First time 'ler awkwardness

[MuadDib211]

So I've been lurking around here, on and off, for years... This is my first time posting to the forum... Everybody here has been so awesome and supportive of each other, so I feel confident that I ought to get some good answers to my dilemma.

So here's the deal: I've been with my wife for nearly 10 years now, married for 3. Early on in our relationship, I took a HUGE risk and admitted my fetish to her. I've NEVER mentioned it to anybody! In fact, it sort of came up during sex when she asked me what I wanted to do to her. I felt comfortable enough with her, so I went for it - I grabbed her foot and started tickling. Later, I explained that that was my thing. Since I never talked about it before, I felt a little awkward about it. I knew that she didn't really like being tickled, and she had said that she didn't want to be tickled DURING sex... But she did say that if it was something that turned me on, she was willing to give it a shot because she loves me (yeah, I'm lucky!). But just the same, being a nice guy, I didn't want to force her to do something that made her that uncomfortable.

Years passed by, and it came up in conversation again... But again, I didn't want to force it on her, so I let it go. But then a few weeks ago, even though I knew from our conversation years ago that she didn't want to be tickled during sex, I still gave her a little tickle on the ribs (couldn't help it!). We had a long talk afterward about trying different things, and the topic of my tickling fetish came up again. And once again, she said that she was cool with it, and willing to let me tickle her - She didn't even mind so much when I had just tried it earlier that night. So we wound up going back into the bedroom for a 2nd round, and this time I grabbed her by the ankle and tickled her foot, switching from one to the other while she was giving me a handjob. It... Was... AWESOME!!!

But I have to say, despite this being my fetish for as long as I can remember, and in spite of having the love and trust of somebody who is willing to let me act out my fantasies, I still find it kind of awkward! She doesn't really have a "thing". And I wish she did, because I would gladly let that be the basis of a compromise.

I haven't tried it again since - I don't want to overdo it, ya know? Ease into it... But at least now I know that I have her consent. Still, I feel really awkward about it. I'm often nice to a fault, but I would like to get past that, at least for a little while 😉

So my question is: Has anybody else come across a situation like this? Have any of you ever had a first time 'ler awkwardness? I'm sure that it will get easier over time, but I'm just curious if anybody else has felt the same way? What are your experiences?

Thanks!
-Muad'Dib

 

[GC4AH]

Yeah this has happened to me. The first time I tickled my girlfriend I felt really awkward asking her if I could. She already knew about my fetish- told her 2 weeks into our relationship.

The first time I properly tickled her was on our third meeting- we have a long distance thing going on so we rarely see each other. I asked her if I could tickle her feet by sitting on them and she agreed. I felt so awkward doing it- I was worried she may find it really weird.

Now we have been going out almost 2 years and it has got so much better. We have incorporated bondage into our tickling and she loves me tickling her now. It does get so much easier and less awkward as time goes on mate. Now tickling is a normal part of our relationship and occurs frequently. We have sessions of tickling which can last up to an hour and it doesn't feel awkward at all.

Good luck with it dude!!!

 

[b0xr]

As far as First time I really don't remember how it all started or how I felt when it did. I think tickling just became incorporated into our foreplay routine. Your situation sounds similar to my situation. We have been married for over 25 years and together for over 30 years. My wife isn't your prototypical ticklee that loves being tickled. She does however, enjoy having her feet tickled lightly, start tickle fight that she knows she has no chance of winning, and on occassion has let me tie nad tickle her (although that hasn't happened in quite awhile). I do not get carried away while she is tied because she isn't crazy about being tickled. Most of the tickling comes before sex and after she has an orgasm, because she says being tickled during sex just too much and she can't acheive an orgasm while being tickled...so I wait until she's finished before I pin her down and tickle her until I finish. She may not be your typical 'Lee but I do get lots of tickling play with her just the same.

 

[ticklebunny 2]

I think first time ler awkwardness is natural and normal and to be expected that is for sure. It is always nervewracking and bit scary and awkward the first time you do something. I think tickling is no exception. Even though you did share your love for tickling with your wife; still is always awkward the first time....you got to love those butterflies that flutter in one's tummy that first time and those first few times before you reach a emotional comfort level with your partner. Those nerves can either work for you or they can work against you, that is for sure.
I guess the best thing and advice I would give is; it is to let things happen naturally and never try to force something to happen-before both you and your partner are ready to take things farther...this goes for tickling too.

I think that it is super sweet that you don't want to take advantage and don't want to overplay and don't want to offend or upset your sweetie, that is really sweet and sensitive and thoughtful of you... but if your wife is giving you the green light but saying you can and she will give it a shot but saying be slow and proceed with caution-then don't you think you should go for it. I mean even though it may not be her "thing" she loves you and sounds like she wants to meet you on common ground; wants to love you and be affectionate with you and tickle-love you the way you wish and have expressed and need to be desired and loved...so why not. I understand you don't want it to be a bad experience for your wife-I get you don't want her to just make this sacrifice and do this just to please and make you happy. I really do get that.

However if she is giving you the green light and just saying take it slow and heed her limits and heed her safewords, listen to her cues, but green light is a go but proceed with caution, love, and care-then why not go for it...this could be something that could bring you and your wife closer and deeper in love-more bonded than ever-so what is the harm in going for it....why not let her try to love you in the way you wish and need to be loved....just watch for her nonverbal and verbal hints and cues, watch and look out for her body language and what it conveys to you.... I mean the decision is yours...but seems like if you pass on this even with good intentions-you are passing on what could be a indeed once in a lifetime golden opportunity.....let her decide if she can love you this way or not....if you don't venture and seek this out...u always will wonder...what if you had...eventually she later found she really liked or loved tickling...but yet you never tried, don't let this be a regret...

If you have to have a little casual heart to heart chat on this and if she still seems determined to wish to do this for you then by all means go for it, but take it slow and avoid the word fetish, say a love or a passion, or interest, a joy but not the word fetish, has a bad rep, and a bad connotation and not a positive impression firsthand if you get what I mean...or if you already have used the word fetish, explain to her that this activity not designed to hurt and not designed to hurt her, she will not be hurt and not be harmed in any way...not a free for all....btw you and her guidelines will be set up, limits and safewords will be followed and heeded...no time will she be in danger...even as helpless lee bound and restrained if that be her desire but if not her unbound and tickled-regardless of how the tickling goes down-neither of you will be hurt and not be harmed...the whole time even her as a lee she will be in full control, stop the session anytime she feels uncomfortable, doesn't like it, needs a break, restroom and ect. Think that might greatly alleviate her fears and anxieties.

Also what helps when sharing about one's love for tickling is to say to her what might help would be: you want to do this because yes you love tickling but also for her to enjoy and it to be a pleasant great experience for her also....another way to share love, laughter, good times, and a way to express how much you want to make each other feel good, feel desired and cherished and loved...a way to tease and make each other burn and want and desire each other, basically something harmless, just a fun activity , fun little game you could play....make sure no bondage in tickling happens unless trust is earned and solid btw you and only if she feels comfortable, if she is not...you will not be upset you will understand and respect that and do only what feels good to her and what she wishes...she can call a halt anytime she wishes.

I think this might help make the difference. Good luck to you. Oh and don't worry about the awkwardness it happens to us all; even us experienced lers and switches and lers-first time is always a nervous experience, never know how the person is going to react and how the tickle interaction is going to go down. I promise though with care, practice, love, and sensitivity it gets easier as time goes on......after that wonderful great tickle sessions with plenty of smiles and laughter and lots of joy are inevitable and just a matter of time that you invest in the tickles...
Hope that this has helped. Please keep us posted on if this helps you and what happens, love to hear what happens.
Please keep me posted oh and welcome to the forum.

It is a great wonderful place!!! Hope you enjoy your stay for a very very long time to come...many laughs, tickles, joy and laughter sent to you, happy tickles and hugs. Don't worry the awkwardness first time as ler-is natural and totally to be expected and normal...you are not odd,
it is natural.

 

[MuadDib211]

Hey, thanks! Good to know that the awkwardness has been felt by others. I was sure that somebody must have, but it's certainly nice to hear about other people's experiences.

And thanks to you, Ticklebunny! I'm certainly gonna go for it now that I have the green light. She doesn't have to tell me twice.... Okay... Maybe she does... But she doesn't need to tell me four or five times! 😛

I feel like you and I are saying the same thing when it comes to taking it slow. I certainly don't want her to be overwhelmed, or regret agreeing to entertain my interest in tickling! And she had already said that she would tell me to stop if it was too much for her, knowing full well that I would respect that. I know that I have her trust in the matter, and she knows that I wouldn't go against that... So when the time is right, I'll make another go at it... And from there we can better start to explore tickling.

In fact, I was just reading the other thread here about tickling foreplay, and I think that there are a few pointers in there that might help make incorporating tickling into our sex life a little easier for us both!

I guess that the awkwardness I felt after my last experience tickling her, made me almost start to wonder if that was really my thing after all. Like, I finally had the opportunity to do what I've always wanted to try, and the way I felt afterward wasn't exactly what I had in mind. But I know that tickling really is a "thing" for me. I had just finally come to the divide that had separated my fantasies from my reality, and it was a weird barrier to cross for the first time!

So with that, if there's anybody else who might have some advice on the matter, please feel free to share!

Thanks again!

 

[maniactickler]

Speaking for myself, i couldnt get into it if a girlfriend or wife wasnt passionate about tickling herself. i dont want a woman that will just tolerate it. its not the same.

 

[ViperGTS]

Every time you start a new relationship, and try to introduce tickling into it, you get that "First Time Ler Awkwardness", I think. Congrats on going for it.

As for me, when I was learning about my fetish, I dated a rather beautiful girl names Samantha. She was "tolerant" of my tickling fetish but she wasn't that ticklish...she tried to fake it but she just seemed bored. During sex, I'd try to tickle her occasionally, and I don't even think she noticed half of the time.

She wound up being a fucking lunatic anyway, so no big loss.

So far with all my other relationships, however, I have been lucky, not only with ridiculously ticklish girlfriends, but they also get into it pretty heavily, lol.

 

[Marquis De Sade]

She wound up being a fucking lunatic anyway, so no big loss.

Her name wasn't Tara by any chance was it? 😛

MuadDib211, kudos to you for opening up. It says a lot about you, her and your relationship as a whole. You'll be fine. My take on the awkwardness is, it's something new. The more you incorporate it into your foreplay, sex, whatever, the more comfortable you'll both be with it. Just gotta find your rhythm - both of you. She's already willing so just relax and have fun and most importantly, enjoy yourselves. 😉

 

[ticklebunny 2]

Awwww thanks for saying that...really appreciate that. Yeah I agree wholeheartedly with what Marquis De Sade said what is most important is that both of you most definitely find your own personal rhythm and discover both of you what you like and don't like, and the certain things that you each love...what is important is not to focus and not dwell on the fact that the "first time ler awkwardness"
is there and present and showing itself-but what is most important is to make sure it is what feels good and great for both of you, pleasant, a great first tickle experience, limits respected but most importantly what you both love-ENJOY yourselves and don't forget to laugh and savor the special time you have together..most importantly don't forget to have FUN....that is what matters most in the end when it comes down to it.... have FUN make her feel like she is your queen, cherish and love and pamper her and tickle her gently lovingly and tenderly-shower her with kisses, love and affection-I promise you she will be begging for more and asking for seconds, I promise you😉