attractiveness...how important?

[Morpheus72]

Important? Yup...

It's pretty simple for me....

For me to be dating a woman, I have to be physically and mentally attracted to her. That means looks, personality, sense of humor, etc. all have to be there for there to be a chance. If your personality is awful, I don't care how attractive you are to me, it's not gonna work. By the same token, you can be the most fun and enjoyable person to be around, but if I'm not attracted to you physically, we're gonna be friends.

As far as tickling, I only tickle those I'm attracted to. I tried playing with someone unattractive to me once, and I won't do it again.

Morph

 

[Goodieluver]

Attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder, but women are just as shallow as men

 

[Knox The Hatter]

If your personality is awful, I don't care how attractive you are to me, it's not gonna work.

This is pretty much how I feel.

 

[OnnaOtaku]

This is pretty much how I feel.

Same here. The most gorgeous guy I could ever lay my eyes on could walk into the room and approach me, but if he's one of the following: dumb, arrogant, an asshole, etc. it won't work for me. But, if you have a great personality and is everything I want, I would also like for you to have the looks to back it up. Ultimately, after I get comfortable with the other person personally, I still want to enjoy what I'm looking at.

 

[tickle_x-pert]

To be real about this: looks are the 1st thing we see when meeting someone. All my boyfriends have been attractive (some more than others). After getting to know their personalities; finding our similarities; and spending quality time with them, the attractiveness grows . TX

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

I've made this mistake numerous times in my past. Dating people I was only half attracted to. Over time, I would get over those funny things that attracted to me and realize I wasn't as attracted to them physically anymore because it wasn't balancing out.

I've made that mistake myself in the past. I didn't want to be one of those "shallow" people. So I dated some women that I really wasn't attracted to physically. Its not worth it. Ive learned now that the whole package is important not just sections, so now I add it in to the mix.

 

[isabeau]

It's pretty simple for me....

For me to be dating a woman, I have to be physically and mentally attracted to her. That means looks, personality, sense of humor, etc. all have to be there for there to be a chance. If your personality is awful, I don't care how attractive you are to me, it's not gonna work. By the same token, you can be the most fun and enjoyable person to be around, but if I'm not attracted to you physically, we're gonna be friends.

As far as tickling, I only tickle those I'm attracted to. I tried playing with someone unattractive to me once, and I won't do it again.

Morph

damn once again this person makes absolute sense..and about personality...i began talking to someone via pm and on the phone way before i had an idea of their physical appearance, and found myself attracted by the personality first...after i saw the pictures, it just added to the attraction..and before i'm jumped on by everyone saying but Izzy you are married, of course i'm married, but i ain't dead..also a word about my husband..when we first met, he was slender and very attractive, but also had a terrific sense of humour...during our years of marriage, he has gained some considerable weight..he is probably about hmm thirty pounds overweight, but to show you i'm not shallow..it hasn't made me love him any less..that would be shallow indeed.

what i described on the first page of this thread is what i'm ideally attracted to...

kered, maniac, and buggy...of course i was describing all of you...🙂

 

[DannyMc]

Beauty isn't as beautiful if you can't stand the person

 

[scorpionldr]

It is always going to come down to a male/female thing. Now I think we all know there are exceptions to every rule and any generalization that says "all me are this way" or "all women are that way" is going to be wrong because people are complex and some are different, so keep in mind this is my opinion and it is mostly based on my own experience, and biological/medical science.

Sexually speaking, men are visual. They can claim to be sensitive and caring and only worry about a woman's inner most truth until the end of time, but unless they are wired different from the typical male, one of there most powerful and primary attractors is a visual one what they look like.
Females on the other hand tend to be more psychological, they want "alpha males". This is all basic scientific sense. We try to live according to complex moral codes and life mating without cheating on our partners, this is a fine (perhaps even admirable) thing to do, however we have evolved morally just as we have physically and our bodies are still "programmed" for lack of a better word on some old outdated software.

I think this whole conversation has to do with another little issue that wasn't addressed, if you are looking for a long term committed relationship, if you are attempting to pair bond, then the likely hood of personality being a key factor goes up.

It is different for men and women largely because it comes down to the fact that the woman's biological commitment to the sex act is greater. Pre contraception and abortion she ran the much higher risk of having to carry a baby to term and deal with it when she did. From a biological standpoint the man is less invested. So ultimately from understand the simple biological imperative of passing on your own gene sequence it makes sense the way both genders behave. Men use visual cues to figure out if the woman is fertile, and then may use other cues to decide if this it the one woman he wants to pair bond with or just one of many places he wants to spread his genetic material. For the female of the species they use a variety of visual, but also psychological clues to figure out if the man is able and willing to take care of her and her baby.

Now I am obviously not saying modern people go around thinking this way, I am saying it is their instinct, it can be over ridden by choice, but this is a VERY basic concept of how evolution leads to the way modern man and woman behave sexually.

I am not saying this kind of attitude is right or wrong, just the way I understand it to be from a biological evolutionary standpoint.

let's just end this thread like usual with "men suck, they're not caring enough," shall we? that's what every thread that discusses what a woman or man feels boils down to.

 

[GodlessTickler]

let's just end this thread like usual with "men suck, they're not caring enough," shall we? that's what every thread that discusses what a woman or man feels boils down to.

I am not exactly sure why, or even if this response was directed at me, but since you quoted my post I will respond in brief.

Because there isn't a moral value to the evolutionarily evolved differences between men and women. They are just differences. They don't hold value like "sucking" However despite some peoples valiant attempts to pretend they are not, they are differences.

 

[scorpionldr]

excuse me for quoting you; I sorta just got a bit fed up with things by the second page where already everyone had nothing to say but "guys are more visually oriented" ...it always seems to end with guys being at fault regardless of what they say, and i prettymuch stopped reading on your post and decided to just press the quote button and bring things to a reply.

Since if I don't reply I'm going to be looked at as someone who can't handle the tuth, I might as well reply to see just what you all can come up for me.

when I was young (up till about 16 or 17), I admit I was all about the MTV culture image of beautiful. I became more flexible and looked for girls of all types, generally full-figured girls, although I still wanted what I consider "out of my league" and idolized. From 19 and up (i'm 22) I've been pretty good with looks....my standards fall into must be somewhat attractive, not an airhead, have common interests. I don't even mind a full figure girl, so long as there's just something I'm drawn to about her. I've even sorta gone as far as girls i'm not attracted to....there's something about them that works for me but generally I like all girls now lol....I believe beauty can be found in anyone if you take the time to look a little differently. These days I've even had a girlfriend who was a decent looking girl who was disabled (by means of pediatric stroke)..according to others she didn't look good but I didn't mind while i was with her....she didnt work out and I met someone who actually befriended me online while we were together who I'm dating and things are seeming better.

case in point, if you want a date your brain has to be as pretty as your body

 

[Krokus]

Very simple as to my tastes folks....if they can make me laugh, then I'm theirs for the taking. Looks are the least important aspect on my list and I can truely say that with a straight face. A sense of humor and a warm personality to me are the two most beautiful things one can find in another human being.

I can't express how much I agree. It almost makes me want to cry! I know most roll their eyes when they read that, but I MEAN IT!!!

 

[kis123]

Very simple as to my tastes folks....if they can make me laugh, then I'm theirs for the taking. Looks are the least important aspect on my list and I can truely say that with a straight face. A sense of humor and a warm personality to me are the two most beautiful things one can find in another human being.

This is what I've been trying to say for about a year now! You say it and practically get a standing ovation. I say it and half the men in the forum jump on me with all sorts of accusations and mud-slinging. I'm not going to change my way of doing things just because people disagree with me-give me a break!

And let's get something straight; I've never called anyone shallow, even those who are blatantly shallow with their pickiness and their so-called standards. My guess is that these men are alone more than they are involved. You know who you are and I don't need to call you out.

Here's an example; I'm a big chick and I know that many men (even some around here) wouldn't be caught dead with a big woman. I've met some of these same personalities in social situations and it's amazing how it can change. Once I turn on the charm and wit (which are natural, btw) I become very attractive to some of them. I even had a gentleman tell me that until meeting me he wouldn't even hold a conversation with a woman over a size 8 (believe me folks, there's nothing on this body that remotely comes close to a size 8). It takes a little work and creativity on my part; sometimes I initiate the conversation and work the room a little bit. I know I'm at a somewhat physicial disadvantage so if I don't want to be bored to death in public, I have to put in a little work. There are women who will attract an entire room and there are those of us who have to make their personalities shine a little more.

I've dated several men who aren't accustomed to being with large chicks; it takes some getting used to and I understand that. Conversely, until a year ago, I've NEVER dated large men. I always felt I was the "heavy" in relationships and that was enough. Then I met my current SO-he's nothing at all like any man I've dated in the past. He's a big guy; I was wondering if my bed was big enough for both of us if you know what I mean. Believe me, we have no problems in that department. He's been the best friend I've had in many years. If he wasn't in my life over the last year +, I don't know how i would've made it through. If I would've kept to my so-called "standards" I would've missed out on a really good man.

I'm not saying to lower your standards or date people unattractive to you. But if you meet someone in your life who isn't your typical standard, but she/he is warm witty, funny, intelligent and possesses qualities that will keep you happy for a long time-hell, I say go for it and see where it leads. You may surprise yourself. I'll give Tricham credit; I wasn't at all crazy about the beginning of his thread, but he took the risk anyway. He took time to get to know the young lady and had some fun. I hope he learned some other things along the way as well. He could have just used her for his gain and dumped her, but he treated her like a lady.

All I said is if you open your world past your standards sometimes you may find someone you can be happy with for a long time. I didn't say anything wrong then, and I'm saying nothing wrong now.

 

[baby]

I always used to believe, that I have to be physically attracted to someone before thinking about dating them as well, until recently someone I've already known for a while from seeing him around, but whom I never really noticed much, started talking to me - after ten minutes only I changed my mind completely

 

[Em Es]

The most important thing about a woman is . . .

The most important thing about a woman - to a man - should be how much she likes him. I will take the plain Jane who is crazy about me over the knockout that's a pain in the ass, a drama queen, unreliable, or any of the other things people foolishly tolerate because they're trying to hang on. It is one of the most important things I took too long to learn.

My fondest female-related memories are of mostly the girls who were dying to please me, not those I was dying to impress. When the world's most powerful force - a woman who wants a man - is in effect, the things that lucky guy will see more than make up for the fact she may not turn as many heads as other girls do.

 

[lespieds]

, even those who are blatantly shallow with their pickiness and their so-called standards. My guess is that these men are alone more than they are involved...
I'm a big chick and I know that many men (even some around here) wouldn't be caught dead with a big woman....

The guys who will not settle for a lesser standard than what they THINK they deserve do tend to lie about their sex lives quite a bit. The sad fact is, most of these types of guys could not get pussy in even a women's prison.

I have dated a few big chicks. I would rather too big than to small. Thin ones like Olsen are disgusting looking. See the thing is, the big women are normally alone cause some guys are "too good" for that. So while those guys were home masturbating on a Saturday night, I was getting laid 😉

 

[kis123]

The guys who will not settle for a lesser standard than what they THINK they deserve do tend to lie about their sex lives quite a bit. The sad fact is, most of these types of guys could not get pussy in even a women's prison.

I have dated a few big chicks. I would rather too big than to small. Thin ones like Olsen are disgusting looking. See the thing is, the big women are normally alone cause some guys are "too good" for that. So while those guys were home masturbating on a Saturday night, I was getting laid 😉

I haven't quite figured out how I feel about this post!

But I like the way you think just as long as no one is getting hurt. You are familiar with the term "hogging"? I hope you're not into such and just appreciate the big, beautiful, sexy women that are out there waiting for a man's "appreciation."

 

[LindyHopper]

I think.... that no matter what you believe your opinion is on the importance of physical attractiveness... that the right person can come along and change your mind. 🙂 Besides, as many other posters have already said, there's a lot more to attractiveness than the way a person looks.

 

[maniactickler]

I think.... that no matter what you believe your opinion is on the importance of physical attractiveness... that the right person can come along and change your mind. 🙂 Besides, as many other posters have already said, there's a lot more to attractiveness than the way a person looks.

It wont change my mind.

 

[kis123]

It wont change my mind.

No problem as long as it's working for you.

The rest of us will have a realistic and active social life while your "standards" keep you warm at night.

 

[aun_existe_amor]

I'm extremely shy. If I'm attracted to someone I can't make eye contact with them and sometimes can't even be in the same room as them. I always thought that the men I'm attracted to would never look twice at someone like me. In the last few years I found out that I was wrong.

Looks do attract me and so does personality. I'm attracted to bigger men, the bigger the better. By bigger I suppose I mean overweight. I could talk to a bigger man if he had a good personality because he could make me feel more comfortable, but if I found out he had a hairy chest I knew that there's no way he would look twice at me. I just find that extremely masculine and sexy. Now I have much more confidence. I have a bigger hairy man lol. I love him soooooooo much and I'm keeping him forever!

It's not just bigger and hairy that attracts me though. He has to be what I consider to be intelligent. I have to be able to have a conversation with him. He has to be able to make me laugh (without tickling me lol). I have to be able to look up to him and see him as an equal. I don't want anyone that I look down on. He has to have a job and be able to support himself. I don't care how much he earns or what his job is, just as long as he works. I don't want to have to support a man forever.

If we all liked the same type of person there would be a lot more lonely people.

 

[Em Es]

10 feet before 6 inches

Lindy Hopper said, " . . . as many other posters have already said, there's a lot more to attractiveness than the way a person looks."

Any woman can make a guy grow six inches. But those who understand that making their men feel ten feet tall is more important are the girls you want your sons to marry.

 

[Morpheus72]

As tempted as I am to respond specifically to many of the posts in this thread, I'm not going to do that. I've been through the "looks vs. personality" debate many times on many boards, and each time it devolves into mudslinging and hard feelings.

I will simply reiterate what I have said on a few threads here. Everyone has standards. Those standards are as different as we are. No amount of applause or derision will change those standards. In the short time I have posted here, I've noticed one clear message -- everyone deserves respect. In relation to this thread, I'll add "everyone deserves respect -- even those who possess standards that are disagreeable to you". Remember, to many people, our common interest is disagreeable.

Further, in the dating world, most interest is not reciprocated. Deal with it, don't whine, don't complain, just get a helmet and deal with it. Be true to yourself and your standards, whatever they may be, and you will find what you are looking for -- eventually.

In closing, I'll add that I hate the word "shallow" and the negative value that society has attached to it. Seeking physical attractiveness first is no different than seeking personality first and putting aside looks. It's no different than inquiring about one's salary, or even car of choice and using that to base a decision on. It's no different than putting a person's perceived social or job staus first on your list of must-haves. Most people of both sexes are shallow to a degree, and, to flip it around, most of us have fallen victim to someone's shallowness. So what? As above, stick to what YOU are looking for in a person, and you'll find what you are looking for.

I guess this get a little long....won't be the last time 😎

Morph

 

[maniactickler]

No problem as long as it's working for you.

The rest of us will have a realistic and active social life while your "standards" keep you warm at night.

Not a problem! id rather be alone if it comes down to that.

 

[kis123]

Not a problem! id rather be alone if it comes down to that.

That's certainly your choice to make. Good luck with that.