Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
A special limerick edition. I’ve sowed a few of my own originals in among the classics... extra credit if you can spot any of them:
[FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]There was an old man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the money, Nan took it.
* * *
There once was a lady named White,
Who could travel much faster than light.
She set out one day,
In a relative way,
And arrived on the previous night.
* * *
There once was a fellow from Kent
Whose dick was so long, it was bent.
To save himself trouble,
He tucked it in double
And rather than coming, he went.
* * *
A silly old duke from Yorkshire,
While asserting the rights of a sire,
Lets the hands ‘round his head
Do the talking instead,
And so came to an early retire.
* * *
An amorous sailor from Brighton
Said unto his girl, "You're a tight ‘un!"
She replied, "'Pon my soul,
You've assailed the wrong hole,
And there's plenty of room in the right ‘un!”
* * *
There was a young man from Bombay
Who had fashioned a c**t out of clay.
But the heat from his prick
Baked it into a brick
And abraded his foreskin away.
* * *
There once was a wicked old Persian
Quite perturbed by a certain aspersion:
“I deliver smart spanks
To my courtesan’s flanks.
Such a ball! Yet they call it perversion!”
* * *
There was a young lass from Madras
Who was blessed with a marvelous ass.
Yet, ‘twas not what you think,
Soft and rounded and pink,
But instead had long ears and ate grass.
* * *
A vampiress who calls herself Mabel
Has menstruations that make me unstable.
By the light of the moon
She will whip out a spoon
And soon drink herself under the table.
* * *
A young booby who everyone knows
Passes gas through its ass and its nose,
And folks lie awake late
Locked in mocking debate,
Judging whether he sucks or he blows.
* * *
There once was a ***** from Peru
Who filled up her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
"You will pay to get in,
And you’ll pay to get out of it, too!”
* * *
Of the wives of King Henry, 'tis said,
Every one was disastrous in bed.
But the King wasn't blue
For his regalness knew
In the end he would get him some head.
* * *
A plumber who plays in the sewer,
Plies a plunger instead of his skewer.
He has found that this trade
Makes it tough to get laid,
Since no gal wants her spit sucked straight through her.
* * *
There once was a plumber named Lee
Who was plumbing his girl by the sea.
But she cried, "Stop your plumbing!
I hear someone coming!”
Lee countered, “‘Tis no one but me!"
* * *
If you catch a chinchilla in Chile
And cut off its beard, willy-nilly,
You can honestly say
You have made on that day
A Chilean chinchilla's chin chilly.
* * *
Best beware of my perjuring parrot.
He’s a bird whose word-turds bear no merit.
What vile lies he can screech
As he sounds his free speech.
Even O.J. himself would not dare it!
* * *
There once was an artistic figment
‘Bout consuming a pallet of pigment.
Every shade of the spectrum
Will flow from the rectum,
Rendering every viewer indignant.
* * *
A pansy who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room
And they argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.
* * *
There once was a fellow from Perth
Who was born on the day of his birth.
He was married, they say,
On his wife’s wedding day
And he died on his last day on Earth.
* * *
Ever swallow a succulent prune, sir?
That sweet juice leaves you loose all too soon, sir.
Best attend to a john
When the rumblings come on,
Or you’ll count your new suit a true ruin, sir.
* * *
A preoccupied vegan named Hugh
Picked himself the wrong sandwich to chew.
As he took a big bite,
He said, spitting in fright,
"OMG, WTF, BBQ!"
* * *
There once was a man from Nantucket
With a penis so long he could suck it.
He would say with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear was a pussy, I'd fuck it!"[/FONT]
[FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]There was an old man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the money, Nan took it.
* * *
There once was a lady named White,
Who could travel much faster than light.
She set out one day,
In a relative way,
And arrived on the previous night.
* * *
There once was a fellow from Kent
Whose dick was so long, it was bent.
To save himself trouble,
He tucked it in double
And rather than coming, he went.
* * *
A silly old duke from Yorkshire,
While asserting the rights of a sire,
Lets the hands ‘round his head
Do the talking instead,
And so came to an early retire.
* * *
An amorous sailor from Brighton
Said unto his girl, "You're a tight ‘un!"
She replied, "'Pon my soul,
You've assailed the wrong hole,
And there's plenty of room in the right ‘un!”
* * *
There was a young man from Bombay
Who had fashioned a c**t out of clay.
But the heat from his prick
Baked it into a brick
And abraded his foreskin away.
* * *
There once was a wicked old Persian
Quite perturbed by a certain aspersion:
“I deliver smart spanks
To my courtesan’s flanks.
Such a ball! Yet they call it perversion!”
* * *
There was a young lass from Madras
Who was blessed with a marvelous ass.
Yet, ‘twas not what you think,
Soft and rounded and pink,
But instead had long ears and ate grass.
* * *
A vampiress who calls herself Mabel
Has menstruations that make me unstable.
By the light of the moon
She will whip out a spoon
And soon drink herself under the table.
* * *
A young booby who everyone knows
Passes gas through its ass and its nose,
And folks lie awake late
Locked in mocking debate,
Judging whether he sucks or he blows.
* * *
There once was a ***** from Peru
Who filled up her vagina with glue.
She said with a grin,
"You will pay to get in,
And you’ll pay to get out of it, too!”
* * *
Of the wives of King Henry, 'tis said,
Every one was disastrous in bed.
But the King wasn't blue
For his regalness knew
In the end he would get him some head.
* * *
A plumber who plays in the sewer,
Plies a plunger instead of his skewer.
He has found that this trade
Makes it tough to get laid,
Since no gal wants her spit sucked straight through her.
* * *
There once was a plumber named Lee
Who was plumbing his girl by the sea.
But she cried, "Stop your plumbing!
I hear someone coming!”
Lee countered, “‘Tis no one but me!"
* * *
If you catch a chinchilla in Chile
And cut off its beard, willy-nilly,
You can honestly say
You have made on that day
A Chilean chinchilla's chin chilly.
* * *
Best beware of my perjuring parrot.
He’s a bird whose word-turds bear no merit.
What vile lies he can screech
As he sounds his free speech.
Even O.J. himself would not dare it!
* * *
There once was an artistic figment
‘Bout consuming a pallet of pigment.
Every shade of the spectrum
Will flow from the rectum,
Rendering every viewer indignant.
* * *
A pansy who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room
And they argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom.
* * *
There once was a fellow from Perth
Who was born on the day of his birth.
He was married, they say,
On his wife’s wedding day
And he died on his last day on Earth.
* * *
Ever swallow a succulent prune, sir?
That sweet juice leaves you loose all too soon, sir.
Best attend to a john
When the rumblings come on,
Or you’ll count your new suit a true ruin, sir.
* * *
A preoccupied vegan named Hugh
Picked himself the wrong sandwich to chew.
As he took a big bite,
He said, spitting in fright,
"OMG, WTF, BBQ!"
* * *
There once was a man from Nantucket
With a penis so long he could suck it.
He would say with a grin
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear was a pussy, I'd fuck it!"[/FONT]
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