Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
The US and Canadian pine forests brim with hairy cryptids, most of which are known for their big feet. There's one species, however, that's recognized by it's huge nose. The indigenous peoples call him Schnozsquatch.
My dad knew that he was dying; the last thing he told me before passing on was that he'd like to have his ashes pressed into a record so that his voice could be heard by the rest of the family at his wake. Seemed silly to me, but I did as he asked. It was, after all, his vinyl request.
Motto of the Outback Boomerang Company: "What goes around, comes around."
"If you love something, let it go. If it returns to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, it was never truly yours to begin with": earlier, less successful motto of the Outback Boomerang Company.
The gay dude next door seems to think I'll be runnin' a haunted house this Halloween. He's tellin' everyone on our block I have a Home of Phobia.
According to the Bible, Eve was made out of Adam's rib. So she's not really his wife... technically, that makes her his side bitch.
It's October, time of year for the pumpkin! Or, as I call it, the incest squash.
Frankenstein left his ancestral home to chase down the monster which had wiped out his entire family line. The fields and farms thereabout were just as productive as they'd ever been; however, the peasants still considered the country a Baron wasteland.
I could barely see the pencil lines I was making on the graph paper, so I've switched to a felt tip marker. The plot thickens!
Pat Sajak never said his job was heavenly; what he did say was that it was near Vanna.
I always go the extra mile! That's what happens when you don't watch for the proper exit.
Q: Where's the best place to find emotionally charged entertainment?
A: A moving picture show.
The guy I engaged to cater my party actually shot up the place then drove off! Guess it's my own fault for trying to save a buck... when I saw his ad read "carshootery", I assumed he must be new to the business.
Hear about the novice actor in a meta play? He got so confused, he accidently broke the third wall.
The wife and I were watching Turner last night when the 1944 picture "Gaslight" started up. I wanted to watch it, but she insisted that we'd already seen it the night before.
Q: Why did the incel medical student fail his human anatomy course?
A: He was trying to keep abreast of the cadaver studies.
Doctor: "I'll see to it you have a room tonight. Tomorrow, you'll be able to visit with your relatives."
Patient: "Doctor... I'm the last member of my family. All of my relatives are dead."
Doctor: "As I was saying... "
According to Japanese folklore, a person's lifeforce can be seen changing from warmth to a cooler color right before they die... otherwise known as cyan aura.
My wife ran across $1000 I'd stashed in an old board game box and insisted it'd be smarter to keep it in a bank vault. I suppose she's right... better safe than Sorry.
"'Corrdin' ta this hyar report, we's a'heading fer a passle a' rane, hale, gails, drissle, tundre, litnin, hy tydes, tarnadies and frizzen colde."
"Sounds like we're in fer a bad spell, all right."
I was walking down the street today when a trombone came plummeting out of the sky, nearly hitting me! I looked upward and was astounded to see that it was being followed by a clarinet, a pair of cymbals, a bass violin, a snare drum, several trumpets, a harp and tuba! I could'a been killed! Workers later claimed that it was an unfortunate moving accident, but I find that hard to believe... to me, it looked like whole thing had been orchestrated!
He: "I know we haven't been married long, but I have a special request. I've recently developed a hankering for something I always hated as a child."
She: "That doesn't sound so strange! Our tastes mature as we grow older! You're talking about broccoli or cooked cabbage, right? I don't mind fixing some for you!"
He: "Well, no. That's not really what I had in mind."
She: "So, what? Cauliflower? Liver? Whatever you want, darling! You name it and I'll arrange it!"
He: "Awww, that's so sweet of you! I was nervous to even bring up the subject of spankings!"
* * *
My dad knew that he was dying; the last thing he told me before passing on was that he'd like to have his ashes pressed into a record so that his voice could be heard by the rest of the family at his wake. Seemed silly to me, but I did as he asked. It was, after all, his vinyl request.
* * *
Motto of the Outback Boomerang Company: "What goes around, comes around."
* * *
"If you love something, let it go. If it returns to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, it was never truly yours to begin with": earlier, less successful motto of the Outback Boomerang Company.
* * *
The gay dude next door seems to think I'll be runnin' a haunted house this Halloween. He's tellin' everyone on our block I have a Home of Phobia.
* * *
According to the Bible, Eve was made out of Adam's rib. So she's not really his wife... technically, that makes her his side bitch.
* * *
It's October, time of year for the pumpkin! Or, as I call it, the incest squash.
* * *
Frankenstein left his ancestral home to chase down the monster which had wiped out his entire family line. The fields and farms thereabout were just as productive as they'd ever been; however, the peasants still considered the country a Baron wasteland.
* * *
I could barely see the pencil lines I was making on the graph paper, so I've switched to a felt tip marker. The plot thickens!
* * *
Pat Sajak never said his job was heavenly; what he did say was that it was near Vanna.
* * *
I always go the extra mile! That's what happens when you don't watch for the proper exit.
* * *
Q: Where's the best place to find emotionally charged entertainment?
A: A moving picture show.
* * *
The guy I engaged to cater my party actually shot up the place then drove off! Guess it's my own fault for trying to save a buck... when I saw his ad read "carshootery", I assumed he must be new to the business.
* * *
Hear about the novice actor in a meta play? He got so confused, he accidently broke the third wall.
* * *
The wife and I were watching Turner last night when the 1944 picture "Gaslight" started up. I wanted to watch it, but she insisted that we'd already seen it the night before.
* * *
Q: Why did the incel medical student fail his human anatomy course?
A: He was trying to keep abreast of the cadaver studies.
* * *
Doctor: "I'll see to it you have a room tonight. Tomorrow, you'll be able to visit with your relatives."
Patient: "Doctor... I'm the last member of my family. All of my relatives are dead."
Doctor: "As I was saying... "
* * *
According to Japanese folklore, a person's lifeforce can be seen changing from warmth to a cooler color right before they die... otherwise known as cyan aura.
* * *
My wife ran across $1000 I'd stashed in an old board game box and insisted it'd be smarter to keep it in a bank vault. I suppose she's right... better safe than Sorry.
* * *
"'Corrdin' ta this hyar report, we's a'heading fer a passle a' rane, hale, gails, drissle, tundre, litnin, hy tydes, tarnadies and frizzen colde."
"Sounds like we're in fer a bad spell, all right."
* * *
I was walking down the street today when a trombone came plummeting out of the sky, nearly hitting me! I looked upward and was astounded to see that it was being followed by a clarinet, a pair of cymbals, a bass violin, a snare drum, several trumpets, a harp and tuba! I could'a been killed! Workers later claimed that it was an unfortunate moving accident, but I find that hard to believe... to me, it looked like whole thing had been orchestrated!
* * *
He: "I know we haven't been married long, but I have a special request. I've recently developed a hankering for something I always hated as a child."
She: "That doesn't sound so strange! Our tastes mature as we grow older! You're talking about broccoli or cooked cabbage, right? I don't mind fixing some for you!"
He: "Well, no. That's not really what I had in mind."
She: "So, what? Cauliflower? Liver? Whatever you want, darling! You name it and I'll arrange it!"
He: "Awww, that's so sweet of you! I was nervous to even bring up the subject of spankings!"
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