While I don't need it to get off as in orgasm (other things can do this for me too), it is a core need of mine deeply intertwined with my sexuality. I've definitely had times in the past where I wished that it was gone because I was not in a good enough position to manage it. I had greatly misjudged its importance and role in my life, and I had structured my life and expectations around that instead of in a way that matched the person I actually was. Most (perhaps all) people have things that can be double-edged swords in their life. Most people have some risk of obsessing over something or another and can lose some small or large degree of their life to it. I think a lot of people think of the classic addictions like alcohol, hard drugs, or even gambling, but things like video games, social media, eating out, exercise, and careers can turn into extremely destructive things, just as they can be life-enhancing. What makes the difference is how you fortify your mental framework and how you structure your life to manage these things to ensure you are maximizing the benefits and minimizing the costs.
As far as how it relates to your wife, it sounds like you are carrying a lot of guilt or shame, which is very common among people with fetishes and kinks, and extremely common among ticklephiles for whatever reason. I've been there, and used to carry buckets of guilt. Not addressing a deeply embedded sense of guilt or shame can make it very difficult or impossible to manage certain obsessions. I don't know if you've ever had the chance to unravel some of those feelings with someone in discussion (or even talk therapy provided they are a kink-friendly therapist), but I'd suggest it. If your wife is very open and accepting, as it sounds like she might be, working through these thoughts and emotions with her might be the best place to start. I've overcome a lot of my sense of guilt around all of this, but it takes time and intentional work. Even now, my wife and I both carry residual guilt that pops up from time to time and we're both ticklephiles. As long as you're not expecting absolute perfection, you can get to a better place where you can carry less guilt and lean more into the positives. Just be patient–fortifying yourself in this way takes time. You didn't get here over night, and you surely won't get to where you'd like to be overnight either.
I think a good first thought to meditate on in shifting your mindset is to appreciate that relationships don't work because both people have identical interests and strengths, but because each person comes into that relationship with their own strengths, perspectives, and needs. They will often be different from the other's, but this allows each to benefit from each other's strengths, while helping to meet each other's needs. I know you said you were grateful for your wife's participation, which is good, but it feels like there's guilt attached to that in the way you framed it. Instead of leaning in to the feeling of guilt that your wife is just entertaining your desire to make you happy or get what she wants, recognize the beauty in the symbiosis of each of you being able to satisfy the other's needs.
I'm not sure if this is helpful at all, but I feel for you and wish you luck just the same 🙂
