Did I do the right thing?

[ElFewja]

You handled the situation properly, if possibly too callously. I agree that what had happened required discussion with cool heads, something that you wouldn't have been able to immediately achieve.

I also think that neither she nor you are "wrong". There really isn't such a thing as a wrong, here.

Mistakes or getting carried away, sure, but whatever, it happens. And you guys got over it, because it's not that huge of a deal (what happened, anyway. It could have been, but the point is that it wasn't).

If you're ready to do something, then you are, and if you aren't then you aren't, and fuck everyone else.

Don't get worked up about it and move at your own pace. Who cares about what other people think, anyway? They're not involved and it just reveals the kind of people they are, anyway.

Hope everything works out.

 

[rhiannon]

You did the right thing! Everybody would understand if you were the girl and she was the guy! Just because you're the guy, she still has to accept your decision to not want sex! It's a pretty bad thing if someone takes advantage of the helpless situation of another person!

 

[Coffee]

Stick to your guns. If your not ready your not ready. I would call her back and try to talk with her again and maybe rekindle the relationship

 

[TickleMyFancy]

I don't think you needed to break up with her- just remind her firmly that you're comfortable staying a virgin for the time being. But hey, whatever makes you happy is what you should do.

 

[Gamer4Life]

I don't think you needed to break up with her- just remind her firmly that you're comfortable staying a virgin for the time being. But hey, whatever makes you happy is what you should do.

Given the emotions, and with what happened, she thought I broke up with her, in reality I didn't want it to seem that way though. But we're all better now 🙂 Thanks for everything guys

 

[Tickle_Addict]

No problem man...glad to hear that everything is well between you two now. 😀

 

[gentlefeather007]

Dude, I didn't know there were still guys like you left in the world, glad to see you're sticking to your principles. Male, female, black, white, or other race or religion, "NO MEANS NO!!!! PERIOD END OF STORY!!!!" Stand up for your rights my friend!!!

 

[Gamer4Life]

Dude, I didn't know there were still guys like you left in the world, glad to see you're sticking to your principles. Male, female, black, white, or other race or religion, "NO MEANS NO!!!! PERIOD END OF STORY!!!!" Stand up for your rights my friend!!!

Haha, my friends have told me I'm the epitome of "one in a million".

 

[Oddjob0226]

I don't know that that's fair Oddjob.

They can do what they want when they want, when they want; I'm all in supprot of that. I'm merely suggestiong that to be going out with each other for barely 2 months & they are not only sexually attracted to each other, not only naked together, but in handcuff & personal fetish mode. That's pretty intense in a relatively short time. The entire thing is a sexual time bomb.

In this situation she was sexually aroused. He admitted to being so himself. Perhaps she assumed - and not without just cause - that maybe that moment was "the right time". Or, if it wasn't, she felt that she was going to use her feminine sensuality to seduce this subserviant male into accepting that it was the right time (or might as well be) as part of her personal addition to the fantasy.

So, she was wrong for what she did in the situation. He was wrong for creating the "I-like-to-play-with-matches-just-don't-wanna-light-them" situation.

 

[Leo tickles]

I am a virgin as well until a point in life where I decide not to become one and my girlfriend indulges my fetish without expecting sex. What we do is called butt sex (pun intended). The reason for the name is because it's literally everything BUT sex, because I'm not ready for that.

On topic, I was with a girl for a while who pressured and pushed constantly. In the end, the relationship didn't work out for multiple reasons, but that was one of them.

Bottom line, you did the right thing. If she can't respect you, you should go find somebody who can.

 

[Mitchell]

My belief is that if a partner says they want to stay a virgin, the other partner needs to respect that.

That having been said, the telling her to go home I see as a problem. I heard of a case once where someone I used to know was still a virgin, and he softened up and lost his erection when he tried to have sex with his gf, due to nerves. The gf was upset, but he didnt tell her to go home.

My feeling in a situation like this is that a better thing to say would be something like " I understand you're excited, but I need you to respect I'm not ready for sex until.. whenever".

I'm sorry to hear you broke up with her. it sounds to me as if this point, if you do want a relationship, you need to be with someone who is going to take it very slowly, and respect your wishes. I'm sure there are such girls out there. Usually girls complain that we guys move too fast.

I wish you success in finding the type of situation you seek.

Mitch

 

[rhiannon]

He was wrong for creating the "I-like-to-play-with-matches-just-don't-wanna-light-them" situation.

Following that thought, a woman would be wrong to wear sexy clothing to a date - because that could be seen as a "I-like-to-play-with-matches-just-don't-wanna-light-them" situation, although not quite as intense. The second that the word NO is mouthed, the other person HAS to stop! Everything else is considered rape, even if the sex has already started! Everybody has the right to change their mind at any point of time!

 

[stockytickler]

You might have missed the place where this was something they'd talked about beforehand -- she knew his boundaries. They've done this before. The new element in this situation was she decided "no" meant "maybe." Also, it's only /foreplay/ when it's meant to lead to sex. Otherwise it's just play. Robert Palmer had some thoughts on this in the mid-'80s. http://bit.ly/aeDCh7

 

[rhiannon]

You might have missed the place where this was something they'd talked about beforehand -- she knew his boundaries. They've done this before. The new element in this situation was she decided "no" meant "maybe."

This exactly!

"Oh hey, she still wants to not have sex and this is simply a platonic action

There is a difference between a platonic action and going all nine yards. Maybe she just wants to play around and still keep your dick outside of her pussy! 🙂 There are so many steps between a good night kiss and sex! And unless it's her who initiates the action or tells you she changed her mind, it is not your place to decide you are going to have sex with her.

At some point common sense has to step in and help a person realize just what sort of vibe they are letting off here. And, to be perfectly honest, I'd even go a step farther to say it is selfish and cruel.

I will say it again: every participating party has the right to change their mind and say NO at any point of the game...even if the penetration has already happened! The second one of the people involved says NO, STOP, everything has to stop. Period. No discussion. And I don't care if it's mean, selfish or cruel, that's the way it is!

 

[cue]

I don't understand the comments that some made. Have we truly not evolved as human beings? If roles were reversed, we'd be telling the guy he was lucky she didn't call the cops and get him arrested for sexual assault. But because it's the guy who said "no", then suddenly it's wrong.

If someone says no, it means NO. It doesn't matter if it's a male or female. And I don't see anything wrong that he told her to leave. Sometimes distance is needed to defuse the problem. No one would have issues if a female told the male to leave.

 

[Sandisk444]

You have every right to not want sex, i mean on her point of view that must have been pretty rough to make a bold move like that and then told to leave afterwards. But if you're going to reconcile about it i say good luck. I can see sex being a pretty big elephant in the room for you guys now though.

 

[Gamer4Life]

You have every right to not want sex, i mean on her point of view that must have been pretty rough to make a bold move like that and then told to leave afterwards. But if you're going to reconcile about it i say good luck. I can see sex being a pretty big elephant in the room for you guys now though.

Haha, well the thing is, she's also a virgin, re-reading everything I realized I never mentioned that at all. I understand what you mean though, we'll just have to take it a day at a time to see where our relationship goes.

 

[mabus]

Wouldn't it have been great if she had taken off all her clothes and had sex with him anyway?! He would have enjoyed the hell out of it after realizing that his hot girlfriend indulged his tickling fetish and now is fucking the shit out of him! he said earlier he wanted to wait for sex, but come on, she's hot for him, he's naked, it's fantastic!!!!!


.....OHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHITTTTTTT!!! She just called and said she got pregnant! Oh SHITTTT!!! Ohh crap! What we tell our parents? How can I afford a kid...FOR THE NEXT 18 YEARS, AT LEAST?!!!!

OH fuck, FUCK FUCKKKK, the relationship's gone sour a year dwn the line! FUCK! NOW SHE WANTS CHILD SUPPORT!!
WHAT?! I can go to JAIL if I don't pay it?! They'll take it directly out of my check so I don't even have a choice?


SHE WANTS HOWWW MUCH?!!!!! Every check!!!! For the next 18 YEARS!!!!!!!!!

OHHH SHITTTT!!!!!!!

......oh GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, I am fucking TIRED of seeing the inside of a FUCKING GODDAMN COURTROOM every fucking few MONTHS!!!!! I've been fighting this bitch for the last TWELVE FUCKING YEARS!!!!! Every time I want to see my son she shows up late...WHEN she feels like showing up, and this judge is on HER side!

IS THIS WHAT THE NEXT DECADE WILL BE LIKE?!!! Constant fighting, arguments, strife? I just dragged my self through a DECADE of that hell already! FUCK!!!!!!!!!


Yeah......stop apologizing.

You were absolutely right to wait, and it's even better that you found someone who indulges your fetish and you two have made up and are dating again after that incident.

Make sure she knows where you stand, but also you fully appreciate the fact that she indulges your fetish and likes, and DOES want to have sex with you in the first place!

But we live in reality, and in reality, there are consequences.

I've got three friends, at least, who let me know the continual, gory miserable details of them dealing with the abject misery of one ....okay....night in bed.
The girl gets pregnant, and now she has full power over their utter misery for at least 18 long years. Some of these guys have been fighting for well over 10 years with no end in sight.

And on the other hand are the girls who must battle a selfish dead beat dad who pays no child support and offers no help.

Seriously, use some serious protection, or better yet, just wait until after you get married to have full on sex.

.....and after that, go happily in debt repairing the bedroom after you tear it to pieces in a wild screaming tickling orgy...... it's perfectly okay then!

 

[MaleTickleeDC]

While mabus is going a bit far, IMHO, with the theatrics in the comment above mine, I really do hope that there would have been some form of birth control involved had the OP and his GF gone through with the deed. I am a big fan of having a colorful and wide-ranging sex life, provided that it involves SAFE sex. Just a public service announcement for everyone there.

 

[Gamer4Life]

mabus's post made me smile, haha. Marriage is something I have considered waiting for, I figure it really is the only time I would be 100% sure I am actually ready. I guess my problem is more a desire to have sex, rather than when to do it. I've never thought about sex, and I have had the biggest fantasy I've ever dreamed about satisfied, so I'm not really sure if sex is something I'll ever want. That's what I'm thinking right now anyway, of course my opinions can always change, and I'm sure they will.