Crisis: Wish I was Vanilla from time to time =/

[CuteJill143]

Every so often I go through this emotional crisis of wishing that I was just born a vanilla. I feel things would have worked out different. How do I say this?????? I feel that a vanilla lifestyle, although dull and boring may just be the "safer" and easier route through life, relationship wise. I know that EVERYONE has problems though, Vanilla or not. But having a fetish causes us to make different standards as well as a different set of precautions to take.

I feel that nobody can win anyway these days. If someone with this fetish chooses to marry a vanilla, they end up sneaking on the side anyway unless there is some sort of an agreement. Or you might meet someone who shares the fetish who is really into you but they aren't for you or its bad timing, ect. Or you waste your time trying to convert a vanilla who doesn't even like it just to have another failed relationship. Or you find that the "perfect person" or "the one" who has everything you are looking for except the fact that they might not share the fetish or just not "get" it. That one thing can throw you off sometimes. These are all scenarios I wish I could just live without. A vanilla person doesn't need to worry about the things we have to worry about. Some days I wish that I was one of those people who "just didn't get it." They say ignorance is bliss...or what somebody doesn't know will not hurt them.

I'm lately feeling that I don't want my future spouse to also be into tickling at all ; but I change me mind on that every so often. If someone marries someone with the same fetish, would that mean that the entire relationships stemmed from having a tickling fetish ??? I know that is not always the case regarding TMF relationships. If two people like each other, chances are there's more in common than just that. I don't know anymore! =/

 

[Studious_Hustler]

Your last instinct is correct, Jill. If two people like each other, they will discover WAY more in common than just some fetish. An entire relationship will never stop at a tickling fetish, if it is a healthy relationship. With that in mind, then, there's only one thing to seek: a healthy relationship! And because healthy relationships are so complex and interesting, weird fetishes are only a plus, a bonus. I know sometimes I feel like singing praises out loud to God because I'm so thankful for my tickling fetish or foot fetish. I'm thankful for the ability to appreciate something wonderful that "vanilla" folks miss out on.

Even on those days when it feels like an obsession with tickling has doomed you to stress and dissatisfaction in relationships--and believe me, I have those days all the time--it's never a "crisis." We're really lucky people to have this fetish.

 

[Thatsecretchord]

I can tell you two things: 1- your definitely not alone in feeling like that and 2- people who express opinions like this are generally met with ridicule at best at contempt at worst. Just a heads up!

As far as advice I can only say don't over think it. I approach every relationship knowing full well it's HIGHLY unlikely that they will be into tickling aswell and I don't necessarily view that as a bad thing- there's more to a relationship y'know? T

 

[shaolindog]

2- people who express opinions like this are generally met with ridicule at best at contempt at worst.

Usually this. I understand that it works out ok for some people. What I don't understand is why those people think it should or can work for everybody else.

I be vanilla in a second if I had a choice.

 

[goalie34]

I'm in a very serious relationship with a vanilla, but she indulges me all the time and derives a great amount of pleasure from the fact that doing so turns me on. My point is that if it's truly the right person then any issues, with good communication, will work out.

 

[ISUmark]

I'm in a very serious relationship with a vanilla, but she indulges me all the time and derives a great amount of pleasure from the fact that doing so turns me on. My point is that if it's truly the right person then any issues, with good communication, will work out.

This. Im not in a relationship at the moment but every one I have been in has been like this. The woman sees how much it turns me on, which in turn turns them on. Its a wonderful vicious cycle. None of my ex's had a tickle fetish but were more then willing to let me play with them. I just let them know that if I tickle them I am putty in their hands and BAM...it happens.

 

[Lao]

I'm in a very serious relationship with a vanilla, but she indulges me all the time and derives a great amount of pleasure from the fact that doing so turns me on. My point is that if it's truly the right person then any issues, with good communication, will work out.

Also this. When you're in the right relationship, tickling will be something you do to get in the mood more than something that runs your life, but it can be very hard to see that sometimes. In any case, focus on the person first! You'll get plenty of tickling in if you do.

 

[ticklishdanny]

Consider yourself lucky, my when I told my ex about my kink she thought I was joking. "Tickling? Haha really?" She probably would've reacted much differently if I was into things like scat or asphyxiation. Something like this shouldn't be a deal breaker between you and "the one". You just have to keep looking, isn't that what most of the people on the forum are doing? If its meant to be, a tickling fetish shouldn't hurt your relationship.

 

[CuteJill143]

Consider yourself lucky, my when I told my ex about my kink she thought I was joking. "Tickling? Haha really?" She probably would've reacted much differently if I was into things like scat or asphyxiation. Something like this shouldn't be a deal breaker between you and "the one". You just have to keep looking, isn't that what most of the people on the forum are doing? If its meant to be, a tickling fetish shouldn't hurt your relationship.

Better than some of the reactions I have gotten from one guy. He said "oh wow that's weird. You definitely have a mental disorder or something traumatic happened to you as a child to cause you to have a fetish." Needless to say, I ditched that close-minded jerk. I guess that "the one" would not have a harsh attitude like that.

 

[ticklishdanny]

Better than some of the reactions I have gotten from one guy. He said "oh wow that's weird. You definitely have a mental disorder or something traumatic happened to you as a child to cause you to have a fetish." Needless to say, I ditched that close-minded jerk. I guess that "the one" would not have a harsh attitude like that.

Honestly its a good thing you ditched that jerk, keep searching, it might take a while but the one you're meant to be with is out there.

 

[soarhh60]

There are plenty of understanding people out there in the world. My last two girlfriends were not into tickling at all, but they understood and they knew that it was a part of our relationship. I also think that if two people met on here, and got married, they would hopefully have much more in common than the obvious common denominator.

 

[ticklemepls]

nothing worth having is easy and is worth working for...

I was married before to a vanilla... no I didnt "sneak around" but I wasnt fully happy either. You're willing to give up part of who you are for someone and it works for a little while but eventually it ate away at me and I became miserable... it's different for everyone... for some people it works, others it doesnt.

I've happened to find my perfect person right here on the site.... so hang in there it happens when it needs to 🙂

 

[helplessandhappy]

Better than some of the reactions I have gotten from one guy. He said "oh wow that's weird. You definitely have a mental disorder or something traumatic happened to you as a child to cause you to have a fetish." Needless to say, I ditched that close-minded jerk. I guess that "the one" would not have a harsh attitude like that.

That is horrible. HE is horrible. Good for you for leaving and not looking back. Someone like that doesn't have it in them to give to another person, period. It probably wouldn't have even mattered what your fetish was. He's a lazy, selfish jerk--not to mention cruel. No one who had any concern for you would attempt to make you feel bad for your turn ons. If you want to know my honest opinion, I think people who react like this have some sort of "dirty" secret fetish themselves that they feel really guilty about. They resent you for being sexually open. Seriously, I'd put money on that...

As far as wishing to be vanilla, in my younger days I felt like that. I was paralyzed by thinking people would judge me for being freaky, but in reality, I just felt guilty about having turn ons at all. I had low self esteem and didn't think I deserved things like love and arousal. Being vanilla meant operating at 50%...staying numb inside instead of seeking life's true pleasures. Now that I'm in my 30s, I'm the total opposite. I think I'm fucking amazing and that I deserve every ounce of pleasure life can throw my way. 🙂

After my recent experiences opening up to my boyfriend, I no longer have any fear about introducing "vanilla" guys to the fetish. My boyfriend is as vanilla as it gets. His biggest turn on is the the thought of impregnating me (which is of course, the most basic purpose of sex). He had zero experience with the world of S&M yet he LOVES tickling me and dominating me and is currently getting better at it by the day. I asked him the other day if I was transferring my freakiness to him and he happily said "YES!" So I do think it's highly possible to convert a vanilla person into someone who loves erotic tickling.

BUT--I will say this... he did tell me (in a non fetish way) that he "loves tickling" and wanted to "tickle me silly" before we met in person. So it certainly helps if you can start with a vanilla who is at least somewhat positive about tickling. Luckily, there are plenty.