Do we over-romanticize this tickling stuff a little bit?

[Radiohead 7140]

I was just browsing the thread for "what do you like most about tickling" or something like that. I was interested by some of the responses....lots of discussion about control, intimate nature of touching, laughter is wonderful, etc. One thing I noticed that was conspicuously (at least in my estimation) absent was - it arouses me.

I was going to post something to that effect. I have a tickling fetish, and tickling makes me feel aroused. Arousal is a good feeling, so that is my favorite part. Now, maybe for most people here that element is implicit, so we ignore that obvious point and try to dive into the particulars of the activity that makes it arousing/enjoyable for a subset of people. Sort of like if someone asked "what's your favorite part about sex" we would probably leave out the parts about it feeling fuckin great and how spectacular an orgasm is. Instead, we'd look for the more specific and less obvious reasons.

However, tickling isn't sex....it's a fetish (I'm sensing if anyone bothers to read this, this is where they will get ready to dislike or be defensive about what I'm saying)

I don't know how fetish is defined. But to me, it is getting sexual satisfaction out of something that isn't directly or indirectly conducive to procreation. We're supposed to be turned on by stuff that leads to babies. Tickling doesn't. Tickling is a fetish.

We who have this fetish have come a long way in our self-esteem as it relates to this, based largely if not mostly on this site and the knowledge that it is so common. Some of us, it seems have come so far to be proud of it. And I think that's great. I personally am not on either side anymore. I'm not self-loathing abou it, I'm not proud of it, it just is. I have a tickling fetish.

That being said, I don't think the reason I have a tickling fetish is because of control, intimacy, touching, smiling/laughter, etc. I think maybe there's some deep-seeded pyschological reason probably dating back to my childhood and one that I think I'd rather not know. Or maybe it's just random. Randomness in my opinion is what causes certain people to be gay, as homosexuality is counterproductive to procreation. Some people just happen to be gay. Maybe some people just happen to get turned on by tickling for no particular reason.

So with all this said, does anybody else feel that we might take the majesty of tickling a little far at times? I agree that the items listed in the "why do you like tickling" discussion are legitimate. But is this really why we like it? Chicken or egg? I like tickling, and can cite certain of these things to someone who doesn't understand. But really, I can cite these things because I learned that tickling aroused me in the first place. And to me, that's enough. There don't need to be poetic aspects of tickling for me to feel satisfied to have this fetish. I also like the color green (though it doesn't arouse me quite the way tickling does). And while it's true that I love a beautiful green lawn, and St. Patrick's Day....I think I just happen to like the color green.

Does this make any sense? Anyone who talked about some of the examples I used before agree/disagree/want to clarify for me?

 

[MaleTickleeDC]

I agree in part and disagree in part.

I agree that there's nothing inherently "good" or "bad" about tickling or having a tickling fetish. Good and bad are value judgments, and there are no values in nature. Values are subjective. To the lion, the gazelle is evil for depriving her cubs of their food source. To the gazelle, the lion is evil for wanting to eat it. Good and evil are points of view, to quote the Emperor from Star Wars 🙂

So yes, the fact that we have a tickling fetish is something that just "is." There's no reason to assign value judgments to it. I think people do this because for personal validation. When you're "different" than most other people, you want to convince yourself that the difference is a positive thing. I say if it makes you happy then it's a positive thing.

Where I disagree is your assertion that tickling is not about control, intimacy, etc. I think it is about those things for lots of different people. And those things are quite distinct from your notion of value judgments. Saying tickling is about control has nothing to do with whether tickling is a "good" thing or a "bad" thing. Like you said, it just "is." Maybe tickling "just is" about control to some people who are into tickling. I happen to be one of those people. I am a natural sexual submissive. I become more sexually aroused in situations where I am denied control. That's true with or without tickling. It's just the way I'm wired. We can argue over nature v. nurture forever but whatever the case, that's the way it is. So in that sense, tickling is about control for me, as well as lots of other things, and is about intimacy to others, and other things to others. But none of that means that tickling has any value judgment inherently assigned to it, because control and intimacy aren't inherently good or bad either. Like tickling, they just are.

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

It sounds to me like you're kind of making the assumption that ALL tickling is arousing for ALL of the people here ALL of the time. Do you ever tickle or get tickled just for the fun of it? I've played with people to whom I have zero sexual attraction, and I don't get the slightest bit aroused when I play with them. I still have a tickling fetish, and tickling in and of itself still turns me on, but in those instances, saying I enjoy the tickling because it's a fetish and it turns me on would be entirely inaccurate. In those instances I like the tickling for a variety of other reasons, including but not limited to the control, the playfulness and the sensation itself. I've also played with people who I am attracted to and gotten turned on, and yeah that part by itself was pretty pleasant, but I enjoyed several other aspects of it as well that would have been present regardless of the presence of the arousal.

So while I don't disagree with what you're saying - many of us enjoy tickling because it turns us on - I do think that it isn't quite that simple. I don't think identifying the other aspects of tickling that we enjoy is romanticizing it. I think it's just appreciating tickling for what it is and how it makes us feel, sexually or otherwise.

 

[stockytickler]

My original post in that thread:

My favorite part about tickling is touching someone and making them laugh. Some people have really cute feet and a really cute laugh and it's just really fun to be part of making that happen.

My favorite part of being tickled is that loss of control. Like ... the permission to give that control over to someone else for awhile and just laugh and enjoy myself. In a totally I can't stand it anymore stoppleasestoppleasestop! (lers: ignore this -- he needs this more than you know).

And here's the part I left out: Both situations turn me on like nothing in this world. Just talking about tickling over the phone this afternoon with some wicked ler and his sexy voice got me seriously excited. So yeah, I like the touching, the teasing, the fondling, I like the laughter and I like the elements of power exchange.

Because it makes me hard as a tree stump. 😀

Put that in your Harlequin romance novel and smoke it. 😉


EDIT >>> Oh, and while not disagreeing with the above post that for probably lots of people tickling can occasionally be just a bit of good fun, for me it's complete and total fetish and is inextricably hardwired to my sexuality. 🙂

 

[hockeygolf13]

I would say I agree with you. I hate when people ask me why feet turn me on or why tickling turns me on. I don't quite know. Some people do know, though, and we can't disrespect that. I would, however, like to know what sparked my fetish, but I would then have to explain to my parents about my fetish and I don't wanna do that.

 

[Tickle_Addict]

I was watching a documentary about sexuality and it came to a part about why people have a foot fetish (yes, I know this is different from the topic at hand but just bear with me). It's very common for men to have an abnormal connection of some sort from the part of their brain where sexual stimulation derives and the nerve endings of feet and everything to do with feet. The smell, taste, feel...all of it has to do with that abnormal connection in their brain.

How does this pertain to tickling? I personally find tickling very arousing in most cases. I can enjoy a friendly tickle without getting a hard on, just like I can enjoy a friendly foot encounter without getting a hard on. Not every man that sees a naked woman gets horny. A lot of the science behind the tickle fetish is derived from the same science that makes people like anything kinky...it's different and we have a lot of different people in our society. Some people are attracted to tickling, others feet, and others like piss and scat. So if a man meets a woman with a common fetish for tickling, not only can they bond through routine intimacy...they can also bond while tickling each other and getting sexual arousal from it.

Not really disagreeing with your post or anything bro, it was a great read and you definitely brought something to the table to think about. But, to me, tickling will always be more than just a fetish, while in all technicality it is, as it is something I enjoy. 🙂

 

[rhiannon]

Maybe some people just happen to get turned on by tickling for no particular reason.

That is true, but still there are parts of tickling that turn us on the most. Like the laughter, the feeling, the touching. It's not a reason why we are turned on by it, but it's what we enjoy most about it.

I don't know how fetish is defined. But to me, it is getting sexual satisfaction out of something that isn't directly or indirectly conducive to procreation. We're supposed to be turned on by stuff that leads to babies. Tickling doesn't. Tickling is a fetish.

Ah...huh? 🙂 Well, in my case tickling usually leads to something that could very well lead to babies. I don't see your point here. 🙂

 

[ticklemepls]

ok while i read that i've come to 2 conclusions:

1. while it is a turn on for many folks (myself included) that doesnt mean thats why we enjoy it. for instance though we get turned on when tickled, it could actually be the power shift and the unabilitiy to stop it which turns us on...

2. i REALLY should read deep and thoughtful posts like that when im not awake yet- so dont yell at me if i dont make much sense 😛

 

[OmahaTickler]

I agree with the crux of this --- many posters here seem a little Puritanical when it comes to just coming out and saying it: TICKLING TURNS ME ON. Frankly, I believe that no matter how far we've come as a community, no matter how far we've been able to escape from the shadows of the pre-Internet days, many of us deep down might still feel some shame or embarrassment. Society -- whether it's Howard Stern or your peers -- has bombarded the ether with so much about who's a freak and who's a deviant that we likely harbor at least remnants of the hidden dread we all once had -- a mix of fear that friends and relatives might find out and fear that we were somehow defective, or not deserving of a place in society. It took me a long time to feel comfortable in my own skin, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

 

[Rusty Shackleford]

A few thoughts:

It always confuses me a bit when people share stories of tickling others for "fun" or enjoy platonic sessions; tickling arouses me... just as kissing or fondling or anything else equatable. I wouldn't kiss or fondle someone for fun, I'd do it as a means to initiate sex or at the very least express my sexual desire to the opposite party. I don't tickle my friends even though they don't know of my fetish because to me it feels inappropriate, like a douchey friend who's always ready to "massage" because he gets his shitty jollies from it. Shit, I won't even playfully tickle a child not because it arouses me (very important to throw that in) but because it's something that would turn me on with an adult, and that distinction is enough to make it feel skeezy, just like tickling a friend.


My tickling fetish may be in part due to an inherent psychological need to control and dominate, or it may just be because I watched Dino Turtelli tickling on TMNT one too many times a an impressionable youngster. If one is so inclined there is a plethora (yes, an excess) of clinical info in regards to paraphilia, fetishes and sexual deviancy, but unfortunately the conclusion is usually a mental "defect" someone in the works, something I can understand and even agree with but have trouble accepting.

 

[Angel77]

I'm kind of with Rusty on this. Sure, tickling isn't sex per se but it IS a fetish for me - which means it's sexual for me. Of course I've been tickled by friends and vice versa but there's that uncomfortable feeling when it does happen. For me, I prefer to tickle/be tickled by someone I'm intimate with. There are a lot of people that have fun with it and I really do think it's awesome but tickling is different for everyone and that's how it is for me. 🙂

As to how to explain where this fetish came from? No clue...

 

[MaleTickleeDC]

If one is so inclined there is a plethora (yes, an excess) of clinical info in regards to paraphilia, fetishes and sexual deviancy, but unfortunately the conclusion is usually a mental "defect" someone in the works, something I can understand and even agree with but have trouble accepting.

A "defect" means that there's something wrong with you. I don't think there's anything wrong with us. We're just wired differently than people who aren't sexually aroused by tickling.

I tend to be very critical of the psychological community for labeling everything that deviates from the norm a "disorder." It seems to me that a lot of the elements of the various "personality disorders" out there aren't really harmful to anyone involved, yet we refer to them as disorders because they deviate from the norm and threaten to break down social structures. I really do think that deep down inside, humans are afraid of anything that deviates from the norm a little bit because they suspect that society is very fragile and that all it would take is a few deviants to break down society and usher in a "Lord of the Flies" environment.

Whatever the case, a tickling fetishist is just someone who is wired a bit differently than the majority of people in a specific area of life. It's nothing to worry about, or feel bad about, or be guilty about, etc. It just is. The only reason to "worry" as a tickling fetishist is in terms of being outed, because, as has been discussed on here before, 99 percent of people aren't going to understand.

 

[Emishticklish]

I'm in complete agreeance with you.

 

[Radiohead 7140]

It sounds to me like you're kind of making the assumption that ALL tickling is arousing for ALL of the people here ALL of the time. Do you ever tickle or get tickled just for the fun of it? I've played with people to whom I have zero sexual attraction, and I don't get the slightest bit aroused when I play with them. I still have a tickling fetish, and tickling in and of itself still turns me on, but in those instances, saying I enjoy the tickling because it's a fetish and it turns me on would be entirely inaccurate. In those instances I like the tickling for a variety of other reasons, including but not limited to the control, the playfulness and the sensation itself. I've also played with people who I am attracted to and gotten turned on, and yeah that part by itself was pretty pleasant, but I enjoyed several other aspects of it as well that would have been present regardless of the presence of the arousal.

So while I don't disagree with what you're saying - many of us enjoy tickling because it turns us on - I do think that it isn't quite that simple. I don't think identifying the other aspects of tickling that we enjoy is romanticizing it. I think it's just appreciating tickling for what it is and how it makes us feel, sexually or otherwise.

Thanks everyone - when i logged in and saw there were 11 resposnes to this thread, i was excited. Then I was really nervous, because I thought I was goin to get a lot of backlash. I'm very relieved that everyone, whether in agreement/disagreement/unsure, was not only polite, but provided some really thoughtful insight that I will definitely think about.

I'd like to quote parts of all these replies and respond, but I'm a lazy kid, so I'm just gonna quote skip. In part because she challenged me the most, and in part cause well i just like goin at it with skip (i miss you btw.....reunion at bella's?!)

No, I don't assume that ALL tickling is sexual for ALL people ALL the time. I can absolutely play with people that I'm not attracted to and still enjoy it. For me though in these instances, I think it's a bonding thing over sharing something that has made us feel so alone for so much of our lives. It's a very strong display of friendship in action (even if it's with someone you just met) because of this thing we share that's so intensely personal. Also, the fact that it causes laughter just makes the experience all the more fun, etc.

That being said, to me (and I think most people here), tickling is for the most part a fetish and a sexual thing. Moreover, when people answer the question of what it is they like about tickling, I would think most are answering in the context of their tickling fetish, which has implied sexuality. And that, leads me back to my original question. your serve!

 

[Coda]

Interesting. I don't think I would even have thought of this question.

Just in light of the TMF's adult nature, I would think it safe to interpret the intended meaning of "what do you like most about tickling?" as "what arouses you most about tickling?" And likewise, an answer like "I love the feeling of having control over someone" should be interpreted as "I love the feeling of having control over someone, and the feeling having control over someone arouses me."

(So, no, when I try to delineate the logical steps between physical tickling and physical arousal, I don't feel like I'm exaggerating or romanticizing, but describing in more accurate detail.)

 

[Radiohead 7140]

fair point - but i refer back to some other posts, namely skips, that talk about tickling not strictly being sexual. That being said, I agree with your interpretation of how most TMFers perceive the question "what do you 'like' the most".

This is why I used the 'what do you like about sex' comparison. I don't think people would say "oh well I love the feeling of being inside someone because it makes me unbelievably aroused, and i love the sensation of orgasm" (tried to keep that less graphic than it could be). But sex is also 'making love' and people (myself included) could go on and on about all the joys of sex that transcend the pure physical gratification.

And I do believe the same could be true of tickling. I guess it just seems to me like sometimes we're making this out to be some beautiful flower, and wonder if we are trying to put it on some romantic pedestal to avoid accepting the notion that for whatever reason, tickling/being tickled gets me off. I mean, I also have an underarm fetish (god I hate admitting that, even here). I would never talk about the smooth, beautiful artistic hollows that are so worthy of worship. To me it's just a ticklish body part (one that most people actually find categorically unsexy), and it happens to turn me on. We all share a tickling fetish, but differ in our other fetishes (if any). Is there any fundamental difference between a tickling fetish and say, an armpit fetish?

Can an armpit be a flower too??

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

What about when you're tickling with vanilla friends - people with whom you aren't bonding over a common intimate interest? Do you do that? What do you enjoy about it then?

In terms of the armpit fetish thing, it's kinda hard for me to say because I don't have a fetish for a specific body part. But what I can talk about is what I find attractive in men. It's not a fetish, so I don't know if it'll really count, but here goes. One physical characteristic I like in a guy is height. I love it, and it definitely can be a huge turn-on. I guess I could flower up why I love a tall guy. To me it's kind of about what height represents to me. It indicates strength and power. The posture I see in many tall guys shows confidence and assertiveness. Is that flower-y? I dunno, but it's true. Those specific characteristics that height seems to indicate to me are what make it attractive/a turn-on for me.

Does that ramble apply at all to the topic at hand? LOL

P.S. I miss you, too You gonna be at Bella's?

 

[Coda]

Radio, I suppose some people could be romanticizing it if they felt some particular pressure to do so, without feeling the same kinds of intermediary feelings that I and others feel. I think that what you seem to interpret as evasion of the purely erotic aspects of tickling is actually exploration of it, celebration of it, even indulgence in it. It seems like something you'd only bring up if you thought eroticism or sexual arousal was bad somehow, or as though you didn't believe that it bore complexity worth elaborating on.

Why do you hate admitting you have an underarm fetish? It sounds wonderful. And, how would you respond if somebody in an underarm fetish forum asked you whether we don't occasionally romanticize underarms?

 

[Korastus]

While I wasn't involved in the original discussion, I think breaking it down to "I like tickling because it turns me on" is an oversimplification. Yes, that is a true statement, but for me, and I'm sure plenty of others, that's not all there is to it. Finding many different things to enjoy about an activity, or having different reasons for enjoying it, isn't "romanticizing" it. The reasons people have given for liking tickling or no more or less valid because it does or doesn't turn them on. This is a multifaceted community. Just because something is true for you, it's not necessarily true for everyone else.

 

[cue]

Everyone is going to have a different answer for this. I know for myself, tickling arouses me. Which is exactly why I only play with my husband. I don't know how I would react to someone else tickling me, nor do I wish to find out. I know that it's enough to arouse me, which is perfect during foreplay.

 

[anonymiss86]

Well... Tickling does turn me on... a LOT. However, it needs to be in the right conditions.
I'm a female ler so for me I need to be tickling someone I'm attracted to in order for the arousal to occur.
So, if there's a cute guy being tickled then I'm hugely turned on.
But if it's a girl friend playfully or a guy friend that I don't find to be attractive I have no reaction whatsoever or even the opposite and end up being more turned off. Sooo I'd say it's more complicated than just plain tickling in general. 🙂

 

[cttickler44]

Yea, it arouses me, definitely. The concept of this thread is funny. Its like if someone asks me why I love sex, Im not gonna be like "i love to bust a nut" lmao.

 

[chicago]

Fetishes/Philias/etc tend to derive from some experience in childhood that affect us in such a way to create said feelings as we get older. I get aroused by being tickled, although it's contextual and depends on lots of things. And there are many things about tickling that turn me on. So I don't really get the topic of this thread. I guess some people see it as "it turns me on. the end," while others find it's just not as simple as that.

 

[Radiohead 7140]

What about when you're tickling with vanilla friends - people with whom you aren't bonding over a common intimate interest? Do you do that? What do you enjoy about it then?


P.S. I miss you, too You gonna be at Bella's?

No, I generally try to avoid it if they don't know I have this fetish. Even if it might be playful and not specifically arousing for me, I think in my situation it would be deceiving because it's something that I find categorically sexual. Like, say breasts were not considered a remotely sexual body part, but I had the "normal" attraction to breasts. I wouldn't feel comfortable touching someone there, even if I wasn't attracted to that specific individual, because of my general association with it.

I think to respond to the general response to this, I understand and appreciate that it's beyond "tickling arouses me, the end." What I'm asking is if some of us sometimes go to measures that explain the joys of tickling in an overboard way. One person likened it to making music. Look, I LOVE music and if that person feels that way about tickling I think that's great. I just know that for me, as a lover of both, they are not at all similar and I would never draw that parallel. I told my ex-girlfriend about this fetish, and I remember saying things similar to this. I am not calling this person a liar by any stretch or trying to call him/her out. I'm basically calling myself out for having been guilty of what I'm talking about in the past, and wondering if any others might feel this way...

Anything that arouses us is worth exploring, as Coda was talking about. The point I'm trying to make - or rather, the question I'm posing - is if we aren't being as intellectually honest all the time as we are about more commonly accepted sources of sexual pleasure (like...sex).

If somebody in an underarm fetish forum asked me if whether we don't occasionally romanticize underarms, i would say yes we almost always do. That's just me. Not trying to say any of this stuff is 'good' or 'bad', nor am I saying it's not worth exploring and indulging. Just curious if others think we might do what I know I used to do (as it relates to other people). I probably haven't done very well articulating my point. Maybe I should come to this place before midnight once in a while 🙂

 

[Skipadeedoodah]

You didn't answer if you were gonna be at Bella's.