Balancing the gender scales

[AquaFeline]

So, it's a common complaint that usually there are way more men than women at gatherings and munches. I'm a girl and I'm complaining about it even. 😉 It's really nice to have other women around even if I'm not doing anything with them, and I'm sure most women feel the same.

So my questions are:

Girls, if you avoid group meetings why do you do so?

Everyone, is it worth it to try to attract women from other kinky communities, and has anyone had any success at it?

Thank you very much for your responses!

 

[reflexology414]

My own thoughts

I'm not a woman, but I do have opinions on this subject.

In recent weeks, I've been trying to organize and event in Chicago. Women from the TMF have generally been unwilling to come forward, but a few have corresponded with me privately, and their feedback has given me some additional insight into this issue.

Because there are more men than women in our community, women who do come forward tend to be bombarded with messages from guys wanting to meet them. Two of the gals I corresponded with reported such experiences, and they said it was entirely overwhelming for them.

Another sad reality is that some, I repeat, SOME guys who pursue women from our community do so in a rather inappropriate fashion. One of the women I just mentioned sent me a rather detailed email, explaining how she'd been essentially cyberstalked by a guy from the TMF, and she'd received email from others who came across as honry, tickle-crazed manics. Such behavior does little to help our cause.

I really don't know what the answer is, but these are just a few viewpoints that were shared with me by women at the forum.

 

[steph]

Well little Missy, had you gotten your cute little buns up here Saturday to OUR party, our ratio would have been almost 50/50!
If Cin and Janipoo could have made it, the girls would have OUTNUMBERED the guys. Now put down that Pez dispenser!

I'm always on the lookout for fun new recruits, especially girls, BTW. I actually think our ratio is pretty good!
XOXO

 

[TickledToDeath]

Takes a LOT of effort but the Hyenas Club gatherings are fairly even ratio.
Give or take one or two.

 

[AquaFeline]

Because there are more men than women in our community, women who do come forward tend to be bombarded with messages from guys wanting to meet them. Two of the gals I corresponded with reported such experiences, and they said it was entirely overwhelming for them.

Like, come forward online or in person or both?

Well little Missy, had you gotten your cute little buns up here Saturday to OUR party, our ratio would have been almost 50/50!
If Cin and Janipoo could have made it, the girls would have OUTNUMBERED the guys. Now put down that Pez dispenser!

I'm always on the lookout for fun new recruits, especially girls, BTW. I actually think our ratio is pretty good!
XOXO

Yeah, I knew you were gonna give me crap. 😀 So I wasn't feeling so good because I ate too much pez, what can I say? 😉 We DO do very well, I know.
But it's still worth investigating.

TTD, what kind of effort do you put forth to achieve your even ratio? 🙂

 

[steph]

you know me too well chica!

Well, as long as you can promise it was strawberry Pez, I guess we forgive you, but you were still missed. As were Jan and Cindie, Martin too!

To get back to topic, I think girls are a little shyer when it comes to this stuff. I'd have never gotten the cajones to show up at a party had I not munched with this amazing crowd for a year prior, and I'm pretty fearless in general.
XOXO

Yeah, I knew you were gonna give me crap. 😀 So I wasn't feeling so good because I ate too much pez, what can I say? 😉 We DO do very well, I know.
But it's still worth investigating.

 

[gr369]

Words of Encouragement

I hope more of the TMF lovely ladies get involved in these events. Many of us are quite gentle and desirable creatures. Keep the faith, and, remember, there's power in numbers...
If more women attend, the women will set the tone, and take control!

 

[AquaFeline]

Well, as long as you can promise it was strawberry Pez, I guess we forgive you, but you were still missed. As were Jan and Cindie, Martin too!

To get back to topic, I think girls are a little shyer when it comes to this stuff. I'd have never gotten the cajones to show up at a party had I not munched with this amazing crowd for a year prior, and I'm pretty fearless in general.
XOXO

I'll see you in a couple weeks anyway, right???

What made ya brave enough to show up to the munches in the first place?

 

[steph]

I promised the Goddess I'd TRY to make an appearance at the party, there's a couple people coming I'm dying to meet. We'll see...You'd have LOVED Sadira BTW~pure evil...

Well, hmm, Dave steered me in Dan's direction. He said, "I'd trust my own kid with this guy, I promise you'll be safe." And Dan was just so nice and non-pressure. "Come if you like, don't come if you feel unsafe." I figured, screw it, what bad can happen to me at TGI's? So, I went and they were all so..normal...I don't know what I expected but it was great. Jan talked about her car racing, her kiddo's wedding plans...One guy came from Seattle, another from San Diego. Everyone seemed so close and "the interest" was barely brought up. It felt a lot like I'd come home finally, but with my unstable raising, it was like no home I'd ever known. It sounds crazy but I literally fell in love with all of them, inside of a couple hours and I'm not one who "falls" easily....😉
XOXO

I'll see you in a couple weeks anyway, right???

What made ya brave enough to show up to the munches in the first place?

 

[ticklkitten]

Until george decided to ride with me I was going to go to NEST by myself. And I would have actually been fine if I had. I don't think gatherings are very overwhelming but meeting new people is a little easier for me than for lots of others.

Steph, I KNOW exactly how evil sadira is.... try living with that little minx. George holds me and she tickles the daylights out of me! I am actually so bummed I couldn't come to your play party. San Diego was just a bit far for me not having a car in town. I have a feeling though that no one is going to be able to keep me away from visiting cali though... too cool.

And aquafeline, throw some strawberry pez my way and you'll NEVER have to worry about me being upset with you!

 

[Adam]

I'm not a woman, but I do have opinions on this subject.

In recent weeks, I've been trying to organize and event in Chicago. Women from the TMF have generally been unwilling to come forward, but a few have corresponded with me privately, and their feedback has given me some additional insight into this issue.

Because there are more men than women in our community, women who do come forward tend to be bombarded with messages from guys wanting to meet them. Two of the gals I corresponded with reported such experiences, and they said it was entirely overwhelming for them.

Another sad reality is that some, I repeat, SOME guys who pursue women from our community do so in a rather inappropriate fashion. One of the women I just mentioned sent me a rather detailed email, explaining how she'd been essentially cyberstalked by a guy from the TMF, and she'd received email from others who came across as honry, tickle-crazed manics. Such behavior does little to help our cause.

I really don't know what the answer is, but these are just a few viewpoints that were shared with me by women at the forum.

I think you hit the nail squarely on the head, my friend. I think many of the ladies on this board, mainly the newer members who are just starting to explore this fetish, feel objectified by over-zealous guys. Thankfully, not all of us are this way, but it definitely makes it harder to convince the gals of this when they're bombarded with stuff like "CUM SEE ME AND LET ME TIKLE TORCHER U 4 147 OURS WITH NO BRAKES THEN WE KEN HAV SEKS AFTER!!!" 😛 Obviously, I'm exaggerating a bit... but people like this are definitely out there. Best we can hope to do is to make the ladies feel welcome, and not like objects. If we do, more than likely you'll see the numbers at gatherings gradually increase. We can hope, anyway, because nobody, man or woman, should be made to feel like an object.

 

[ticklkitten]

Ya see... I get those stupid messages all the time... I choose to ignore them. The guys who send stupid stuff like that aren't at gatherings... and if they happen to sneak past they are quickly removed... girls need to understand how safe these parties are... so much fun!

 

[reflexology414]

Adam and Kitten

Kitten,

All I can say is that the only women who responded regarding Chicago reported the experiences I shared earlier in this thread. It appears to be discouraging them to come forward. I don't know what the answer is.

Adam,

Thanks for the feedback. I can't take any particular credit for these insights, because the feedback I shared came from women at the TMF. Nonetheless, I appreciate the reply.

 

[steph]

I agree but something I think people who haven't ever attended miss...SO much of the credit goes to the hosts of these things. I get a lot of mail from people who thinks it's like this big huge orgy and I have to say, "grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... NO!" Dumbasses!
I know at our parties DMs like Dan, QBJan & Terrorizer patrol the place like maniacs "are you ok, do you need water, are you needing a break yet?" THAT part I think is what makes it so safe and magical. For me anyhoo.
XOXO

Ya see... I get those stupid messages all the time... I choose to ignore them. The guys who send stupid stuff like that aren't at gatherings... and if they happen to sneak past they are quickly removed... girls need to understand how safe these parties are... so much fun!

 

[witchtickler]

Well little Missy, had you gotten your cute little buns up here Saturday to OUR party, our ratio would have been almost 50/50!
If Cin and Janipoo could have made it, the girls would have OUTNUMBERED the guys. Now put down that Pez dispenser!

I'm always on the lookout for fun new recruits, especially girls, BTW. I actually think our ratio is pretty good!
XOXO

OMG!!!!!!!!!

To tickle that BEAUTIFUL Steph I'd have to do it at the funeral home, because if I saw her laying there tied up and ready for me to tickle her..........................I'd drop dead covered in drool. GEEZ what a DOLL!!

witchtickler

 

[steph]

Oh you're too cute for this hon!
Now quit hijacking at get yourself and your government-issued handcuffs to the nearest play party! Hee hee!
XOXO

OMG!!!!!!!!!

To tickle that BEAUTIFUL Steph I'd have to do it at the funeral home, because if I saw her laying there tied up and ready for me to tickle her..........................I'd drop dead covered in drool. GEEZ what a DOLL!!

witchtickler

 

[AquaFeline]

I agree but something I think people who haven't ever attended miss...SO much of the credit goes to the hosts of these things. I get a lot of mail from people who thinks it's like this big huge orgy and I have to say, "grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... NO!" Dumbasses!
I know at our parties DMs like Dan, QBJan & Terrorizer patrol the place like maniacs "are you ok, do you need water, are you needing a break yet?" THAT part I think is what makes it so safe and magical. For me anyhoo.
XOXO

🙄 I thought all the gatherings had a strict "no-orgy" policy! So do many fetish events...

 

[TickledToDeath]

TTD, what kind of effort do you put forth to achieve your even ratio? 🙂

Aside from a general invite notification.......I send out invitations and at first send out more to females to males and to couples. It became almost an invite only method. As RSVP's came in confirming or declining......it would dictate where to send additional invites until the it all evens out or is close.

Mostly to the Fems(moreso those who have not attended a gathering) who would be arriving alone, time is needed to make them feel comfy about attending.
There have been a few of those.
Rarely do I have to give any guys a push.......lol.
Couples are, well, 50/50 all depending on the "couple" and or one half of the couple who have yet to attend a "gathering".
The effort is not impossible but it takes some doing to make sure there is not a 15 guys and only 2 girls ratio.
Free for all gatherings is a total crap shoot but the larger gatherings like NEST there are 100 people.......that kind of gathering is ontaking enough without having to worry about ratio but with a number of attendees that high, the ratio takes care of itself even if one sided. I would LOVE to have a Hyenas Club Gathering of that magnitude sometime. THAT indeed takes work and those who Host gatherings of that size should be commended. I on the other hand, for the most part, host gatherings with my GF in our home and on a much smaller scale of about 8 to 25 or so(19 I believe was the best showing so far)and the ration is more of a purpose and need.

TTD

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

So, it's a common complaint that usually there are way more men than women at gatherings and munches. I'm a girl and I'm complaining about it even. 😉 It's really nice to have other women around even if I'm not doing anything with them, and I'm sure most women feel the same.

So my questions are:

Girls, if you avoid group meetings why do you do so?

Everyone, is it worth it to try to attract women from other kinky communities, and has anyone had any success at it?

Thank you very much for your responses!

Y'know, I don't think it only pertains to gatherings/munches. Usually dance clubs have "Ladies Night" just to get a more then one or two in the club. Makes you wonder why?? Maybe we should start checking the bathrooms, thats the only place I've seen ladies gather in numbers.

 

[AquaFeline]

Y'know, I don't think it only pertains to gatherings/munches. Usually dance clubs have "Ladies Night" just to get a more then one or two in the club. Makes you wonder why?? Maybe we should start checking the bathrooms, thats the only place I've seen ladies gather in numbers.

Oi, you're very right. *sigh* I'm wondering if there IS a solution, but the only thing I can think of is with more woman hosting maybe women will feel more comfortable joining in. Maybe the most important thing is to just bitchslap the boys who get a little too focused a lot too soon. 😀 Nobody should feel like they're being harrassed -- but personally I've not seen it IRL yet. Online can bring out the worst in many people though.

TTD, that all sounds excellent once you're in contact with people; when do people feel comfortable enough to speak up in the first place?

 

[toneus79]

Everyone seemed so close and "the interest" was barely brought up.

You see for me that is the crux of it.

As you probably all realise despite a large chunk of the membership coming from the UK we have never gotten anything off the ground here. I think the reason being that no one wants to put the time and work in, getting to know anyone on a social level. It's as if everyone wants to be parachuted straight into the middle of a tickling orgy, or be instantly hooked up with someone one on one. Well that wouldn't work in the vanilla world, so why would it work for us?

The other thing you Yankies seem much cooler about is a mixture of age ranges, whereas over here that is probably more of an issue.

I did try to get something going a couple of years back using another name (only time I used that id) based around monthly visits to the cinema and Starbucks; (which was a blueprint of another social club I used to run) needless to say nothing happened.

 

[reflexology414]

Exactly

Aqua, you nailed it again!

The suggestions described in this thread will NOT work if you can't even get women to come forward and communicate with you in the first place. That's where things are at right now with my proposed gathering.

The only TMF women who originally expressed considerable interest in the Chicago party abrutply stopped communicating with me. All three were among those who experienced cyberstalking and other bad experiences with guys from this forum. I always addressed them with respect and courtesy in our correspodence, but I think the net impact of their bad experiences made the decision for them.

Where my plans for Chicago are concerned, I'm proceding on two fronts. Since I've been unable to generate interest among women at the TMF, I've decided to look elsewhere.

I'll be hosting a very small event near the end of August with a limited number of guys and a professional fetish model I've gotten acquainted with. She's wonderful, and I think it should be a good time.

I'm also starting a new midwest regional tickling group, which I will be advertising in the Chicago area, and my home state as well. The Yahoo Group for this club should be up and running in the next day or two. The goal is to have a gathering near the end of August or the early part of September.

I don't know what the answer is at the TMF. I can say, however, that the ratio of men to women simply isn't viable, and the women do do join up are generally reluctant to come forward... and I can't really blame them, considering the current climate.

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My Personal Profile

 

[AquaFeline]

Aqua, you nailed it again!

The suggestions described in this thread will NOT work if you can't even get women to come forward and communicate with you in the first place. That's where things are at right now with my proposed gathering.

So maybe we need a FAQ thats not about the TMF in particular but about tickling an the tickling scene, with the question, "Are all the guys here as creepy as the ones emailing me?" Actually not kidding here, though maybe there is such a FAQ an I missed it. It would also be useful to have info there I guess on how to avoid being cyberstalked, if thats possible (I ain't looked into it.)

Other than that, I'm still wondering if maybe kinksters in other communities might have enough interest to come here -- tickling is mentioned now an then in the BDSM community an if you haven't done your homework I guess you might not realize the TMF was there. Plus I'm guessing that the kind of stuff we do is considered relatively tame compared to other places -- so if a person was into bondage but maybe not into harder stuff they might feel just as comfy with us as around the people getting caned or scratched up. S' prolly a pipe dream though.

 

[steph]

I continue to maintain hope babe. I know MsDiva helped organize something in your area a few months back. It does take a huge effort on the part of the hosts, that is for sure. Also mega-important, a lot of us are good friends outside of it too~our last party was so good we started with lunch and about 8 hours later, had to go to dinner~we were STARVING! It was a double munch!
And for the majority of us, age is absolutely no issue, we've people barely 20 and some in their 50s. "All are welcome children, all are welcome...."
XOXO

You see for me that is the crux of it.

As you probably all realise despite a large chunk of the membership coming from the UK we have never gotten anything off the ground here. I think the reason being that no one wants to put the time and work in, getting to know anyone on a social level. It's as if everyone wants to be parachuted straight into the middle of a tickling orgy, or be instantly hooked up with someone one on one. Well that wouldn't work in the vanilla world, so why would it work for us?

The other thing you Yankies seem much cooler about is a mixture of age ranges, whereas over here that is probably more of an issue.

I did try to get something going a couple of years back using another name (only time I used that id) based around monthly visits to the cinema and Starbucks; (which was a blueprint of another social club I used to run) needless to say nothing happened.

 

[AquaFeline]

And for the majority of us, age is absolutely no issue, we've people barely 20 and some in their 50s. "All are welcome children, all are welcome...."
XOXO

You're telling me, don't I know it 😉 I'm prolly one of the youngest hosts if not the youngest, an then's there's our big cuddly Danimal a tad closer to the other end of the spectrum(but CERTAINLY not old)...

Actually, thats gotta add something to the intimidation factor 😵 I know there's some under 35 BDSM groups just because ya need a safer environment, it can be really utterly disturbing to be in your early 20's or late teens and be (seriously) approached by people more than twice your age. It really makes you feel like prey more so than people your own age, dunno why.