Any advice on Long Distance Relationships

[Butterfly wings]

I'm just needing some sound advice on long distance relationships ingeneral from some of you. I haven't had to many girlfriends in my life at all. And i'm 21 years old soon to be 22 years old and i really have not done that many things with girls. So this is all new to me.

But i meet this girl online and we plan on meeting soon this summer. In early June or early July. And we are both really serious about seeing where this takes us between her and me. We have talked about it. We are both willing to wait and hold off until this summer when we finally meet to see if there are any sparks between us and it lasts or if the relationship just fizzles out. But i really do feel between my faith in God and her and me really seriously trying to work this out and put out the effort and commit.

We are both alike in some many ways. We are very shy around new people and talking to new people and we hide our feelings inside. But i feel so strong for this girl that i want to see her smile and laugh and just be there for her in any way that i can. And to show her the most respect and be a total gentleman to her and treat her like a classy lady.

So any sound and nice advice that you can give me about long distance relationships. Since this is all totally NEW to me and her.

And yes incase your wondering i'm talking about the same girl that i mentioned in my '' Alittle problem with this girl that i plan on meeting face to face this summer '' thread that i posted in the tickling discussion forum.


Thank you.

 

[AffectionateDan]

Anything worth having is worth waiting for.

The love of my life is 2837.18 miles away from me, (or something like that... who keeps track of such things? 🙄 ) and we're going to have our 3rd anniversary springtime next year. I make no bones about it... it's tough. Living apart, out of necessity, drives us, AND everyone who cares about us, nuts. But we're living towards the day, very soon now, where my commitments here are fulfilled, and I pack it up and head the wagons east. If it's important enough, REAL enough, and the two people involved are strong enough, then anyone can make it.

Be strong, man.... it's worth it.

 

[Butterfly wings]

The love of my life is 2837.18 miles away from me, (or something like that... who keeps track of such things? 🙄 ) and we're going to have our 3rd anniversary springtime next year. I make no bones about it... it's tough. Living apart, out of necessity, drives us, AND everyone who cares about us, nuts. But we're living towards the day, very soon now, where my commitments here are fulfilled, and I pack it up and head the wagons east. If it's important enough, REAL enough, and the two people involved are strong enough, then anyone can make it.

Be strong, man.... it's worth it.

Thank you AffectionateDan. I really want to treat this girl right and hopefully make it last with her in the long run. She is just the greatest she is so amazing. I'm glad she has came into my life.

 

[Knox The Hatter]

It's certainly not easy...I wish you the very best of luck! You both have to work towards the day when you can be together on a permanent basis! But, it's fun work.

 

[nWo-Cowboy]

Long-distance relationships can work, but only if both parties are putting in equal effort and are stable enough individually to handle it. Because, in my experience, jealousy and insecurity are HUGE obstacles when distance is factored in.

 

[Fire_Sprite]

Well... to tell you the truth, I've never had a serious relationship. All the girlfriends I've had were really just for fun. The idea of having to struggle to make a relationship work doesn't make a lot of sense to me to be honest.

 

[elfriend]

Long distance relationships can work sometimes and it's even easier now with the internet. It's hard but if you work hard at it it can work out. You just have to be able to be understanding about things.

 

[Butterfly wings]

Also, since you said the both of you are shy, when the two of you DO meet and spend time together, make sure that you're able to interact with each other without the means of a keyboard and a screen separating the two of you, because you don't want to clam up and not be able to talk to each other. People can't read minds, and what you may think is obvious may be something the other person had no clue about. Be open, honest, and civil.

Also, very very important: be very wary about holding any expectations towards each other. Regardless of how close you may feel after talking online together for so long, meeting in person is another experience, entirely, and you're both going to learn quite a bit about each other that neither of you may have expected. That's about all I can think of, right now, after considering my experiences and past mistakes. 😉

I know what you mean and are saying Flatfoot. And thoses ideas run through my mind and hers also i'm sure to.

But don't worry we have ran through so many types of stitutions for when we DO meet this summer. We have both planned out things that we have talked about doing for fun with each other etc.... and we both have talked about weather or not we will be able to open up to one another as far as the both of us talking goes.

And we have also discussed several times and talked about weather or not when we do meet our hopes will be dashed a bit because nither each of us we're how we pictured it in our minds when we first see each other face to face.

So me and her have talked about many things leading up to this summer and how it will and what things would happen if things didn't turn out how we would have hoped for.

 

[Butterfly wings]

Long distance relationships can work sometimes and it's even easier now with the internet. It's hard but if you work hard at it it can work out. You just have to be able to be understanding about things.

On a off topic side note: Now that i take a few glances. In the second picture of you elfriend,you kind of in a way look like Jennifer (face wise). Or at least i think that you do. Jennifer is the girl in my signature.

 

[Lagos]

I know how you feel man, i've been having a long distance one too, my girl is over in Toronto, i'm on the west coast...it's fun. Personally i find that if you just talk with her online/on the phone, a lot make sure she knows how you feel then it should work out, but i'm heading towards meeting her in January but hopefulyl i'll be there for the last chunk of december for new ywears.

 

[aun_existe_amor]

This all sounds so much like how I met tkrdb2000. He's in Colorado and I'm in England. He came to see me and we got engaged. He's moving here as soon after Christmas as he can. A year ago I would have thought it was impossible to fall in love online, or to even have a long distance relationship that works, but now I know it is possible and it can work.

My advice to you is to be honest about everything, even your bad points. Talk on the telephone as often as possible, it's so much different to using a mic or cam. Tell each other everything. It's true that things are never the same when you first meet face to face. For the first few minutes I felt like I was with a stranger until I heard tkrdb's voice. He said that he knew as soon as he saw me walking towards him that he wanted me to be his wife. It's different for everyone. I wish you both lots of luck and happiness.

 

[kcantankerous]

First you guys should share pics of eachother, if you want a shot at making this work yall need to be attracted to eachother physically. It has to happen.
Second, I would suggest that yall conversate on different mediums that is by phone, email, chat, and even in person when possible. Take it slow, and be realistic. I hope it works out, but I'd kinda air on the side of cotion so you dont get hurt if she were to drop the relationship. However I do sincerley hope it all works out.

 

[raider]

The love of my life is 3000 miles away. We cant get much further apart and live in this country. We have been together for 6 months. Sometimes it's great and most times it's frustrating. We truly feel we are sole mates and plan to meet very soon. We talk on the phone almost daily and have used snail mail too. We do have our lulls, but we break out of them. Communication is a must, but sometimes life gets in the way, but I feel it's worth it and it won't always be like this. Patience is a key also. If you both feel you can make a commitment and be loyal to each other, it will work and you will be rewarded with what you are looking for. PATIENCE is the key...

 

[MrMacphisto]

Let me put it this way: it all depends on the length of distance. If the person is within a 4 or 5 hour drive, then it's not so bad, and (at least from my experience) it just takes a little trust and patience to work. If the distance is much further than that, then you're gonna need a ton of patience and trust. I personally don't see the point of maintaining a really long distance relationship, but hey, to each his own....

 

[ticklingfeet4fu]

Get the right person and a dedicated soul then love will conquer all. Keep the faith buddy and best of luck.

 

[Wildtime]

Any advice on long distance relationships?

Move closer

 

[crydun]

Everyone above me has made a valid point. But yes, it can work. BUT you have to TOTALLY trust the other person, imaginations can get sort of out of control when that other person isn't close.

I almost think that meeting in person should happen sooner rather than later though. THe sooner that you have the reality of that person in front of you stuff seems to lose that "fantasy" feel that makes the whole situation seem unreal. If you know solidly that the other person exists like that in real life too... it just makes things more concrete and therefore easier to handle.

And although I totally bow down to Dan for making his relationship as awesome as it has been... I think that the situation needs to be relatively short term... as in less than a year. But that's just me... and I'm impatient. 🙂

Best of luck!

I agree kitten. And part of me wants to totally agree with what's been said on here. The other, more frightened part, says it ain't worth the heartache

 

[Butterfly wings]

I agree kitten. And part of me wants to totally agree with what's been said on here. The other, more frightened part, says it ain't worth the heartache

What? what frightening part?

If you mean with me going to meet this girl this summer. Then i assure you that i'm not going alone into this. My parents and my grandma are going as well. It was there idea to begin with. Since there going to be in Wisconsin while i will be in Chicago, ILL this summer with her (if everything works and plans out).

 

[MrPartickler]

I know what you mean and are saying Flatfoot. And thoses ideas run through my mind and hers also i'm sure to.

But don't worry we have ran through so many types of stitutions for when we DO meet this summer. We have both planned out things that we have talked about doing for fun with each other etc.... and we both have talked about weather or not we will be able to open up to one another as far as the both of us talking goes.

And we have also discussed several times and talked about weather or not when we do meet our hopes will be dashed a bit because nither each of us we're how we pictured it in our minds when we first see each other face to face.

So me and her have talked about many things leading up to this summer and how it will and what things would happen if things didn't turn out how we would have hoped for.

Lots of good advice in this thread, but I have to say I'm pretty cynical about long-distance relationships now. I've been there and done that. My standards for a woman I'd ever do that for again (in a long-term, committed sense) would be unrealistically high. I know that, so I just don't even think about doing it.

Apart from that, the primary pitfalls I've found: (1) You spend a lot of time apart, so you tend to grow apart. (2) False expectations abound, and many you won't even know you had until they smack you in the face. Everything's different in real life, and there's just no getting around that. (3) Age: you're pretty young (as was I) and, as you admitted, fairly inexperienced (as was I at your age). If your patten continues as mine did, well, .... let's just hope it doesn't....which is why I'm writing this. Anyway, LOTS can change for you and her from year-to-year at that age. Being young(er) is generally incompatible with the necessary level of commitment, stability, and/or predictability, IMHO, to keep those changes from wreaking havoc on a relationship. I know it sounds harsh. Hey, I didn't listen to these words when they were said to me by folks older than me, so there's no reason for you to take them seriously either. Odds are, you won't believe in the odds, and neither did I. lol

I'll add that I honestly don't know what it means (anymore) when someone says, "it worked for me." Honestly, to me, it's not proven to have worked until <i>after</i> you've shared the rest of your lives together--happliy (i.e., not miserably..lol)....not before. After you get together with your girlfriend, you'll have to see if you can make it work and still be content while doing it. That takes a long time, IMO. Even marriage is just another beginning, not the end. And to me, a relationship is either starting, working out at the moment, worked out for a brief span of time, or completely worked and you're both (hopefully) great-grandparents and still glad you're together. (Well, those are the positive options anyway.)

Finally, if you haven't met already even for a brief minute and you're waiting all the way until Summer 2006, I have to ask: for God's sake, <i>why</i>?! If we were buds I'd <i>give</i> you the cash to fly out there for a weekend at least to meet in person ASAP. You'll increase your chances of making this real and making it last, by getting real, really fast and really often. You can also find out if you're just wasting your time--that ever-so-precious commodity you can never get back.

So here's my wish: I'm pulling for you to get out there and meet with her (often), so you two can begin your <i>real</i> relationship.

Good luck! 🙂

 

[Butterfly wings]

Finally, if you haven't met already even for a brief minute and you're waiting all the way until Summer 2006, I have to ask: for God's sake, <i>why</i>?! If we were buds I'd <i>give</i> you the cash to fly out there for a weekend at least to meet in person ASAP. You'll increase your chances of making this real and making it last, by getting real, really fast and really often. You can also find out if you're just wasting your time--that ever-so-precious commodity you can never get back.

So here's my wish: I'm pulling for you to get out there and meet with her (often), so you two can begin your <i>real</i> relationship.

Good luck! 🙂

You made some good points that were well thought out their MrPartickler. And some helpful advice as well for me.

To answer your question as to why. Because it was BOTH of my parents idea to take time off from there work during the summer and take me down there to see her. They are taking thier money and time this summer to let me go see her while they go on over to wisconsin to visit our relatives with my grandma. And they also know how much this means to me for me to finally be able to go see her and be with her. My mom is also retiring from her job FINALLY after the year ends so that is the biggest reason.

 

[Ayla ny]

I wanted to chime in on this thread with some advice (seeing how I have been living it)… but every person and every situation is so unique… Dan and I have been doing the “long distance relationship” thing for two and a half years now. and while we are still all goofy in love (he’s goofy. I’m just in love 😉 ) it gets incredibly frustrating sometimes. you really need to be at a point in your life when you are truly ready to do some waiting, while never neglecting (and always enjoying) the life you are living while you wait. I really liked aun existe amor’s advice.

My advice to you is to be honest about everything, even your bad points. Talk on the telephone as often as possible, it's so much different to using a mic or cam. Tell each other everything. It's true that things are never the same when you first meet face to face. For the first few minutes I felt like I was with a stranger until I heard tkrdb's voice. He said that he knew as soon as he saw me walking towards him that he wanted me to be his wife. It's different for everyone. I wish you both lots of luck and happiness.

Dan and I have probably averaged 3-4 telephone conversations per day over last couple of years (thank God for unlimited long distance plans and the "honeybunny hotline") and share absolutely everything. the fact that I spoil my boys rotten, have an incredibly annoying dog and some really ‘interesting’ friends and family whom I adore… is already old news to him. we’ve met each other’s families and friends, and when we fly out to visit each other we are exposed to as much of each other’s lives as possible.

the scary part about long distance relationships is the making them short distance. it’s a HUGE commitment and one you need to be absolutely sure of. so, while I often wish that we were done with the waiting game… I am also very glad that we have had this time to be so very sure that we are making the right decision.

also, as a side note, one of the things I love the most about him is that he is such an honorable man. a man who believes in, and does, the right thing. ironically, that is the very thing that has kept us waiting so long.

also, the brat went and made me realize that I could never live without him.

 

[isabeau]

aww ayla that sounds so wonderful, i'm happy for you. btw what is a honeybunny hot line?

isabeau

 

[Ayla ny]

thanks, isabeau! the honeybunny hotline is what we call our cell phones. I think QBWeaver might have been the one to come up with that one.

 

[Butterfly wings]

Thanks for the advice Ayla ny.

When i do go to meet her this summer i'll be 4 years old then her. And while in a way that makes me a little nervous in some ways. But i love her so much that won't be an issue. And she knows that i am 4 years older then her and she doesn't seem to mind either.

And i know and she knows IF we actually do hit it off and this relationship lasts long term. Because she has told me before that she wants our relationship to last along time and not just some ''summer fling'' is what she said. So i know that if it does that it will be a struggle and we will have hard times i know that and she knows that. But i'm commited to waiting as long as it takes.

To some this may seem stupid and dumb doing the whole internet/long distance dating.

But this is the girl that i have fallen in love with and i'm commited to making it work out and go through the ups and downs with her hand in hand. I would never do anything to betray her trust in me and hurt her.

 

[isabeau]

Thanks for the advice Ayla ny.

When i do go to meet her this summer i'll be 4 years old then her. And while in a way that makes me a little nervous in some ways. But i love her so much that won't be an issue. And she knows that i am 4 years older then her and she doesn't seem to mind either.

And i know and she knows IF we actually do hit it off and this relationship lasts long term. Because she has told me before that she wants our relationship to last along time and not just some ''summer fling'' is what she said. So i know that if it does that it will be a struggle and we will have hard times i know that and she knows that. But i'm commited to waiting as long as it takes.

To some this may seem stupid and dumb doing the whole internet/long distance dating.

But this is the girl that i have fallen in love with and i'm commited to making it work out and go through the ups and downs with her hand in hand. I would never do anything to betray her trust in me and hurt her.

not dumb at all butters and four years older isnt anything. heck i know people who are twenty years age difference who are completely happy

isabeau