Current events in my life. (Good read for a romantic who's losing hope.)

[Leo tickles]

Apparently, this search for love hasn't been in vain.


So here's the deal, dating website+girl=date. The way I do my dates is that the girl comes to me first, reason being so I don't get stood up or otherwise fucked over.

We talked for a few hours and eventually she called off work, came over, spent the night with me in the car *mom wouldn't let us in the house till morning*, in the freezing cold. We just talked, she told me her sob stories, I told her mine.


Lots of laughing and kissing ensued, and I actually felt almost human with her. So, morning comes, we get inside and cuddle up on the bed and sleep. Wake up, mom's bitching because she doesn't like the girl, kicks us out, tells me not to come back, we spend another night in the car. This time, I gave her my coat and shirt for blanket for warmth. (Heat wasn't an option, no money on either of us for her to get back home.)

So now here are my choices. 1: Go with her to her house and stay there (her mom doesn't care), and loose my whole family. 2: Stay here and wait for her to get an apartment here. 3: Commit suicide while I'm ahead.


3 isn't an option, so I'm packing my shit. This goes against every single story I've read about 18 year olds fucking their lives up, but fuck it. The worst that can happen is I'll end up dead, right?

So, I'm waiting for her today at 4 PM, and I'm just getting away with her. I don't know when or if I'll be back online, so if somebody cares enough to message me, this is why I'm not responding.


I knew once I found somebody it would be hard, this hard. And when the time came (now), I'm not going to back down and let somebody tear it down. My mom put it best for once. She told me, "You can fuck your whole life up in one second." To which I replied, "You can also make it in that second."

Grandma's in tears, mom's trying everything to get me to stay, and I'm torn between a life long goal, paranoia, and family.


Whatever happens, all I have to say is,


"This is my second, and I'm making the best of it."

 

[drew70]

Good luck. I hope it works out well for you and for her.

 

[chicago]

Moving in with a girl you met online after one date.

Genius.

 

[tcklft]

Forget love. If you're as young as you sound you should be getting an education, making money and getting laid, in that order. I'm a romantic and your message fills me with despair.

 

[nylonsnfeet]

Young man... 🙁

Speaking as a father with 2 daughters ( adults now) I would have shot u in the ass b 4 u even got 2 the door. I will say that I hope the best 4 u, but u r not starting out on the right foot.🙁

 

[Leo tickles]

Good reactions. Everybody seems to disagree with what I'm doing, and their only reason is "I'm older so I know better." Way to back it up, folks. And whoever said they'd shoot their daughters in the ass....... er... neeevermind. Anyways, here's an update. Maybe I can get some responses with good reasoning this time. That whole "older than you so I know better" bullshit won't fly with me. I'm younger, I know the current trends. If you thought that was stupid, it was, it's basically what your telling me.


Anyways. Mommy begged her son to stay, and I talked things over with the girl. To make a long story short, she's moving into a hotel that's like 6 minutes away on foot from me this coming Monday, and we're both going to be working our asses off to find a job to move into an apartment. While possible and probable she will back out, stranger things have happened. I'll keep you posted, the responses amuse me.

 

[cloudgazer2k]

for someone who was basically asking for advice, you sure did shoot everyone that offered it to ya right in the foot. good show!

 

[Bohemianne]

for someone who was basically asking for advice, you sure did shoot everyone that offered it to ya right in the foot. good show!

^ LOL. What did you just say..."good show"? Hmmm... when Mozart was nagged by his mother-in-law, he was never offended, it paved way to a new musical composition. No further comments.

 

[chicago]

for someone who was basically asking for advice, you sure did shoot everyone that offered it to ya right in the foot. good show!

Pretty much expected from young'ns that think they're grown.

 

[tcklft]

That whole "older than you so I know better" bullshit won't fly with me.

Well I'm only twee-and-a-half year's old and I still say yer screwy!

 

[CurtWild]

you want advice?

get your ass to school and make something of yourself.you seem to think you know about life....you`re 18,you don`t know shit about shit.

or you could continue on the path you are currently on.the truth is...i don`t care.

you might want to work on your attitude

no thanks,i don`t want fries with that....

 

[kis123]

Sorry Leo, but if you're looking for anyone who would agree with your decision, it's simply not going to happen. You said you didn't want the "I'm older than you" excuse, but that means that you really don't want to know the truth. I'm going to tell it to you anyway because if I didn't my conscience wouldn't be clear.

If you want more than a perspective, try this one out. I was four years older than you are when I became a mother for the first time. All the birth control in the world doesn't guarantee against pregnancy; I was on the pill when I got pregnant with him. You know, the 99.9% effective pill? Well, .01% is now 22 years old! In other words, shit happens my dear and if you're not prepared to deal with it, too bad once the kids start coming!

I thought we were going to get married and live happily ever after. He forgot the part that having children means SACRIFICE! He truly believed that it was my job to raise my kid alone because a man has to get work out here! He was a friggin' lunatic that I eventually had to leave; now I had this kid with special needs and no father until I met my ex.

Leo, is she really worth it? Do you really know her? Is she worth losing your family over? They're the only safety net you have and you shouldn't diss them over a stranger. You will DEFINITELY need them someday when this whole thing hits the fan. And I guarantee that as sure as my screenname is kis123, this "relationship" will hit the fan!!

My sister did the exact thing and put that man above the needs of her entire family. Since she's substantially older than me, I really didn't understand. That is until, my mother, stepfather, and oldest sister had to go to her house with guns to make that man stop beating her during her pregnancy. Plus he was abusing the other two kids from her first marriage. She defied everyone's wishes and married a man who ended up a lunatic and he nearly killed her. Now that may be an extreme example, but you said you wanted concrete proof right?

Step back and give this some serious thought before you jump off the deep end with no safety net. It can get ugly when you hit bottom.

 

[Capnmad]

"Learning is fun!"

There's an episode of "Futurama" wherein the crew goes to some theme park that's supposed to reflect what it was like back in the year 2000... An armed thief demands Fry's wallet. Thinking the guy's an actor, he plays along. Leela tries to take a picture of Fry and the "actor", and he runs off with both Fry's wallet and Leela's camera. To which Bender responds...

"Learning is fun!" 😀

This can be a learning experience for Leo, so in any event, it might have beneficial results. It could have been a much more significant one had he followed through with his previous set of plans, but one takes what one can get.

He would have been taking a big risk originally, and now it's been mitigated for the time being, until there's sufficient money for him and her to do something.

What I find interesting is that people still engage Leo when he's made it abundantly clear in post after post that he tells himself all he thinks he needs to know, and then disregards the thoughts of everyone else. He's not looking for advice, near as I can tell, because he knows better than everyone else. He's looking for reactions.

Now, I don't know why he's looking for them... Some people post outrageous crap here just for attention. Some seem to want "advice", but only if it validates their own view, and others want to raise opposition to themselves so they can indulge in their own romantic, "it's me against the world" fantasy. There are other reasons, of course, and a single person isn't limited to any one set. Maybe his reasons are none of these.

I know where I've placed my bet with Leo's motivations, but that's neither here nor there. The point is, it's unlikely there's any persuading him of anything, unless it at least partly reflects the views he already has.

He at least has some sense of why he shouldn't have left in the way he originally planned:

This goes against every single story I've read about 18 year olds fucking their lives up...

...which is probably why he ultimately listened to his mom.



I'm reminded of a story about my father when he was a child. His father told him not to touch the heating element on the stove because he'd get burned. My father nodded his head, and when granddad turned around, the first thing my dad did was put his hand on the heating element.

...screaming followed shortly after, and my grandfather grabbed my father's hand and thrust it in the icebox. He was lucky only to get minor burns.

Sometimes, people telling you something -- even if it's true, and even if they gleaned it from experience* -- isn't enough to change a mind. Usually, learning from others is only effective when being taught a skill. Anything that involves risk and/or the potential for harm usually requires direct experience to thoroughly learn the lesson.



If his connection with the girl lasts more than a few weeks and they scrape some money together, maybe he'll have the opportunity to take the risk he wants. From my experience, it's not a choice I would make, it's not one I'd consider wise at this point, and I'm likewise unimpressed with Leo's attitude toward people here, but I'm not interested in insulting him or his choice or telling him what to do. All I hope is that he learns something worthwhile from his experience, and that he winds up the better for it.



Props also to Drew for being a non-judgemental well-wisher here. When people complain of the negativity evident in Leo's posts, what purpose does it serve then, to be negative when he's finally positive about something?

Encourage positivity, encourage learning.

The only benefit in doing otherwise is getting in your jabs and preparing to be the "I told you so" guy when what (even he admits) is pretty damned probable happens. And maybe that feels good, but for the most part, those seem selfish drives to me. Besides, it doesn't take anything special to tell him the obvious, and when you let him get under your skin, folks tend to respond in an obnoxious way that convinces him more and more the rightness of his negative views of people and the world.



Leo, do as you will, and learn. Come back and regale us with your story of how things develop, be they good or ill.

Keep in mind that you yourself were disturbed at the prospect of finding a woman who'd sleep with you on the first date. Now, you're ready to move in with one after a first date, and that's a much greater committment than a one-night fling.

And dismiss the naysayers if you want, but you know that a bunch of back-slappers saying what a great idea it is to move in with someone you just met would be ten times more ridiculous and irrational than the reasonably cautious (and understandably caustic) critics you're facing now.

Good luck and be well.



*NOTE: Experience is different from simply "being older", and should be given different weight. Further, it's not so much the amount of experience as it is how one processes it that gives it worth.

 

[tickles]

What He Said..^^^^

I have a teenage son. I advise him from a place of love and experience........ Then if he chooses, I turn him loose and let him tumble!

 

[Hosetickler23]

I'm going to say thins and look foolish and paint myself as a bit of an ass but, you are making a huge mistake. Your 18 and you have basically told your family to shove it for a girl you barly know. I'm not makeing any judgements about you, your family, this girl, or her family but if I was you I would have a sit down conversation with your parents.

The logic you are presenting is that of a teenager. Invincibility, lack of common sence, and not world wise. You said the worst that can happen is death, thats true but how about this. What happens if this girl in 3 days doesn't love you and tosses you out on your ass? or Vice versa you freeze to death in the street willing to do anything for food or heat. STD's, pregnancy, drugs.

In March I broke up with my girlfriend when she decided to get intimate with another guy. Lied to me told me it was mine finally just before Halloween she told the truth. We had been together nearly 2 years I thought she loved me but apparently that was not the case. Where does this leave me spending my evenings working or playing on my PC or PS2. I don't trust women any more please if your not going to listen to anybody just remember what HT said.

 

[Leo tickles]

To make a long story short, I told her it wasn't going to work out.

Girl proceeded to start popping pills to attempt to OD and die, and I chased her down on foot until she pulled over so I could get rid of the pills before she succeeded in her suicide attempt.

So, at the end of the day, I'm still single, but I learned from this, which was the point of it in the first place.

 

[Capnmad]

To make a long story short, I told her it wasn't going to work out.

Girl proceeded to start popping pills to attempt to OD and die, and I chased her down on foot until she pulled over so I could get rid of the pills before she succeeded in her suicide attempt.

So, at the end of the day, I'm still single, but I learned from this, which was the point of it in the first place.

Hm.

Yeah. Here's to us all learning something from this.

Take care, Leo.

 

[BigJim]

The only thing you can do, is go with your instincts after you've thought of everything you can. Yep, you'll fuck up lots of times doing that, but each one will be a learning experience and you'll be a bit more experienced next time.

That doesn't mean act rashly, but neither does it mean do fuck all. Think about everything you can see in the situation, weigh it all up and then go with your instincts.

Unless your instincts are to rob a bank or start injecting heroin of course.

 

[Bugman]

I'm not going to rehash whats already been said here.I would like to ask you something Leo,and if you feel like its to personal you are free to tell me to shove it,i will not take offense.

I just wonder why at your age you are so eager to meet the woman.Hells bells man your whole life is in front of you.Theres a big incredible world out there to see.Do it while you can i would advise.Sure it would be nice to see it with somebody but for most people that comes later in life.What ever course you settle on i do wish you the best.

 

[Hosetickler23]

well experience is how we grow as humans. This girl has some issues and your better off be patient and the one will appear, just don't turn into me the real Smeagol and hide from society with my Supergirl, Power Girl, and Shazam comic books/ Graphic novels

 

[asutickler]

I've seen a couple of your previous posts about other girls that you've met, too. Thus, my advice to you is:

Cancel your membership to whatever website you keep meeting these people on, and stay the hell away from it. Seriously.

 

[Mistress Aura]

Leo, no matter what, I have to say that it takes a lot of intestinal fortitude and comfort with oneself to share such personal activities and inner thoughts publicly here, especially knowing that a certain amount of negative responses are most likely imminent. I do admire that in you and always have.

While you may have done something that most people will consider rash, being young has always meant taking chances. There's no other way to learn. In this case, while it could have ended far, far worse than it did, there was much to be learned from it--both for you and for your parents. The most difficult situations can always result positively in one way or another...hopefully, whatever you've taken away with you from this episode will benefit you in your future decisions as well as give your parents a better perspective in how to more effectively deal with the things that trigger strong response in you.

Just stay safe, that's all I would personally ask of you!

Mistress Aura

 

[Leo tickles]

Alright, so here's the whole story.

We decided she was going to come over Wednesday, and then move to a hotel for a week here Monday. For one week at the hotel, she'd have money, for the next whatever until we could find an apartment, we'd both need to work.


Anyways, she came over Wednesday, and we hung out, talked some more, etc etc. And then we started talking about the whole moving Monday thing and I started to think realistically. She was so caught up in love with me she didn't realize she wanted the impossible.

So, after debating with her, myself, and thinking of my cat and dog that I'd leave behind... well, two dogs, one furry, the other is the dog that keeps telling me to give up on love, you know, the one that walks and such.

Anyways, I came to the conclusion that while making the impossible happen is a hobby of mine, it wasn't going to be with her. I read a quote somewhere about finding somebody more emotionally stable than you are or something to that degree, and this girl was broken. And I mean B R O K E N.


Anyways, walking her out so my dog... mom, wouldn't ask questions, she got in the car and started to shake violently and cry. So, I was like to myself "kay, no problem, I've seen this before." Then girl reaches into that little area in the passenger side of the car (little thing with a door, dunno what it's called), pulls out a bottle, and starts popping little white pills.

Naturally, it wasn't a good idea to let her do it, but I just walked back and watched. And then she drove away, and it hit me what was going on. See, I didn't care if she went and killed herself, I didn't even care that I may go to jail for being the last one seen with her and not doing anything about it. I only did what I did because I figured I couldn't find love in jail.


And what I did was ran on foot after her car down the street, through some back yards, and down some more streets. After finally catching up to her on a light, I swung her door open, grabbed the bottle, and threw it out on the street. Luckily, I convinced her to pull into a drive way where nobody was home and "talk".


After telling me she's going to die soon, I checked the bottle out, and lucky for me, it was a bunch of pain pills that you couldn't OD on unless you ate the whole bottle. Girl sucked at killing herself, she told me she only took 10. So, after making sure the bottle was in a sewer, I looked at her and said 'Welp, whether you die or not, I'll miss you.' And walked off.

I called the next morning and she did make it into work okay, and apparently is now back on the dating site one day after this whole incident because I saw her profile on there and it stated she was browsing.

Kill yourself for me, and when you fail, look for somebody new the next morning?




Looking back on the whole thing, I have learned>

It IS worth it. When we were in the car those 2 nights, and when she came over before all the bullshit started, it was worth it because the connection was there. Why did I end it then? That even I don't know. Maybe I'm subconsciously afraid of finding love and going out and working, or am just worried that if I do find love, I'll have nothing else to live for.

Maybe it's the normal, human side of me trying to tell me that this shit doesn't happen in 4 days.

Mom is never right. My loyal dog, oh my poor loyal dog was wrong again. Bark bark bark, and nope, she was wrong about everything she said, ranging from the girl is a slut (tickling and kissing is not slut material), to she wants your money (I found a quarter, the shake at Arby's cost 1.68 though), to she wants to kill you (lol).


But most importantly, I learned that I CAN give a fuck, which is the most important thing to me out of all of this. I've had a few problems caring in my time, but when shit hit the fan, I out ran a car to save somebody.




Anyways. There's your whole story, blab away about some older shit, younger people blab away at how stupid I am, and I'll be posting around other threads in the forum.


As for my next adventure with a female companion, yep, I'll post about it, just because it's fun to see the one or two intelligent replies here.



And by the way, anybody who is a mom, don't get pissed at me for calling mine a dog. She gets what she deserves, as everybody else. And before bringing in the whole "she brought you into this world, respect her" garbage, I didn't ask to be brought in.

 

[Capnmad]

Well, that's more detailed, at least, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and offer a thought (I've noticed I give more money to panhandlers if they give me an interesting story, even if it doesn't make any sense*, because I figure at least they're putting in effort. Why not you, too? 🙂 )...

There are a lot of issues in this. I suspect you'll hear from others about them though, including the rather concerning, and even you've gotta admit, seems rather selfish:

See, I didn't care if she went and killed herself, I didn't even care that I may go to jail for being the last one seen with her and not doing anything about it. I only did what I did because I figured I couldn't find love in jail.

That it motivated you to do something good might be an interesting argument for prison as a deterrent or the social value of self-interest, but it's remarkable how quickly you've devalued someone from being one with whom you're seeking love and you'd leave your family for**, to someone for whom you couldn't care if they live or die as soon as things look like they won't work out... If I'm reading that accurately, it concerns me, as it speaks of someone who really isn't ready for a real committment despite the fact that you're seeking one out... But that's just my view. I digress.



If this is in fact the way this third girl has panned out, I suspect it's not the resource that you're using to find them, but how you're looking for the girls -- how you seek them out, and probably what language you're looking for in their ads.

That is, consider what they've written that makes them attractive to you... Is there any certain "type" you go for (people will sometimes go for a certain personality profile)? Do they echo your desire to find "love" or "the one", "soulmates" or somesuch? Do they seem not just to be desiring love, but desperate for it? --It can difficult to detect the difference online, sometimes, regardless your level of experience, because people can edit and hide whatever they choose, but it gets easier to see more subtle signs the more experience you have.

Think about those questions.

Try this: Look over the profiles of your past dates and find the factors common to them... Consider if those factors are more likely to correspond to stability or desperation. Then look for someone without those factors, but who's still interesting to you.

And if in your quest for love, you're looking in one category, like "Long Term Relationships" or whathaveyou, try something else. You'd said before you were looking at "plentyoffish.com"... Try something low-impact, like those wanting to "Hang out". Just hang with them for a bit... Watch movies, have coffee, play video games, but above all, talk. Communicate. Maybe they'll introduce you to their friends. Network.

It's clear you want to get out of the house. Make doing so a semi-regular thing a couple times a week -- a regular goal to get away from the house and from mom and to socialize -- not to find love, but to be with people in real life who understand you. From them, you'll be more likely to find love or something like it than taking shots in the dark online.

Now this is all just advice, and to you, I'm likely as full of bullshit as the next guy, I wager, but see if some of it makes sense to you and seems like something you'd be willing to try here and there, 'cause I'm afraid it looks like you're in some sort of rut here with your last three girls, and sometimes trying something new's the only way out...

Besides, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is a type of madness, they say -- so what've you got to lose by trying something new?

Take care and good luck, man.






*Why it doesn't make sense to me could be contributed to by a host of reasons, including but not limited to your writing style and what may be an occasional deficiency of expression -- that "little thing with a door" is called a "glove box" or a "glove compartment", by the way. Granted, it's a stupid name, because almost no one puts their gloves in there anymore. Mostly it's a place for the title (sometimes), and registration and insurance -- everything the cops want from you when they pull you over. Maybe they should call it the "Cop Box"...

**Though I imagine it wouldn't take much. You seem to not especially like them -- well, specifically, your mother.

 

[Hosetickler23]

Anyways, walking her out so my dog... mom, wouldn't ask questions, she got in the car and started to shake violently and cry. So, I was like to myself "kay, no problem, I've seen this before." Then girl reaches into that little area in the passenger side of the car (little thing with a door, dunno what it's called), pulls out a bottle, and starts popping little white pills.
Naturally, it wasn't a good idea to let her do it, but I just walked back and watched. And then she drove away, and it hit me what was going on. See, I didn't care if she went and killed herself, I didn't even care that I may go to jail for being the last one seen with her and not doing anything about it. I only did what I did because I figured I couldn't find love in jail.

You wouldn't go to jail over this unless you are forcing the pills into her throat or you slipped them into a drink and she died. If you see somebody getting ready to jump off a bridge and you just ignore them, and they jump killing themself you will not be guilty of Homicide, Manslaughter, or Murder, A big misconception is that if you witness it you are guilty by association. Murder requires intent. Manslaughter is usually unintentional but resulted in death. This is based on NY State law.

I know I said you were being dumb or stupid most of it was that I had similar experiences and want to try to stop you from making a huge mistake. The old saying Love is blind fits when you find a possible life partner you become blind to what other people see in somebody. My ex-girlfriend had me blinded until I saw it with my own eyes and the evidence was in my lap, in 20:20 hind sight I should have listend to my family and friends, but I came to my sences.