Confidence...Overrated?

[Edge]

I've heard that many females any age really 20s, 30s, 40s...that they like a guy who is confident. They find that "attractive." Call me a skeptic but I honestly think when a guy asks a girl out his "confidence" has very, very little (if any) effect on the outcome. I simply don't buy the whole "be more confident" thing that I've heard from girls. This is how I see it...If a young woman finds a guy physically at least somewhat attractive, and he asks her out confidently OR shy/nervously she will say yes no matter what cause she's attracted to him physically. On the other hand, if a woman things you are ugly or not her type physically and you walk up to her and smile and confidently look at her, and compliment her, suck up, be a gentleman etc...that your still getting your ass rejected when you ask her out cause your not her type. Am I wrong/right?

 

[Mimi]

Confidence means nothing to me. I like a man who is out-going, but the only decision I'd make based on a mans confidence is if he crossed that fine line and passed into "arrogance", and then I would be totally put off. The only thing worse than arrogance or conceit is intollerance or prejudice. To consider yourself better than ANYONE for any reason is unjustified and ugly.

Mimi

 

[ticklkitten]

When we say that we like a guy with confidence it has a lot to do with us not liking someone who is self depreciating. he has to know what he is good at instead of thinking all about what he thinks he fails at. For another point, a guy's personality has a LOT to do with how attractive I think he is. An average looking guy with a great personality can have me swooning in no time at all. Hope this helps?

 

[Edge]

yeah Ticklekitten, by the way we're the same age...
but I think I've become a female hater, well I just hate having to try to ask someone out, its so hard to do, for me at least. I'm such a loner kinda. But at least I'm into tickling, thats a start right? O🙂

 

[ticklkitten]

Wow, I typed that message in the peak of my haze I was in earlier and I way needed to edit it! lol at me... Why on earth are you a female hater!?

 

[Edge]

Cause I don't have a lot of luck with them so far...and cause they are really really picky, and they have too many double standards...Need I say more reasons?

 

[ticklkitten]

we aren't all like that. Myself for example.. and I'm not the only one.

 

[Edge]

Hmmmmmm do you have like aim or yahoo messanger? Could talk on that if you wanted to...I just keep looking back at the board to answer your reply lol.

 

[Brookie]

It's tough to go up to a pretty girl and just talk to them....it takes some courage and confidence.....you'll get rejected for a variety of reason's not limited to you looks, personality etc....sometimes they're not in the mood to talk. Try not to take it personally...there are lots of other women to try right after. Confidence is dusting yourself off and trying again.

Here are some things to consider:

Watch for eye contact....women pick usually.....If you're not looking at women you won't appear to be available.

Smile, women are interested in men who are approachable. Leave your stone or street or don't ask me for money as I'm walking downtown face at home...try to smile and have fun.....girls are very attracted if you look like your having fun not stone faced. Bringing a friend its easier.

If you get some eye contact try to look back and smile....look for a smile....if you get it you must act....or they'll seek out another prospect.

Move around, don't grow roots to a spot so you can see a number of women.

Generally women looking go in pairs, sometimes more but less often.

If you're with a friend go over to the pair together. Tell your friend who you like and get him to talk to the other girl. He may not be interested in the other girl...that's ok...he's doing you a favour and you'll do the same for him some other time.

Smile and just say Hello or Hi. To Both of them not just the one you like. If she made eye contact you are responding to she should smile...she wanted you to come over. Most guys don't....shows confidence on your part. +1 for you.

Ask a question, it doesn't matter what..

Are you having fun?
What brings you to this place, I hear the XXX (food , music.etc) is great.)

If they are interested they'll start talking....let them.

Soon introduce yourself and your friend.

The'll do the same...remember their Names and use them.


Pick any topic you like (travel, movies, sports, tv shows, music, books ...) and ask if they've done/seen/bought any of it lately.

When they start talking listen.....ask questions about what they are saying. Try not to talk too much let them talk more.

The dialogue will become stale eventually, it's ok to get drinks, let them dance or dance with them. Dialogue for hours is hard so break it up a bit.

If you get good body language that indicates interest then you should be confident enough to ask for a number. She looks at your eyes, her diretion faces you, she touches her hair and face, she touches you while talking.

Be very direct and casual, assume you will get a number.
(You should have a pen and card or something to write on)

Say something like

"I had a great time with you and I'd like to continue this conversation sometime can I have your phone number Name?

Sometimes they are shy about a phone number, ask for email, otherwise offer your card. Women worry about their safety and may not feel comfortable to give you a number.

...then leave and call them in 2 or 3 days.


Bars are hard, parties are the easiest, work,clubs and classes are good to.

 

[Knox The Hatter]

I've heard that many females any age really 20s, 30s, 40s...that they like a guy who is confident. They find that "attractive." Call me a skeptic but I honestly think when a guy asks a girl out his "confidence" has very, very little (if any) effect on the outcome. I simply don't buy the whole "be more confident" thing that I've heard from girls. This is how I see it...If a young woman finds a guy physically at least somewhat attractive, and he asks her out confidently OR shy/nervously she will say yes no matter what cause she's attracted to him physically. On the other hand, if a woman things you are ugly or not her type physically and you walk up to her and smile and confidently look at her, and compliment her, suck up, be a gentleman etc...that your still getting your ass rejected when you ask her out cause your not her type. Am I wrong/right?

Personality makes up for a lot. More than you think. I've seen the ugliest guys do better than the good looking dweebs. And then some guys are completely hapless, helpless, and hopeless.

 

[Edge]

Are you saying I'm a dweeb, that I'm ugly, that I'm helpless/hopeless, or all of the above? lol 🙂

 

[Stevereeno]

You don't need luck with women. Like us males, females are human and have strengths and weaknesses. Try communicating with one and see how things go. Let her know you are interested in her and ask her how she feels about that. She will either say yes or no. If she says no, there are so many other women that you can ask. Why complain about a girl turning you down? Would you really want to be in a relationship with somebody who could care less about you? The point is, we can't click with everybody out there. You only have a problem (or bad luck) if you have met every single woman on earth and have not clicked with any of them!

 

[Knox The Hatter]

Look, Edge, the point is, it seems to me like you're giving up. Don't EVER give up. If there's one thing that's an article of faith with me, it's that there's someone out there for everyone...and if you're dilligent enough, you will succeed. I personally think you might not be increasing your scope enough.

 

[Brookie]

If you live in a larger community try Speed Dating. It's fun and exciting.......meet more available women in 2hrs than you are likely to all year. Check it out on the web as an alternative.

 

[TummyDragon]

Making your potential date feel at ease is extremely important... like, once you make the eye contact, get the smile, and walk over, inevitably she'll ask you "Have you ever been married?" and at this point you smile wryly and respond, "Does it count if they haven't found the body?"

See, now that will absolutely make her swoooooooon to be with you..

Okay, for your original question...

Back in the dark ages of me college statistics years, one project we had to accomplish was a survey of 5,000 men and women with the top question being "What do you value most in a relationship". The women's top answer with 80 something percent was a "feeling of security". There were other studies prior and since which suggest the same.. which was the basis of the assignment - the attempt to verify finding of other studies.

This is probably related to the 'attracted to confidence' as an aura of confidence suggests, whether accurately or not, that the man is both a good provider and protector. This would lend a bit to at least an illusion of "security" on multiple levels.

5,000 is a small sample, and of course it was only as controlled and scientific as a group of students racing to meet a deadline could manage, but, I think it does lend enough credence for a logical theory to be submitted for further research. The studies could also simply be hogwash..

And, as Knox mentioned... never ever give up.

 

[MrMacphisto]

It's been my experience that confidence would seem to refer more to social skills than actual self-esteem. If a guy is good at putting up a front of confidence but is also able to compensate for this front later (whether through being a gentleman or by showing he has sufficient talent or intelligence to keep the woman's interest), then true self-esteem is somewhat obscured. Even highly successful people often have bouts of depression or insecurities; they must simply adapt to these things and "roll with it."

I'm not a ladies' man by a long shot, but I have a good understanding of what my "league" is. It's like what the main character in "Hi-Fidelity" talks about: "Punch your own weight." In other words, don't aim too high, but don't aim too low. You wanna come across as interested but not desperate. To be quite frank, sometimes alcohol helps too... lol...

Anyway... don't feel bad man... Relationships are optional, and being young, you still have plenty of time to meet someone. By coincidence, I'm actually a year younger than you and kitten. I understand the feelings of loneliness or resentment you might have, but man, I've been out of a relationship for like 2 or 3 years now. My situation is probably very different from yours in that I don't feel like starting anything romantic right now, since I'll be moving to Canada relatively soon. My parting advice to you is to take some college classes if you can afford it. Continuing your education part-time is always a good investment, and while you're at it, you'll probably end up meeting some young women that might just share your interests. It's worked for me before....