My mom sends me the funniest jokes!!!! 😛
It's all about the love....
A man left work one Friday afternoon, it was payday, so instead of
going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys
and spending his entire pay check.
When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted
by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade
befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you
like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
He replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
By Thursday, however, the swelling had gone down just enough, he
could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye...
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And then there are the critters....
A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the
octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar
that this is a very talented octopus.
"He can play any musical instrument in the world."
Everyone in the bar laughs at the man, calling him
an idiot. So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone
who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.
A bloke walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the
octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar
and starts playing better than Jimmy Hendrix. The
guitar man pays up his $50.
Another bloke walks up with a trumpet. This time the
octopus plays the trumpet better than Louis Armstrong.
The man pays up his $50.
Then a Scotsman walks up with some bagpipes. He sits
them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute
and then sits down with a confused look.
"Ha Ha!" the Scot says. "Ye nae can plae it, can ye?"
The octopus looks up at him and says ........"Play
it?.... I'm going to f*ck it as soon as I figure out
how to get its pajamas off.."
hehe...hope that gave someone a giggle 🙂
Joby
It's all about the love....
A man left work one Friday afternoon, it was payday, so instead of
going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys
and spending his entire pay check.
When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted
by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade
befitting his actions.
Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, "How would you
like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
He replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
By Thursday, however, the swelling had gone down just enough, he
could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye...
-----------------------------------------------------------------
And then there are the critters....
A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the
octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar
that this is a very talented octopus.
"He can play any musical instrument in the world."
Everyone in the bar laughs at the man, calling him
an idiot. So he says that he will wager $50 to anyone
who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.
A bloke walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the
octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar
and starts playing better than Jimmy Hendrix. The
guitar man pays up his $50.
Another bloke walks up with a trumpet. This time the
octopus plays the trumpet better than Louis Armstrong.
The man pays up his $50.
Then a Scotsman walks up with some bagpipes. He sits
them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute
and then sits down with a confused look.
"Ha Ha!" the Scot says. "Ye nae can plae it, can ye?"
The octopus looks up at him and says ........"Play
it?.... I'm going to f*ck it as soon as I figure out
how to get its pajamas off.."
hehe...hope that gave someone a giggle 🙂
Joby
