Does Anyone Else Here A Terminal Illness?

[Rasputin]

4 years back, I was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia.

It’s not indolent. It’s on the move.

Anybody have any perspectives to share? I always celebrate every day of living. I hug loved ones tightly. I give my best everyday. I think I will leave behind a life well lived. Everyone’s clock is ticking. Mine just happens to be moving a litte faster and ticking a little louder.

I never came out publicly for several reasons. I Only just came out to all of my family a month or so ago, due to medical necessity. So I guess I have the anonymity of a support group here.

Thanks for reading this.

 

[Mitchell]

I'm very sorry about your illness. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

While I myself have not had Cancer, my late mother had Lung Cancer that they thought was gone, and then came back, and spread to her brain, and she passed away six weeks after the brain cancer diagnosis. I am her only son/child. I took care of her every day for over two years.

This is a very supportive forum. The members of this site were extremely supportive to me during my mother's illness and after her passing.

You mentioned a support group here.

As I'm sure you must know, there are many in person and online Cancer support groups to help people dealing with this terrible disease. Have you joined or spoken to any groups or counselors from such groups? Perhaps such would be helpful to you at this time.

If I can be of any help, please message me and I will get back to you within the day.

Take care, and thoughts and prayers to you

Mitch

 

[Rasputin]

Thanks Mitchell.

I like that I can talk here and I have the anonymity of a support group.

I never came out publicly because I don’t want anyone to feel bad. I don’t want anyone to pity me. I don’t want anyone to view me differently. And also, if I’m still alive in a couple years, I dont want anyone to wonder why I’m not dead yet! LOL!

It’s a weird form of blood cancer. CLL that is. You don’t treat until “B” symptoms appear. So you do what’s called Watch & Wait. Every 90 days I get a blood test and once a year they scan my organs and lymph nodes. I do have some enlarged lymph nodes. I also have an enlarged spleen. My white blood cell counts are astronomical. My red blood cells are dropping and I’m now ever so slightly anemic. And I have so much cell turn over (the whites crowd out the reds), that creates high Uric Acid.

I don’t have severe B symptoms yet. Actually, I feel really good all things considered.

I think it just makes me sad that one day, and I don’t know when, I won’t feel so good.

Thanks for letting me vent. I’m turning 47 soon. Birthdays always remind me of my mortality.

 

[rdhd]

I too have a terminal disease - called "life". But seriously, sad to hear, and may you still a long life (just to spite the disease). About 20 yrs ago, I had an occupational physical with an EKG, and the doc said I was very close to having a heart attack (asked me if I felt OK.... was I sure I felt OK Completely sure?). Well, I'm still here. Another doc looked at the printout and said it showed exactly what it was supposed to show. Not saying you don't have a problem, but best of luck. Sometimes mindset can counteract what nature is trying to do to you. Oh, by the way, I'm 66.

 

[Rasputin]

Thanks!

Every professional I’ve spoken with, from my Primary Care Physician, to my Oncology/Hematology team, to my financial planner and estate attorney, to my therapist, have all commended my positive spirits.

To quote Frank Sinatra, “I’m gonna live until I die!”

And also to quote Bruce Dickinson, “Live every day like it’s your motherf**king last!”

 

[BlasterMaster]

Rasputin, I am SO SORRY! 🙁

Is there anything we can do to help brighten your life?

Let us know kay? We want you to enjoy the time you have left!

 

[Rasputin]

Rasputin, I am SO SORRY! 🙁

Is there anything we can do to help brighten your life?

Let us know kay? We want you to enjoy the time you have left!

Thanks so much! All things considered I’m very blessed. My wife and family are very supportive.

Honestly, just being able to openly talk about it here is all I need. I haven’t came out to the world at large for a multitude of reasons.

I was diagnosed 4+ years ago. Depending on who’s statistics you review, 5 year survival rates are somewhere between 60%-80%. But, most people are diagnosed much later in life. So, I don’t really have an expectation of how much longer I have. I just moreso have an expectation of trying to live everyday as best as possible.

 

[Teacup]

Thank you for sharing. Sending so much love and well wishes to you and your loved ones. ����

 

[mch5]

Sorry.
I can relate, though I think I don't suppose to.
I mean... I do not have a sickness that threatens my life. But since my disability includes chronic ventilation, I can theoretically die any minute.
I'm dependent on electricity to power a machine that pushes air to my lungs 24/7, in essence, breathes for me (via tracheostomy).
I am, too, 47 years old and can't even count the number of times I had a near-death experience because of machine malfunctions, tube disconnections or torns, and what's not.
But I probably can't even try to understand how you feel, I may live to 100, with all my limitations and pain [and the never-ending frustration].
In the last few years, I've developed some "interesting additions", like kidney stones, digestive issues, and more.

So, If you need a fellow dying pal to talk to [and you don't mind some stupid dark humor], I'm here.
I have WhatsApp, telegram, signal, and whatever communication platform possible.

 

[ichbins]

I'm very sorry to hear that, but I'm very impressed that you manage to take it so well. If it's not too private, can you maybe share more about how your feelings are towards one day not being around anymore? Are you afraid of that? I have always had this fear of not being around some day, but I gues the purposed distance to that day keeps the fear at bay. How is it for you? Does one get closer to accepting the inevitable at close to 50? I hope you will have many more years, as someone who works in the medical field, I think you never know what might happen, sometimes people also just get lucky and live much longer than expected.

 

[mch5]

Only the fool does not afraid to die.
I guess the question was for the original poster, so I hope he'll answer that too.
But my take on this subject is that the worst feeling, for me, is actually regret.
I regret that I won't know (anything) anymore,
I regret that I won't be with the loved ones who in my life,
I regret I won't see the continuation of the tv/movie franchise that I love,
I regret many things... not of my pass but of the future that will never be.

 

[Bohemianne]

I too have a terminal disease - called "life".

^ Could be the one rascal thing going on for a while - 😉 Maybe I'll chime in a bit. Not me... but my 2 parents died of terminal illness just these recent years. It's a worst feeling than getting sick itself, to be honest. I almost can't remember how I recovered from it now. But life goes on.

To Rasputin, sorry to hear about your illness. All positive thoughts for you.