This question is a difficult one to answer, and thus bulleted points are the One True Path to enlightenment here.
Good things about being single:
- No unwelcome conferences when the other half has bought a new dress which she hates but has still spent £50 on for some reason, usually because "I saw Sienna Miller in one and she looked really pretty". As wonderful and ravishing as you are, my darling, you are NOT Sienna Miller. Trust me. You're not.
- No moments of awkwardness when you're walking around the supermarket alone and bump into the parents of the woman you're sleeping with. What exactly are you supposed to say to these people? "So how's Katie doing?" I don't know, you tell me, you spent three hours on the phone with her last night and cost me a fiver.
- The Food/ Drink Quandry. Why do women do this, pray tell? She gets the shopping in and buys some shitty low calorie disgusti-bread that's made of weevils and AIDS, so I go out and buy a loaf of Warburton's which is decent, working man's tasty bread, then she fucking eats the Warburtons and leaves the shite she bought to go stale. What is wrong with you people? If you don't want to eat the shitty bread don't buy the stuff, it's not a difficult concept, just don't buy it then wait for me to buy decent stuff and then fucking eat it then have the temerity to piss and moan when I eat the last 4 slices that there's no good bread left. See also: Skimmed Milk vs Full-fat milk, a.k.a stop using my fucking milk you bastard.
- This is the big one; no more having to dust up the dickheads who seem to only pick on you when you're with your girlfriend. Despite this being something I used to do when I was a kid I've never really managed to work out where this particular behaviour comes from; these are lads who most usually won't look at you sideways if you pass them in the street, yet introduce an attractive female and some alcohol into the mix (plus 8 or 9 of his mates) and suddenly he's Felix fucking Trinidad. If you do this, please, grow a brain.
The bad things about being single:
- Sleeping on your own. I don't like sleeping on my own. It is boring and moreover, Ilike cuddling 🙁 Stop laughing at the back.
- Cuddling in general. I really like cuddling 🙁
- Sex. I'm not attractive or charismatic enough to be able to initiate one-night stands or short-term physical flings, so being in a relationship is my only source of sex. Well, that and masturbating, although that's not as much fun if you're doing it on your own 🙁
- Conversations. Not having someone to talk to is probably the worst part of being single, after the general loneliness and sex depravation, and although not having to listen to someone else's shite (or feel like you're foisting YOUR shite upon someone else) can occasionally be good it still sucks not being able to just sit down and gab with someone 🙁
Now that I have a job I can keep busy but I'm still left out in the cold and seeing pretty girls is like a kick in the nuts.
