Bein a lurker sucks!

[ISUmark]

Well...ive been a member of this forum since around 2000. as you can tell by my oldass forum name, I started this up when I was attending Illinois State University. I wanna say 2000..maybe sooner..Whenever psycho4048 opened it up and before it went through the revamp. When it opened I was simply a young buck, fascinated that there was pornography for my "fetish" and relieved that I wasnt the only one. When I was 17 it was just a place to see the material(yes i was a minor Oooooooo) but as Ive grown older I find myself enjoying the community interaction more then the material itself. With that being said its a lot harder to be here now because I don't know anyone. I couldnt connect with the Texas people because I was in the Army so I was always deployed to Iraq or doin some ridiculous training, and I couldnt connect to the Chicago people(where im from) because I was all the way out in Texas. I tried a few things. I joined the chat room a few times only to find that I was at a loss for words. Im gettin better at chiming in on the interesting conversations in the discussion threads...but PM'ing....I just dont know. I tried it. Im moving back to Chicago ina few months because I finally got an awesome job offer, so I went into the Chicago gatherings portion of the forums and noticed a couple very interesting people. People that appear really cool, or people that I probably would have a lot in common with. Both men and women mind you. im a straight male ler, but as I said I was basing it off conversations Ive seen and interests. NEVER have I, or never will, send anything creepy to anyone, cuz well..Its creepy. Just a general PM like "hey i see your from chicago, o your a bears fan, OMG you play guitar thats awesome I play bass.".....nothin back. A part of me understands why. If it was a guy the dude was prolly just like, "who the fuck is this guy" and if it was a woman well...God only knows what kind of ridiculous PMs they get on a daily basis...it prolly just got filed into the creeper folder and forgotten about. Either way though its a crappy feeling. Sadly I brought this on myself. By not interacting more and getting to know people. I think its because im just a shy person in general. hell the only reason I have the balls to write this wall o text is because I got into an old bottle of Jameson I found. But regardless, I WOULD like to interact more, so what steps should I take?? Should I make it a point to attend a munch event in my city the next time its advertised?? post a picture in my profile so people can see im just a regular guy, and not an extremely intelligent experimental space monkey? I need suggestions people!! As a longtime member of this forum im asking the social butterflies how they do it. How do you let someone know you find them interesting without it bein weird??

 

[BreastTickleGuy]

Jameson is good. It's like alcohol candy in a fun sized glass!

Yes, go to a gathering, even if you have to drive 8 hours to get there. It's worth it. Just don't drink and drive and don't be drunk at the gathering.

 

[milagros317]

The best way to interact is to attend a gathering. My first gathering, in Albany in early 2003, was a great help to me, in that people who had been only names on the screen became real human beings to me.

 

[Ticklerguy4u]

Well this is a good start. I am actually impressed that you took to time to actually read about the creep factor. Sometimes there is no special thing or say other then how you feel about a thread or your opinion. The only thing that would get you chased out is being rude. A gathering is definitely the way to meeting people but if you are a shy person, I would advise getting know tmfers in your area on the forum first---that way you already have people you can connect with as soon as you get there. And yes, being a lurker does suck. The regular posters, like myself, tend to be more open to those who post then watch from the back. I believe all of us were lurkers at one time so we understand it can be over-whelming but we arent all looking for enemies but friends.

 

[Myriads]

Posting in threads and raising your overall profile is a solid first step. As you do this, people get used to your voice, and attitude. It also adds 'value' to your ID. In that it shows you are investing in your reputation on the forum, and that the 'name' means something to you. This makes a lot of people much more comfortable when you PM in the future. Getting a PM from someone with a few hundred posts is different then someone with none.

As you interact, you'll connect with some folks, and with some luck you can then attend a gathering. You would be more then welcome at UNY V which I'll be hosting in Albany this February, at which a lot of people you 'know' from here will be. But there are probably more local offerings also.

Meeting people is an investment. It takes time, and often does not pay off, but over time, one gets to be in a position where the odds are greater and greater in your favor.

Myriads