Bring me the Head of Faith Hill! (Major rant in three...two...one...)

[Dave2112]

Cue Denis Leary-type voice and attitude...

What in the name of fuck is Faith Hill doing on my goddamn Sunday Night Football game? Ok, Pink wasn't that great, I'll give ya that. It was kinda like watching a Hepatitis sore sing the national anthem...but at least it was rock! When the premier game moved from Monday to Sunday, they managed to ditch the last hillbilly holdover and finally put that wood-alcohol-soaked crawfish Hank Williams Jr. to rest. Finally, says I, we can have our football back from the particle board shacks of the Ozarks!

So, what the hell happened? Was there a strike? Did all of the hillbillies in the country threaten to stop making Genesee? Did they lobby Vince McMahon to threaten to pull wrasslin' from PPV? Did the new commisioner wake up next to a donkey's head or find a ton and a half of cornpone dumped on his lawn?

So, now I have to watch that airheaded, '80's-haired, silicon-titted, "I tour with my husband so I have some street cred", Oprah-lovin', OK magazine coverin', CMT-award lobbyin', cornfield video makin', blue-tick hound humpin' idiot sing MY damn football song every fuckin' week!

There's nothing worse than watching an uncle-spawned country chick trying to sing a rock song. "Oh, I have even MORE street cred now! I like football! I really do! Just ask my husband...he has a really big hat, so he's cool like a guy who likes football. He even did a beer commercial once, so we all have the football in our here genes! I'm not really a sappy, pussy-song singing country version of Britney Spears! No...I'm...I'm....all about football! Yay Yankees! Hit that home goal! I'm super cool now! Love me! LOVE ME!!!!"

What was it? Did the hillbillies not have enough sports to cling to? Wasn't their stranglehold on wrasslin', NASCAR, bass fishing, sister-banging and trappin' enough?!? They had to get their six fingered hands into my damn football, too?!? Couldn't they just make some kinda compromise and just have her sing the intro to Dallas games? I mean, shit....


Whew....

Ok....I'm done.

This rant brought to you by the letter...ummm....uhhh....weeeelll, I didn't git me no letter lernin'...

 

[jugner]

That was messed up. Seriously. She's a country singer, so she's inbred and humps blue ticks. She also can't know anything about football because in the south we're not allowed too, because of the copyright, it is 'your' football. You're a moderator, I expected more.

 

[RobAce]

Cue Denis Leary-type voice and attitude...

What in the name of fuck is Faith Hill doing on my goddamn Sunday Night Football game? Ok, Pink wasn't that great, I'll give ya that. It was kinda like watching a Hepatitis sore sing the national anthem...but at least it was rock! When the premier game moved from Monday to Sunday, they managed to ditch the last hillbilly holdover and finally put that wood-alcohol-soaked crawfish Hank Williams Jr. to rest. Finally, says I, we can have our football back from the particle board shacks of the Ozarks!

So, what the hell happened? Was there a strike? Did all of the hillbillies in the country threaten to stop making Genesee? Did they lobby Vince McMahon to threaten to pull wrasslin' from PPV? Did the new commisioner wake up next to a donkey's head or find a ton and a half of cornpone dumped on his lawn?

So, now I have to watch that airheaded, '80's-haired, silicon-titted, "I tour with my husband so I have some street cred", Oprah-lovin', OK magazine coverin', CMT-award lobbyin', cornfield video makin', blue-tick hound humpin' idiot sing MY damn football song every fuckin' week!

There's nothing worse than watching an uncle-spawned country chick trying to sing a rock song. "Oh, I have even MORE street cred now! I like football! I really do! Just ask my husband...he has a really big hat, so he's cool like a guy who likes football. He even did a beer commercial once, so we all have the football in our here genes! I'm not really a sappy, pussy-song singing country version of Britney Spears! No...I'm...I'm....all about football! Yay Yankees! Hit that home goal! I'm super cool now! Love me! LOVE ME!!!!"

What was it? Did the hillbillies not have enough sports to cling to? Wasn't their stranglehold on wrasslin', NASCAR, bass fishing, sister-banging and trappin' enough?!? They had to get their six fingered hands into my damn football, too?!? Couldn't they just make some kinda compromise and just have her sing the intro to Dallas games? I mean, shit....


Whew....

Ok....I'm done.

This rant brought to you by the letter...ummm....uhhh....weeeelll, I didn't git me no letter lernin'...

Yikes Dave.......
are you ok buddy?
Perhaps a nap?

WOW!

Rob

 

[storm7400]

Well Dave did say it was a rant to begin with so lets take it with a grain of salt. With that said, I agree to the extent that Faith Hill isn't someone that stimulates me for some Football. Let's get some rock NBC! Velvet Revolver, Rage Against the Machine, something.....

 

[maniactickler]

I give her a pass because shes hot.

 

[Dave2112]

Wow. Relax. Four responses and two got that it was a rant-styled joke. How long have I been here? How long have I been throwing oddball, off-the-wall humor into the forum?

And then people wonder why the forum's been overly full of debate over every little topic. Don't get offended over every little thing. I kinda thought the wording of the title, the cueing of the Denis Leary attitude and the post itself were pretty clearly indicative of satire.

Damn.

 

[jaba]

No worries, Dave, I thought the rant was pretty entertaining, and I took it in the spirit in which you intended , although you may have to apologize to the crawfish fans.....

I think coroporate sponsors may regard Country music as a safer and less controversial genre than rap or hip hop or other forms of music.

But I do wonder about football fan demographics, and what music would most appeal to most fans? And does it really matter? Folks are still gonna watch the game, whether the intro is sung by Faith Hill, or Cypress Hill..... 😛

 

[jugner]

Wow. Relax. Four responses and two got that it was a rant-styled joke. How long have I been here? How long have I been throwing oddball, off-the-wall humor into the forum?

And then people wonder why the forum's been overly full of debate over every little topic. Don't get offended over every little thing. I kinda thought the wording of the title, the cueing of the Denis Leary attitude and the post itself were pretty clearly indicative of satire.

Damn.

I might agree, but you didn't put it in the humor forum, you put it in the sports forum. I got the rant, but I live in the south, stereotypes didn't bother me, but hearing them ALL the time from everyone who is not from the south, it chips away at your ability to take it.

And there are more country radio stations than any other in the US. They would change genres if noone listens to it. Like it or not, country music is probably the most popular genre in the US.

 

[Dave2112]

I put it in the Sports forum because I assumed sports folks would be the ones who'd get it. Guess I was wrong on that one.

Way too many sub-forums anyway. What ever happened to all of us being multi-faceted in our conversations? Now, we have to adhere to some code of conversation so we can have neat little packages that people don't complain about.

Ok, so we'll kill the comedy. Don't want to offend anyone, after all. God forbid. Oops...here come the Christians to get offended over that one. Pretty sure the Pink fans are gonna dogpile over the hepatitis crack. While I'm at it, I guess I offended the victims of hepatitis.

Yeah, easier to just post the same old safe, bland posts.

Sad state, peeps....

 

[johnttickle]

I got the humor of this thread. I just read it and still can’t stop laughing, and I grew up a red neck in a small logging town in Oregon, and I am not offended one bit.

Also I grew up on country music and bluegrass. I love Bill Monroe live at Bean Blossom!!!
Yea hawwwwwwwww!!!!

It is true you can be a RUSH fan and like bluegrass.

God love ya Dave.
Mahalo and Aloha, John

 

[jugner]

Your last post had almost as much satire as your rant.

Talking about Faith Hill, or how it should be rock rather than country is fine.
The dozen or so stereotypes did bother me. Look at the forum, how many sentences about the south don't have the words racism, nascar, jesus, or hound dogs in them? Keep hearing it and you start thinking people believe it.