Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
I tried to type the word "fuck", but it came out as "duck". Damn auto-correct! I can't stand fowl language!
This year the kids are going to decorate the Christmas tree. It's a lot cheaper than buying ornaments and tinsel.
I recently read about a secretary who could use two different typewriters to compose two separate letters at the exact same time. Immediately, I assumed the office worker was a woman; that's to be expected when you stereotype.
Santa's elves left their positions at the conveyor belts and went out on strike. He therefore called in the Avengers. Avengers assemble!
I did something at my last party that made my guests throw up. I placed the dart board on the ceiling.
It's a sad fact that kids in school are getting fatter and fatter. Teachers are blaming rampant drug use... it's a common cause of wide pupils.
My poor brother never really understood Russian Roulette. He tried to play it with an automatic pistol.
That kid from "The Sixth Sense" could perceive things other than recent murder victims; he was also haunted by all the drowned accident victims from the Titanic. That's how the movie came up with its most famous line: "Icy dead people!"
I've discovered a whole number that's greater than five but lower than six! High fives all around!
Produce clerk: "You want me to grab that guy on aisle 9 for stealing just because he's atypical?! Geez, we could get sued for that!"
Produce manager: "Clean your ears out, Fred! I said he just ate a pickle!"
I'm no racist! I think all people should be considered equal, be they black, brown, yellow or normal!
Most pool tables are green. You would be too if you had your balls racked regularly.
My wife says to stop driving our family car. She says the model's been recalled. Shows you how little faith she has... a couple of bad breaks never stopped me!
Underdog's girlfriend Polly Purebred may seem simple and demure, but that's probably a front. Word is she's into ruff sex.
Progressive Insurance attracts a very laid-back clientele. It appeals to those who want to go with the Flo.
Q: How did Gilbert and Sullivan get to the theater?
A: By way of da oily cart.
Cops are investigating the murder of a young blond housebreaker. They say the suspects did it with their bear hands.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll sit around in a boat all day drinking beer.
Kangaroos never make it to the second course at Outback. They're committed more-soupials.
Q: How many birds fly only in pairs?
A: Only toucan.
Number 4 asked number 5 out on a date, but she doesn't find him attractive at all. He's just too square.
Sure, I backed my car into the front of some guy's truck, but I don't understand why he's mad. It said right there on the grill: "Ram".
* * *
This year the kids are going to decorate the Christmas tree. It's a lot cheaper than buying ornaments and tinsel.
* * *
I recently read about a secretary who could use two different typewriters to compose two separate letters at the exact same time. Immediately, I assumed the office worker was a woman; that's to be expected when you stereotype.
* * *
Santa's elves left their positions at the conveyor belts and went out on strike. He therefore called in the Avengers. Avengers assemble!
* * *
I did something at my last party that made my guests throw up. I placed the dart board on the ceiling.
* * *
It's a sad fact that kids in school are getting fatter and fatter. Teachers are blaming rampant drug use... it's a common cause of wide pupils.
* * *
My poor brother never really understood Russian Roulette. He tried to play it with an automatic pistol.
* * *
That kid from "The Sixth Sense" could perceive things other than recent murder victims; he was also haunted by all the drowned accident victims from the Titanic. That's how the movie came up with its most famous line: "Icy dead people!"
* * *
I've discovered a whole number that's greater than five but lower than six! High fives all around!
* * *
Produce clerk: "You want me to grab that guy on aisle 9 for stealing just because he's atypical?! Geez, we could get sued for that!"
Produce manager: "Clean your ears out, Fred! I said he just ate a pickle!"
* * *
I'm no racist! I think all people should be considered equal, be they black, brown, yellow or normal!
* * *
Most pool tables are green. You would be too if you had your balls racked regularly.
* * *
My wife says to stop driving our family car. She says the model's been recalled. Shows you how little faith she has... a couple of bad breaks never stopped me!
* * *
Underdog's girlfriend Polly Purebred may seem simple and demure, but that's probably a front. Word is she's into ruff sex.
* * *
Progressive Insurance attracts a very laid-back clientele. It appeals to those who want to go with the Flo.
* * *
Q: How did Gilbert and Sullivan get to the theater?
A: By way of da oily cart.
* * *
Cops are investigating the murder of a young blond housebreaker. They say the suspects did it with their bear hands.
* * *
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll sit around in a boat all day drinking beer.
* * *
Kangaroos never make it to the second course at Outback. They're committed more-soupials.
* * *
Q: How many birds fly only in pairs?
A: Only toucan.
* * *
Number 4 asked number 5 out on a date, but she doesn't find him attractive at all. He's just too square.
* * *
Sure, I backed my car into the front of some guy's truck, but I don't understand why he's mad. It said right there on the grill: "Ram".
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