Borg Perfection
TMF Expert
- Joined
- Nov 13, 2009
- Messages
- 408
- Points
- 0
Christianity, the bible, organized religion -- forget it all for a moment at this point.
Some here may know that I am deeply spiritual, and may understand my beliefs about what is labeled "god", or a higher consciousness, architect -- whatever word you identify with.
I don't know what I believe but I know that I am open. I know that I believe in the possibility of things, and that my arm is extended waiting for something to reach back, however I take nothing as fact.
But this is not about whether or not the existence of "god" is valid.
It's about my exploration of myself as of late, as a human being, and more thorough than ever before. This exploration is an attempt to salvage what is left of my sanity that hasn't been smashed into pieces or eroded away by a lifetime of traumatic happenings.
It's an attempt to truly understand why I as a human entity work the way I do, and perceive life's happenings and contents within such limited bounds that deserve a label of no less than "imprisonment", and an imprisonment no doubt caused by my own human mind's contumacious need to place meaning and priority on various symbols it comes into contact with.
Buddha, and the Tao both teach that the way to conquer pain, is to realize that all around you, and all you perceive is a concept -- even perception itself. All you feel, all you love, all you fear to lose, is caused by your need to place value on objects, people, relations, faces, and circumstances.
It's all meaningless.
It's madness that we orchestrate out of chaos.
Nothing is permanent, and no one belongs to anyone... As much as we'd like to believe.
Those two "facts" at this point in my life, are the greatest sources of agony I've ever experienced despite all that I've gone through already. Those two "facts" are things I have not yet accepted, even after struggling for years now to achieve that understanding.
Now, to my original point: the common theme here is pain. Pain and understanding.
I've noticed throughout my experience with pain, I'd become an embittered individual -- more and more abrasive to myself and all around me with each perceived slight of the universe, with each traumatic event, and with every crushing blow dealt by the circumstances of my experience here, my heart would grow beyond saturated with hate.
I'd become arrogant, violent, unruly, malign, out of control, demanding, unyielding -- kind of like a wild animal.
Now I have been dealt a blow in my life, which is the most crushing of them yet. This one was the back-breaker. It doesn't matter what it is, because that is not what this is about. This is not about feeling sorry, or having pity on one of many; this is about a realization in your own life, or perhaps a marker on your own route of self exploration.
For years prior, I found my own reaction to pain to be anger. To fight, to hate, to lose control and become that violent animal of instinct clawing and biting in a frantic attempt to survive.
In recent "beatings" I find my reaction to be one merely of sadness. A much different companion than anger if you examine them closely enough -- and that's all they are -- companions. They are not you, so long as you do not let them become you, and that is key. They are things you may feel, but they should never be things that you are.
In this sadness, I find that I am gaining knowledge that much like a man breaks a horse to purge it of it's unruly behavior, and forge it into something that can serve an otherwise higher purpose, I wonder if there is a "god" or more to our being than we know now, if it is the similar for us to be broken through all the beatings that come at us through life, to purge us of all the arrogance, and unruly arrogant and even destructive traits until we final submit to the fact that things do not work the way we'd like to think they should in our cocky delusions, and finally realize all of our struggling and pain is unnecessary if we just let go, and go with the flow of the stream of life.
Some here may know that I am deeply spiritual, and may understand my beliefs about what is labeled "god", or a higher consciousness, architect -- whatever word you identify with.
I don't know what I believe but I know that I am open. I know that I believe in the possibility of things, and that my arm is extended waiting for something to reach back, however I take nothing as fact.
But this is not about whether or not the existence of "god" is valid.
It's about my exploration of myself as of late, as a human being, and more thorough than ever before. This exploration is an attempt to salvage what is left of my sanity that hasn't been smashed into pieces or eroded away by a lifetime of traumatic happenings.
It's an attempt to truly understand why I as a human entity work the way I do, and perceive life's happenings and contents within such limited bounds that deserve a label of no less than "imprisonment", and an imprisonment no doubt caused by my own human mind's contumacious need to place meaning and priority on various symbols it comes into contact with.
Buddha, and the Tao both teach that the way to conquer pain, is to realize that all around you, and all you perceive is a concept -- even perception itself. All you feel, all you love, all you fear to lose, is caused by your need to place value on objects, people, relations, faces, and circumstances.
It's all meaningless.
It's madness that we orchestrate out of chaos.
Nothing is permanent, and no one belongs to anyone... As much as we'd like to believe.
Those two "facts" at this point in my life, are the greatest sources of agony I've ever experienced despite all that I've gone through already. Those two "facts" are things I have not yet accepted, even after struggling for years now to achieve that understanding.
Now, to my original point: the common theme here is pain. Pain and understanding.
I've noticed throughout my experience with pain, I'd become an embittered individual -- more and more abrasive to myself and all around me with each perceived slight of the universe, with each traumatic event, and with every crushing blow dealt by the circumstances of my experience here, my heart would grow beyond saturated with hate.
I'd become arrogant, violent, unruly, malign, out of control, demanding, unyielding -- kind of like a wild animal.
Now I have been dealt a blow in my life, which is the most crushing of them yet. This one was the back-breaker. It doesn't matter what it is, because that is not what this is about. This is not about feeling sorry, or having pity on one of many; this is about a realization in your own life, or perhaps a marker on your own route of self exploration.
For years prior, I found my own reaction to pain to be anger. To fight, to hate, to lose control and become that violent animal of instinct clawing and biting in a frantic attempt to survive.
In recent "beatings" I find my reaction to be one merely of sadness. A much different companion than anger if you examine them closely enough -- and that's all they are -- companions. They are not you, so long as you do not let them become you, and that is key. They are things you may feel, but they should never be things that you are.
In this sadness, I find that I am gaining knowledge that much like a man breaks a horse to purge it of it's unruly behavior, and forge it into something that can serve an otherwise higher purpose, I wonder if there is a "god" or more to our being than we know now, if it is the similar for us to be broken through all the beatings that come at us through life, to purge us of all the arrogance, and unruly arrogant and even destructive traits until we final submit to the fact that things do not work the way we'd like to think they should in our cocky delusions, and finally realize all of our struggling and pain is unnecessary if we just let go, and go with the flow of the stream of life.
