Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
Have you heard about the crazy cult that's been stealing horses just for the purpose of turning them into glue? Evidently it has several hundred adherents.
The other day, I saw an animal rights activist wearing a lucky rabbit's foot. It was a rather large faux paw.
Brunette: "Don't go surfing today! The lifeguard spotted a lone shark two hundred yards from shore!"
Blonde: "Why should that scare me? I don't plan to borrow any money!"
When my grandpa came to this country, he had nothing but the shirt on his back! Immigration Services finally caught up with him and made him put on some pants.
0, to 10: "Easy, buddy. Nobody wants any trouble. Now please, put down the spear."
I have a cousin who admits to sleeping in his socks all night. It's even weirder than it sounds; he's only six inches tall.
Anthropologists had long believed that the purpose of breasts on human females is for feeding the young. However, with the advent of baby bottles, this function is no longer valid. Further research has determined their true use: to insure that human males remain stupid.
My wife wants us to eat healthier snacks, so she's brought me a peach. I said I'd prefer a pear; now I have two peaches.
Brunette boyfriend: "I told you that the best place to go to get your car horn fixed was Joe's Garage! Why'd you take it to the Boy Scout Jamboree instead?"
Blonde girlfriend: " 'Cause of their motto, silly: Beep Repaired!"
I had some important packages to send, so I called to find out the post office hours. They told me they shut down at 7:00.
"Why do you want me to write code for the men's/women's dormitory? I don't know anything about computers!"
"It's for the sign out front, dummy. And the proper pronunciation is 'co-ed'."
Q: How has Peter Parker been able to keep track of Mary Jane's whereabouts?
A: He's spied her, man.
Binary thinking isn't always helpful. Usually it is, though.
My promiscuous ex had a threesome without really intending to. That's the risk of being constantly between boyfriends.
"Congratulate me, dad! I'm getting married to my anime waifu! Here's her picture on the computer!"
"Oh Jesus Christ... you know, you can do a lot better than this."
"I don't care! She's the one I want!"
"I was talking to her."
Why do I dress up like Sailor Moon? Just cos.
"I was talking to your uncle... he claims to have scaled Mount Everest. Is that story true?"
"I think it made it up."
"So... did he climb Mount Everest or didn't he?"
I may or may not have just given away my secret fetish. A cute girl asked me what snacks I'd like at a party she was going to throw. My answer: free toes.
Brunette: "Have you seen the dog bowl?"
Blonde: "Nah. I took him to the alley once, but he just stood there staring at the pins."
I was forced to kill Einstein... he knew way too much.
Blonde: "Which animal in nature has the biggest tits?"
Brunette: "The blue whale."
Blonde: "Darn! I would have bet it was the zebra!"
A cop is patrolling past a graveyard, when he hears a voice wailing inconsolably, "Why did you have to die? Why on why did you have to die?"
Being moved to compassion, he enters through the gates to find a little man kneeling beside a tombstone, weeping uncontrollably. After a respectful moment of silence, he asks, "Your wife?"
The man looks up red-eyed and replies, "No, officer. Her first husband."
* * *
The other day, I saw an animal rights activist wearing a lucky rabbit's foot. It was a rather large faux paw.
* * *
Brunette: "Don't go surfing today! The lifeguard spotted a lone shark two hundred yards from shore!"
Blonde: "Why should that scare me? I don't plan to borrow any money!"
* * *
When my grandpa came to this country, he had nothing but the shirt on his back! Immigration Services finally caught up with him and made him put on some pants.
* * *
0, to 10: "Easy, buddy. Nobody wants any trouble. Now please, put down the spear."
* * *
I have a cousin who admits to sleeping in his socks all night. It's even weirder than it sounds; he's only six inches tall.
* * *
Anthropologists had long believed that the purpose of breasts on human females is for feeding the young. However, with the advent of baby bottles, this function is no longer valid. Further research has determined their true use: to insure that human males remain stupid.
* * *
My wife wants us to eat healthier snacks, so she's brought me a peach. I said I'd prefer a pear; now I have two peaches.
* * *
Brunette boyfriend: "I told you that the best place to go to get your car horn fixed was Joe's Garage! Why'd you take it to the Boy Scout Jamboree instead?"
Blonde girlfriend: " 'Cause of their motto, silly: Beep Repaired!"
* * *
I had some important packages to send, so I called to find out the post office hours. They told me they shut down at 7:00.
* * *
"Why do you want me to write code for the men's/women's dormitory? I don't know anything about computers!"
"It's for the sign out front, dummy. And the proper pronunciation is 'co-ed'."
* * *
Q: How has Peter Parker been able to keep track of Mary Jane's whereabouts?
A: He's spied her, man.
* * *
Binary thinking isn't always helpful. Usually it is, though.
* * *
My promiscuous ex had a threesome without really intending to. That's the risk of being constantly between boyfriends.
* * *
"Congratulate me, dad! I'm getting married to my anime waifu! Here's her picture on the computer!"
"Oh Jesus Christ... you know, you can do a lot better than this."
"I don't care! She's the one I want!"
"I was talking to her."
* * *
Why do I dress up like Sailor Moon? Just cos.
* * *
"I was talking to your uncle... he claims to have scaled Mount Everest. Is that story true?"
"I think it made it up."
"So... did he climb Mount Everest or didn't he?"
* * *
I may or may not have just given away my secret fetish. A cute girl asked me what snacks I'd like at a party she was going to throw. My answer: free toes.
* * *
Brunette: "Have you seen the dog bowl?"
Blonde: "Nah. I took him to the alley once, but he just stood there staring at the pins."
* * *
I was forced to kill Einstein... he knew way too much.
* * *
Blonde: "Which animal in nature has the biggest tits?"
Brunette: "The blue whale."
Blonde: "Darn! I would have bet it was the zebra!"
* * *
A cop is patrolling past a graveyard, when he hears a voice wailing inconsolably, "Why did you have to die? Why on why did you have to die?"
Being moved to compassion, he enters through the gates to find a little man kneeling beside a tombstone, weeping uncontrollably. After a respectful moment of silence, he asks, "Your wife?"
The man looks up red-eyed and replies, "No, officer. Her first husband."
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