Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
[FONT=“Comic Sans MS”]Bacon has a special place in my heart. It’s just jammed full of cholesterol.
Two whales are sitting at a bar. The first turns to his companion and murmurs, “waaoooowooooaaaooowaaooooowaa”.
The second whale looks disgusted and replies, “Go home, Henry. You’re drunk.”
I got a sweater for my birthday. Big disappointment; I was hoping for a screamer or a moaner.
Job interviewer: “How would you describe yourself in two words?”
Job candidate: “Decisive!”
Interviewer: “Good! And the second?”
Candidate: “Uh... let me get back to you on that.”
My son would have been three years old today. Good thing I pulled out in time!
Defecation is an important component of weight control. A good bowel movement will reduce your total body mass by a turd.
My ex tried to embarrass me by telling her girlfriends I have a small dick. Fortunately, they all know better.
Q: What’s the least-spoken language in the world?
A: Sign language.
Our roof must have caught chicken pox once. You can plainly see it has shingles.
Siegfried and Roy are rumored to be gay. That’s hard to believe if pussy got the better of them.
I’d like to take a trip to the city of Pripyat someday. Visitors have described it in glowing terms.
A lot of men have lost their careers over sexual harassment charges. Could that ever happen to Alex Trebek? Even if there’s proof, his job won’t be in jeopardy.
Sitting in a running car with the garage door closed is supposed to be an easy, painless way to commit suicide. So, I thought I’d try it. Alas, it’s turned out to be a big bust. I’ve been in my Tesla for a full hour now and so far, nothing!
I recently attended a meeting of The Flat Earth Society. I despair for its future; its members don’t have enough common sense to go ‘round.
I spend practically every day shooting wolves in the nearby woods, making hundreds and hundreds of kills. My wife wishes I’d cut down to a pack a week.
Nails are accustomed to head banging. They are, after all, metal.
I don’t know what to believe. My brother claims that English cars have their steering wheels on the wrong side. So I double checked with an English exchange student; he says it’s on the right side.
Claims of global warming are pretty hilarious. Even the Arctic ice sheets are cracking up.
My wife’s in a constant state of depression because she thinks she looks too fat. Man, I really wish she’d lighten up!
Becoming weaned is a traumatic experience. It leads to long-term mammary loss.
My dad’s a lot like Santa Claus: I’ve never seen the real one.
I took my kid to see Santa at the mall yesterday, and he stank to high heaven of booze and tobacco! God knows what the jolly ol’ elf thought of him![/FONT]
* * *
Two whales are sitting at a bar. The first turns to his companion and murmurs, “waaoooowooooaaaooowaaooooowaa”.
The second whale looks disgusted and replies, “Go home, Henry. You’re drunk.”
* * *
I got a sweater for my birthday. Big disappointment; I was hoping for a screamer or a moaner.
* * *
Job interviewer: “How would you describe yourself in two words?”
Job candidate: “Decisive!”
Interviewer: “Good! And the second?”
Candidate: “Uh... let me get back to you on that.”
* * *
My son would have been three years old today. Good thing I pulled out in time!
* * *
Defecation is an important component of weight control. A good bowel movement will reduce your total body mass by a turd.
* * *
My ex tried to embarrass me by telling her girlfriends I have a small dick. Fortunately, they all know better.
* * *
Q: What’s the least-spoken language in the world?
A: Sign language.
* * *
Our roof must have caught chicken pox once. You can plainly see it has shingles.
* * *
Siegfried and Roy are rumored to be gay. That’s hard to believe if pussy got the better of them.
* * *
I’d like to take a trip to the city of Pripyat someday. Visitors have described it in glowing terms.
* * *
A lot of men have lost their careers over sexual harassment charges. Could that ever happen to Alex Trebek? Even if there’s proof, his job won’t be in jeopardy.
* * *
Sitting in a running car with the garage door closed is supposed to be an easy, painless way to commit suicide. So, I thought I’d try it. Alas, it’s turned out to be a big bust. I’ve been in my Tesla for a full hour now and so far, nothing!
* * *
I recently attended a meeting of The Flat Earth Society. I despair for its future; its members don’t have enough common sense to go ‘round.
* * *
I spend practically every day shooting wolves in the nearby woods, making hundreds and hundreds of kills. My wife wishes I’d cut down to a pack a week.
* * *
Nails are accustomed to head banging. They are, after all, metal.
* * *
I don’t know what to believe. My brother claims that English cars have their steering wheels on the wrong side. So I double checked with an English exchange student; he says it’s on the right side.
* * *
Claims of global warming are pretty hilarious. Even the Arctic ice sheets are cracking up.
* * *
My wife’s in a constant state of depression because she thinks she looks too fat. Man, I really wish she’d lighten up!
* * *
Becoming weaned is a traumatic experience. It leads to long-term mammary loss.
* * *
My dad’s a lot like Santa Claus: I’ve never seen the real one.
* * *
I took my kid to see Santa at the mall yesterday, and he stank to high heaven of booze and tobacco! God knows what the jolly ol’ elf thought of him![/FONT]
