Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,972
- Points
- 48
Q: What does The Rock do after he drinks four gallons of water?
A: Dwayne Johnson.
I went to a big stadium to watch the greyhounds race. Lousy false advertising! I didn't see a single bus on the track!
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than my house?
A: No. Kangaroos jump only 6 feet high; my house jumped over $10,000 in equity last year.
Hear about the bull who bought a bad car? He lost his steering and had to hoof it.
One of my kids, who will remain nameless, annoyed the hell out of me this morning. He kept whining that I should give him a name.
Hotel Rwanda got a great Rotten Tomato score. On Yelp, not so good.
"My aunt's Zodiac sign was Cancer. Cruelly ironic, considering the way she died."
"Don't me that she... "
"Yep. She was attacked by a giant crab."
Both my brother and I are underwear artists. We're a pair of drawers.
Q: Which Central European nation was founded by a circus clown?
A: Chuckles-slovakia
The US really ought to send foreign aid to Venice. I hear that the streets are flooded.
"Avengers Endgame" is unwatchable by vegans... way too much at steak.
My wife and I named both of our twin girls Catherine. We consider them dupli-Kates.
When beekeepers buy replacements, the tenth drone is always complimentary. That's one of the profession's perks: loads of free bees!
As my project for the Science Fair, I made a miniature atom bomb. School security wasn't happy, but the judges were blown away!
The big new trend in fast food is trying to turn plants into hamburger meat. It's so unnecessary when you think about it: cows have been doing that all along.
When my toddler was in the bathroom, he pulled a full bottle of baby shampoo off the shelf and it knocked him square on the head. No More Tears my ass!
Q: What did Gandalf do when the eagles arrived to rescue him from Isengard?
A: Fly, you fools.
I'm the very first art school student to invent a brand new color! The teacher is so impressed with my creativity; he says it's a pigment of my imagination!
Men who work in metal foundries are notorious for creating bad odors. According to the well known phrase, whoever smelt it dealt it.
My next-door neighbor just got busted for growing marijuana. Evidently the property line isn't exactly where I thought it was.
Q: How well did Prince Andrew handle his recent interview?
A: Hey, no sweat!
Pediatrician: "Mrs. Smith, does your daughter always stutter like that?"
Mrs. Smith: "Oh no, not always. Only when she tries to speak
A: Dwayne Johnson.
* * *
I went to a big stadium to watch the greyhounds race. Lousy false advertising! I didn't see a single bus on the track!
* * *
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than my house?
A: No. Kangaroos jump only 6 feet high; my house jumped over $10,000 in equity last year.
* * *
Hear about the bull who bought a bad car? He lost his steering and had to hoof it.
* * *
One of my kids, who will remain nameless, annoyed the hell out of me this morning. He kept whining that I should give him a name.
* * *
Hotel Rwanda got a great Rotten Tomato score. On Yelp, not so good.
* * *
"My aunt's Zodiac sign was Cancer. Cruelly ironic, considering the way she died."
"Don't me that she... "
"Yep. She was attacked by a giant crab."
* * *
Both my brother and I are underwear artists. We're a pair of drawers.
* * *
Q: Which Central European nation was founded by a circus clown?
A: Chuckles-slovakia
* * *
The US really ought to send foreign aid to Venice. I hear that the streets are flooded.
* * *
"Avengers Endgame" is unwatchable by vegans... way too much at steak.
* * *
My wife and I named both of our twin girls Catherine. We consider them dupli-Kates.
* * *
When beekeepers buy replacements, the tenth drone is always complimentary. That's one of the profession's perks: loads of free bees!
* * *
As my project for the Science Fair, I made a miniature atom bomb. School security wasn't happy, but the judges were blown away!
* * *
The big new trend in fast food is trying to turn plants into hamburger meat. It's so unnecessary when you think about it: cows have been doing that all along.
* * *
When my toddler was in the bathroom, he pulled a full bottle of baby shampoo off the shelf and it knocked him square on the head. No More Tears my ass!
* * *
Q: What did Gandalf do when the eagles arrived to rescue him from Isengard?
A: Fly, you fools.
* * *
I'm the very first art school student to invent a brand new color! The teacher is so impressed with my creativity; he says it's a pigment of my imagination!
* * *
Men who work in metal foundries are notorious for creating bad odors. According to the well known phrase, whoever smelt it dealt it.
* * *
My next-door neighbor just got busted for growing marijuana. Evidently the property line isn't exactly where I thought it was.
* * *
Q: How well did Prince Andrew handle his recent interview?
A: Hey, no sweat!
* * *
Pediatrician: "Mrs. Smith, does your daughter always stutter like that?"
Mrs. Smith: "Oh no, not always. Only when she tries to speak
