Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
Our whole police force has been trying for the past month to expose the Masked Pervert. I scarcely see the point; he's been exposing himself the whole time.
A camp full of blond gold prospectors is robbed in broad daylight by a brunette claim jumper. The blondes all throw snowballs at her, but she gets clean away.
"Damn! Sure wish I'd seen her before she was so far out of range!" one of the blondes grouses. "I'd have clubbed her with my rifle butt!"
I recently received a wedding invitation that read: "No gifts of appliances or silverweare, please. We only want people present!" What am I supposed to do now? Slavery's been outlawed since the Civil War.
Golfer #1: "You ever played this course before? Last time I did, I made a Princess Grace."
Golfer #2. "What's that?"
Golfer #1: "Should have used my driver."
Golfer #2: "Me, I hit a Princess Diana."
Golfer #1: "What's that?"
Golfer #2: "Used my driver, but shouldn't have."
Last time I played golf, I made an Adolf: one shot in the bunker.
He: "I've tried my hand at legitimate business and failed... time to try something less respectable. I think I'd make a first class gigolo!"
She: "No way, hoes say."
Last night I grilled a chicken for two hours. It paid off, too... he finally told me the real reason why he crossed the road.
Boss: "Where the hell were you yesterday?"
Worker: "Sorry, boss, but I have a good excuse! I just became a father!"
Boss: "Well, that's different! Congratulations, young man! Is it a boy or a girl?"
Worker: "Won't know that for nine months!"
A friend is encouraging me to invest in his cutlery business. He makes some excellent points.
Q: What does the submissive member of a lesbian relationship eat for breakfast?
A: A Pop-tart.
Had myself a great St. Patrick's Day, though I really don't know much at all about the guy. Why, for instance, did he drive all the snakes out of Ireland? I guess it was too far for them to walk.
Q: What kind of women poke holes in condoms?
A: Trojan *****s.
I found myself a lucky horseshoe yesterday! Well, it was lucky for me... the poor horse had to go barefoot.
Did you know that Adolf Hitler never used taxis? He was more of an Uber mensch.
I just recently found out that Hooters restaurants make home deliveries. That isn't widely known because the girls that bring food to the door are referred to as Knockers.
Young leprechaun: "Just how old are you, grandpa?"
Old leprechaun: "Old enough to remember when all the rainbows were in black-and-white."
I spotted a leprechaun on St. Patrick's Day, but I didn't say anything to him. I hate small talk.
Four leaf clovers have a tendency to become wrinkled over time. All the same, don't iron them... you don't want to press your luck.
I've often wondered why the Irish wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day. This year I found out: real rocks are far too heavy.
Q: How does a US carrier bird converse with a carrier bird from China?
A: In pidgen pigeon.
Sean Connery's house caught fire and I was part of the rescue team sent to the scene. Let me tell you, that guy's a lot weirder than I expected... he kept asking if I'd shave his cat.
The war in the Ukraine has gone on so long and cost so much, the combatants have decided to settle things once and for all with a beauty contest. A lovely Russian lass will pit herself against a comely Ukrainian maiden in a swimsuit competition to determine which of them has the nicest belly button. An unorthodox solution, without a doubt... but hardly the first conflict to be settled through navel supremacy.
* * *
A camp full of blond gold prospectors is robbed in broad daylight by a brunette claim jumper. The blondes all throw snowballs at her, but she gets clean away.
"Damn! Sure wish I'd seen her before she was so far out of range!" one of the blondes grouses. "I'd have clubbed her with my rifle butt!"
* * *
I recently received a wedding invitation that read: "No gifts of appliances or silverweare, please. We only want people present!" What am I supposed to do now? Slavery's been outlawed since the Civil War.
* * *
Golfer #1: "You ever played this course before? Last time I did, I made a Princess Grace."
Golfer #2. "What's that?"
Golfer #1: "Should have used my driver."
Golfer #2: "Me, I hit a Princess Diana."
Golfer #1: "What's that?"
Golfer #2: "Used my driver, but shouldn't have."
* * *
Last time I played golf, I made an Adolf: one shot in the bunker.
* * *
He: "I've tried my hand at legitimate business and failed... time to try something less respectable. I think I'd make a first class gigolo!"
She: "No way, hoes say."
* * *
Last night I grilled a chicken for two hours. It paid off, too... he finally told me the real reason why he crossed the road.
* * *
Boss: "Where the hell were you yesterday?"
Worker: "Sorry, boss, but I have a good excuse! I just became a father!"
Boss: "Well, that's different! Congratulations, young man! Is it a boy or a girl?"
Worker: "Won't know that for nine months!"
* * *
A friend is encouraging me to invest in his cutlery business. He makes some excellent points.
* * *
Q: What does the submissive member of a lesbian relationship eat for breakfast?
A: A Pop-tart.
* * *
Had myself a great St. Patrick's Day, though I really don't know much at all about the guy. Why, for instance, did he drive all the snakes out of Ireland? I guess it was too far for them to walk.
* * *
Q: What kind of women poke holes in condoms?
A: Trojan *****s.
* * *
I found myself a lucky horseshoe yesterday! Well, it was lucky for me... the poor horse had to go barefoot.
* * *
Did you know that Adolf Hitler never used taxis? He was more of an Uber mensch.
* * *
I just recently found out that Hooters restaurants make home deliveries. That isn't widely known because the girls that bring food to the door are referred to as Knockers.
* * *
Young leprechaun: "Just how old are you, grandpa?"
Old leprechaun: "Old enough to remember when all the rainbows were in black-and-white."
* * *
I spotted a leprechaun on St. Patrick's Day, but I didn't say anything to him. I hate small talk.
* * *
Four leaf clovers have a tendency to become wrinkled over time. All the same, don't iron them... you don't want to press your luck.
* * *
I've often wondered why the Irish wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day. This year I found out: real rocks are far too heavy.
* * *
Q: How does a US carrier bird converse with a carrier bird from China?
A: In pidgen pigeon.
* * *
Sean Connery's house caught fire and I was part of the rescue team sent to the scene. Let me tell you, that guy's a lot weirder than I expected... he kept asking if I'd shave his cat.
* * *
The war in the Ukraine has gone on so long and cost so much, the combatants have decided to settle things once and for all with a beauty contest. A lovely Russian lass will pit herself against a comely Ukrainian maiden in a swimsuit competition to determine which of them has the nicest belly button. An unorthodox solution, without a doubt... but hardly the first conflict to be settled through navel supremacy.
