Asking About Ticklishness..

[Mitchell]

Thanks for all the sincere advice. I really do appreciate it.

I have an idea of how I might go about this.. but I'm not going to dare and post it here, to give anyone more fuel to attack me in this thread. I'm best keeping it to myself.

 

[goalie34]

I kinda like when these threads happen, cause it entertains me for at least a few minutes.

 

[Mitchell]

That's very nice about this thread entertaining you, goalie34. Real sincere and helpful post on your part regarding the topic.

 

[RChello]

as the violins play on... taking us to a commercial🙂

 

[goalie34]

You mean you don't post every single detail about your life on a public forum to entertain? Then...why do it?

 

[Mitchell]

No..and I don't post "Every single detail about my life". to "entertain",. What have I posted recently other than this? There are many things going on in my life that I would never post, from past experiences on here. I already made very clear why I posted this.. I wanted to ask how to bring tickling into the convo.. period.

Whatever already.

 

[Mitchell]

I was looking back over a history of my threads. The last "personal" thread I posted was three months ago, about a friend. That thread went on for a month. Prior to that, the last "controversial" thread I posted was a year and a half earlier, in the summer of 2011.

Hardly posting "Every single detail about my life to entertain"

 

[GQguy]

Wouldn't you agree that if someone asked you "Mitch how do I bring up tickling in a conversation" you'd likely ask some setup questions before you began. Tickling is intimate....it isn't talking about the weather....hence your trouble. It's a delicate situation. Some could joke and say...dude just ask! But they are crass. You provided background info....you called it pointless but it was VITAL information to provide you with a good answer. Your technique would differ if she were a woman you were intimate with vs one you weren't vs a woman you've asked out vs a woman you haven't ect ect ect. Each scenario has its own response. You scoff at people's "experience" but why else would you pose the question if not to tap from people's experiences!!

And I get it....I WILL NOT take advice from people that are not in an enviable position from me unless its a lessons learned tale, and even then I'm wary. So...I won't take money advice from a broke guy, marriage advice from a guy that has been divorced several times, girl advice from a guy that hasn't had a date in years..ect ect. So when it comes to a topic like this....analyze where the advice is coming from..".do these people have tickling in their lives? Have they converted vanillas?" If not....screw it! If so...perhaps they are the ones providing the best answers.

 

[Mitchell]

Seeing as this thread isn't dying even if I don't reply to it.. I'm going to tell all the Sigmund Freud's in this thread something.

As I've posted before.. Maria and I have had many personal discussions about our lives. She knows.,. everything I've posted on here about my personal life, etc. I know many personal things about her that I would never share with anyone.

Maria told me that she despises one kind of person, and one kind of person only. A person who takes information about another., and uses it.. to be vicious, cruel, and mean spirited. I happen to agree. If I had the courage to show her this forum, she would be sickened by many of the replies to my threads. Every time she tells me something personal about herself.. she makes me promise that I'm not going to tell anyone. Never. I would never betray her, whether she remains my friend, or all of you geniuses in this thread are all wrong, and we do ever get serious.

Things have gotten so bad for me here that I just had to delete a post from my blog that received a truly vicious reply.

Soo,, let's see,.

No posts in general forum.

No posts in blog..

Where does that leave me?

My aunt, and my two best friends, have encouraged me to leave the forum.

Such would be a very difficult decision for me to make. I've been here nearly eleven years. I have a lot of history, some of it positive. Forum members were supportive when my mom was ill and died, which I appreciated. I greatly appreciated Jeff finding me the link to my favorite newsman in Philly.

The way I see it.. I have three choices.

1. Leave the forum, don't look back, and realize such might be very difficult for me to do after 11 years, especially with all the other major real life changes and tradegies I've endured over the past year plus

2. Continue to post at free will, knowing that anything I post, even if positive.. something like "I found a nice girl, and she's ticklish", will likely be reacted to negatively, considering my reputation on here, and nothing will be done about it.

3. Post nothing at all. Be it positive or negative.. in the blog.. or on the forum.. to give the vultures who have attacked me at will.. and been allowed to.. no fuel for their attacks.


For now.. I choose option three. I think.., if so many changes hadn't happened to me in the past year, and I was feeling on more stable footing, I probably would leave.

I go on record as saying that the replies to this thread really raise my ire more than anything I've ever posted on here. If I asked for my own trouble by posting controversial personal threads about my father, then fine, let's say I got what I deserved from those. This.. is something completely different.

I'm going to see how long I can last on here as a Silly Stuff poster.

 

[TMF Jeff]

This thread hadn't been replied to in almost 24 hours, so it had some chance of dying. You're the one who brought it back.

And why did you do it? To tell people that you're not going to reply to it. But obviously you are, since you did.

Supposedly you hope that it will go away, but you're doing what you can to keep that from happening by continuing the conversation.

When anyone criticizes you or gives advice in a way that you didn't anticipate or don't like, you start pitching a fit.

As in many other cases, the majority of people are saying the exact same thing to you, and you think they're all picking on you instead of thinking that maybe it means something.

You don't want to leave this thread, or you would. You don't want to stop posting, or you would.

What you want is to tell everyone that you're going to stop posting, and leave this thread, and make sure everyone knows how outraged you are.

Which is fine, but stop acting like you don't love this when you clearly do. You love this drama, and all this attention, and you don't want it to stop, or you'd stop feeding into it.

Which by the way, I'm about the hundredth person to point out to you.

 

[Mitchell]

Jeff, you've made.. two posts.. in this thread.. both to criticize me, and to tell me "how much I love the drama" (Your words), but you didn't point out to anyone else who took this thread completely off topic, that they did so.. or posted.. truly not well meaning replies.

I "Love The Drama" by posting a thread in a tickling forum.. about how to ask a girl about her ticklishness? What is "Dramatic" about that? I know a girl.. quite well..,. and was seeking advice., about how to bring up tickling to her.

I "pitch a fit" (Your words) when given advice. What "Advice"? "Mitch knows nothing, and we all know so much more than Mitch"

Did my thread say "Please clarify this relationship for me". ? The minute I posted this.. I got the whole "Friend Zone" yada, yada.

Jeff, I posted the thread in the Wu's Foot Fetish forum about confessing my foot fetish to Maria. Know what THEIR replies were? "Mitch, good job about feeling comfortable enough to confess your fetish to her.. Keep talking to her, and maybe good things will happen".

Oh, wait, I forgot.. everyone on this forum knows more than those on the Wu's forum, and certainly everyone on this forum knows more than I do.

Tell you what, Jeff, I guarantee, that even if I post not a word after this post.. this thread will go on for days more.. because that is just how it is with me.

 

[Jagermeistered]

Seeing as this thread isn't dying even if I don't reply to it.. I'm going to tell all the Sigmund Freud's in this thread something.

As I've posted before.. Maria and I have had many personal discussions about our lives. She knows.,. everything I've posted on here about my personal life, etc. I know many personal things about her that I would never share with anyone.

Maria told me that she despises one kind of person, and one kind of person only. A person who takes information about another., and uses it.. to be vicious, cruel, and mean spirited. I happen to agree. If I had the courage to show her this forum, she would be sickened by many of the replies to my threads. Every time she tells me something personal about herself.. she makes me promise that I'm not going to tell anyone. Never. I would never betray her, whether she remains my friend, or all of you geniuses in this thread are all wrong, and we do ever get serious.

Things have gotten so bad for me here that I just had to delete a post from my blog that received a truly vicious reply.

Soo,, let's see,.

No posts in general forum.

No posts in blog..

Where does that leave me?

My aunt, and my two best friends, have encouraged me to leave the forum.

Such would be a very difficult decision for me to make. I've been here nearly eleven years. I have a lot of history, some of it positive. Forum members were supportive when my mom was ill and died, which I appreciated. I greatly appreciated Jeff finding me the link to my favorite newsman in Philly.

The way I see it.. I have three choices.

1. Leave the forum, don't look back, and realize such might be very difficult for me to do after 11 years, especially with all the other major real life changes and tradegies I've endured over the past year plus

2. Continue to post at free will, knowing that anything I post, even if positive.. something like "I found a nice girl, and she's ticklish", will likely be reacted to negatively, considering my reputation on here, and nothing will be done about it.

3. Post nothing at all. Be it positive or negative.. in the blog.. or on the forum.. to give the vultures who have attacked me at will.. and been allowed to.. no fuel for their attacks.


For now.. I choose option three. I think.., if so many changes hadn't happened to me in the past year, and I was feeling on more stable footing, I probably would leave.

I go on record as saying that the replies to this thread really raise my ire more than anything I've ever posted on here. If I asked for my own trouble by posting controversial personal threads about my father, then fine, let's say I got what I deserved from those. This.. is something completely different.

I'm going to see how long I can last on here as a Silly Stuff poster.

Mitch,

You need a hooker more than you need a date, or any form of 'term' relationship. You are killing time with overthinking. Just find a easy gal, and go to town! Your age and questions will not bring any future justice. Like my girlfriend, Tricia says, "Drive fast and take chances!" 🙂

 

[Mitchell]

LOL Thanks, jager. Your post made me laugh, and made me feel better. Hope you are well, my friend. I appreciate it, and I owe you one.

 

[GQguy]

Mitch, I saw you thread at Wu's, and it is TOTALLY different than the one here. You told us at Wu's that you told your friend about your foot fetish....and asked if anyone of us told a friend about a foot fetish that we haven't slept with. The focus of the question is on us, the forum members. Your question above, how do I bring up tickling with a woman that doesn't want to date anybody and might get freaked will solicit a completely different response. The general consensus was...don't do it. If we are so wrong, go ahead and listen to the advice of those that said go ahead.


I want you to google "she says she's not ready for a relationship". I think you'll find that the internet(the world) agrees with what most were saying here and of course that is tied to wether or not one should ask intimate questions such as "are you ticklish". I think you'll find that it's nothing personal, if I asked "how do I tell a girl I like her, even after she says she's not ready for a relationship" I'd get the same responses you did.

 

[rhiannon]

Maria and I have had many personal discussions about our lives. She knows.,. everything I've posted on here about my personal life, etc. I know many personal things about her that I would never share with anyone.

Then why in hell is it so freaking hard to ask her "Are you ticklish?". Shouldn't be a problem!

If I had the courage to show her this forum, she would be sickened by many of the replies to my threads.

Guess what....I bet nobody who gave those replies would care.
And you, I think, should get yourself a little bit of that not-caring-attitude yourself, it would seriously help.

As for your comment that never in your life a girl told you that way she wasn't interested in you - well, there's a first time for everything, and maybe she's just overly polite! There is no "right time" for a relationship if a girl really likes the guy who is trying to go out with her. She will just do it (unless her ex is her ex because he died a short time earlier - that's the only exemption!). I had a guy showing interest in him once when I was 18 and I told him I wanted to graduate first before I considered having a boyfriend. Just as an example!

 

[SoleMates]

Then why in hell is it so freaking hard to ask her "Are you ticklish?". Shouldn't be a problem!

Because it's THE QUESTION. The fate of the world hangs in the balance!

Sorry. Got carried away, there.

Anyway. I've been thinking about this whole thing and I've come to a conclusion. Make way for the armchair psychologist!

Mitch, I don't know you from a hole in the wall. You've apparently had some kind of trauma recently? I don't think you're over it. I mean, think about what you're doing, here; you ask a question of the forum and when you don't get the answer you want, you explode. You're carrying around some kind of residual anger from whatever-it-is and that makes you very, very not ready for a relationship. I think that if you really are as honest with Maria as you say you are, then she knows.

Also, women who claim to be very "blunt" and "honest" still pussyfoot around the topic of rejection and lie about it just as much as the rest of 'em, so don't hang on to the notion that she really would tell you she wasn't interested. She won't.

I've been in your situation, both with the anger-from-a-past-trauma thing and the she-says-she's-not-ready thing. The former will go away in time. The latter... well, let's just say that it was compounded by her being my current girlfriend and her thing about not wanting a relationship was her (lame) way of trying to break up with me. But no, I blundered ahead like an idiot and just got really hurt. So if you think I'm just saying these things because I like fucking with complete strangers' heads, it's not true... but if you don't believe me, hey; not much I can do about that. I'll expect you back here telling us that we were all wrong about Maria any day now.

 

[Mitchell]

SoleMates, because you presented your post to me in a civil way,. I will answer your question.

You asked if I went through "Some kind of trauma recently". Have you read my signature? My mom, who meant the world to me.., died of cancer in April 2012. Between, March 2010, and now. I

Had my mom diagnosed with cancer.

Had my father turn his back on me when she was diagnosed.

Saw my relationship with my best friend of 29 years end, when he blew me off for a girl he met two weeks earlier.

Had a girl who I was invested in for a long time.. blow me off when my mom was diagnosed.

Spent the summer of 2011 in NJ with my mom, getting the treatment she wanted, during which I almost died from a seizure.

Was told my mom was "Cancer Free" in Oct 2011, only to have the cancer return as brain cancer 3 months later.

I was alone with my mom, when she died on 4--4-12.

Was forced to reconcile with my father.. and.. after giving his family who I hadn't seen in 25 years, a new leaf, they proceeded to make terrible trouble for me, making it necessary for me to cut them off again.

Moved to NY, and had to clean out my mom's apt, and my things.

ALL THAT happened to me, between March 2010., and June 2012.

So, hell yeah I had trauma.

The thing is.,. Maria knows all this.

I honestly don't know whether I'm ready for a relationship or not.

At this point.. I'm pretty much accepting of the fact that a relationship with her isn't going to happen. After what I went through the past three years, it's mildly disappointing. Some of the things said to me in this thread, were far worse than that.


So, anyhow, just wanted to answer your questions.

One other point I want to make, that I don't know if anyone who isn't in the situation can understand...

With everything I've been through in the past three years.. and certain things I'm going through now, which I wont post about, to make this thread worse.. I suppose that my reason for discussing this girl, what happened, and the idea of ticklishness.. etc, was to focus on something positive, during a period that has been so difficult in my life.

In the long run.. the idea of Maria and I not getting serious.. is mildly frustrating.. compared to everything else that's happened to me in the past three years. The matter of whether I find out whether she's ticklish or not.. is basically trivial. It really doesn't matter.

 

[Leo tickles]

Jesus.


I know Mitchell's post history and all... and I have my own opinions on what he should do with this person that he technically isn't with, but all of this? This question has been brought up about a million times on this forum and never in my life have I seen it escalate to such needless bullshit.

Mitch will reply and defend himself every single time somebody baits him. Why do you guys bait him? Is it really that interesting to rehash the same shit we've all talked to death about for years? Why not just answer the question, which again, has been answered so many times. Most of you say you want Mitch to succeed, and while he may or may not do it with this girl, it probably isn't the best option to bait failure from him in the form of judging whatever their relationship is.


Now with that out of the way, Mitch, here's how *I* have and would do it. Just straight up ask. You told her you have a foot fetish, tell her you have a tickling fetish. Not out of the blue. Have a nice casual conversation, get her to laugh, then be all like "like your laugh, ya ticklish"? The more awkward it sounds the better. Why? Because it is awkward. It shouldn't be, but it is. Introducing something that gets you off beyond the missionary position is strange. Just let it be. Add humor to the awkward. She's accepted so much about you, I doubt she'd turn you away for liking to tickle.

 

[Mitchell]

Leo, thank you. I appreciate your sincere reply.

 

[SoleMates]

This question has been brought up about a million times on this forum and never in my life have I seen it escalate to such needless bullshit.

Mitch will reply and defend himself every single time somebody baits him. Why do you guys bait him? Is it really that interesting to rehash the same shit we've all talked to death about for years? Why not just answer the question, which again, has been answered so many times.

Near as I can tell, everyone has answered his question. The answer is, "Don't bring it up, because this isn't the kind of situation where bringing it up would succeed".

Figuring out when and where such questions are appropriate is the biggest hurdle people in this community seem to have. It's not the question, it's the particulars surrounding it. And, in some cases, who's asking.

Like, foot fetishists always get all like, "Girls don't like guys with foot fetishes". And it's not true. They didn't like YOU because you called them out of the blue at work and asked them if their feet stink.

Your (Leo's) solution will only have the desired result if she's receptive to his asking. From what's been said here, she wouldn't be. And of course, the old "Well all I did was ask her if she was ticklish, what's wrong with that?" cop-out will get trotted out, and of course, the answer to that is, "She knew what you were up to when you asked, because it wasn't just an innocent question."

It never is, for a fetishist. And women aren't stupid. (Except maybe Snooki. And Miss South Carolina.)

By the by, Mitch - I have signatures turned off 'cause most of you don't know when enough is enough. So I can't see whatever it is you have written there. I'm sorry for your loss; something very similar happened to a friend of mine, 'cept instead of an evil dad, he had an older brother who tried to kill him. And a nervous breakdown.

 

[Leo tickles]

Near as I can tell, everyone has answered his question. The answer is, "Don't bring it up, because this isn't the kind of situation where bringing it up would succeed".

Figuring out when and where such questions are appropriate is the biggest hurdle people in this community seem to have. It's not the question, it's the particulars surrounding it. And, in some cases, who's asking.

Like, foot fetishists always get all like, "Girls don't like guys with foot fetishes". And it's not true. They didn't like YOU because you called them out of the blue at work and asked them if their feet stink.

Your (Leo's) solution will only have the desired result if she's receptive to his asking. From what's been said here, she wouldn't be. And of course, the old "Well all I did was ask her if she was ticklish, what's wrong with that?" cop-out will get trotted out, and of course, the answer to that is, "She knew what you were up to when you asked, because it wasn't just an innocent question."

It never is, for a fetishist. And women aren't stupid. (Except maybe Snooki. And Miss South Carolina.)

By the by, Mitch - I have signatures turned off 'cause most of you don't know when enough is enough. So I can't see whatever it is you have written there. I'm sorry for your loss; something very similar happened to a friend of mine, 'cept instead of an evil dad, he had an older brother who tried to kill him. And a nervous breakdown.

Right on, but I don't think he ever asked whether or not it would be received well. He wanted to know how to bring it up. I have dedicated my life to finding "love" since I was about 15, and have a terrible track record here posting about it. While I want to agree with what everybody is saying about her and the reception, it just simply isn't the question in this case. Despite his brief backstory on their relationship, or, lack thereof, if you read his blog he shared a lot of personal information with this girl, information more important than a fetish.

I've had girls answer the question while rejecting me in the same sentence. She, for all purposes here, hasn't straight up told him to fuck off, so she's receptive to SOMETHING, even if it isn't a full on relationship. I used to have the mind set of "either do it or fuck off", but situations, like people, become complicated. She could be placing him on the back burner, she could be going through something, but it doesn't matter.

What matters in this case is how he should present the tickling thing to her, which I've seen answered here based off of "how do I tell this girl I met about it", so why, when he asks, can't he get a simple answer of "casual conversation" or, "just tickle her"? Why is his answer "she ain't into you, forget it"?

EDIT: I'd also like to point out that even I'm turning this into whether she likes him or not, and I'm doing it simply to play devils advocate. This is a 50/50 thing here, and she knows better than any of us. I, as jaded as I used to be, can assume she just isn't interested. But I, now, can also assume that there is a lot of behind the scenes emotional scarring that is preventing her from doing certain things. She knows. We don't. But again, this was never the point to begin with.

 

[Mitchell]

Leo, thank you again.

I don't think I've posted this yet,. and just so everyone knows.. without getting into details, because that would be divulging something far too personal that isn't anyone's business, and betraying Maria, even if she is just "my friend", as some of you say, and "Isnt into me", as its been stated to me.

Maria has asked me FAR more personal questions than just about being ticklish, which is why I felt comfortable confessing my foot fetish to her in the first place. Essentially, I think, we have discussed things that would only be discussed with.. 1. A romance partner/husband/wife/lover. 2. A shrink. 3. An extremely close real life friend. 4. A "Friend With Benefits".

In retrospect.. this thread is my fault, even though some of the replies have truly pissed me off. At the time I confessed my foot fetish to her, I'll bet she would have not had much of a reaction if I had said something like "So, by the way, are they (Your feet) ticklish. Or. "An ex of mine had very ticklish feet, are yours ticklish too". Or.. "My feet are very ticklish (They are) Are yours ticklish also"?

Edit:

I'm going to explain something that I've felt over the last 24 hrs, and something that my real life friends have said to me.

My two best friends know about this thread. Their reaction: "Things are so bad for you there, that you can't even post about asking a woman being ticklish. Why don't you just leave?"

Several reasons. A few my own, and a few.. the forum and the members itself.

While I might be one of the most "controversial members" here.. I've been a member of this forum for almost eleven years. I have a lot of history here. There are people that were very supportive when my mom had her illness and died. I have many times expressed my appreciation for that support. I feel to leave.. is turning my back on that, and spitting in their face. Additionally, I think of what brought me here in the first place. I've posted before about the passing of my good friend and pen pal Don shortly before I joined the forum. That was a terrible blow to me. After his loss, I wanted to find a place where I could discuss tickling, and feet, and found this forum. I think of what brought me here on the first place, and such is why I choose to stay, even when threads like this blow up in my face.

I still enjoy aspects of discussion of tickling, feet, and other subjects.

I've had so many changes in my life. (Most for the worst) This forum, and watching Jim Gardner.. are the only things from my old life that still exist. Jim Gardner relaxes me at night, and has for fourteen years. This forum is a place I have been with, for over one quarter of my life.

The "Knowing in my heart I should leave, or at least take a break". and the.. "What I can actually do, considering all the changes in my life", are two different things.

Such is why I choose to stay, and just not post things like this either in the blog.. or on forum. If those who have ripped me have no information, they have no basis with which to attack.

 

[chicago]

So did you ask her yet?

 

[Mitchell]

No, Mairead, I didn't. I haven't see her since last Monday. Hopefully I will see her this week.

 

[primetime]

Wow... Just wow.... Mitch, it is amazing how you keep falling into the same "behavior" over and over again. I remember when you first posted this thread and I saw just the first page of replies. I come back after a few days and we're on page 5? The problem is, I am not surprised. It amazes me that you somehow, someway talk about your personal, non-tickling related issues in this thread. You get pissed everytime you have an opinion that you don't like and spend countless posts saying you will stop posting and then you keep posting. What was my advice to you before? STOP POSTING!! Once you start to see the thread drail, in the words of Snagglepuss, you tell yourself, "Exit, stage left...." But you keep going. I discovered you have been blogging and you are doing great there.

Honestly, I think you post your personal issues in life on this forum because it is an outlet for you to release your stress. Writing about it is a therapy for you. The problem is, you ask people for their opinions. Think about society in general. Seriously, think about it. Go to the P&R section. Think about Sports conversations. People post their opinions on something, and you are highly likely to engage in back and forth arguments. You do the same thing. Stop blaming people posting opinions you do not agree with. It is going to happen. On a forum as big as this, you WILL get people that disagree with you. For some reason, it surprises you.

Now as for the topic of this thread. Think about it for a moment. If Maria has been asking PERSONAL questions to you, why on Earth is asking "Are you ticklish?" THAT scary? If she asked you about the size of your penis, then do you really think asking her if she is ticklish would freak her out? I think you are overthinking the "question". Just bring it up to her in a non-threatening manner and call it a day....