Dom/Dommes?

[Mistress Aura]

I respect D/s on many levels. And have had the privelage of speaking with Dominants about their craft and truly absorb the aspects of seriousness and almost pride that they take in their own individual abilities.
Thus proving further that you don't just roll out of bed and say.. "Oh, I'm a Dom. Let me add that to my list, right underneath my I heart guacamole image."

It's a craft. And one that should be respected. Regardless of whom you are.

Indeed. Although Strider and the others make valid points re: their opinions of titles and labels, I will state unequivocally that I use the title "Mistress" because I earned it, just as surely as someone will proudly add a Ph.D to his/her name when honestly achieved with their own schooling efforts. I paid for it with my own blood, sweat and tears, literally, and I have no guilt in using it in the appropriate venue. I am quite proud of not just what I am and what I know, but the levels of intensity and sacrifice I endured in order to get there.

Further, that training not only gave me a level of balance within myself in many ways, but when completed, allowed me the confident privilege of helping others find their own points of completion, as well as aiding them in fulfilling themselves in ways they may not even have known existed. That in itself provides me with fulfillment--I once again reference that portion of Redscript's response. That's the kind of thing that made every stripe I once took and every moment of discipline I endured worth it. I know him, and in turn he grows to know himself.

From what I have researched/discussed and experienced, I have been able to draw a decent enough personal opinion on what is viewed as Dom to me.

Perhaps it's all just selfish behavior on my end. But, so be it.

Pfeh, you're allowed to be selfish, it's your quest. You know what you believe and think, you know what your own expectations are. And you're discerning enough to see through the ones that are waving a flag over an empty castle. 😉

It simply pisses me off seeing every asshole down the street labeling themselves with something that in my personal view is a respected and not easily obtained title....

I just don't like when people claim themselves to be something they so clearly are not, I want to know what makes them think they are capable of titling themselves as such, how they have gone about their work and what results they have pulled from that.

What have they learned, basically.

When I know full well I could toss something at some of them and watch them fall off the metaphorical edge.

If I may ask--would you provide an example of what you mean by tossing something to cause a fall? I'm intrigued by that...

You're right, it's a craft. But as far as the "counterfeits"...Imagine a Limoge vase. Or an original Picasso, even. There are people out there who want and would only settle for the real thing because they have true appreciation for the absolute preciousness of what it is--and then there are the people who are willing to settle for a $30 knockoff just so it looks like they are among the more affluent. It makes them feel important, like they matter, too. In every area of life, there are times when it's all about appearance for some people.

Perhaps part of what you're battling with here is the unintentional or even unrecognized fallout from people whose self-esteem isn't as healthy as it could be; they grasp at the respect they feel they need by calling themselves not what they are, but what they think they have to be in order to gain that respect and attention they're missing. Yes, it's absolutely annoying, but again...always looking for "why" behind the "what". It's my way. 😀

I respect the practice and have enough knowledge that it is not as easy as it seems.

You said more than a mouthful there, doll. And when a Dom/me is so damned good they make it appear easy, it just mucks up the whole thing for the rest of us, makes us have to work that much harder...yeesh. 😉 LOL

Seriously, though, in my own opinion, if a Dom/me is in it strictly for self-fulfillment and isn't putting the submissive's needs first and foremost, that's when they're not really what they claim to be. In my own vernacular, there is a wide distance between a Dom and a top. Like in lifestyle, the ones who kneel are always expected to be selfless in thought and deed--but underneath it, so is the Master or Mistress. They must be proficient enough with innate knowledge of the sub's mind to be able to provide the sub with exactly the treatment s/he craves and precisely what led him/her to kneel in the first place. That's not easy, not by a long shot, especially when one has to weave through the mental maze full of landmines that caused the sub to require this kind of attention to begin with.

You're making me exercise muscles I haven't used in a bit here. But then, I probably shouldn't expect any less from you... 😉 LOL

Mistress Aura

 

[P[a]pi]

A dom/sub relationship is really a mindset that both parties have to have. Both people have to agree on certain things.

It's not just about going through the motions and buying particular items that can be used in that type of relationship.

You can have the relationship without any "gear". I'm not anti-gear at all. I'm just saying it's gotta be in you're brain. You gotta be wired a certain way.

Also, our relationship gradually evolved into a dom/sub one. That wasn't our plan from the get go. We just gravitated toward it. It just happened. So, you could start out as ler/lee and move toward that.



Redscript - I definately agree that there are a lot of different doms and subs. For example, we consider our relationship to be a dom/sub one, but we call each other ler and lee, not dom and sub.