Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
I know only one Muhammad joke, but I won't be telling it. That's because I also only have one head.
I can't imagine why Amy Coney Barrett wanted to be on the Supreme Court. From what I hear, it's a Ruthless organization.
My typing teacher had me copy six pages out of the dictionary. He said it was a great exercise; in reality, learned next to nothing.
Actor Sean Connery died this week and the news has left many fans shaken. Others, however, were not stirred.
My brother's constantly constipated because he's too strapped for cash to eat anything but junk food. He simply can't budget.
A man walks into a store and buys a lifetime supply of milk... reason being he didn't wear his COVID mask while making the purchase.
My dad, a devout angler, is keen to try out the Grand Canyon. He got the recommendation from a well known fissure man.
Q: What form of running actually involves long-distance walking?
A: Running out of gas.
I've been told I have a singular sense of humor: nobody but me thinks my jokes are funny.
Noah: "Now is there anything I can do to make this trip more pleasant?"
Turtle: "Yeah. You seem to be in good with God... how about you have Him make me fast for a change?"
Noah: "Heck, you don't need God for that! I'll just cut your rations in half!"
Q: What did Jesus say after the Resurrection?
A: "Look out Rome! You just crossed the wrong guy!"
Astronomers say stars are the brightest things in the cosmos. The host of Celebrity Jeopardy would beg to differ.
My wife thinks it's okay for our dog to drink out of the toilet, but I see two big objections: #1 and #2.
I dunno what Harper Lee was smoking back in the '60s, but it must have been potent if she saw a two kilo mockingbird.
I hate the man who invented autocorrect! There's a special place in he'll for such people!
Diner customer: "I'd like coffee, please. Two sugars, no cream."
Blonde waitress: "I'm sorry sir, but we're all out of cream. Would you like it without milk instead?"
This morning, my wife told me she'd become a body builder... just her little way of letting me know she's pregnant.
On the way back from the Trojan War, Greek warlord Odysseus is reported to have heard Sirens. After what he did to that poor city, it's no wonder he was being pulled over!
Q: Which sitting President is considered to have been the greatest by his constituency?
A: Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Yoda: "To be avoided, the dark side is."
Luke: "Just shut up and eat your toast, Master!"
I've heard that Michelangelo sculpted the statue of David when he was 26 years old. That's enlightening... I always wondered what happened to him after he grew too old to live in the sewers.
There's a term for Presidents like Donald Trump. Just one, though.
* * *
I can't imagine why Amy Coney Barrett wanted to be on the Supreme Court. From what I hear, it's a Ruthless organization.
* * *
My typing teacher had me copy six pages out of the dictionary. He said it was a great exercise; in reality, learned next to nothing.
* * *
Actor Sean Connery died this week and the news has left many fans shaken. Others, however, were not stirred.
* * *
My brother's constantly constipated because he's too strapped for cash to eat anything but junk food. He simply can't budget.
* * *
A man walks into a store and buys a lifetime supply of milk... reason being he didn't wear his COVID mask while making the purchase.
* * *
My dad, a devout angler, is keen to try out the Grand Canyon. He got the recommendation from a well known fissure man.
* * *
Q: What form of running actually involves long-distance walking?
A: Running out of gas.
* * *
I've been told I have a singular sense of humor: nobody but me thinks my jokes are funny.
* * *
Noah: "Now is there anything I can do to make this trip more pleasant?"
Turtle: "Yeah. You seem to be in good with God... how about you have Him make me fast for a change?"
Noah: "Heck, you don't need God for that! I'll just cut your rations in half!"
* * *
Q: What did Jesus say after the Resurrection?
A: "Look out Rome! You just crossed the wrong guy!"
* * *
Astronomers say stars are the brightest things in the cosmos. The host of Celebrity Jeopardy would beg to differ.
* * *
My wife thinks it's okay for our dog to drink out of the toilet, but I see two big objections: #1 and #2.
* * *
I dunno what Harper Lee was smoking back in the '60s, but it must have been potent if she saw a two kilo mockingbird.
* * *
I hate the man who invented autocorrect! There's a special place in he'll for such people!
* * *
Diner customer: "I'd like coffee, please. Two sugars, no cream."
Blonde waitress: "I'm sorry sir, but we're all out of cream. Would you like it without milk instead?"
* * *
This morning, my wife told me she'd become a body builder... just her little way of letting me know she's pregnant.
* * *
On the way back from the Trojan War, Greek warlord Odysseus is reported to have heard Sirens. After what he did to that poor city, it's no wonder he was being pulled over!
* * *
Q: Which sitting President is considered to have been the greatest by his constituency?
A: Franklin D. Roosevelt.
* * *
Yoda: "To be avoided, the dark side is."
Luke: "Just shut up and eat your toast, Master!"
* * *
I've heard that Michelangelo sculpted the statue of David when he was 26 years old. That's enlightening... I always wondered what happened to him after he grew too old to live in the sewers.
* * *
There's a term for Presidents like Donald Trump. Just one, though.
