Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,972
- Points
- 48
After careful consideration, I've come to the conclusion that Albert Einstein was my uncle. It's my own theory of relativity.
The French disdain fast food. Must be why they eat snails.
Two reasons I don't give cash to the homeless:
1. They really want my money to buy drugs.
2. I really want my money to buy drugs.
Did ya hear the crowd gathered outside the Russian Embassy during the Ukraine invasion? They kept on chanting, "Putin, withdraw! Putin, withdraw! Putin, withdraw!"... couldn't tell if it was a protest or porno direction!
I really hate people who take drugs... cops and customs officers mostly.
Tough biker Randy and his gal Ruth were charging along when they came to a low bridge. He ducked... she didn't... he rode on ruthlessly.
My wife told me that women are better at multi-tasking than men. I told her to sit down and shut up, and guess what? She couldn't do either!
Hermit: Don't ever try to visit me. My home's a cave on a hundred foot high cliff.
Hermit's brother: Okay! I'll call your bluff!
I recently saw Michelangelo's statue of David. Amazing how crowds of people will consider a penis "art" in a museum. But show it just once in a bus station...
Deaf owl: "What?... what?..."
I wanna see that Shakespeare play starrin' the little bitty pig. Y'know... "Hamlet".
Astronomers have had a tough time naming the seven newly discovered planets. It wouldn't be such a chore if they were dwarf planets.
Dog: I am man's best friend.
Cat: No, I'm man's best friend.
Dog: I'm so popular, people have named their sharpest teeth after me.
Cat: Heh heh! You lost this one already!
The fortune teller I consulted started laughing at my future, so I punched her. Looks like I've finally struck a happy medium.
A man challenges a cheetah to a race. The man wins, of course; cheetahs never prosper.
It's French Cuisine Day once again! Creped up on me this year!
In the beginning, there was nothing.
God said, "LET THERE BE LIGHT!"
There was still nothing, but He could see it a lot better.
I'm not special. I just want what everybody else wants: preferential treatment.
There's lots of song and dance in La La Land. It shows up best in moonlight.
In the movie "Fantastic Voyage", a submarine is miniaturized and sent through the human bloodstream. Reference to religion was avoided in the script; no one wanted to use the Lord's name in vein.
I brought my black girlfriend home to meet my white family, the bunch of racists! My wife was particularly intolerant.
A guy with a three-foot penis makes his way to the hospital.
"Please, Doc!" he pleads. "You gotta cut it off!"
The doctor is horrified.
"For heaven's sake!" he gasps. "Why?"
"There just isn't blood enough for both of us!"
* * *
The French disdain fast food. Must be why they eat snails.
* * *
Two reasons I don't give cash to the homeless:
1. They really want my money to buy drugs.
2. I really want my money to buy drugs.
* * *
Did ya hear the crowd gathered outside the Russian Embassy during the Ukraine invasion? They kept on chanting, "Putin, withdraw! Putin, withdraw! Putin, withdraw!"... couldn't tell if it was a protest or porno direction!
* * *
I really hate people who take drugs... cops and customs officers mostly.
* * *
Tough biker Randy and his gal Ruth were charging along when they came to a low bridge. He ducked... she didn't... he rode on ruthlessly.
* * *
My wife told me that women are better at multi-tasking than men. I told her to sit down and shut up, and guess what? She couldn't do either!
* * *
Hermit: Don't ever try to visit me. My home's a cave on a hundred foot high cliff.
Hermit's brother: Okay! I'll call your bluff!
* * *
I recently saw Michelangelo's statue of David. Amazing how crowds of people will consider a penis "art" in a museum. But show it just once in a bus station...
* * *
Deaf owl: "What?... what?..."
* * *
I wanna see that Shakespeare play starrin' the little bitty pig. Y'know... "Hamlet".
* * *
Astronomers have had a tough time naming the seven newly discovered planets. It wouldn't be such a chore if they were dwarf planets.
* * *
Dog: I am man's best friend.
Cat: No, I'm man's best friend.
Dog: I'm so popular, people have named their sharpest teeth after me.
Cat: Heh heh! You lost this one already!
* * *
The fortune teller I consulted started laughing at my future, so I punched her. Looks like I've finally struck a happy medium.
* * *
A man challenges a cheetah to a race. The man wins, of course; cheetahs never prosper.
* * *
It's French Cuisine Day once again! Creped up on me this year!
* * *
In the beginning, there was nothing.
God said, "LET THERE BE LIGHT!"
There was still nothing, but He could see it a lot better.
* * *
I'm not special. I just want what everybody else wants: preferential treatment.
* * *
There's lots of song and dance in La La Land. It shows up best in moonlight.
* * *
In the movie "Fantastic Voyage", a submarine is miniaturized and sent through the human bloodstream. Reference to religion was avoided in the script; no one wanted to use the Lord's name in vein.
* * *
I brought my black girlfriend home to meet my white family, the bunch of racists! My wife was particularly intolerant.
* * *
A guy with a three-foot penis makes his way to the hospital.
"Please, Doc!" he pleads. "You gotta cut it off!"
The doctor is horrified.
"For heaven's sake!" he gasps. "Why?"
"There just isn't blood enough for both of us!"
