Dilemma II; we don't talk any more

[the wiz]

Scenario; {for laughs; non-serious}

Ok, I been married for 21 years; early in the relationship we had arguments about me always giving unasked for advice to her problems, when all she wants for me to do is sit and listen. So now, I just sit and listen not offering any advice what so ever like a good little do-be.

Now, I don’t participate in discussion

She starts talking about something like work; she doesn’t ask for assistance, so, I just sit there looking at her. She stands there looking at me as if she’s waiting on me to add to the conversation. But, I continue to sit there looking at her; she gets upset, goes into her den for the rest of the day.

This allows me to go back to playing my video games

What do I do?

a. Do I go back giving advice; which she most likely get offended and another argument will occur?

b. Do I continue to sit there pretending to be listening to her with great intention and a confused look on my face?

c. Do I try to figure out what she is talking about? (This for a man will take about 7 days; because I have to decipher 7 difference subjects she threw at me at once)

d. Look up at God and continue to apologize for Adam’s disobedience when he ate the apple.

e. You create you own answer

 

[xionking]

Scenario; {for laughs; non-serious}

Ok, I been married for 21 years; early in the relationship we had arguments about me always giving unasked for advice to her problems, when all she wants for me to do is sit and listen. So now, I just sit and listen not offering any advice what so ever like a good little do-be.

Now, I don’t participate in discussion

She starts talking about something like work; she doesn’t ask for assistance, so, I just sit there looking at her. She stands there looking at me as if she’s waiting on me to add to the conversation. But, I continue to sit there looking at her; she gets upset, goes into her den for the rest of the day.

This allows me to go back to playing my video games

What do I do?

a. Do I go back giving advice; which she most likely get offended and another argument will occur?

b. Do I continue to sit there pretending to be listening to her with great intention and a confused look on my face?

c. Do I try to figure out what she is talking about? (This for a man will take about 7 days; because I have to decipher 7 difference subjects she threw at me at once)

d. Look up at God and continue to apologize for Adam’s disobedience when he ate the apple.

e. You create you own answer

f. Play your video game whilst she's telling you about work. That way it's win-win.






Just don't listen to me please.

 

[venray]

Pick D.....

nstead of giving her advice, comment on what she was saying....When she is going on about work ask her questions like "Wow when that happened how did you feel? or what did you do about that? Then what happened?

And xmile, make eye contact and listen....

She will notice you taking an interest and not telling her what to do unless she asks and you will both feel good about it in the end....

 

[the wiz]

it said i was sitting looking interested in what she was saying. after for asking questions I DON'T KNOW?????????. I want to get it over with ASAP; not continue to beat a dead horse.

I'm trying to beat NEED FOR SPEED "MOST WANTED" i been playing it for a couple of months.

 

[Mistress Aura]

From A Female's POV

Excellent example of the way women and men deal so very differently with emotional issues. I sympathize with what you're dealing with, truly. We women can be so contrary and confusing to you guys -- for the record, I sometimes really wish women had teleprompters mounted on our foreheads for your benefit...it would make both sides of relationships soooo much easier. 😉 LOL

When a woman is dealing with a problem, she talks it out. She has to, it's the way we're designed. She brings it to someone she feels close to and lets loose, but she's not necessarily asking for a solution to whatever the problem might be, only to be heard out and (most likely) comforted in some way. By talking it through, she can generally come to her own conclusions on what she needs to do to make reparation.

Men are by nature problem-solvers. That's what they were designed for. It's not a man's fault if he instinctively tries to offer what he clearly sees as a way to fix a problem, that's part of his programming. Generally men are able to approach things from a logical standpoint, whereas women tend to lead with emotions first. (Guilty as charged. 😀) As difficult as it may be, it can prevent a lot of situations from escalating into personal bickering if a man can hold his tongue from immediately offering advice until he discovers just exactly what his woman is reaching out to him for.

In the scenario you've described, your wife isn't so much asking for a solution, only your support. She wants to know you're giving her your attention, that what and how she feels is important to you because she is. By responding with nothing at all, you are in essence telling her you don't care, which is far, far worse than any problem she may be experiencing at work or otherwise. If you offer advice too early in the conversation without a request for it, it sometimes looks like you're telling her something to quickly shut her up, especially if she doesn't think she's revealed enough of the details to illicit an educated response in the first place.

To quote Dr. Gray: "Gentlemen, take off the Mr. Fix-it cap and just listen to her. That's all she usually wants, to be heard and supported while she talks it through." If you're in doubt, you can even ask upfront when she's looking at you for response (assuming she's presenting a problem)--something along the lines of: "It sounds like this is really bugging you. Do you want me to help you figure out how to deal with it?" What she replies will give you the cue for your next move; whether to offer verbal help, just continue to listen sympathetically, or even just to hug/hold her while she continues.

Don't give up. It can work if you work at it.

Mistress Aura

 

[the wiz]

Mistress Aura;

That was an excellent answer; I see why they call you
MISTRESS AURA



NOW!!! i got that out of the way

What do us guys do when she comes in; interrupts your quiet time (ie looking at games or playing games) to have a discussion about something you have no opinion on.

However, when you go to talk to her in the middle of watching American Idol; She looks at you like you just killed her cat. 😱