Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
[FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]For trick-r-treats this year, I plan to cut a hot dog into slices, scoop out its insides and fill the cavity with cheese. This may seem more like hors d’oeuvres than proper candy, but I figure it’s the perfect Halloween-y snack.
Some say Halloween’s a celebration of death. Still, everyone seems to enjoy it... every seen a skull frown?
The president of Kelly-Moore Paints died from hypothermia during his Aspen vacation. Authorities say he could have used a second coat.
It was the middle of a desperate gun battle; to save ammunition, I decided to start using my knife. Next thing you know, I’m banned for life from the paint-ball park.
My girlfriend says I treat our relationship like this it’s a joke. Who does she think she’s kidding!
Condoms? Ha! Those are for pussies!
The US is having such bad luck lately, you’d think it was built on an Indian Burial Ground.
When asked at school what he wanted to be when he grew up, my son answered, “Either a pool boy or a pizza delivery driver.”
Damn it; I think the little scamp found my porn stash.
Mama mouse and baby mouse are heading for the woodland chapel, the place where all forest animals congregate to worship. Baby mouse sees a bat fly overhead, also on his way to services.
“Look mommy!” baby mouse cries out joyfully. “An angel!”
I didn’t know the best way to say goodbye to the people of Indonesia, so I just gave them a big wave.
“Did you know? Spartacus, he is cannibal!”
“How you find out?”
“Me watch him. He have wife for dinner. Should be ashamed!”
“No... he gladiator.”
I was looking for celestial bodies last night and saw a moon. Not what I was expecting... I guess it’s just going through a phase.
“Says here that the sperm bank pays $500 per sample.”
“Damn! To think of all the money that’s slipped through my fingers!”
My sister asked me to bring her a hard surface to write on, so I opted for sand. It’s pretty darned hard to write anything on that.
Batman confiscated all the fruit punch the Joker had stolen for his Halloween party. Just ice was served.
My belt put up with my drinking binges till it was loopy. It finally buckled under the pressure.
How did Helen Keller break her arm?
Trying to read the stop sign.
You have to be careful about pork products. One of my co-workers is in the hospital after eating a ham sandwich. He found it in my lunchbox.
Dentists must have the most depressing job in the world. They always look down in the mouth.
My girlfriend got herself a sexy chicken suit for the Halloween costume party, so I immediately rushed out and bought an egg suit. I just had to learn which of us came first.
Sex may seem like a great idea at the time, but it creates a host of problems afterward... like where to hide the body.
Our local school called to inform me that my son had been caught lying in class.
“Lying, huh?” I observed. “He must be pretty darned good at it.”
“How do you mean?” the caller returned.
“I don’t have any kids.”[/FONT]
* * *
Some say Halloween’s a celebration of death. Still, everyone seems to enjoy it... every seen a skull frown?
* * *
The president of Kelly-Moore Paints died from hypothermia during his Aspen vacation. Authorities say he could have used a second coat.
* * *
It was the middle of a desperate gun battle; to save ammunition, I decided to start using my knife. Next thing you know, I’m banned for life from the paint-ball park.
* * *
My girlfriend says I treat our relationship like this it’s a joke. Who does she think she’s kidding!
* * *
Condoms? Ha! Those are for pussies!
* * *
The US is having such bad luck lately, you’d think it was built on an Indian Burial Ground.
* * *
When asked at school what he wanted to be when he grew up, my son answered, “Either a pool boy or a pizza delivery driver.”
Damn it; I think the little scamp found my porn stash.
* * *
Mama mouse and baby mouse are heading for the woodland chapel, the place where all forest animals congregate to worship. Baby mouse sees a bat fly overhead, also on his way to services.
“Look mommy!” baby mouse cries out joyfully. “An angel!”
* * *
I didn’t know the best way to say goodbye to the people of Indonesia, so I just gave them a big wave.
* * *
“Did you know? Spartacus, he is cannibal!”
“How you find out?”
“Me watch him. He have wife for dinner. Should be ashamed!”
“No... he gladiator.”
* * *
I was looking for celestial bodies last night and saw a moon. Not what I was expecting... I guess it’s just going through a phase.
* * *
“Says here that the sperm bank pays $500 per sample.”
“Damn! To think of all the money that’s slipped through my fingers!”
* * *
My sister asked me to bring her a hard surface to write on, so I opted for sand. It’s pretty darned hard to write anything on that.
* * *
Batman confiscated all the fruit punch the Joker had stolen for his Halloween party. Just ice was served.
* * *
My belt put up with my drinking binges till it was loopy. It finally buckled under the pressure.
* * *
How did Helen Keller break her arm?
Trying to read the stop sign.
* * *
You have to be careful about pork products. One of my co-workers is in the hospital after eating a ham sandwich. He found it in my lunchbox.
* * *
Dentists must have the most depressing job in the world. They always look down in the mouth.
* * *
My girlfriend got herself a sexy chicken suit for the Halloween costume party, so I immediately rushed out and bought an egg suit. I just had to learn which of us came first.
* * *
Sex may seem like a great idea at the time, but it creates a host of problems afterward... like where to hide the body.
* * *
Our local school called to inform me that my son had been caught lying in class.
“Lying, huh?” I observed. “He must be pretty darned good at it.”
“How do you mean?” the caller returned.
“I don’t have any kids.”[/FONT]
