Consent and safewords

[TTT for joy]

When tickling in bondage is involved I just personally feel like there always should be safe words. I think that when it comes to anything involving their bodies, people just should be able to withdraw their consent at any time... especially when some sort of torture is involved. This applies to BDSM as well, but since tickling is my only kink, that's what I'm interested the most in this topic.
Since enjoying people's reactions is a big part of tickling and I guess some people want to push themselves to their limits I can understand some people might be reluctant using safe words, but I personally would never tie someone without giving her a possibility of escape, since I feel like tickling should be consensual all the time and consent should be something one has the possibility to withdraw.... but when you have someone who screams at you "stop!" and you enjoy it so keep going, it's kind of a hard thing to do without safe words.
To be clear I never was involved in bondage tickling in a first place and even though I would like to, I would never ever do it without giving a safe word to my lee.
I do my best not to judge people on what they are doing in their private lives, because every person has his own sensibilities and what one person considers extreme some can consider perfectly fine. However I'd especially like to hear from ticklers who do not use safe words in their sessions, because I just can't help but think of tickling someone against their will as an evil thing to do.

 

[robmic]

Since I have been tying up and tickling people since I was very young, I have never used a safeword. Back when I started as a kid, we had no idea what a safeword was. But, one thing I learned very quickly, was that you must pay attention to the reactions of the person you are tickling. A crying, or pissed off 'lee is no fun to tickle. So, I would pay close attention to the 'lee and not tickle too long without stopping and giving them a rest. These days, I will give the 'lee the option to have one or not. Either way, I will still be vigilant about watching them closely to insure their safety.

 

[kevin_kidnapped]

Since I have been tying up and tickling people since I was very young, I have never used a safeword. Back when I started as a kid, we had no idea what a safeword was. But, one thing I learned very quickly, was that you must pay attention to the reactions of the person you are tickling. A crying, or pissed off 'lee is no fun to tickle. So, I would pay close attention to the 'lee and not tickle too long without stopping and giving them a rest. These days, I will give the 'lee the option to have one or not. Either way, I will still be vigilant about watching them closely to insure their safety.

Such a thoughtful and caring ler! lol

Agree though, the option of a safeword should always be left to the lee. I seldom like to use one, and in those cases it's always good to know that the ler is keeping a watchful eye.......usually 😉

 

[Wade]

My tickling experiences have all been impromptu ones, generally with vanilla lers, often in non-romantic and non-sexualized contexts, so there's never a safeword because there just isn't that kind of infrastructure. On the other hand, it also means I'm usually getting tickled by someone in an affectionate or at least friendly context so they're disinclined to push it too far, but there have been a few instances when, in the midst of my hysteria, I got genuinely panicky about the fact that it wasn't stopping and I had no way of making it stop. Of course, eventually it did stop, and I was unharmed, but there was an edge of acute desperation in the mix there.

 

[matt62]

In my fantasies the tickling is non-consensual, where safewords don't apply.

Real life is a different matter. There my sadistic side is in conflict with my very soft heart. I also find I have a conscience. Where the ticklee cannot physically escape from the situation, she has just got to have a safeword or I couldn't live with myself.

The ideal real life situation, and one which I rarely have the luck to encounter, I suppose would be where the Ler and the Lee have a deep and long-standing relationship of trust and respect, AND the Lee has a masochistic desire to be taken beyond her/his limits which equals the strength of the Ler's own sadistic desire. Then you might experimentally agree to dispense with a safeword. You would be flirting with danger, but for some of us that's what it's often about.

Even then, I would probably find myself troubled by nagging fears that even if my Lee was apparently consenting to be taken that far, she might not be making the judgment from a sound place in her own psychology, and perhaps I should be looking out for her well-being myself, and override her decision and restrain my urges.

A conscience can be such a nuisance.

 

[duderino84]

Since I have been tying up and tickling people since I was very young, I have never used a safeword. Back when I started as a kid, we had no idea what a safeword was. But, one thing I learned very quickly, was that you must pay attention to the reactions of the person you are tickling. A crying, or pissed off 'lee is no fun to tickle. So, I would pay close attention to the 'lee and not tickle too long without stopping and giving them a rest. These days, I will give the 'lee the option to have one or not. Either way, I will still be vigilant about watching them closely to insure their safety.

Good someone put this out there....It just takes a little "extra" to know "how you're doing"....people seem to associate "more work" with "diminishing yields".....not always the case.

 

[Bradhadair]

As a Lee, I tend to say things like "I can't take any more!" or "No, not my ribs!" when I still want the tickles to continue, or go to my ribs. So I think safe words are important. That way, I can plead and beg without actually stopping the action.

As a Ler, the begging and pleading is a HUGE turn on, and I want to take my lee to that point. Safe wirds allow them to plead and beg and say no, or stop instinctively, but I can keep torturing them unless they say RED. (Universal safe word)

 

[b0xr]

I like using a safe word my 'lee would hate saying. My 'lee is a Yankees fan and I like the Mets so her safe word is Yankees Suck. She hasn't used it yet which tells me I'll just have to try a little harder

 

[tickler29]

As a Lee, I tend to say things like "I can't take any more!" or "No, not my ribs!" when I still want the tickles to continue, or go to my ribs. So I think safe words are important. That way, I can plead and beg without actually stopping the action.

As a Ler, the begging and pleading is a HUGE turn on, and I want to take my lee to that point. Safe wirds allow them to plead and beg and say no, or stop instinctively, but I can keep torturing them unless they say RED. (Universal safe word)

I agree 100 percent.

 

[Mrcool]

I always tell my lees that a safe word should only be used when you are absolutely worn out

 

[tickletherapist]

I like using a safe word my 'lee would hate saying. My 'lee is a Yankees fan and I like the Mets so her safe word is Yankees Suck. She hasn't used it yet which tells me I'll just have to try a little harder

Brilliant idea 🙂

 

[Wolf]

I always tell my lees that a safe word should only be used when you are absolutely worn out

What if they get a cramp, or if what you're doing hurts? Is it okay to use it then?
I thought the whole point of a safeword was that it stops play no matter what, and that the person could use it for more than just one very specific reason.

 

[Sensualswitch10]

What if they get a cramp, or if what you're doing hurts? Is it okay to use it then?
I thought the whole point of a safeword was that it stops play no matter what, and that the person could use it for more than just one very specific reason.

One of my friends has a condition that makes certain tickling painful if she gets squeezed too hard, so we actually use 2 different safewords. One is for if it becomes painful, so I know that I need to be more gentle, but not necessarily stop. The other is for if the tickling becomes too much to bear, a more "traditional" safeword.

 

[Wolf]

One of my friends has a condition that makes certain tickling painful if she gets squeezed too hard, so we actually use 2 different safewords. One is for if it becomes painful, so I know that I need to be more gentle, but not necessarily stop. The other is for if the tickling becomes too much to bear, a more "traditional" safeword.

That makes a lot of sense.

 

[matt62]

I like using a safe word my 'lee would hate saying. My 'lee is a Yankees fan and I like the Mets so her safe word is Yankees Suck. She hasn't used it yet which tells me I'll just have to try a little harder

This is sheer genius.

 

[Moira1639]

As being a Yankee fan myself.... I personally would never say that.... I'd say Mets suck!!!!! lol... but very creative. Lol

 

[Kantian Ethics]

What a thoroughly frustrating question ! There is no denying that the safest option will always be to establish safewords and avoid gags, but some of us - including me - might occasionally feel dissatisfied with the impossibility to go further into uncharted territory . It is, of course, more practical to alter one's desires rather than the order of the world, and that's the course of action that I would recommend for those of us with more 'hardcore' persuasions if they feel capable of moving towards more consensual forms (and less risky) forms of tickling. As for those who can't, moot point. I like the idea that our fetish covers a wide scope of sub-fetishes and can overlap with some at times (foot fetish, nail fetish, dangling, and of course BDSM). Enabling the more risky practices to be enjoyed ethically and safely would be a huge step forward.
By the way, how do you communicate a safety signal with a gag on ?

 

[b0xr]

As being a Yankee fan myself.... I personally would never say that.... I'd say Mets suck!!!!! lol... but very creative. Lol

I would take offense to that. Me being a Mets fan and all

 

[WheresThe Clip?]

I don't think safewords are important provided:
1) You are into playing with Lee's on a one time only basis.
2) You are not upset by any loss of bodily functions.
3) You can deal with any legal retribution (or physical by friends/family).

 

[TTT for joy]

I like using a safe word my 'lee would hate saying. My 'lee is a Yankees fan and I like the Mets so her safe word is Yankees Suck. She hasn't used it yet which tells me I'll just have to try a little harder

You sir are a genius. 🙂

What a thoroughly frustrating question ! There is no denying that the safest option will always be to establish safewords and avoid gags, but some of us - including me - might occasionally feel dissatisfied with the impossibility to go further into uncharted territory . It is, of course, more practical to alter one's desires rather than the order of the world, and that's the course of action that I would recommend for those of us with more 'hardcore' persuasions if they feel capable of moving towards more consensual forms (and less risky) forms of tickling. As for those who can't, moot point. I like the idea that our fetish covers a wide scope of sub-fetishes and can overlap with some at times (foot fetish, nail fetish, dangling, and of course BDSM). Enabling the more risky practices to be enjoyed ethically and safely would be a huge step forward.
By the way, how do you communicate a safety signal with a gag on ?

I'd never thought about gags as I do love hearing the lee's laughter, so gags are a huge turn off for me, but I guess a way could for example be letting the lee tap quickly with index finger if she feels the tickling should immediately stop.
As for the whole ethics business: my reasoning is simple: if you do something to someone's body: be it sex, bdsm or tickling, it should always be with consent: and if we agree upon the fact that consent is something that can be withdrawn at any point, I do think it's ethical to let a lee the possibility of stopping the tickling if she feels like it.