Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
[FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]She: “That bitch at work called me fat! Damn, I can’t wait to get back at her!”
He: “Hey, you’re bigger than that!”
My wife lectures me constantly about her OCD. She always puts me in my place.
Archeologists have found it difficult to read the hieroglyphics inside pyramids. Small wonder; they’re encrypted.
She: “I have to make a confession... of our 12 children, you aren’t father to any of them.”
He: “Well, that leaves a lot to be de-sired.”
The French aren’t well liked by a lot of folks. Personally, they give me the crepes.
The vinyl record is making a comeback and people below a certain age just can’t understand why. They simply have no idea how good it was...
... how good it was...
... how good it was...
I’m so pleased the phonograph was finally replaced by the CD player; the last one I owned ruined 250 of my albums. Now that’s a record breaker!
“My, what cute twins! Did mommy buy you those adorable matching outfits?”
“I’m not twins, sir. License and registration, please.”
I thought Canada had a President, but it turns out he’s really the Prime Minister. I’d never heard that before; it’s Trudeau.
Orthodontists across the nation are planning to go on strike, so brace yourself.
After 20 years, I finally came out of the closet. That has to be the longest game of hide-and-seek ever!
Vegans never go to Hell. Satan already has it bad enough.
My sister’s always said, “The best things in life are free!” She’s a kleptomaniac.
Jeep has developed a new car called the Elizabeth Warren. It’s all white and says “Cherokee” on the side.
Doctor: “Now just relax. It’s perfectly normal to have an erection during a prostate exam.”
Patient: “But I don’t have an erection.”
Doctor: “I wasn’t talking about you.”
Doctor: “How on earth did you get lice?”
Patient: “Dunno, Doc. It’s a real head-scratcher.”
My current girlfriend treats me like a god! She never sees me, and I’m none too sure she knows I exist.
“Ma’am, me an’ my new missus is after a room fer our honeymoon.”
“Would you like a bridal suite?”
“Nope, sugar. I’ll just latch onta her braids till she gets the idea.”
An archeologist has actually unearthed the desiccated remains of that legendary beauty from remote antiquity, Helen of Troy. The first thing he did upon recovery was to give the corpse a long, lingering French kiss; he was eager to understand a dead tongue.
My cousin from Alaska spent his entire life savings on lottery tickets. Win or lose, he’s heading south soon.
Is it true that every dinosaur dinner party started with primordial soup?
The first time I had sex with my girlfriend was in my parents’ bedroom. She was quite nervous about it and moaned, “I don’t like this. What if we get caught?”
“Don’t worry,” I assured her. “They’re very heavy sleepers.”[/FONT]
He: “Hey, you’re bigger than that!”
* * *
My wife lectures me constantly about her OCD. She always puts me in my place.
* * *
Archeologists have found it difficult to read the hieroglyphics inside pyramids. Small wonder; they’re encrypted.
* * *
She: “I have to make a confession... of our 12 children, you aren’t father to any of them.”
He: “Well, that leaves a lot to be de-sired.”
* * *
The French aren’t well liked by a lot of folks. Personally, they give me the crepes.
* * *
The vinyl record is making a comeback and people below a certain age just can’t understand why. They simply have no idea how good it was...
... how good it was...
... how good it was...
* * *
I’m so pleased the phonograph was finally replaced by the CD player; the last one I owned ruined 250 of my albums. Now that’s a record breaker!
* * *
“My, what cute twins! Did mommy buy you those adorable matching outfits?”
“I’m not twins, sir. License and registration, please.”
* * *
I thought Canada had a President, but it turns out he’s really the Prime Minister. I’d never heard that before; it’s Trudeau.
* * *
Orthodontists across the nation are planning to go on strike, so brace yourself.
* * *
After 20 years, I finally came out of the closet. That has to be the longest game of hide-and-seek ever!
* * *
Vegans never go to Hell. Satan already has it bad enough.
* * *
My sister’s always said, “The best things in life are free!” She’s a kleptomaniac.
* * *
Jeep has developed a new car called the Elizabeth Warren. It’s all white and says “Cherokee” on the side.
* * *
Doctor: “Now just relax. It’s perfectly normal to have an erection during a prostate exam.”
Patient: “But I don’t have an erection.”
Doctor: “I wasn’t talking about you.”
* * *
Doctor: “How on earth did you get lice?”
Patient: “Dunno, Doc. It’s a real head-scratcher.”
* * *
My current girlfriend treats me like a god! She never sees me, and I’m none too sure she knows I exist.
* * *
“Ma’am, me an’ my new missus is after a room fer our honeymoon.”
“Would you like a bridal suite?”
“Nope, sugar. I’ll just latch onta her braids till she gets the idea.”
* * *
An archeologist has actually unearthed the desiccated remains of that legendary beauty from remote antiquity, Helen of Troy. The first thing he did upon recovery was to give the corpse a long, lingering French kiss; he was eager to understand a dead tongue.
* * *
My cousin from Alaska spent his entire life savings on lottery tickets. Win or lose, he’s heading south soon.
* * *
Is it true that every dinosaur dinner party started with primordial soup?
* * *
The first time I had sex with my girlfriend was in my parents’ bedroom. She was quite nervous about it and moaned, “I don’t like this. What if we get caught?”
“Don’t worry,” I assured her. “They’re very heavy sleepers.”[/FONT]
