Leo tickles
2nd Level Orange Feather
- Joined
- Dec 25, 2004
- Messages
- 2,394
- Points
- 36
I'm fuckin' proud of myself. I didn't really accomplish anything amazing, but I'm fuckin' proud of myself.
I've kept up on my work, I've kept on on my bills (I was late once by a day because...... I forgot... 😀), my responsibilities. I've figured out how to be happy without a relationship. Even better, I figured out how to be happy without a toxic relationship. That's pretty good, but it got me thinking.
How many people, from here, life, anywhere really, have I burned a bridge with? Why the fuck did I do it? I pulled out my old PC, the one that's been sitting in the closet and collecting dust for years now and pulled up some of my chat logs. At first, I was disgusted with myself, then I laughed, and now I get it.
That kid, me, that was saying all of that stuff was working with the tools he had at the time. I hadn't accepted that my hand was shitty in life and hid behind bravado and my manipulation tactics because that's all I knew. That's how I survived then within my own house as a child, why wouldn't it work in the real world? Lotsa reasons, apparently.
It does make me think though. I mean, TMF, tickling. As I grew and matured, I understand my fetish a lot better than "tickle pretty girl". It's a personal, close, intimate part of me. I'm still not shy about it, but that only makes me wonder even more....
How many bridges have I burnt? Do I PM an Admin to take down this profile and all of my history? Do I just make a brand new account and be a part of the forum and hope that people realize it's me later on and see how I've reformed? Those are all viable options, I mean, I'm a much healthier, smarter person now.
But instead of doing any of that, I'll face the music. Part of being a healthier person is not beating yourself up over things you did wrong, I think. It's about learning them, but not just so you don't repeat the action.Ya gotta process things and allow yourself to feel them. It's about understanding your mistakes, but not letting them define you. And sure, there are lots of people who will say "meh", some might even try to talk shit, or throw the past at me. I'm done making up for the past though. Trust me, whatever I said or did to you, I've fucked myself 100 times worse. Your life went on, mine didn't until I took initiative.
That's fine, guys and gals. I've done wrong and I'll do wrong again, I'm human. But I'm not going to let my mistakes define me. Looking back, I would've done it all over again just to be where I am now. I'm walking down a healthy road now, and any speedbumps are a part of life, not a self fulfilling prophecy of fuck. Yay me. 🙂
I've kept up on my work, I've kept on on my bills (I was late once by a day because...... I forgot... 😀), my responsibilities. I've figured out how to be happy without a relationship. Even better, I figured out how to be happy without a toxic relationship. That's pretty good, but it got me thinking.
How many people, from here, life, anywhere really, have I burned a bridge with? Why the fuck did I do it? I pulled out my old PC, the one that's been sitting in the closet and collecting dust for years now and pulled up some of my chat logs. At first, I was disgusted with myself, then I laughed, and now I get it.
That kid, me, that was saying all of that stuff was working with the tools he had at the time. I hadn't accepted that my hand was shitty in life and hid behind bravado and my manipulation tactics because that's all I knew. That's how I survived then within my own house as a child, why wouldn't it work in the real world? Lotsa reasons, apparently.
It does make me think though. I mean, TMF, tickling. As I grew and matured, I understand my fetish a lot better than "tickle pretty girl". It's a personal, close, intimate part of me. I'm still not shy about it, but that only makes me wonder even more....
How many bridges have I burnt? Do I PM an Admin to take down this profile and all of my history? Do I just make a brand new account and be a part of the forum and hope that people realize it's me later on and see how I've reformed? Those are all viable options, I mean, I'm a much healthier, smarter person now.
But instead of doing any of that, I'll face the music. Part of being a healthier person is not beating yourself up over things you did wrong, I think. It's about learning them, but not just so you don't repeat the action.Ya gotta process things and allow yourself to feel them. It's about understanding your mistakes, but not letting them define you. And sure, there are lots of people who will say "meh", some might even try to talk shit, or throw the past at me. I'm done making up for the past though. Trust me, whatever I said or did to you, I've fucked myself 100 times worse. Your life went on, mine didn't until I took initiative.
That's fine, guys and gals. I've done wrong and I'll do wrong again, I'm human. But I'm not going to let my mistakes define me. Looking back, I would've done it all over again just to be where I am now. I'm walking down a healthy road now, and any speedbumps are a part of life, not a self fulfilling prophecy of fuck. Yay me. 🙂
Glad to hear you are doing well, Leo.
