Coma (M/F)

[Marquis De Sade]

So. Here's a little experiment. Format is HUGE for me. How a story actually "looks", with paragraphs, spaces, the spaces and the whole "look" of the paragraphs themselves, everything adds to the content and experience of the story itself. To me anyway.

I've always hated how the format changes so drastically once posted so here's how one looks when I write it.

You're looking at what I see when I'm finished. Please do leave feedback letting me know if you like it, or dislike it because I'm thinking about editing everything I'm proud of and switching them all to this format. The space between pages isn't as perfect as I'd want them to be, but it'll have to do for now.

I also have one coming, a very, very important one. Where the format itself is part of the actual story.

Until then, here's Coma.

Enjoy.

 

[jonsmith]

Holy....shit.....

I absolutely loved it! I....I....wow. At times I was reading this and I literally started crying Marquis! You evoked so much emotion in this piece! OH MY DAD!!!! 😛

Tell me, truthfully, is there a sequel to this? I mean...this is Bloody Brilliant!

SO POETIC. You could definitely write some tickling poetry dude!

I want to try to make a tribute to your stuff now. It's just so powerful!!!

 

[Musicroxmysox]

Couldn't agree with you more that the shape of a story adds even more to it's depth.

As always you twist things up entirely into a new direction.

So I take it we can look forward to more on a similar vein. 🙂

 

[Deleted member 66627]

You already know how I feel about the story.

-- The formatting concept is interesting. You might have to crop a little of it though if you can. It's long at the end.

 

[rockshock28]

Golden Feather Worthy. You are an inspiring writer. Please keep gracing this community with your stories.
Rockshock28

 

[suikoden]

Awesome awesome awesome. I love your writing style Marquis, it is utterly unique around here.

Great job with the formatting too. I know that was giving you a headache. 😉

Now I think you should give us this other story you've been talking about before JC bursts! 😀

 

[Marquis De Sade]

Jesus: Is THAT why it sprinkled a little from the sky last night? 😛

Thanks man. That really does mean a lot. I'm very flattered and very happy you enjoyed it. As far as a sequel goes...not really. Never had one planned.

Music: Yup. More coming. And because I know how to do it now, I probably will go ahead and reedit some of my other ones.

Crystal: I tried to cut the end off but I was using a cropping program that crops all pages at once. Doing it by hand made each jpeg file a different size. The forum would do this weird thing where it would adjust the size of the pic, and the size of the actual text.

rockshock28: Thank you very, very much for the compliment. 🙂

Suik: 😀 It WAS giving me a headache. OMG man you have no idea. Thank you free cropping program.

As far as the big one...it's coming.

Thank you again, all of you, and HUGE thanks for voting for me too.

 

[Rithwraith]

Aha! I've been looking forward to seeing a new story from yourself, and this one certainly does not dissapoint;

Concise and vivid descriptions... check.
Originality and envy-inspiring genius... check.
Impecable characterisation... check.
Introductory mysteriousness... check.
Inspiring... check.
Terrific dialogue... check.
Flows well and not at all cumbersome... check.
And the rest that escapes my sieve like memory... check.

I bow, again, to your brilliance sir. Tis ace.

 

[c7_assassin]

Brilliant as always. This is some of your most original work since Fight Club came out in 1996. 😉

And I vote Yes on the new formatting idea too. Definitely adds something.

Eagerly awaiting more... 🙂

 

[jm157]

Two words for this one Mr. De Sade: Loved It!

I have been waiting for a new story from you. Now I can't wait for "the big one!"

Thanks for writing and sharing!

 

[myth77]

Wow!! This story was incredible. I really love your writing style. This was a wild ride...amazing work, Marquis!

 

[starburstz91]

One of my favorite stories.
Still saved on my computer.

 

[iceman]

Amazing!

 

[Marquis De Sade]

Rithwraith: Thanks man! Now where's a new one from you? 😀

c7_assassin: 😛 And thanks for the format comment. I like this too.

jm157: Thanks again! The big one will depend on whether or not the artwork comes through before Dec 31st. If it doesn't...I'll probably hold onto it until next year.

myth77: Touche!

Aubrey:

iceman: Thank you very much. Glad you enjoyed it! 🙂

 

[suikoden]

Brilliant as always. This is some of your most original work since Fight Club came out in 1996. 😉

LOL! 😀

Shhhh! The first rule of the TMF is...

 

[SoundSiren]

This...

The sun sets in a nuclear holocaust time-stopped in its beautiful aftermath. The hell-fire cloud smudge from the muted overcast glow of God palming the light bulb in the sky we call the sun.

...floored me. One of the most beautiful lines of prose I've every read. Not to mention all the rest. If I quoted every line that I loved in your story Marquis...well I might as well quote the whole story. 😉

Superb writing. Can't wait to read more of your work!

 

[Marquis De Sade]

This...



...floored me. One of the most beautiful lines of prose I've every read. Not to mention all the rest. If I quoted every line that I loved in your story Marquis...well I might as well quote the whole story. 😉

Superb writing. Can't wait to read more of your work!

LOL. Thank you Sound Siren. Very, very flattering words. Glad you enjoyed it.

Now, post some of your stuff up.

 

[SoundSiren]

LOL. Thank you Sound Siren. Very, very flattering words. Glad you enjoyed it.

Now, post some of your stuff up.

Gaaah!

There are many intimidating talented writer's on this site and I'm a wee bit shy to post. Give me a little time to gather the nerves. LOL. *runs and hides in the corner*

 

[goddess_nemesis]

Ok, you've seriously gotten me addicted to your stories. Now I have to read them all. Fuck. Good thing I have tomorrow off. Lol. 😛 Awesome story.

 

[Marquis De Sade]

Ok, you've seriously gotten me addicted to your stories. Now I have to read them all. Fuck. Good thing I have tomorrow off. Lol. 😛 Awesome story.

Heh. Thanks. <3 I still need to get to yours. 🙂

 

[Swizzle Stick!]

This is a painting come to life.....truly brilliant. I don't know what else I can say I just want this hung on my wall.

 

[SoundSiren]

This is a painting come to life.....truly brilliant. I don't know what else I can say I just want this hung on my wall.

Agreed...really it inspires me to actually paint something. 😉 I keep coming back to this one Marquis. Look forward to your next one...soon please? Kthxbai! 🙂

 

[Marquis De Sade]

This is a painting come to life.....truly brilliant. I don't know what else I can say I just want this hung on my wall.

Thanks Swizzle. I'll frame it for ya. 😉

Agreed...really it inspires me to actually paint something. 😉 I keep coming back to this one Marquis. Look forward to your next one...soon please? Kthxbai! 🙂

LOL. Thanks again Siren. Soon...

 

[Swizzle Stick!]

My fav story deserves a bump. Maybe it will inspire more. 🙂

 

[meangry]

This is the first time I've read this and I was doing it before bed because I figured, hey, why not? There's a clear line of delineation between erotic literature and literature, the actual focus and desire from an authorial standpoint more than likely shifting depending on what exactly is being constructed. I came in expecting erotic literature. Maybe with more of a bent and articulated voice, but at the end of the day, I came in with the expectation of erotic literature.

This isn't really that. And as such, it has no place on this forum.

Yeah, you have tickling in this story and that's all well, fine, and good, but I'd be lying to you if I feel this story belongs on this forum. It doesn't. With a shift or a strip, I could imagine this in my Reader's Digest. Nah, not that. One of those indie published short story collections with the really abstract art on the cover. Yeah. One of those. I don't see why not. This isn't a value assessment on your story as bad. It's good. Cryptic. Soft and playful in an acid whitewash where the nerves have been cauterized of feeling but the More still remains.

Not going to blow smoke your ass about creative conventions, and in truth, you'd be better off posting these as PDFs rather than images. Your minimalist style threw me for a loop, but it was a pleasant one as I realized that you were rolling into a part of my brain that had been shut off in the pre-game for bed. I didn't pick this up expecting this. I was looking for something simple. There's no better compliment to pay another writer (this isn't the forum, this is as a writer to a writer) than to call them a writer.

I know you haven't been around. If you ever do come around, hit me up so we can talk about this.