Do dogs make people selfish?

[Vanillaphant]

A friend of mine has a theory, just based on his own observations, that when a person becomes a dog owner, they invariably become more selfish and inconsiderate. He’s never actually bothered to go into detail, but I suppose he would argue that this is basically because they wind up prioritising their dog over actual people. I used to be of the opinion that if a person is behaving selfishly with regards to their dog, then they’re probably just selfish, full-stop. Recently, however, I’ve found myself warming to his theory.

About 3 years ago, a relative of mine got a dog. To begin with, everybody was willing to cut them some slack. Understandably, they didn’t want to leave the dog on its own, didn’t want to travel too far with the dog to see family and so on. And the dog itself would occasionally misbehave, but that’s just what puppies do after all and everything was fine. So far so normal. But now the dog isn’t a puppy, and yet nothing’s changed. The owner’s attitude is still the same, expecting everybody to make allowances, expecting everybody to bend over backwards when it comes to meet-ups and whatnot. Part of the problem is that the owner just hasn’t done a very good job of training the dog. But the biggest issue is that they really are prioritising their dog, not just over people generally, but over actual blood relatives. To the point where everybody’s sick of it. The general feeling is that said person basically needs to get their priorities in order and start treating their dog like a dog, instead of like an autistic toddler.

Any thoughts on this?

 

[WickedTouch]

A friend of mine has a theory, just based on his own observations, that when a person becomes a dog owner, they invariably become more selfish and inconsiderate. He’s never actually bothered to go into detail, but I suppose he would argue that this is basically because they wind up prioritising their dog over actual people. I used to be of the opinion that if a person is behaving selfishly with regards to their dog, then they’re probably just selfish, full-stop. Recently, however, I’ve found myself warming to his theory.

About 3 years ago, a relative of mine got a dog. To begin with, everybody was willing to cut them some slack. Understandably, they didn’t want to leave the dog on its own, didn’t want to travel too far with the dog to see family and so on. And the dog itself would occasionally misbehave, but that’s just what puppies do after all and everything was fine. So far so normal. But now the dog isn’t a puppy, and yet nothing’s changed. The owner’s attitude is still the same, expecting everybody to make allowances, expecting everybody to bend over backwards when it comes to meet-ups and whatnot. Part of the problem is that the owner just hasn’t done a very good job of training the dog. But the biggest issue is that they really are prioritising their dog, not just over people generally, but over actual blood relatives. To the point where everybody’s sick of it. The general feeling is that said person basically needs to get their priorities in order and start treating their dog like a dog, instead of like an autistic toddler.

Any thoughts on this?

I don't think so. I think your first intuition was correct. Everyone has dark and light aspects to their personalities, and some people have more of a proclivity for certain ones than others. People with an inclination for certain negative behaviors often don't exercise them so directly, but look for excuses to do so. It's a kind of self mind hack that bypasses a lot of those pesky inner voices of morals and ethics. Selfishness is a prime example of this. People justify selfishness through indirection in all kinds of social and caretaker roles. I think this is most often observable through their children or pets. There's a certain responsibility owed to both, and putting in extra work is not a bad thing, but they are sometimes also used for justifying bad behavior..

Dogs in particular are much more like children in that we have bred them to have high emotional communication with us and we bond with them accordingly. They also need more care and attention than a cat, for example. As a pet, they have much more emotional and physical care needs. Because of the emotional connection between humans and dogs, some people find their emotional needs better met by their dog than other people in their lives. I don't necessarily feel that is so much selfish as it is a person doing what helps them feel healthy. That being said, there are definitely people that use their dogs as an excuse to be selfish. I just don't think they are selfish because they now have a dog. In fact, I have met many people with a less selfish nature that either grew in, or better learned to express, their empathy and selflessness. Dogs provide a unique social and motional feedback loop with people that live with them. Both the person and the dog have their own personalities, but the person does heavily influence the dog's behavior and expression, and the dog does the same for the person. I think people get out of their dog what they put into it.

 

[Navelgazer11]

I don't think so. I think your first intuition was correct. Everyone has dark and light aspects to their personalities, and some people have more of a proclivity for certain ones than others. People with an inclination for certain negative behaviors often don't exercise them so directly, but look for excuses to do so. It's a kind of self mind hack that bypasses a lot of those pesky inner voices of morals and ethics. Selfishness is a prime example of this. People justify selfishness through indirection in all kinds of social and caretaker roles. I think this is most often observable through their children or pets. There's a certain responsibility owed to both, and putting in extra work is not a bad thing, but they are sometimes also used for justifying bad behavior..

Dogs in particular are much more like children in that we have bred them to have high emotional communication with us and we bond with them accordingly. They also need more care and attention than a cat, for example. As a pet, they have much more emotional and physical care needs. Because of the emotional connection between humans and dogs, some people find their emotional needs better met by their dog than other people in their lives. I don't necessarily feel that is so much selfish as it is a person doing what helps them feel healthy. That being said, there are definitely people that use their dogs as an excuse to be selfish. I just don't think they are selfish because they now have a dog. In fact, I have met many people with a less selfish nature that either grew in, or better learned to express, their empathy and selflessness. Dogs provide a unique social and motional feedback loop with people that live with them. Both the person and the dog have their own personalities, but the person does heavily influence the dog's behavior and expression, and the dog does the same for the person. I think people get out of their dog what they put into it.

Yeah, I would agree with us. You could very well make the argument that people become more selfish, once they have children. Dogs require care, maintenance, and attention, unlike cats. And they do become parts of families. I don’t have kids, but I have dogs, and I jump in front of a bus to save my two beasts at any point.

 

[Vanillaphant]

I don't think so. I think your first intuition was correct. Everyone has dark and light aspects to their personalities, and some people have more of a proclivity for certain ones than others. People with an inclination for certain negative behaviors often don't exercise them so directly, but look for excuses to do so. It's a kind of self mind hack that bypasses a lot of those pesky inner voices of morals and ethics. Selfishness is a prime example of this. People justify selfishness through indirection in all kinds of social and caretaker roles. I think this is most often observable through their children or pets. There's a certain responsibility owed to both, and putting in extra work is not a bad thing, but they are sometimes also used for justifying bad behavior..

Dogs in particular are much more like children in that we have bred them to have high emotional communication with us and we bond with them accordingly. They also need more care and attention than a cat, for example. As a pet, they have much more emotional and physical care needs. Because of the emotional connection between humans and dogs, some people find their emotional needs better met by their dog than other people in their lives. I don't necessarily feel that is so much selfish as it is a person doing what helps them feel healthy. That being said, there are definitely people that use their dogs as an excuse to be selfish. I just don't think they are selfish because they now have a dog. In fact, I have met many people with a less selfish nature that either grew in, or better learned to express, their empathy and selflessness. Dogs provide a unique social and motional feedback loop with people that live with them. Both the person and the dog have their own personalities, but the person does heavily influence the dog's behavior and expression, and the dog does the same for the person. I think people get out of their dog what they put into it.

Thank you for that considered response!

Yeah, you're probably right. I also think that some dog owners quickly forget what it's like to not own a dog. And that can sometimes lead to them expecting other people to make allowances which aren't always reasonable. Which isn't so much selfishness as just a lack of clear thinking.

In the case of my relative, I also think that obsessiveness plays a part. They're the sort of person that has their little obsessions and sometimes forgets to take a look around and put things into perspective. So now that the dog is their number 1 obsession, it's ended up almost consuming their life in a way that it wouldn't others. Can be pretty exasperating though!

 

[Vanillaphant]

I don’t have kids, but I have dogs, and I jump in front of a bus to save my two beasts at any point.

Should be on a lead if you're near a road. Just kidding.

Yeah, I completely get the idea of dogs becoming part of the family. Fair point.

 

[WickedTouch]

Thank you for that considered response!

Yeah, you're probably right. I also think that some dog owners quickly forget what it's like to not own a dog. And that can sometimes lead to them expecting other people to make allowances which aren't always reasonable. Which isn't so much selfishness as just a lack of clear thinking.

In the case of my relative, I also think that obsessiveness plays a part. They're the sort of person that has their little obsessions and sometimes forgets to take a look around and put things into perspective. So now that the dog is their number 1 obsession, it's ended up almost consuming their life in a way that it wouldn't others. Can be pretty exasperating though!

You're very welcome 🙂 Yes, I think you are likely right about your relative based on what you explained. Everyone goes through unique challenges and I suspect the dog is highlighting some of theirs in a different light. It may also be a source of comfort and respite from some of their normal obsessions, which can be a source of anxiety or stress for some people—especially if they tend to obsess about things that don't give them a sense of meaning or connection. I definitely understand how it can be frustrating though. Hopefully over time with some patience and gentle nudging you will make some headway in shaping their perspective into a more balanced one.

 

[Vanillaphant]

Hopefully over time with some patience and gentle nudging you will make some headway in shaping their perspective into a more balanced one.

Yeah, hopefully. For their sake as much as anybody else's. 🙂

And if that doesn't work, I could always abduct the dog and make a couple of hostage videos in which I demand that the owner start behaving more reasonably. Call that Plan B probably. lol

 

[WickedTouch]

And if that doesn't work, I could always abduct the dog and make a couple of hostage videos in which I demand that the owner start behaving more reasonably. Call that Plan B probably. lol

Ha—I feel like that's the plot of a comedy movie I'd want to see!