Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
[FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]Hear about the fashion show so cheap the manager got rid of all the changing rooms? Models are currently seeking redress.
I paid 40 bucks to see a live Mozart concert. What a scam! All I got was a crummy cover band!
Iron Man has a young partner, Aluminum Man. He uses his powers to foil crimes.
My girlfriend claims I’m the stingiest boyfriend in history. Well, I’m just not buying that!
It isn’t necessary to vaccinate all your children... just the ones you want to keep.
Tom: “I’ve often wondered... how in the world do you get “Dick” out of “Richard”?
Richard: “Well, dinner and dancing would be a good start.”
You’re absolutely incomparable! As beautiful as... uh... umm...
My brother went to jail recently and has taken it really badly. He hasn’t eaten in days, refuses to shower and shave, and screams at anyone who comes near. Needless to say, no one’s asked him to play Monopoly since.
R2D2 has been the most obscene character in the Star Wars franchise. They’ve had to bleep every word he’s said.
I’ve been mute since birth and, as disabilities go, this one’s not so bad. Of course, I can’t speak for everyone.
Circus promoter: “There’s an vacancy in the Freak Tent. Would you be interested in the job?”
Elephant Man: “Hey, I’m all ears!”
I’m in hot water with my wife, just for throwing a snowball at my son! The folks in the maternity ward aren’t very thrilled about it either.
Redundancy is ruining our lives! We need to put an end to redundancy! Enough is enough!
A praying mantis baby tends to be terribly unruly... no father figure.
Brutus: “Hey Caesar! How may pizzas did you have for lunch?”
Caesar: “Ate two, Brute.”
No need to go out for ice cream once your best girl gets back from the gym; you already have a sore bae.
Eating pork isn’t healthy... just ask any pig.
National Impotency Month starts tomorrow. Frankly, I just can’t get excited about it.
Patient: “My right eye hurts like hell right after I drink coffee. Could I be getting too much caffeine?”
Doctor: “Possibly. On the other hand, you might try taking the spoon out of the cup.”
I was confined to a wheelchair for awhile and was totally dependent on my girlfriend. That didn’t last long; I got tired of her pushing me around and finally had to stand up for myself.
A new movie ripping off Stephen King’s killer clown story is being released in Cardiff. Producers of the American version have described the production thusly: “Welsh It.”
A man gets stuck in the middle of a crosswalk, trying to decide where he should go for lunch. On one side of the street is a Burger King; on the other, a Jack in the Box. He stays undecided so long, the light finally changes and a big rig truck plows through the intersection, squashing him flat.
Moral to the story: don’t bother about Whoppers or Jumbo Jacks when a Big Mac is only yards away.[/FONT]
* * *
I paid 40 bucks to see a live Mozart concert. What a scam! All I got was a crummy cover band!
* * *
Iron Man has a young partner, Aluminum Man. He uses his powers to foil crimes.
* * *
My girlfriend claims I’m the stingiest boyfriend in history. Well, I’m just not buying that!
* * *
It isn’t necessary to vaccinate all your children... just the ones you want to keep.
* * *
Tom: “I’ve often wondered... how in the world do you get “Dick” out of “Richard”?
Richard: “Well, dinner and dancing would be a good start.”
* * *
You’re absolutely incomparable! As beautiful as... uh... umm...
* * *
My brother went to jail recently and has taken it really badly. He hasn’t eaten in days, refuses to shower and shave, and screams at anyone who comes near. Needless to say, no one’s asked him to play Monopoly since.
* * *
R2D2 has been the most obscene character in the Star Wars franchise. They’ve had to bleep every word he’s said.
* * *
I’ve been mute since birth and, as disabilities go, this one’s not so bad. Of course, I can’t speak for everyone.
* * *
Circus promoter: “There’s an vacancy in the Freak Tent. Would you be interested in the job?”
Elephant Man: “Hey, I’m all ears!”
* * *
I’m in hot water with my wife, just for throwing a snowball at my son! The folks in the maternity ward aren’t very thrilled about it either.
* * *
Redundancy is ruining our lives! We need to put an end to redundancy! Enough is enough!
* * *
A praying mantis baby tends to be terribly unruly... no father figure.
* * *
Brutus: “Hey Caesar! How may pizzas did you have for lunch?”
Caesar: “Ate two, Brute.”
* * *
No need to go out for ice cream once your best girl gets back from the gym; you already have a sore bae.
* * *
Eating pork isn’t healthy... just ask any pig.
* * *
National Impotency Month starts tomorrow. Frankly, I just can’t get excited about it.
* * *
Patient: “My right eye hurts like hell right after I drink coffee. Could I be getting too much caffeine?”
Doctor: “Possibly. On the other hand, you might try taking the spoon out of the cup.”
* * *
I was confined to a wheelchair for awhile and was totally dependent on my girlfriend. That didn’t last long; I got tired of her pushing me around and finally had to stand up for myself.
* * *
A new movie ripping off Stephen King’s killer clown story is being released in Cardiff. Producers of the American version have described the production thusly: “Welsh It.”
* * *
A man gets stuck in the middle of a crosswalk, trying to decide where he should go for lunch. On one side of the street is a Burger King; on the other, a Jack in the Box. He stays undecided so long, the light finally changes and a big rig truck plows through the intersection, squashing him flat.
Moral to the story: don’t bother about Whoppers or Jumbo Jacks when a Big Mac is only yards away.[/FONT]
