread that had talked about those videos, and the possibility that they weren’t actually staged, but I didn’t really buy that back then. I figured if the models had really been held against their will, they would have gone to the police... so no biggie, right?
I recently went back and read my responses from back then, and it made my stomach turn. As I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that there are many cases in the porn industry where people are actually forced or coerced into something. Just because a video has a watermark or was made by an actual company doesn’t always mean it’s legit and just staged.
My view of consent in tickling was extremely naive. As a child, when you get tickled it’s generally against your will, even if it turns out to be fun in the end. Despite that, all of my memories of tickling (being tickled and tickling others) were fond because there was trust involved. That mentality carried over into My late teens, and even early 20s, because of a lack of ever really sitting down and thinking about or having REAL discussions on sexual topics outside of a fetish board specifically dedicated to celebrating them. Those discussions really only happened on here, where many other people at the time shared similar beliefs (a bit of an echo chamber), so there wasn’t a lot of challenge to the idea. I remember scoffing when the first articles came out about tickling being abusive in certain circumstances, because it’s tickling- it’s not hurting anyone. They’re laughing, its something that parents and friends do to each other... it’s all fun and games, right? I was convinced no instance of tickling was really that bad.
I was so wrong. In my mind, I equated tickling of all kinds (consensual and non-consensual) with being tickled by people that you trust. A parent or sibling that you trust tickles you without warning; a friend that you trust tickles you while you’re in an awkward predicament; a significant other tickles you while you’re already tied down for some kinky fun. I viewed it like horseplay, where the intention isn’t to cause harm but to just have fun. I allowed that to color how I viewed other non-consensual situations, like a captor and a prisoner, or a prostitute being tickled without warning. I didn’t realize that I couldn’t imagine tickling without some form of trust involved, so I mentally implied it into every situation that I watched. I never imagined the feeling of what the victim was going through as being properly scary. And I now hate that I ever thought that way.
I understand now the damage that real non-consensual tickling can do not only to its victims, but also this particular community. After reading articles about it, and as people became more comfortable discussing that type of topic online in regular forums, I finally understood that true non-consensual tickling is just terrible.
Consent comes in different forms. It doesn’t have to mean asking “Can I tickle you?” every time. I tickle my wife randomly in all sorts of situations, but if she ever asked me honestly to stop then I would, even if she told me to never tickle her again. Friends tickle each other from time to time, but if they ever said “Never do that to me again”, the friends would listen (or not be friends anymore). Or even in more extreme bdsm communities, where someone gets tied up with an explicit understanding that the dom is going to do all sorts of kinky things to them (but maybe no specific layout of what)- there is trust and agreement with both parties. Some people get off on being dominated with individual methods that they they don’t actually enjoy, so even if they hate tickling and didn’t expect it to happen, their being tickled is part of what they consented to and thanks to safe words they have the ability to make it stop (if they chose to use safe words... some people REALLY like being dominated). It’s consensual non-con, basically. If you like the idea of “non-consensual” tickling, that’s likely what you’re looking for.
Having your trust betrayed by being forcefully tickled by someone who doesn’t respect you enough to stop when you tell them they really need to can mess you up; if you’ve ever seen someone who hates tickling so much that they’d cut all ties with a person for even trying it, you’ve likely met someone who had that happen to them. A sibling or parent, or maybe even someone else, went too far and made tickling go from something fun to something horrible.
Its important for the people of a kink community to make sure that this distinction is respected; that we ensure that every encounter is consensual, that every video created involved consent, and to have an absolute rejection of truly non-consensual situations. By doing that, I think you’d see a lot more acceptance of this particular kink, as the people who truly hate it could feel safe knowing that they would be respected when they say “no”. That tickling isn’t about imposing your will to tickle someone upon them no matter how they feel, but instead is a fun and enjoyable interaction by two people who have the right to say “no”, but simply choose not to exercise that right. Or even who consented to lose that ability to say “no”, because that’s what they enjoy.
On Speaking Up
I think another important thing that people have gotten a lot better about, but used to not be so good at: policing the community. And I don’t mean just the admins; Myriads and Jeff do a great job of keeping the boards cleaned up. I mean the people of this board, the community as a whole.
I’ll give an example.
One issue that I’d seen over the years on these boards is that people will sometimes bring up children. I won’t mince words here- this is a fetish forum, and there’s no room for the discussion of kids on a board like this. And IMO, it’s important that more people speak out about that, because there’s definitely a perception externally that this isn’t the case. When tickling gets brought up by people outside this kink, there are definitely those who immediately associate it with tickling kids and that really is not good; if you want acceptance of your kink, you best make sure your kink is not associated with pedophelia.
Now, using myself as a target again- years ago I remember there was a big push on the forums to be more accepting of kinks. Feet, bellybuttons, etc etc. Some people didn’t like certain things, and folks got upset about kink shaming. So, with that in mind, I had apparently decided to try to be more soft in my responses on stuff I didn’t agree with in terms of kinks. So when one guy had asked “Does anyone here share tickling stories about kids”, my response was something along the lines of “I don’t like that kinda stuff and I imagine most people here don’t either, so probably not. But who am I to judge?”. Luckily, the admins followed up and responded to the OP with something along the lines of “wtf is wrong with you? That’s illegal. No”.
Looking back- I regret my response. As a member of this community, I had a particular duty to stand up and say “No, that isn’t acceptable here” in firm and no-nonsense verbiage. I failed to do that. And that soft response? I’m as appalled by that as the original question.
Now look- I get that not everyone who posts stories about kids are pedophiles; our kink came from somewhere, and more than likely it came from seeing or experiencing tickling in our formative years. The stories that stick out to you the most would be the ones that ultimately lead to you feeling this way when you hit puberty. I know that for me, as a child, tickling was fun. Being tickled, tickling others and seeing friends get tickled. As I grew older, I realized that it became fun in a different way. And I get that there can be a desire to share those stories, especially when you’re younger and they are the majority of the stories that you know. I know that I shared similar stories for questions on where my interest in tickling began... I simply never considered the consequences of that. But it’s important to understand that no matter how innocent the story, it can do real damage to the community as a whole because not everyone who consumes it or comments on it will be looking at it the same way. And people from outside the community? They definitely won’t look at it that way. Because the more accepting others can be of that behavior, the more likely the chance that someone would act on it, which is simply not something that anyone here would want to happen because of our inaction.
My point is that it’s up to the members of each community to speak out about these things. Whether it’s people talking about/posting animated pictures/writing stories about children, whether it’s discussion of truly non-consensual tickling, etc etc... as a community, the stance needs to be unified. Doing that will really help “vanilla” folks look at this and say “This is a kink of consenting adults having fun”. Don’t do like I did- don’t give a half assed response. And don’t ignore it.
On Not Being Creepy
I get it. A lot of folks are here because they have a kink and can’t live out their fantasies in their day to day life. Once upon a time I was too nervous to incorporate anything non-vanilla into relationships, or talk about this kind of stuff in any way even with my significant other, so I would come here to talk about it. I would tell stories from my life, often embellishing the truth a bit to make the story more fantastical, and read other people’s stories. I get that many people here’s greatest wish is to just experience this, and it can be miserable to not have that opportunity.
But, and I say this lovingly: don’t be a creep. Random PMs to people are not always going to get you a tickling partner. Random posts asking for “a Ticklish female” is not always going to get you a partner. In fact, calling women “females” is not generally going to get you a partner. =D There are ways to meet up with people here, as I’ve heard of people post such success stories in the past, but those just aren’t always it. Most folks aren’t going to want to be tied up by a total stranger whose first words to them are an anonymous PM that says “Please let me tickle you”. There are ways to legitimately find people to tickle (see some of the recent posts about tickling sessions where they paid to tickle someone), and definitely ways to be tickled (many states have doms who hire out their services. They’d be happy to tickle you until you can’t take it anymore... and then some, if that’s your thing). And it’s entirely possible to meet people here on these boards... but don’t be creepy. Being creepy runs people off. I would imagine that the demographic of this board is at least 5 men to 1 woman, possibly more. And I don’ t at all believe it’s because there less women with such a kink... but rather because some of the things that are said would run off a lot of people.
You want someone to tickle? You need to connect. And to connect you need people to connect with, so step 1 is making sure that the forum is as inviting to everyone as possible. That means not being creepy and running them off, respecting them as a person, and accepting that if this happens it’s because they want to be tickled as much as you want to tickle them!
************************************
Anyhow, that came out longer than I expected, and I’m not sure how many people will tl;dr it... but they were topics that had been eating at me a little and I wanted to share/discuss with others here.
With that said- there are still perceived stigmas around this (and most) kinks, and some of them come from the words and actions (or lack thereof) of people who enjoy those kinks. I imagine that for a lot of people here, the idea of their fetish becoming more openly accepted would be very important, so I figured that I’d kick off a serious discussion about some of the things I’ve seen in this community (particularly in myself, in my younger years) which might help a lot with this.
My hope, if this discussion does pick up, is that this might honestly give folks here some food for thought and maybe even change a few perspectives. I imagine a lot of you will feel similarly, but if even 1 person reads this and changes their mind on something I’d be happy.
TL;DR (because it probably is): Consent is the most important thing in this or any kink, and we need to take better care to understand it. There are ways for you non-con folks to have your cake and eat it, too... but understand that truly non-consensual tickling is a terrible thing and should never be accepted. Also, speak out if you see something on the forums that is just flat out morally wrong, and would cause harm to others; added incentive is that such things also harm the entire fetish, as it causes others to associate said kink with that. Finally, don’t be creepy. If you want to tickle someone, you first need someone to tickle... you won’t find them if you continually run people off from the boards
********************************
On Tickling And Consent
I remember when I first realized that tickling was categorized as a “kink” or “fetish”, and that there were others who felt similarly, I used to think of it only in terms of something friends or siblings would do to each other, or like in the movies where it was something that a captor would do to their prisoner (Which was never portrayed as being that bad... in fact, it was usually meant to be funny). When I would look for videos or pictures, it was always in those terms: essentially, the idea that “non consensual” tickling wasn’t really all that non-consensual or bad, like when a friend horse plays with someone and then everyone laughs it off later. I remember thinking for a while that that style of tickling was my kink, because the movies/tv shows always made it look hot and funny, and the tickling between friends always seemed friendly and fun. I remember there was this Toni Summers video from RealTickling called “Without Consent” that furthered this; the tickler was Priscilla James, a gorgeous woman who was tickling two of her gorgeous friends. It was staged, there was consent, so again the video made it look like it was fun; being tickled by a beautiful woman who wasn’t pushing them too hard, was being playful with flirtatious banter, and their “no, stop it!” was never particularly forceful or desperate. That became my mental image of what non-consensual tickling was.
That view was challenged when other videos came out. I can’t remember the details of them, but the premise of one was essentially some guys in a hotel room that hired a prostitute who didn’t know she was going to be tickled (only thought she would be tied up), and then they tickled her mercilessly. That one was different, with a cruel and merciless feeling, but by that point I had decided that all non-con videos were staged so I didn’t think much of it (I assumed all vid makers were legit businesses with legit practices). But the video wasn’t fun, it wasn’t playful or flirty like the RT video. Then came another, I believe it was called “Jessica”, which was the same way. I’m sure there are others. One day there was a thread that had talked about those videos, and the possibility that they weren’t actually staged, but I didn’t really buy that back then. I figured if the models had really been held against their will, they would have gone to the police... so no biggie, right?
I recently went back and read my responses from back then, and it made my stomach turn. As I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that there are many cases in the porn industry where people are actually forced or coerced into something. Just because a video has a watermark or was made by an actual company doesn’t always mean it’s legit and just staged.
My view of consent in tickling was extremely naive. As a child, when you get tickled it’s generally against your will, even if it turns out to be fun in the end. Despite that, all of my memories of tickling (being tickled and tickling others) were fond because there was trust involved. That mentality carried over into My late teens, and even early 20s, because of a lack of ever really sitting down and thinking about or having REAL discussions on sexual topics outside of a fetish board specifically dedicated to celebrating them. Those discussions really only happened on here, where many other people at the time shared similar beliefs (a bit of an echo chamber), so there wasn’t a lot of challenge to the idea. I remember scoffing when the first articles came out about tickling being abusive in certain circumstances, because it’s tickling- it’s not hurting anyone. They’re laughing, its something that parents and friends do to each other... it’s all fun and games, right? I was convinced no instance of tickling was really that bad.
I was so wrong. In my mind, I equated tickling of all kinds (consensual and non-consensual) with being tickled by people that you trust. A parent or sibling that you trust tickles you without warning; a friend that you trust tickles you while you’re in an awkward predicament; a significant other tickles you while you’re already tied down for some kinky fun. I viewed it like horseplay, where the intention isn’t to cause harm but to just have fun. I allowed that to color how I viewed other non-consensual situations, like a captor and a prisoner, or a prostitute being tickled without warning. I didn’t realize that I couldn’t imagine tickling without some form of trust involved, so I mentally implied it into every situation that I watched. I never imagined the feeling of what the victim was going through as being properly scary. And I now hate that I ever thought that way.
I understand now the damage that real non-consensual tickling can do not only to its victims, but also this particular community. After reading articles about it, and as people became more comfortable discussing that type of topic online in regular forums, I finally understood that true non-consensual tickling is just terrible.
Consent comes in different forms. It doesn’t have to mean asking “Can I tickle you?” every time. I tickle my wife randomly in all sorts of situations, but if she ever asked me honestly to stop then I would, even if she told me to never tickle her again. Friends tickle each other from time to time, but if they ever said “Never do that to me again”, the friends would listen (or not be friends anymore). Or even in more extreme bdsm communities, where someone gets tied up with an explicit understanding that the dom is going to do all sorts of kinky things to them (but maybe no specific layout of what)- there is trust and agreement with both parties. Some people get off on being dominated with individual methods that they they don’t actually enjoy, so even if they hate tickling and didn’t expect it to happen, their being tickled is part of what they consented to and thanks to safe words they have the ability to make it stop (if they chose to use safe words... some people REALLY like being dominated). It’s consensual non-con, basically. If you like the idea of “non-consensual” tickling, that’s likely what you’re looking for.
Having your trust betrayed by being forcefully tickled by someone who doesn’t respect you enough to stop when you tell them they really need to can mess you up; if you’ve ever seen someone who hates tickling so much that they’d cut all ties with a person for even trying it, you’ve likely met someone who had that happen to them. A sibling or parent, or maybe even someone else, went too far and made tickling go from something fun to something horrible.
Its important for the people of a kink community to make sure that this distinction is respected; that we ensure that every encounter is consensual, that every video created involved consent, and to have an absolute rejection of truly non-consensual situations. By doing that, I think you’d see a lot more acceptance of this particular kink, as the people who truly hate it could feel safe knowing that they would be respected when they say “no”. That tickling isn’t about imposing your will to tickle someone upon them no matter how they feel, but instead is a fun and enjoyable interaction by two people who have the right to say “no”, but simply choose not to exercise that right. Or even who consented to lose that ability to say “no”, because that’s what they enjoy.
On Speaking Up
I think another important thing that people have gotten a lot better about, but used to not be so good at: policing the community. And I don’t mean just the admins; Myriads and Jeff do a great job of keeping the boards cleaned up. I mean the people of this board, the community as a whole.
I’ll give an example.
One issue that I’d seen over the years on these boards is that people will sometimes bring up children. I won’t mince words here- this is a fetish forum, and there’s no room for the discussion of kids on a board like this. And IMO, it’s important that more people speak out about that, because there’s definitely a perception externally that this isn’t the case. When tickling gets brought up by people outside this kink, there are definitely those who immediately associate it with tickling kids and that really is not good; if you want acceptance of your kink, you best make sure your kink is not associated with pedophelia.
Now, using myself as a target again- years ago I remember there was a big push on the forums to be more accepting of kinks. Feet, bellybuttons, etc etc. Some people didn’t like certain things, and folks got upset about kink shaming. So, with that in mind, I had apparently decided to try to be more soft in my responses on stuff I didn’t agree with in terms of kinks. So when one guy had asked “Does anyone here share tickling stories about kids”, my response was something along the lines of “I don’t like that kinda stuff and I imagine most people here don’t either, so probably not. But who am I to judge?”. Luckily, the admins followed up and responded to the OP with something along the lines of “wtf is wrong with you? That’s illegal. No”.
Looking back- I regret my response. As a member of this community, I had a particular duty to stand up and say “No, that isn’t acceptable here” in firm and no-nonsense verbiage. I failed to do that. And that soft response? I’m as appalled by that as the original question.
Now look- I get that not everyone who posts stories about kids are pedophiles; our kink came from somewhere, and more than likely it came from seeing or experiencing tickling in our formative years. The stories that stick out to you the most would be the ones that ultimately lead to you feeling this way when you hit puberty. I know that for me, as a child, tickling was fun. Being tickled, tickling others and seeing friends get tickled. As I grew older, I realized that it became fun in a different way. And I get that there can be a desire to share those stories, especially when you’re younger and they are the majority of the stories that you know. I know that I shared similar stories for questions on where my interest in tickling began... I simply never considered the consequences of that. But it’s important to understand that no matter how innocent the story, it can do real damage to the community as a whole because not everyone who consumes it or comments on it will be looking at it the same way. And people from outside the community? They definitely won’t look at it that way. Because the more accepting others can be of that behavior, the more likely the chance that someone would act on it, which is simply not something that anyone here would want to happen because of our inaction.
My point is that it’s up to the members of each community to speak out about these things. Whether it’s people talking about/posting animated pictures/writing stories about children, whether it’s discussion of truly non-consensual tickling, etc etc... as a community, the stance needs to be unified. Doing that will really help “vanilla” folks look at this and say “This is a kink of consenting adults having fun”. Don’t do like I did- don’t give a half assed response. And don’t ignore it.
On Not Being Creepy
I get it. A lot of folks are here because they have a kink and can’t live out their fantasies in their day to day life. Once upon a time I was too nervous to incorporate anything non-vanilla into relationships, or talk about this kind of stuff in any way even with my significant other, so I would come here to talk about it. I would tell stories from my life, often embellishing the truth a bit to make the story more fantastical, and read other people’s stories. I get that many people here’s greatest wish is to just experience this, and it can be miserable to not have that opportunity.
But, and I say this lovingly: don’t be a creep. Random PMs to people are not always going to get you a tickling partner. Random posts asking for “a Ticklish female” is not always going to get you a partner. In fact, calling women “females” is not generally going to get you a partner. =D There are ways to meet up with people here, as I’ve heard of people post such success stories in the past, but those just aren’t always it. Most folks aren’t going to want to be tied up by a total stranger whose first words to them are an anonymous PM that says “Please let me tickle you”. There are ways to legitimately find people to tickle (see some of the recent posts about tickling sessions where they paid to tickle someone), and definitely ways to be tickled (many states have doms who hire out their services. They’d be happy to tickle you until you can’t take it anymore... and then some, if that’s your thing). And it’s entirely possible to meet people here on these boards... but don’t be creepy. Being creepy runs people off. I would imagine that the demographic of this board is at least 5 men to 1 woman, possibly more. And I don’ t at all believe it’s because there less women with such a kink... but rather because some of the things that are said would run off a lot of people.
You want someone to tickle? You need to connect. And to connect you need people to connect with, so step 1 is making sure that the forum is as inviting to everyone as possible. That means not being creepy and running them off, respecting them as a person, and accepting that if this happens it’s because they want to be tickled as much as you want to tickle them!
************************************
Anyhow, that came out longer than I expected, and I’m not sure how many people will tl;dr it... but they were topics that had been eating at me a little and I wanted to share/discuss with others here.
Last edited:
