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Coming out of the tickling closet

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PrinceofDesire

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I know this topic has been discussed a lot here - particularly in terms of how to be open with romantic partners about being into tickling. A lot of great insights have been shared (including that the term "coming out of the closet" probably isn't really ideal for this topic). What I'm most interested in right now is people's experience being open about it with others in their lives (friends etc).

On the one hand, we're talking about a "kink" or fetish - and I agree that we don't really need to share what turns us on with the rest of the world, beyond people we're romantic/sexual with. It's also definitely important to acknowledge that this is totally different than a conversation about "coming out" in any LGBT identities. There's a LOT more social challenge that comes with that, for sure - it's a completely different ball game.

At the same time, I've been thinking about how my love of tickling (and in my case, feet, too) is a really big part of me. And often I feel like I'm trying to hide it in some way. For example, if friends are talking about "mainstream" porn, I often feel really uncomfortable or awkward, because it doesn't hold any appeal to me, but I pretend to agree with whatever they're saying because I feel embarrassed that I'm not into that and into something else. Could I be brave enough to say, "Actually, I'm not into that stuff - I'm into tickling and really love tickling stories and videos"? Or (and I know this isn't a foot fetish website 🙂) could I be brave enough when someone is talking about boobs to say, "I'm really not much of a boob guy - I love feet, though."

Obviously it depends on the person you're talking with and a variety of other circumstances, and I actually have "come out" to a very close friend fairly recently. Other than that, it's been just the women I've been in long-term relationships with and one "friend" from high school who I primarily just chatted online with during late high school and early college.

For a long time I felt like I REALLY didn't want people to know. Now more and more, I feel like I kind of DO want people to know. I want them to know because it's part of who I am and what I like. And I think it's also a shift that's happening in me - from feeling more ashamed or embarrassed by my "kink" to really fully embracing it more; perhaps also in general, embracing my sexuality more and feeling less guilt about how strong it is or how much energy there is behind it.

These are my thoughts - what are yours?
 
Well for me I'm pretty open about myself. I haven't told anyone in my family, but that's because my fetishes are sexual for me and I don't talk about my sex life with my family. My best friends know and they're cool with it.

I am however a little different, there though because although these are fetishes for me, I still consider sex to be a more enjoyable experience than tickling or having some fun with feet (I also have a foot fetish). I also love breasts too. I guess for me, I love all the things that guys usually like, but I also happen to love tickling and feet as well. If anyone were to come out and just ask me if I had any fetishes (with the exception of my family) I'd have no problem telling them that I love feet and tickling. Especially if that person is someone who I think could eventually turn into a play partner. If they aren't into it, it's better to get that out there and know for sure because it can be a lot more disappointing to be fantasizing about playing with someone and find out that never in a million years would they want to do that.

I would say however, wait for people to bring it up, you don't want to basically tell everyone you meet that you have fetishes because it's just weird. For me it's not something I'd bring up in a normal social situation, but if someone were to bring it up, then I don't mind telling them. I've been able to give some foot massages that way, so it's worked pretty well for me.
 
As a teenager perusing newfound tickle material on the internet, I always grappled with conflicting feelings.

On one hand, I loved the thrill of exploration and discovery, and I cherished the relief that my hitherto mysterious and confusing feelings were "legitimate", for lack of a better word, and not cause for any real concern (ever since childhood, I was always baffled by the fact that I enjoyed seeing lady-feet in Disney cartoons [Pocahontas was monumental] and my stomach filled with butterflies anytime I saw tickling, either IRL or depicted).

On the other hand, right alongside the excitement and novelty and discovery were concurrent feelings of guilt, shame, and embarrassment. Why didn't the simple sight of boobs or butts "do it" for me, like my peers? How could such an innocuous and playful act as tickling arouse me so profoundly? I'm sure most teenage boys with a cache of pornography hidden on their computers worry about having their collection uncovered by prying mothers, but my worry was above and beyond such pedestrian concerns. This wasn't just porn... it was tickle porn. Should my mother discover a folder of contemporary in-out in-out pornography, it would be embarrassing, for sure, but ultimately understandable. But how could I explain megabyte upon megabyte of women in bondage being subjected to tickle torture way past their comfort levels?



The thought of being "discovered" haunted me. I would entertain horrible fantasies of being "exposed" by my family or peers, not being able to explain myself or such deviant masturbatory fodder material, and anytime I would search for new tickle material I would always be left, ultimately, with these feelings hanging around long after I was finished.


With age comes wisdom and perspective. The first time I divulged my secret (my first girlfriend) was terribly uncomfortable. I stammered and sweated and could not bring myself to make eye contact, and I made it such a big deal I definitely put her off to the entire idea. I made her swear up and down she wouldn't tell a soul about my peculiar proclivity, and instead of a simple sexual deviation, a kink in my sexual makeup, I made it out to be a hand-wringing obsession harbored deep in my soul.


Flash forward to now. My current girlfriend picked up on my love of tickling pretty quick, namely because I would tickle her all the time, moreso than the average bear. When she mentioned her opbservation to me, without showing her the TMF or any tickle porn, without using the word "fetish" or alluding that this was a secret (or even that big of a deal, for that matter), I simply said, "yeah, I like to tickle. It kinda turns me on, actually". Her eyes light up and she smiled this devious smile, and the rest, as they say, is history. We play as often as my heart desires, and I feel she's slowly getting into it as well, oftentimes actually initiating impromptu tickle sessions without and prodding or mentions on my behalf.



It is what it is, I guess. Normal people don't meet people and off the bat read them a laundry list of their sexual preferences, and depending on the personal dynamic there are many lifelong, ironclad friendships between two people wherein sex is not discussed or mentioned. I find if you tend to hold a "vanilla" perspective on sex, you're not one for overtly sexual discussions, and if you happen to be a bit kinkier than average in the bedroom, you'll have no problem discussing sex, fetishes, preferences, etc. You wouldn't tell a priest about the awesome lay you had the night before, nor would you hit your local barkeep over the head with the existential quandaries keeping you up at night; a time and a place for everything.


I've told most of my past sexual partners about the whole "tickle-thing", and a handful of my kinkier friends, and only when it was warranted (ie topic at hand). Never a big deal, never an eyelash batted. We magnify things in our heads, making mountains out of molehills. I mean, people are into watersports and scat; people like to defecate in diapers as they roll around in adult-size cribs; people like to be fed their own semen from domms in skintight Catwoman outfits (not that there's anything wrong with such activities, haha. Glass houses and all). In the grand scheme of things, getting aroused by tickling or being tickled isn;t that crazy.



I get what you mean when you say it is part of you. I discovered the word "fetish" existed at 14, and it took many years of painful soul-searching to reach the plateau of personal acceptance I'm now at at 26. You hit the nail on the head referring to the unnecessary expenditure of energy from consequent shame and guilt.... life is so short, why make it any harder with hangups? Embrace what makes you happy... because who else is going to make you happy but you?
 
Rusty is awesome! 😀

And, he is just talking about his sexual wants. Just imagine what his girlfriend puts him thru... 😛
 
Plenty of fetish sites that cater to tickling, twitter, etc... Most Vaniillas will not understand so it's of little or no use.
 
It's not something I feel the need to share with anyone who is not discussing sex with me, or is a potential play partner. My friends and family do not need to know what gets me off. That being said, I am pretty open about it - with the right people.
 
Well, that's how I see it too. I wouldn't tell anybody, but all in all I'm pretty open. My friends know that I like to get tickled, but I think they don't know that it's a fetish. Same with running around barefoot. Lol, they just think that I like to show my feet. Haha. But I wouldn't have a problem with telling anybody that these are my fetishes. Lol, they only have to ask.
 
It's part of who I am too, but I don't feel comfortable sharing that part of me with vanilla friends or family. It's just a conversation that's awkward enough to have when you're trying to tell someone like a significant other, why put yourself through that for no reason? Yeah, you might have to tiptoe around certain conversations, but I'm sure lots of people feel that way. Everyone's got secrets.

And on the other hand, if you do tell your friends, they may be thinking "Ok... what do you want me to do with that information? Why are you telling me this?" and that might make things even more awkward lol.

There's nothing wrong with telling them and I've told a few vanilla friends of mine in the past. Ok, two. A kid I had a crush on in high school who thought it was fun and a girl last year when we were drunk and playing some kind of truth or dare game. Outside of certain situations, telling someone you're into tickling might just come off as weird if it's not the right context.
 
AnnieHall said:
It's part of who I am too, but I don't feel comfortable sharing that part of me with vanilla friends or family. It's just a conversation that's awkward enough to have when you're trying to tell someone like a significant other, why put yourself through that for no reason? Yeah, you might have to tiptoe around certain conversations, but I'm sure lots of people feel that way. Everyone's got secrets.

And on the other hand, if you do tell your friends, they may be thinking "Ok... what do you want me to do with that information? Why are you telling me this?" and that might make things even more awkward lol.

There's nothing wrong with telling them and I've told a few vanilla friends of mine in the past. Ok, two. A kid I had a crush on in high school who thought it was fun and a girl last year when we were drunk and playing some kind of truth or dare game. Outside of certain situations, telling someone you're into tickling might just come off as weird if it's not the right context.
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I couldn't have said it better!!!!
 
telling someone you're into tickling might just come off as "weird" if it's not ("in") the right context.
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-AnnieHall

You should have put weird in quotes... 😛
 
AnnieHall said:

There's nothing wrong with telling them and I've told a few vanilla friends of mine in the past. Ok, two. A kid I had a crush on in high school who thought it was fun and a girl last year when we were drunk
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So you're not a girl at all? Gasp!
 
AnnieHall said:
Why?
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Because human sexuality(human action): is not empirical. Every human action is subjective; outside of survival, which is objective. So, claiming something as "weird," is a subjective argument or statement.
 
Jagermeistered said:
Because human sexuality(human action): is not empirical. Every human action is subjective; outside of survival, which is objective. So, claiming something as "weird," is a subjective argument or statement.
Click to expand...

I like what you say, and how you say it.
 
I keep in it the bedroom. I only discuss or purpose the fetish with girls I'm interested in dating. I have had mini sessions and "tickle fun" with girls I haven't dated as it was part of our friends with benefits. I'll poke and flirt tickle with friends I'm really close with, but family and strangers I don't dare touch or anything like that.
 
I rarely talk about my tickling fetish outside of a romantic relationship. On one end, it really isn't anyone's business. On the other, when I do talk about it, I end up saying something like "yeah, I get a jolly out of making someone laugh. So what?" Either way, it's my life.
When it comes to the girls I've dated, none have really had a problem with it. One actually indulged a bit! Made my day (and our night 🙂)
 
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