F*cked up sexuality and what to do with it

[kcantankerous]

couldn't commit to finacially or relationship wise or both. Seems like most settle either because of good sex or great personality but not both. Ask the people that contracted some kinda virus or had children, or had abortions because of their choices. Not to mention the scum bag guys that wont take care of their responsibilities. Unfortunatly it seems in those situations its the females burden to make sure who their having sex with will do what they need to do if something should happen. At least when the prospect of getting pregnant is concerned.

 

[GoForTheLaugh]

There is so much good advice on this thread--especially about compromise. If I found someone who was right for me and but not into tickling, I would still be with him. I often have my head in the clouds and can describe in fine detail an ideal mate. In my fantasies, he looks like Brad Pitt. In real life, though, he'd probably be much more earthy.

In fact, the real McCoy may look nothing like my physical type. He will certainly have character flaws that drive me crazy; my flaws will undoubtedly drive him crazy; he may track mud on my rug; he may (Horrors!) not like tickling at all. But if he's the one, then he's the one.

I am using "he" and "him" because I am describing my feelings. However, what I write is true of both men and women. Don't look for a perfect package; it does not exist. Look for a real person.

Depending on the nature of your relationship and the personalities involved, maybe you can tickle apart from your spouse or the person you are dating as long as it does not get too sexual. Based on what I have read on this board, there are people who do.

Maybe your spouse or the person you are dating never wants to be tickled by you but would be willing to tickle you since it is something you like. You can then do something for that person in exchange, depending on what that person likes.

As for meeting someone who might be open to tickling in a relationship: Obviously, such people exist everywhere (even in Republican conventions!). But I would say that eclectic types, people who are generally open-minded/freespirited about life, and artists would be much more likely to give it a go. They are not the only ones, of course, but I would think the chance of finding a ticklephile greater there.

 

[OBleedingMe]

If you're looking for open minded people, try and visit some BDSM clubs in your area. You're bound to find someone who you find interesting, is willing to accept your kinks, AND will have thorough knowledge of bondage/role playing.

 

[AquaFeline]

It took me 37 years to find the perfect one, and I'm STILL waiting to be together after over two years in the relationship, because life gets in the way and responsibilities come first. But yes, that perfect someone IS out there... you just need to be patient.

I'm afraid that a wait for perfection is a wait forever, and I dunno if I'm willing to risk that.

If that is so, can one chuck part of one's desires away if they are incompatible with living a normal life? The odds of meeting someone compatible in everything but the f*cked up sexuality are greater than meeting someone who is perfect.

 

[kcantankerous]

I hear some of those online hook-up sites actually work pretty well. I think some of you people are pretty cinical (sp) and rightfully so. It makes since to say that youll never find someone perfect, theres just no way. I guess it depends on whats important to you. I know "the life is to short" deal makes since but if you make an error your going to have to live with it for the rest of your life. And Im sure it will make the rest of your life a long and painful one should choices made for the moment actually cause future pains. In the end its about what you charish, if your into kinks and what not that you feel strongly about, do what you want as long as no one is hurt or a life isnt lost. I think long term "life is to short" isnt a term I use in conversation. I have a vision and Im gonna spend my years from 20 on to achieve my dreams.

 

[AquaFeline]

BTW, thanks everyone who has taken time to post a response. It is interesting to see other people's perspectives and perhaps the best path for myself will become clear, or if not for others who may browse this thread later.

 

[mart]

In my experience, the relationship begins with the good conversation. If that is not there, it is unlikely to grow. It also sets the basis for intimacy and honesty.
Then, in order to live with a fetish like this, you both need a sense of humour - an ability not to take yourself too seriously. This also allows you to be a slut without feeling bad about it. By pre-WW2 standards, most of us alive today are sluts. So bloody what?!

Take it from there. Unfortunately a fetish like this is by its nature a fickle thing. Most of us, I imagine, are not turned on by the thought of tickling the same person for a lifetime. We like the idea of a variety of ticklers/ticklees, even if, on the face of it, we are faithful in a committed relationship.

So now what do we do when the sexual or other urges make the significance of the otherwise perfect relationship pale? We have to weigh up what is more important to us in the knowledge that a great deal can be destroyed. And then we make the wrong choice anyway, and continue to live our lives the only way we can - by taking one step at a time.

All real relationships with with people - intimate ones - are really interesting. And yes, I sometimes kick myself for lost opportunities for a good bonk or a good conversation due to my fear or shyness in the days of my misspent youth. I wish I could meet one of those girls again - but they would probably be less interested in me now.

Best of luck to you. You sound like your heart is in the right place and are probably a fun person to be with.

 

[Ayla ny]

I'm afraid that a wait for perfection is a wait forever, and I dunno if I'm willing to risk that.

If that is so, can one chuck part of one's desires away if they are incompatible with living a normal life? The odds of meeting someone compatible in everything but the f*cked up sexuality are greater than meeting someone who is perfect.

Aqua, he won't be perfect... just perfect for you. and even when you find him... I'm betting that there will be sacrifices, adjustments to be made, and old habits to break.

don't ever dismiss what works for you sexually. I can tell you that doing that only works for so long. don't let it lead you... but never deny it. it's a part of you. and a part of you that the right someone will treasure.

you're so young and beautiful. you'll figure out exactly what you need. and then you'll find it.

 

[Brookie]

Then along stumbles Drew, claiming sexual conquests on a whole hand, not just a finger.
He also claims to have hair, which is doubly insulting.

How Rude Dude !!!!

Lol 🙂

I bow to your sense of humour.

 

[lightninbug]

The eternal search continues

Alas; there is no such thing as a 'perfect fit' in an off-the-rack world. 😕

HOWEVER, that's whats so GREAT about the people in this little group of ours;( gee, sounds like the Cosa Nostra, don't it?), we here have refused to let a little spark of what makes us US die on the vine. And by discovering each other, we have realised how big our numbers are AND, most Importantly, we're not that weird!

As far as your quest goes, you're in your early 20s AND you have a tool like the Internet AND there exists forums like these w/ mini-cultures like US.

I kinda ENVY you.

You have a lot more of a head start, 'technolgy-wise' finding at least a modicom of happiness than, say, people my age...& btw. I've found from time to time that there more people than you think that are interested in this little 'kink' of ours from vannila-land. When you get to the middle-age part, you see that life resembles a costume Ball around midnight; ALL the masks fall away because you realise you haven't the time nor the patience for games.

People become themselves because they feel they've earned the right. That bit of knowledge took me 52 years to learn.
I envy you...you got a tremendous headstart.

What this forum does for us all is to merely 'step on the accelerator' & speed up what would be a long process of looking for what you may never find, the PERFECT partner...'but-it's-damn-close'.

Dream the Impossible Dream and good luck in your search 😱
the Lightnin Bug