Low_Roads
4th Level Black Feather
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2004
- Messages
- 8,971
- Points
- 48
I went to dinner with a blind date last night, and guess what? Butterflies in my stomach! To explain, I weigh 400 lbs... butter always flies in my stomach.
I was attacked by a flock of Monarchs yesterday... needed butterfly stitches.
Ulysses S. Grant once said, "I have never advocated war except as a means of peace." That's pretty sound advice, generally speaking.
I lost a whole month of work in March and expect to lose another between April and May. After all, 4/20 is the same as 5/25.
I suspect the Prime Minister of Canada of anti-privacy policies. His name first made me suspicious: Justin Truding.
Somebody broke into my home and stole my limbo stick. How low can you get!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road.
A: That bird wasn't to be trusted. He's crossed everybody!
The stationary store owner tried to sell me a pen that he claimed could write underwater. Well, he didn't make the sale; after all, I can use any regular pen to write that word.
Social distancing advises us to stay 6 feet apart, but does that apply to skin diving too? Probably; to get any closer would be unfathomable.
Anyone else eager to watch Sesame Street? I wanna see a show of hands!
Furry versions of Charles Schulz's Peanuts gang sound innocent enough, but they're positively demonic! Just wait till you see Lucy-Fur!
Good thing there's medical marijuana... otherwise there'd be no treatment for my severe medical condition. I'm a hopeless pot addict.
Q: Who said, "To be or not to be? That is the question!"
A: Schrödinger, working on his thesis.
"It's over," she said and walked out on me. I don't know why she insists on doing that; hasn't she ever heard of post-credit scenes?
To protect himself from Miss Piggy's karate, Kermit has decided to take up martial arts too. If she doesn't behave herself, he might just deliver a pork chop.
My wife wanted to get in touch with her dead uncle, so she dragged me out to see a medium. Hope it worked... the gal seemed more like a triple-large to me.
I strongly suspect that Santa Claus is Jewish. That would explain how he could fit through a chimney.
Espresso just isn't my cup of tea. It's my half-cup of coffee.
There's been some confusion lately as to whether the father or son is in charge of North Korea. Reports are that Kim Jong Un is Il.
Never ask a Roman for a high five. He'll give you HIV.
Monday: Greg. Tuesday: Ian. Wednesday: Greg. Thursday: Ian. Friday: Greg. Saturday: Ian. Sunday. Greg.
You've just read through one week of the Gregorian calendar.
The spread of coronavirus is dependent of two factors:
#1: How dense the population is.
... and...
#2: How dense the population is.
* * *
I was attacked by a flock of Monarchs yesterday... needed butterfly stitches.
* * *
Ulysses S. Grant once said, "I have never advocated war except as a means of peace." That's pretty sound advice, generally speaking.
* * *
I lost a whole month of work in March and expect to lose another between April and May. After all, 4/20 is the same as 5/25.
* * *
I suspect the Prime Minister of Canada of anti-privacy policies. His name first made me suspicious: Justin Truding.
* * *
Somebody broke into my home and stole my limbo stick. How low can you get!
* * *
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road.
A: That bird wasn't to be trusted. He's crossed everybody!
* * *
The stationary store owner tried to sell me a pen that he claimed could write underwater. Well, he didn't make the sale; after all, I can use any regular pen to write that word.
* * *
Social distancing advises us to stay 6 feet apart, but does that apply to skin diving too? Probably; to get any closer would be unfathomable.
* * *
Anyone else eager to watch Sesame Street? I wanna see a show of hands!
* * *
Furry versions of Charles Schulz's Peanuts gang sound innocent enough, but they're positively demonic! Just wait till you see Lucy-Fur!
* * *
Good thing there's medical marijuana... otherwise there'd be no treatment for my severe medical condition. I'm a hopeless pot addict.
* * *
Q: Who said, "To be or not to be? That is the question!"
A: Schrödinger, working on his thesis.
* * *
"It's over," she said and walked out on me. I don't know why she insists on doing that; hasn't she ever heard of post-credit scenes?
* * *
To protect himself from Miss Piggy's karate, Kermit has decided to take up martial arts too. If she doesn't behave herself, he might just deliver a pork chop.
* * *
My wife wanted to get in touch with her dead uncle, so she dragged me out to see a medium. Hope it worked... the gal seemed more like a triple-large to me.
* * *
I strongly suspect that Santa Claus is Jewish. That would explain how he could fit through a chimney.
* * *
Espresso just isn't my cup of tea. It's my half-cup of coffee.
* * *
There's been some confusion lately as to whether the father or son is in charge of North Korea. Reports are that Kim Jong Un is Il.
* * *
Never ask a Roman for a high five. He'll give you HIV.
* * *
Monday: Greg. Tuesday: Ian. Wednesday: Greg. Thursday: Ian. Friday: Greg. Saturday: Ian. Sunday. Greg.
You've just read through one week of the Gregorian calendar.
* * *
The spread of coronavirus is dependent of two factors:
#1: How dense the population is.
... and...
#2: How dense the population is.
