Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
My brother has a terrific job in the Denver Mint! He makes more money in a single afternoon than I do all year!
A strange thing happened when Howard Carter started to unwrap the mummy he'd discovered... a low hissing sound began, like that of escaping gas, and a sharp odor filled the room. Such a thing had never happened before... it was a toot uncommon.
I planned to give up cigarettes this year, but not anymore. According to this week's motivational speaker, nobody likes a quitter.
Q: Which African wild animal terrorized the Ottoman Empire during the 15th century?
A: Vlad the Impala.
After getting a PhD in philosophy, my brother can't find any paying work. He's become so discouraged, he now stands on the street corner, spouting off all his expensive learning to anyone who'll listen. One of the local restaurant owners has taken pity on him and brings him free breakfast every morning... now that's food for thought!
Blonde she: "My husband says I'm such a sexual powerhouse, no man on Earth can last even half an hour with me!"
Brunette he: "Bet you five bucks he's wrong!"
Blonde she: "You're on!"
Twenty minutes later...
Blonde she: "Ha! I win!"
Brunette he: "You sure do. Here's your five bucks."
My son was born today; while at the hospital, I ran into another proud papa who's daughter was delivered just the day before. We got to chatting and he mused how wild it would be if the two of them were ever to get married! Right... like I'd let my boy marry someone twice his age!
"Can you believe it? My wife left me just because I won't put the toilet seat down!"
"Actually, I've wondered myself why you carry the damn thing around with you."
The bad news is that my cat hopped up on the window sill and knocked off the expensive cactus plant my wife had just bought. The worse news is, I caught it.
New England rail travel can be a little tangled and tortured, with a host of unexpected inbetween stops. Like, you can't go direct from a Rhode Island destination to a Massachusetts destination... you'll need a connect ticket.
There's no more inspirational sight in nature than that of the Canadian wildfowl migration that takes place every fall! If you're especially lucky, you may come across a gaggle that's landed on the roadside to rest... I always get goosebumps!
The first rule of English-for-Beginners Club: their our know rules.
Woke shaming continues to get crazier; now zealots are trying to ban the use of question marks! I'd like to find out why, but I'm afraid to ask!
Did you know that Anton Checkhov had a huge firearms collection? Each one of them was reserved for future use.
I don't like the way my ex is spending her alimony payments; last week, she bought a $5,000 Sulphur-crested Cockatoo! Always agitated! Always screeching! Stupid thing never shuts the hell up! The parrot's chill, though.
Ben and Jerry have just invented a new ice cream flavor they call Trump's Revenge. It's a dish best served cold.
My brother used to be in the beauty industry... he held a job in a ritzy boutique that specialized in rejuvenating the images of elderly captains of industry by changing their hair color from gray back to brown. He dyed a rich man.
Don't buy any timepiece that's advertised "for the sensitive man". Such clocks have a tick... they only want to tock.
I'm trying to clear out all the junk my dad collected through his lifetime... anyone interested in buying a historically significant, but otherwise busted barometer? It's a no-pressure purchase.
I just acquired a dog that once belonged to famous televangelist Oral Roberts! It was quite a bargain... the pooch has already been taught to heal and beg.
Jean Sibelius' wife was destined to be an unhappy woman; she well knew that for Jean, it would always be Finnish first.
My New Year's resolution is to be more confident and assertive! Is... is that okay with you guys?
* * *
A strange thing happened when Howard Carter started to unwrap the mummy he'd discovered... a low hissing sound began, like that of escaping gas, and a sharp odor filled the room. Such a thing had never happened before... it was a toot uncommon.
* * *
I planned to give up cigarettes this year, but not anymore. According to this week's motivational speaker, nobody likes a quitter.
* * *
Q: Which African wild animal terrorized the Ottoman Empire during the 15th century?
A: Vlad the Impala.
* * *
After getting a PhD in philosophy, my brother can't find any paying work. He's become so discouraged, he now stands on the street corner, spouting off all his expensive learning to anyone who'll listen. One of the local restaurant owners has taken pity on him and brings him free breakfast every morning... now that's food for thought!
* * *
Blonde she: "My husband says I'm such a sexual powerhouse, no man on Earth can last even half an hour with me!"
Brunette he: "Bet you five bucks he's wrong!"
Blonde she: "You're on!"
Twenty minutes later...
Blonde she: "Ha! I win!"
Brunette he: "You sure do. Here's your five bucks."
* * *
My son was born today; while at the hospital, I ran into another proud papa who's daughter was delivered just the day before. We got to chatting and he mused how wild it would be if the two of them were ever to get married! Right... like I'd let my boy marry someone twice his age!
* * *
"Can you believe it? My wife left me just because I won't put the toilet seat down!"
"Actually, I've wondered myself why you carry the damn thing around with you."
* * *
The bad news is that my cat hopped up on the window sill and knocked off the expensive cactus plant my wife had just bought. The worse news is, I caught it.
* * *
New England rail travel can be a little tangled and tortured, with a host of unexpected inbetween stops. Like, you can't go direct from a Rhode Island destination to a Massachusetts destination... you'll need a connect ticket.
* * *
There's no more inspirational sight in nature than that of the Canadian wildfowl migration that takes place every fall! If you're especially lucky, you may come across a gaggle that's landed on the roadside to rest... I always get goosebumps!
* * *
The first rule of English-for-Beginners Club: their our know rules.
* * *
Woke shaming continues to get crazier; now zealots are trying to ban the use of question marks! I'd like to find out why, but I'm afraid to ask!
* * *
Did you know that Anton Checkhov had a huge firearms collection? Each one of them was reserved for future use.
* * *
I don't like the way my ex is spending her alimony payments; last week, she bought a $5,000 Sulphur-crested Cockatoo! Always agitated! Always screeching! Stupid thing never shuts the hell up! The parrot's chill, though.
* * *
Ben and Jerry have just invented a new ice cream flavor they call Trump's Revenge. It's a dish best served cold.
* * *
My brother used to be in the beauty industry... he held a job in a ritzy boutique that specialized in rejuvenating the images of elderly captains of industry by changing their hair color from gray back to brown. He dyed a rich man.
* * *
Don't buy any timepiece that's advertised "for the sensitive man". Such clocks have a tick... they only want to tock.
* * *
I'm trying to clear out all the junk my dad collected through his lifetime... anyone interested in buying a historically significant, but otherwise busted barometer? It's a no-pressure purchase.
* * *
I just acquired a dog that once belonged to famous televangelist Oral Roberts! It was quite a bargain... the pooch has already been taught to heal and beg.
* * *
Jean Sibelius' wife was destined to be an unhappy woman; she well knew that for Jean, it would always be Finnish first.
* * *
My New Year's resolution is to be more confident and assertive! Is... is that okay with you guys?
