Any 'lees experience "sub drop" after a session?

[Eternal Tomboy]

I've recently started having sessions (since posting my personal ad in the beginning of November). I met a couple of great guys who responded to the ad, and I'm having a ton of fun with them!! The sessions I've had have been AMAZING - so much better than I ever thought a first or second session could be because I assumed that it would take a while for us to find what worked and what didn't. Maybe these two are just quick learners 🙂

After the first session I had, I was totally euphoric for the rest of the day. I felt like there wasn't anything that could wipe the silly grin off my face. But then I had two subsequent sessions (one with each of the 'lers), and right after we left the hotel room, I experienced what I think some subs refer to as "sub drop". This weird and totally unjustified feeling of melancholy came over me. I felt like crying, but refused to allow myself the option because it was such a bizarre impulse. I was in a slump for awhile afterwards on both occasions. To make the situation even stranger, there were also these brief moments of smiling at the memories from the sessions of the day. Felt like I was losing my mind. How the hell could something that provided me with SO much happiness cause such a slump right afterwards?

I know it's important to keep the lines of communication open with the people you're playing with, but I feel like this 'ler/'lee friendship I've begun with these two guys is supposed to be very light and casual, and bringing something like this up would just add a level of gravity to the situation that I definitely DON'T want. If it happened with someone I was in a relationship with, then that would be a different story. But we are all married people just looking to get a fun, quick tickle fix for a few hours. I don't want to end every session with a heavy post-play conversation.

Any suggestions on how to avoid this slump after a play session? Any 'lees ever experience this or am I really losing my mind?

 

[cloudgazer2k]

Unless I missed something, it sounds like no after care takes place. It is an often essential activity that takes place once a scene or session has ended. Usually, it involves something like cuddling under a blanket, a light snack, some conversation about how the session went, and so on. It does not have to lead to sex, but that wholly depends on your dynamic. Talk with your 'lers about just having 10-15 minutes of physical contact after a scene. If neither are willing to provide, find someone who will.

 

[chicago]

Yeah, I only experience that if I'm immediately left alone after a session with no aftercare.

 

[Eternal Tomboy]

Unless I missed something, it sounds like no after care takes place. It is an often essential activity that takes place once a scene or session has ended. Usually, it involves something like cuddling under a blanket, a light snack, some conversation about how the session went, and so on. It does not have to lead to sex, but that wholly depends on your dynamic. Talk with your 'lers about just having 10-15 minutes of physical contact after a scene. If neither are willing to provide, find someone who will.

During one of the sessions where I slumped afterwards, the 'ler and I chatted for at least a half hour on the bed after we were done with tickling - just about life in general, not the session. He was laying down on his back and I was curled up on my side next to him, and I put one of my feet on his belly so he could lightly tickle it while we talked. It felt really nice - like we've been friends for years 🙂 So I think that qualifies as "after care", right? Since these are STRICTLY just friendships I'm having with my 'lers, contact afterwards has to remain relatively platonic.

The other session I had with a different 'ler did end very abruptly, but that was because we fit it in to kind of a tight time schedule. So once play was over, we had to leave the hotel room - but we hugged goodbye 🙂 So I guess I can kind of see where that abrupt shift in mood left me feeling a bit out of it afterwards.

I gotta admit, I'm a bit annoyed with myself for having this issue crop up. I'm FINALLY getting exactly what I've wanted for the last decade, and I should be blissed out of my mind. I placed a personal ad less than two months ago, and I've already had several sessions with great people!! I guess given what I know to be true about myself and my personality (tend to come at things from an empathetic and emotional perspective, physically affectionate with everyone in my life, into making deep connections with people - even if it's just friendships, I like them to be meaningful, and don't tend to engage in superficial interactions, etc.), I should've seen this one coming 🙁

 

[cloudgazer2k]

In your first example, that is exactly right. Especially if you didn't experience a severe shift in energy/mood after (though, a slight drop can still take place sometimes). Because of the sudden end with the second session, that alone could have easily triggered a sub drop episode.

I'd also check with the second 'ler, if you haven't already, and see how they are doing. Tops can drop, as well, and it can sometimes be just as rough as sub drop, depending on how much energy and time the 'ler invested.

 

[Eternal Tomboy]

Yeah, I only experience that if I'm immediately left alone after a session with no aftercare.

Since I've never done tickle sessions with casual friends before, this is a bit of a learn-as-I-go kind of thing for me. Now I know I can't just tickle and run afterwards, lol.

 

[cloudgazer2k]

Since I've never done tickle sessions with casual friends before, this is a bit of a learn-as-I-go kind of thing for me. Now I know I can't just tickle and run afterwards, lol.

Yup, truth. The brain loves endorphins, and demands a balance.

 

[CapturedDoll]

I go through sub drop all the time... Just being alone so much without having sessions makes me sad. And sub drop has definetly happened to me after sessions. Tears, depression, all of it. 🙁 It's not easy or fun thats for sure.

 

[chicago]

Does sub drop happen without a session?

 

[cloudgazer2k]

Does sub drop happen without a session?

Maybe not so much sub drop, but the prolonged deprivation of physical contact especially if one had it regularly, can certainly feel the same way.

 

[robmic]

Ya know, the first thing that came to mind with this, was when I was young and experiencing sexual escapades for the first time. It was exciting when it was happening, but after it was over, I would get different feelings. Like a gross feeling about what I did, or how it seemed dirty in the cleanliness aspect, or whatever. But prior to and during, it was a total turn on! I'm wondering if your subconscious is playing with your mind. You are getting the satisfaction you've craved for so long, but you are having latent feelings that you're betraying your husband? Who knows? I certainly don't want to rain on your parade! I cheer you for finally getting what I've felt all along you should be experiencing. I wish I were one of the lucky guys to indulge you in your fun! But I'm just happy for you. and I hope everything works out for you.

 

[Eternal Tomboy]

I go through sub drop all the time... Just being alone so much without having sessions makes me sad. And sub drop has definetly happened to me after sessions. Tears, depression, all of it. 🙁 It's not easy or fun thats for sure.

If anyone understands what it's like to go through the mother of all dry spells, it's me - I feel ya, sister. I've had little to no play in the last couple decades. Have you tried posting a personal ad on here? That's how I found the 'lers I've got now. Worked really well!

As far as my experience with "sub drop", it was more a feeling of melancholy - like my brain was bummed that the session was over because it still wanted to play 🙂 I did have a brief moment when I left the hotel and got back in my car where I felt like I could've given in to tears for a little while, but I just blatantly refused because I thought it was insane. Now I kind of get it - coming down from the endorphin high needs to happen a bit more gradually. I will pay more attention to the importance of after care from here on out.

I hope you find someone to session with!! ((((Hugs))))

 

[Eternal Tomboy]

Ya know, the first thing that came to mind with this, was when I was young and experiencing sexual escapades for the first time. It was exciting when it was happening, but after it was over, I would get different feelings. Like a gross feeling about what I did, or how it seemed dirty in the cleanliness aspect, or whatever. But prior to and during, it was a total turn on! I'm wondering if your subconscious is playing with your mind. You are getting the satisfaction you've craved for so long, but you are having latent feelings that you're betraying your husband? Who knows? I certainly don't want to rain on your parade! I cheer you for finally getting what I've felt all along you should be experiencing. I wish I were one of the lucky guys to indulge you in your fun! But I'm just happy for you. and I hope everything works out for you.

Bob,

There could certainly be some feelings of guilt that I'm wrestling with - even if it's on a subconscious level. I don't think it was the predominant feeling behind these drops though. This was like a little kid not wanting to leave a party, so they throw a little temper tantrum because they don't want the fun to end. I'm hoping once I adjust to getting regular play sessions, it won't be a big deal when the session ends.

 

[cloudgazer2k]

Bob,

There could certainly be some feelings of guilt that I'm wrestling with - even if it's on a subconscious level. I don't think it was the predominant feeling behind these drops though. This was like a little kid not wanting to leave a party, so they throw a little temper tantrum because they don't want the fun to end. I'm hoping once I adjust to getting regular play sessions, it won't be a big deal when the session ends.

I've known people who were in the scene since I was in high school (20+ years) that still negotiated aftercare when the scene was over. It isn't something that really goes away. The brain DEMANDS balance. You can probably develop the ability to not need as much of it later as you do now, but it still hangs on.

 

[Vanillaphant]

If a person has been denied - or has denied themselves - an experience that they have been craving for years, and it finally happens, it seems natural enough that they might be emotional afterwards.

The feeling of melancholy seems less easy to explain. I wonder if, as well the comedown from an adrenaline/endorphin high, it might also be down to the sudden withdrawal of a very intense kind of attention. It's almost like the 'lee is the centre of the 'ler's world for however long a session lasts. Fast-forward an hour or so and you're on your own, without anybody to even talk to - that's quite a stark and abrupt change of emotional environments.

This isn't always possible of course, but perhaps making sure you're not alone afterwards might help. Or even just having something to keep you busy so that you're not at a loose end. (This is on top of aftercare, obviously.)

 

[chicago]

If a person has been denied - or has denied themselves - an experience that they have been craving for years, and it finally happens, it seems natural enough that they might be emotional afterwards.

The feeling of melancholy seems less easy to explain. I wonder if, as well the comedown from an adrenaline/endorphin high, it might also be down to the sudden withdrawal of a very intense kind of attention. It's almost like the 'lee is the centre of the 'ler's world for however long a session lasts. Fast-forward an hour or so and you're on your own, without anybody to even talk to - that's quite a stark and abrupt change of emotional environments.

This isn't always possible of course, but perhaps making sure you're not alone afterwards might help. Or even just having something to keep you busy so that you're not at a loose end. (This is on top of aftercare, obviously.)

This. As well as making sure you keep hydrated and fed 🙂

This should all be in a "What Makes a Good Ler" manual. 😉

 

[Eternal Tomboy]

..... I wonder if, as well the comedown from an adrenaline/endorphin high, it might also be down to the sudden withdrawal of a very intense kind of attention. It's almost like the 'lee is the centre of the 'ler's world for however long a session lasts. Fast-forward an hour or so and you're on your own, without anybody to even talk to - that's quite a stark and abrupt change of emotional environments.

OH. MY. GOD. Soooooo much this!! It makes perfect sense on paper - of course going from the center of attention to a complete vacuum is a difficult transition to make. In real life, it still seems a little silly to me that I should feel anything but total bliss after a session.... especially the fun sessions I've been having!

I used to have a close friend who I could share everything with - there was no judgement at all and I told him about all my fetish related secrets. He was my safety net when I met up with 'lers and he was my sounding board and source of sage advice afterwards. But we're no longer friends (long story) and I do miss having someone to share these things with. I think that would help.

I'm still very much in the early stages of figuring all this play stuff out, and I'm sure I'll come upon a combination of after care and activities that will help ease me out of a session. Just a matter of trying out different things until I find what works.

Thank you so much for chiming in - I appreciate it! You really hit the nail on the head!!

 

[Vanillaphant]

This should all be in a "What Makes a Good Ler" manual.

I like the idea of a "Good 'Ler" manual! 😀

Thank you so much for chiming in

No probs. 🙂

 

[Squeak]

That's never happened to me, but it does make sense. Studies have shown that there's a slight psychological effect each time we laugh. When you laugh normally, your brain goes through a slight depressive state afterwards. Nothing serious, or really noticeable. It's just an automatic reaction to the euphoric comedown. Most of the time we don't notice it. Except for example, when you're in a group laughing, and then you all stop, there's a silence, then awkwardness. That's what that is. So a tickle session, which could be the height of bliss for people like us, is bound to have similar, but more potent effects.

I wonder why it's never happened to me? Maybe it's because basically every one of my lers are my good friends. One of them is literally my best friend. So we already have that connection. Plus, we'll the finish the session, leave my. . . tickle dungeon, and literally go watch movies for the rest of the night or go out or something. Maybe a slight friendship extension would be beneficial to your situation. Nothing serious, but maybe a movie or something that's a normal activity between friends. Assuming that you see your lers as friends.

 

[love feet]

This is extremely common in bdsm The whole spectrum this is something that everyone has to be aware of because it will happen almost always after any type of scene or session including but not limited to tickling this is a completely normal psychological reaction keep in mind your dominant or in this context the person that is tickling you can go through something similar after care must be done negotiated before hand!

 

[sadi]

Learning so much! Thank you for sharing this “downer” experience with everyone here. As someone even more green than yourself, this lets people know about even more dimensions not normally thought of needing to include.

 

[Eternal Tomboy]

That's never happened to me, but it does make sense. Studies have shown that there's a slight psychological effect each time we laugh. When you laugh normally, your brain goes through a slight depressive state afterwards. Nothing serious, or really noticeable. It's just an automatic reaction to the euphoric comedown. Most of the time we don't notice it. Except for example, when you're in a group laughing, and then you all stop, there's a silence, then awkwardness. That's what that is. So a tickle session, which could be the height of bliss for people like us, is bound to have similar, but more potent effects.

I wonder why it's never happened to me? Maybe it's because basically every one of my lers are my good friends. One of them is literally my best friend. So we already have that connection. Plus, we'll the finish the session, leave my. . . tickle dungeon, and literally go watch movies for the rest of the night or go out or something. Maybe a slight friendship extension would be beneficial to your situation. Nothing serious, but maybe a movie or something that's a normal activity between friends. Assuming that you see your lers as friends.

That's a really interesting psychological phenomenon you described. I wonder what the biological imperative is for it. Probably to prevent us from laughing ourselves to death 😀

In a perfect world, I'd be best friends or lovers with the 'lers in my life, but that just isn't my reality at the moment. I'm married to someone who wants no part in playing, so I had to seek other avenues to satisfy this very intrinsic need I have of being tickled on a regular basis. I'm just at the very early stages of gaining 'lers to play with (only began two months ago), so I've yet to form an actual friendship with any of them - at least one that extends outside the hotel room 🙂 There are a lot of reasons why that can't really happen for me right now. Though I have no doubt that would help me combat this "sub drop" issue. Maybe someday....

 

[Eternal Tomboy]

This is extremely common in bdsm The whole spectrum this is something that everyone has to be aware of because it will happen almost always after any type of scene or session including but not limited to tickling this is a completely normal psychological reaction keep in mind your dominant or in this context the person that is tickling you can go through something similar after care must be done negotiated before hand!

When this "sub drop" issue cropped up, I brought it up to the 'lers I'm playing with just so they would be aware of it. I also asked each of them if they ever experienced the same kind of feeling after any sessions they've had in the past, and only one (out of three) said they did.

With regards to the time they spend with me, I think given the relative ease of the session (hardly no planning or effort involved in setting it up) and the lack of any deep emotional involvement, probably protects my 'lers from experiencing a drop like this. Lucky bastards 😉

 

[Eternal Tomboy]

Learning so much! Thank you for sharing this “downer” experience with everyone here. As someone even more green than yourself, this lets people know about even more dimensions not normally thought of needing to include.

I'm so glad I helped you by sharing my story - at least something good came out of it 🙂 I had to go scrambling for google because I thought I was losing my mind, lol.

Have you gotten to the point of sessioning with 'lers yet? If so, I'd love to hear about your experiences with it. If not (and are ready to start), I'd highly recommend making use of the personals section on the TMF. I've met some really sweet guys after placing my ad.... well, sweet when I'm NOT tied down to a bed and being tortured 😀

 

[tmjx717]

You let me tickle you. That’s how you avoid it.