Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
A fireman will never be lonely. It's well known he can turn on the hose.
I've been reading that too much booze can kill you. So, that's it for me... no more reading.
"I like to sign up for mime training."
"Ah! Say no more!"
A robber shot me in the stomach right after breakfast. Fortunately, the bullet was deflected by my belt buckle... it really saved my bacon!
If you want to go weigh a pie, there's only one place: somewhere over the rainbow.
I've started to carry brass knuckles after a foiled mugging last month. Since then, my mugging attempts have been much more successful.
Q: Why did the Thanksgiving turkey cross the table?
A: To get to the other sides.
My doctor's awfully creative; he explained my relationship with disease germs by comparing them to passengers arriving at an airport. In other words, he told me my condition is terminal.
Grandpa cannibal had to scold Grandma cannibal for nibbling at her fingers prior to dinner. You could tell it irritated the old biddy; she threw up her hands in frustration.
As I went skidding around the curve at 70 mph, I yelled, "Get the hell outta my way!" to all the pedestrians. I don't know if anyone heard my exact words, but they did catch my drift.
Rumors are circulating that actor Jason Biggs is going to give up movies so he can become a warlock. Not that surprising, really; word is that he's already a pyromancer.
One of the letter keys came off my computer keyboard and my brother suggested I stick it back on with Superglue. Sounded good to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
COVID may seem like a big deal, but don't forget the Spanish Flue, Smallpox, Polio and the Black Death all did it before and better. Damn copycat... COVID is merely plaguerist.
My sister's preferred pronoun is "postal"; she was born a woman, but identifies as mail.
Mouths are just like breasts nowadays; you can only expose them in public for feeding purposes.
According to legend, Julius Caesar was cut from his mother's womb. This doesn't surprise me; even his colleagues found him unbearable.
Indiana Jones' pop culture tastes were advanced... even back in the '40s, he went out of his way to find the Rolling Stones.
Cabbie: "Sorry about the stink of disinfectant. I'm trying my best to prevent the spread of COVID."
Customer: "Don't worry, it doesn't bother me. I haven't been able to smell anything for days."
Reports are that the factories in China are going full blast. So I guess it's true; kids really don't catch COVID.
A turncoat bee provided a path for murder hornets which led directly to his hive. The marauders completely destroyed it following his bee trail.
The number of bad coronavirus jokes has become alarming... experts are calling it a pundemic.
Turkeys go, "Gobble, gobble, gobble!" So did I (burp)... Happy Thanksgiving!
* * *
I've been reading that too much booze can kill you. So, that's it for me... no more reading.
* * *
"I like to sign up for mime training."
"Ah! Say no more!"
* * *
A robber shot me in the stomach right after breakfast. Fortunately, the bullet was deflected by my belt buckle... it really saved my bacon!
* * *
If you want to go weigh a pie, there's only one place: somewhere over the rainbow.
* * *
I've started to carry brass knuckles after a foiled mugging last month. Since then, my mugging attempts have been much more successful.
* * *
Q: Why did the Thanksgiving turkey cross the table?
A: To get to the other sides.
* * *
My doctor's awfully creative; he explained my relationship with disease germs by comparing them to passengers arriving at an airport. In other words, he told me my condition is terminal.
* * *
Grandpa cannibal had to scold Grandma cannibal for nibbling at her fingers prior to dinner. You could tell it irritated the old biddy; she threw up her hands in frustration.
* * *
As I went skidding around the curve at 70 mph, I yelled, "Get the hell outta my way!" to all the pedestrians. I don't know if anyone heard my exact words, but they did catch my drift.
* * *
Rumors are circulating that actor Jason Biggs is going to give up movies so he can become a warlock. Not that surprising, really; word is that he's already a pyromancer.
* * *
One of the letter keys came off my computer keyboard and my brother suggested I stick it back on with Superglue. Sounded good to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
* * *
COVID may seem like a big deal, but don't forget the Spanish Flue, Smallpox, Polio and the Black Death all did it before and better. Damn copycat... COVID is merely plaguerist.
* * *
My sister's preferred pronoun is "postal"; she was born a woman, but identifies as mail.
* * *
Mouths are just like breasts nowadays; you can only expose them in public for feeding purposes.
* * *
According to legend, Julius Caesar was cut from his mother's womb. This doesn't surprise me; even his colleagues found him unbearable.
* * *
Indiana Jones' pop culture tastes were advanced... even back in the '40s, he went out of his way to find the Rolling Stones.
* * *
Cabbie: "Sorry about the stink of disinfectant. I'm trying my best to prevent the spread of COVID."
Customer: "Don't worry, it doesn't bother me. I haven't been able to smell anything for days."
* * *
Reports are that the factories in China are going full blast. So I guess it's true; kids really don't catch COVID.
* * *
A turncoat bee provided a path for murder hornets which led directly to his hive. The marauders completely destroyed it following his bee trail.
* * *
The number of bad coronavirus jokes has become alarming... experts are calling it a pundemic.
* * *
Turkeys go, "Gobble, gobble, gobble!" So did I (burp)... Happy Thanksgiving!
