Explaining a tickle fetish to someone else...

[AdamSterling]

How do you explain a tickle fetish to someone who's never heard of it, but has an open mind? I know there are good websites out there, but I don't know where.

I recently started a conversation (by e-mail and phone) with a woman near me; the idea was that we might date. She'd never heard of a tickling fetish, but she had heard of more of the "popular" fetishes, such as a foot fetish (which I have). Gratefully, when I informed her of my proclivities, she did not drop the phone and begin to scream.

I don't think I'm going to date her, because (like most people) she doesn't like to be tickled (and I am exclusively a 'ler), but we might be friends; we're planning to go out for a beer. But I'd like her to read a decent and calm explanation about our favorite activity: why it's not childish (or child-like), the tactile and sensual aspect, the torturous aspect (specific to BDSM), et cetera. Y'all know what I'm talking about... but she doesn't. Yet.

Feel free to share your own thoughts and/or websites you like; I intend to keep them for my own use. Heck, I may compile everything into an all-inclusive essay, written by... um... everyone!

(P.S. to Pete the Guitar-Playing Tickler in Johnstown NY: this means you! You're REALLY good at this... the descriptions you gave to Wendy C. in Albany NY [with you, me, Wendy C., Josie, and NJJen3953] were superior.)

 

[Red Jester]

Uh.. A tickling fetish means you're aroused by tickling. If someone can't grasp that concept they're too stupid to date in the first place. It shouldn't really be hard to explain.

 

[Dr. Bill Kobb]

Well, yep.

I guess that pretty much sums things up.

 

[GoForTheLaugh]

Six of my friends, all of whom hate tickling, know about my fetish. Here is how I explained it in a way that made sense to them. (Note: This explanation may not be good for non-sexual tickling.):

"Imagine that one of your favorite sexual activities is oral sex. You can have great sex without it, and, in fact, often do, but when you include oral sex it enhances the whole sexual experience for you. Imagine, now, that someone told you that you could never have oral sex again. You could still enjoy other sexual activities and have a meaningful relationship, but you would feel that something was missing. After all, you would never be able to do the thing you love. What you would feel then is how I would feel if I was told I could never engage in tickling."

Sometimes I add:

"I don't know why I like tickling, or, for that matter, why someone else likes something else. I just know that I like what I do."

 

[starfires]

Uh.. A tickling fetish means you're aroused by tickling. If someone can't grasp that concept they're too stupid to date in the first place. It shouldn't really be hard to explain.

Give them some cretit. He says she is already familiar with the concept of a fetish, so she wouldn't have trouble understanding what a tickling fetish is. I think the point of the explanation would be to give her some idea why
it is so appealing.

recycler, can't really say much on topic, except why I don't think it's child's play: the sensation of tickling can be very intense. I've heard from several sources now that many people who are into hard S&M (single-tail whips, electricity, genital torture, etc.) won't go anywhere near tickling because that's too intense for them. (Though I must add for fairness that other people in the same community do consider it child's play. People are weird.)

 

[Red Jester]

The fact that she's familiar with a fetish just makes an explanation more pointless. Who can say why tickling is appealing? Nobody knows why, you might say its because of the feeling of control or helplessness. But why is that arousing? Comes back to the same reasoning for all fetishes, it just is.

 

[Destro]

Personally, I think recycler is making a mistake by not dating her because she says she hates tickling. If you like her, you should date her. Don't force the issue or even bring it up. Then tickle her when the right situation comes up that presents itself. If she falls for you and really likes you, she may want you to tickler her. Often times, women will submit to things like that simply to please the man they are with. These women are happy doing it if they think they are making you happy. Telling a woman early about your fetishes will often weird them out. It makes them think you want to use them to fulfill your urges. However, if she feels that she has the power to make you happy by letting you do this once she has shown great interest in you, then she may be more willing in order to keep your interest in her. But if you have no sincere interest in her other than to tickle her, you can probably forget her and move on to another. My 2 cents.

 

[ufodude]

I don't agree at all. I married a girl that has no interest in tickling. She used to play along to "simply to please the man", but it's now been over 2 years without "oral sex"

Am I still happily married? Yep! I sure would love a "hummer" though.

Just to add... she knows about my fetish. She used to even do cartoons back in the day.

 

[Red Jester]

True dat. Girls think guys are afraid of commitment. In truth we're afraid of commited girls.

 

[MrPartickler]

I don't agree at all. I married a girl that has no interest in tickling. She used to play along to "simply to please the man", but it's now been over 2 years without "oral sex"

Am I still happily married? Yep! I sure would love a "hummer" though.

Just to add... she knows about my fetish. She used to even do cartoons back in the day.

Dude, you just scared the hell out of me with that post....that someone could so fully and convincingly "play along" and then stop.
Anyway, thanks for the heads up.

btw...you wouldn't be the same "ufodude" from waaaay back when (e.g., with ufogirl and Camp UFO?) by any chance would you?

 

[Ayla ny]

introduce her to a few of the more sensual tickle stories out there. by their very nature, relying on words alone to convey the passion, stories do the best job of summing it up without analyzing the ‘why’.

 

[GirlWhoLikes2Laugh]

I just want to recycler1973 that I think you should date this woman. Just to try to get her to like tickling in baby steps so she can get used to used it gradually. I don't agree with you that most people don't like tickling but I think more people like it than don't like being tickled. That's just my opinion.

 

[Sole Stroker]

I like Ayla NY's advice. Choose one of the more sensual stories, that might pique her interest.
I'd also advise some soul searching. Why DO you like it? It can be hard to explain, I know. It may simply be that it feels great to you. I think that's an acceptable answer. Or there may be more: The sense of control, or lack thereof...it depends on what about it floats your boat. I have a feeling you've got a pretty good idea already. I think most of us do, even if we can't necessarily articulate it. Think it over until you can articulate it.
Also make clear that tickling doesn't necessarily mean tickle TORTURE. (Unless of course that's what YOU want.) My favorite kind of tickling is the light kind, maybe she'll be more open to that.
If you do all that and she still doesn't understand, or at least accept it, maybe you're best off moving on.
I like it because it feels great. But I can't necessarily explain why it seems to feel better for me than most people.

 

[Red Jester]

Dude, you just scared the hell out of me with that post....that someone could so fully and convincingly "play along" and then stop.
Anyway, thanks for the heads up.

heheheheh

 

[ufodude]

btw...you wouldn't be the same "ufodude" from waaaay back when (e.g., with ufogirl and Camp UFO?) by any chance would you?

why yes... yes I am. It was Camp Tickle though. I have no idea what I was smoking when I came up with ufodude (esp in a tickle community)

 

[WorkInProgress]

The way I look at it, only you can decide whether she's right for dating, and that includes the question of whether not being able to tickle her is a deal-breaker. Now, when it comes to explaining it, it seems to me, you can best do that by explaining how you experience it, which won't necessarily be the same as how I or others do. You can tell her it's a form of BDSM that doesn't produce lasting pain--and yet there are some people who have more endurance for whipping and fire play than they do for being tickled (like the woman who was hanging out at the club at NEST whose name begins with an M). You can describe both your own tickling experiences and what you've observed. I tell some friends, "Imagine someone, either male or female, tied to a bondage rack, getting tickled by five or six people, and just howling and moaning as if getting the most excruciating torture, and imagine that same person back within the hour volunteering for more."

Good luck. And while I won't advise you to date her, I would advise you, get to know the whole package and then think it through.